Help...I Need Rest!

Hi M., You sound like you are very blessed! My advice to get a little rest is to have someone else come in for several hours and watch your children and hop to the bubble bath!If the money is an issue then call a friend and trade babysitting once a week. Keep on serving the Lord and He will give you ideas as never before. Blessings!

I go for a walk and if the weather too nasty I sit on the porch and watch the rain or th eclouds roll by. I usually can't leave to house until my husband gets home and even then we are so busy that is is hard to find the calming space. What I have found out is not the length of time but how you use it. SO just remember to take deep breathes and imagine yourself ina beautiful calm place. and then go back home and enjoy your family.

Hi M.,
We all know that there is no break at home, not in the tub or even when we are going to the bathroom. The only true way to take a break is to leave the house. It will be hard for a while to not worry about what is going on at home but after a while you will finally relax and enjoy yourself. Believe me, your husband will be fine. Husbands will complain that they can't handle it most of the time but if you stand your ground they will figure it out. My husband leaves for months at a time and will complain if I leave him for an hour with the kids. I am quick to remind him that if I can do it for 6+ months he should be able to handle an hour or two. It should end up being a nice bonding time for him and the kids. When I am at the park I meet lots of husbands who are there to give their wives a break. I have even known husbands that took the kids out of the house for two hours every day when they got home. This gave their wife a break to relax and time to cook dinner without all the distractions. The more Mommy time you have the better Mommy you will be. You will find you have more patience when you take time for yourself. Fight for that Mommy time! It's more important than our husband realize. The ladies from my Sunday school class go out once a month and we have a blast just having a great meal, without kids, and having adults to talk to. You might want to suggest that at your church.

Strangely enough, when I find I need some rest what I really am looking for is some relief from stress and that is not always found in "rest". About a month or two ago, I started doing a 20 minute "easy" (not for me!) Yoga video I found on Tivo. I don't do it perfectly; I just do my best and have found that my body is feeling really great. The great news is that your kids can do this along with you. I also do 30 minutes on the treadmill but you could take a walk with your kids. This exercise helps me to sleep really well at night and I no longer find myself feeling drowsy in the afternoon.

Other than that, if you like to read, pass this love along to your children and have reading time every day. Sit the kids down and explain to them that for 30 minutes a day (or more or less depending on what you think they can tolerate - then keep adding time to it as you are able) you are going to have family reading time. Half of the time will be you reading a book to the kids (it would be awesome if your dh would join in this with you) and the other half of the time will be indepedent reading with each child having reading material of their own choice. Like everything else, your children have to be trained to tolerate this, we are not a society accustomed to be still.

I hope this works for you, it has been a blessing to our family for years. My children (18, 18 and 15) tell me one of their favorite memories is of me reading White Fang to them. Reading can take you places you would never otherwise be able and other than faith it is one of the single greatest loves you can pass along to the next generation. Hope this helps, S.

Hi M.! You are blessed indeed :-) I had 5 children in 6 years and mastered the art of "me time" each day! First off, I would write down my daily schedule for each day, highlighting each activity with a different color. As you go through the task of writing down your routine, determine when your time is going to take place each day and highlight it with a special color. My color was yellow and my "me time" was from 2-4 every day. Even when my children stopped napping, they did "Room Time" during those hours so I could still have some time to myself. Once you get your daily "me time" scheduled, decide what you will do with that time. Here are some things I did/do during my down time:

1. Read a book that has nothing to do with parenting. I just finished The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns and The Other Boleyn Girl. I'm currently reading The Constant Princess. As you can see, I love historical fiction :-)
2. Journal - God calls us to "remember" what He has done for us. No better way than to journal.
3. Watch an old movie
4. Sew - I love to sew and love that not only is it something I enjoy, but it's productive too (window treatments, pillows, purses, etc.)
5. Work in the yard/garden - nothing is more relaxing to me than getting dirty in the yard!
6. Go for a walk - these are some of my best times with the Lord.
7. Take a class at Michael's, JoAnn's, the local community college or community center. Learn a new language, join a book club, become a master gardener, learn how to play the piano or another instrument.
8. Volunteer - find a cause you are passionate about and dedicate some time to helping others. It's funny how fulfilling and renewing helping others is.
9. Train for a triathlon. I completed my first triathlon in August 2007...talk about crazy! Went from a couch potato to "triathlete" in no time at all! It was very rewarding.
10. Take up a sport. Tennis is huge around here, so that would be an easy one to get involved with. Does hubby golf? Take some golfing lessons so you two can play together.

I wish you the best M.! Hope you find something you really enjoy and that brings you the relaxation you seek! God bless!

Warmly - J.

I started Yoga and the rule is that no one can talk in the basement when Mom is doing yoga. If I get interupted, I stop the dvd, walk them upstairs and remind Dad that now no one is allowed since the talking rule was broken. Whatever arrangement with your husband or a good movie works sounds good to me.

Yoga gives you an amazing sense of relaxation as well as a sense of accomplishment. A bath always left me wanting more time!

I got a great DVD at whole foods by gaiam.com called Yoga conditioning and weight loss by Suzanne Deason. The DVD has 4 levels and she is awesome at teaching you what you need to know as you go. I nearly fall asleep in the last pose - I just feel great afterwards. This is the first thing I could do regularly because I always seemed to not get to the scheduled classes at the Y or whatever.

Good luck and wishes for a much needed relaxation time! J.

Hello M.

I know you said you wanted me time at home but it is always hard to at home unless no one is there. However, even when my husband and son leave I always end up doing laundry or dishes or some other cleaning activity. My husband and I have an agreement that every week he will kick me out of the house to go to the library 2 to 3 times so that I can have my time. I don't neccessarily go for books one time before christmas I left the house at 7:00 with all of my christmas card stuff and made christmas cards for two hours at the library. It was wonderful. I didn't have to worry about little hands taking my stuff or dumping something. A lot of the time I do read. I will find that I only have a few chapters left in a book so I go to the library find a quiet corner and read the rest of my book and find something new to read.

I also love to take a relaxing bath. But how relaxing can it be when all your 3 year old wants to do is get in with you. I have started putting a movie in and then I sneak off to the bathtub. I try to time it that I am in for as long as the movie is on I slip out and he is none the wiser.

For a while I didn't leave my son with my husband because I might be needed but my husband assured me that they could handle things for a few hours. I do it all day he can do it for a few hours at night. The only thing he couldn't do was nurse. I would nurse my son before I left and then be back before he needed to nurse again. Now they have a great relationship and I know that when I leave they always have fun.

Hope this helps

B.

I suggest that one day a week you should have some time to yourself to recharge yourself. Your Husband could take the children to the park for several hours or to another family members house. Don't feel guilty to ask someone else to care for your children for 4 hours. You have to take care of yourself emotionally as well as physically. I spent 17 yrs as a nurse. You can get burned out emotionally and physically if you do not get enough rest or if you do not have time to yourself to just RELAX. Talk to your Husband about it too. Even though you are a stay at home mom ... it is a FULL time job with LOTS of overtime... allow him to pitch in so you can relax. I remember when mine where that age and it seemed like I would never get sleep.. so I know what you are going through. God Bless you...

Rest-less mom,
I too love a good bath, and somedays it is my only retreat. I sat down and talked with my husband and kids at separate times and explained to them the importance of mommy have a time to herself. My husband really understood and has backed me up 100%. I take my baths when he is home, so if one of the children need something, he can say, mommy is in the bath- let me help you.
My children(5&8) also most of the time understand, and when they don't, my husband is there to help out. Try it, I hope it works for your situation.

M.,
How old are your kids?
An idea that I like is to set up a time each weekend, Saturday or Sunday, morning or afternoon. Where your husband takes the kids out for a few hours. Depending on age, they could go to Chuck E Cheese, a movie, get ice cream, etc.
Its great bonding time for them and you get to stay at home and do WHATEVER you want without being interupted in a quiet environment.
Everyone wins.
Good Luck!

I can totally understand what you are going through and I only have one little one at this time. We have found play pen time for 30-40 min to be quite helpful with getting chores done or just get ready in the mornings. Their are two things to make this work: 1) Don't put your child in a room where they can constantly see you and 2) use it on a routine basis so they will become use to the idea. Our little one is 18 mo and she does well in the play pen. We just give her a few toys or books to keep her interest and may put on a Baby Einstein or Baby Praise video. If your children are a little older, you may want to consider room time, where they stay in their invidual rooms and play independently. I hope these ideas help!

You didn't say how old your kids were but you could have your hubby stay home with the kids while you went out shopping for yourself or got your nails done. Heck, I went grocery shopping a few weekends back without the kids and thought I was in heaven!!!

Other than that, welcome to mother hood and the occoupational hazzards of being a SAHM!!

S.

Sorry but I'm an old fashion mon/grandma but how old are the kids? They should know at almost any age that mom is important too. Do they take naps? Maybe a neighbor/friend could switch off with you, but I had babies 22 months apart and never missed mom time! They were brought into the world and the world may be here when they are gone! It is a parents job to prepare them for the world and to live in the world. They are important, but no more or no less than everyone else so they will learn to adjust. I feel it is important that they learn to give you space. Can they watch a video while you bathe with the door open? Maybe dad would agree to sit on top of them while you take a break! How are you able to do other things? You are a person first. Teach them to respect that you are a person too! They are little such a short while, enjoy them while they are little but don't be so involved that they don't have space too!

Unfortunately, if you are in the house, you will be needed.If you are not there, they will be fine. As the mother of a special needs child, I have realized that my sanity requires me to get away from everything on a fairly basis. Try going for a nature walk or sitting on the beach listening to the ocean. Nature is great for making you feel closer to God and letting His peace flow through you.

Hi M.,
I remember when my son was a baby, I was a stay at home mom also. My husband on one of his days off when tell me, go have lunch with my girlfriends, get my hair done, he'd watch the baby. It was a wonderful day I'd have to my self. Also, we moved to another state and didn't have family there, after making friends with some of the other moms in the neighborhood we would trade days of babysitting so we could shop, relax or just a rest.

Dee

Hi, it is going to be hard to get a break at home b/c as you know as long as you are there you are needed! If your kids take a nap, get a magazine or book and sit on the porch while they nap and enjoy the sun! You will find it is relaxing.

M. you didnot say how old your kids are are how many you have that would help on what kind of advice to give you.

Hi M.,
You didn't mention how old your kids are however, here are some things I do for my young kids.
*put on a movie I know they'll both like
*get arts and crafts for my older girl and trucks/trains for the boy
*play card games
*make cookies or other goodies
*read books
*if you don't mind getting out of the house, every kid I know enjoys Monkey Joes or Jeronimos
*puzzles
*picnics in the back yard
*Indoor treasure hunts (one of my favorites as you get to rest as they look for the "loot") In this one, all you have to do is get toys around the house and wrap them in tissue paper. My kids LOVE it!!
Those are just a few. Try to get creative and go with some things that your own kids may enjoy. My daughter loves to dress up so we'll do fashion shows too. That only works if they know how to dress themselves.
Good luck!

Find crafts that fit the ages of your children. Girls can make bead jewelery, no needles involved...plastic string and beads with a good size hole. You can find all kinds of crafts for different ages at Wal-Mart, www.jo-ann.com not sure if the hifen is in the web address...try with and wothout.
In the evenings, have your husband play with the kids..they can make some ctafts, while you take a long hot bath add some lavender, and chamoelile, in a gauze bag to the bath water..light a few candles, and put on some soft music and relax for a while.
Then let husbby help with the kids baths.

Hope these suggentions help.

Blessings
J.

Hi M., been there done that with all the kids. Now they are grown and I'n having fun with grandchildren. Do try the warm bath for yourself perhaps when they are napping, it's a great way to relax. As for things to do at home, try something interesting for you and harmless for kids, gardening on a small scale is nice if they are inside a fenced yard they can play around with toy garden tools while you do the real thing, also you can set up a table out of the way with crayons and play dough to keep them occupied while you do something a bit more on the grown up scale. Local craft stores have a wealth of fun things to try on all price ranges. Sometimes I just go for the crayons with them, no brainers are good sometimes. good luck and enjoy your children

Hello, maybe if you hired a babysitter and just took that day to go to the spa or go to a cafe and read a book. That's what i do. Or took the evening and had a date night with your husband.

-E.

Good morning M., It is difficult sometimes to find the alone time that you & your husband need. If you do not have relatives, mom gr.moms, sister etc. to help you there are alot of churches that have Mom's day out; hope you can find help. Let's us now how you are doing, GOD BLESS D.
P.S. You know the Lord may even give you ideas that will help other busy SAHMs Will be praying 4 u.

Unless you have a room where you can close and lock the door you will have problems truly resting at home. Try going for a quiet walk in the evenings or if there's a bookstore close by go there. As long as you have your cell phone your hubby can call if things get out of control and you can have an hour of not constantly hearing "mommy, mommy, mommy!" Good Luck!

get together with some moms that you know and trust, maybe someone from church and exchange days. keep her kids for a few hours in the morning and let her do the same for you. and then just hang out. i know you wanted to be at home, but sometimes the only time mom gets for herself is out. I also heard of a mom who had her quiet time in the afternoon, before her husband got home, and she when to her room and shut the door, she rested and prayed and then took some time to put on some makeup for her husband. the older ones looked after the younger ones and they knew not to brother mom at this time.

If you can't get your husband or a friend to watch them you might check your local community center. I know Casey Community Center occasionally offers a moms morning out. It is very reasonably priced and it gives you a few hours to yourself. But do find a way to take the time for yourself.

Hi M.! I am a stay at home mom also. I have twin girls and there were many times during the past year, that I thought I was going to go insane! We were fighting the whole not sleeping at night thing and I think I averaged about 2hrs of sleep during the night. My husband, who I love very much, did not understand. He was getting plenty of sleep but had to work. It took me really hitting a "rock bottom" point for him to understand how important it is that he has alone time with the kids too. One, it builds trust with our children and two, it gave me those couple of hours to myself. I am a full time student, so my alone time is usually spent on homework, but I recommend a hobby for you. I used to enjoy the paint your own pottery stores. Just know that even though your kids are a handful at times, they need their alone time with dad to gain faith in him and know that he can care for them just as well as mom can. Good luck!!

M.

You didn't say the ages of your kids, so I don't know if they can be left unattended for a short time or not but if so, put in a movie that they love and let them sit in the next room while you take your bath or if they are too young, get a teenager to come over for an hour or two while you have some "me" time. We all need it.