Help..angry 5 Yr Old Kicked Out of Sunday School.

He's going to be sent to the principal's office and referred to the school counselor. Get ahead of it and call a child therapist and get started. This isn't "typical" behavior!

I've seen you post enough about your son to know that you're at end of your rope. Plain & simple, your son is not behaving like a normal 5 year old, & is not responding to normal discipline, which tells me that something is wrong.

Us moms here on Mamapedia are not qualified to help your son, so I recommend that you take him to a professional to at least have him evaluated. He could have an undiagnosed illness or condition & it is manifested in his behavior.

I had a pastor who says "Hurt people hurt people." I'm sure it must be the same for a 5-year-old. What is going on in his life that he might be feeling hurt?

Don't feel embarrassed about taking your son to get help. You would take your son to a doctor if he broke his arm, right? My daughter saw a therapist after having gone through a traumatic event when he was very young. It made such a huge difference. Be sure to get a referral for a therapist or counselor that specializes in children. If cost is an issue, ask about that too. We paid very little.

And don't let them drug your son without a 2nd or 3rd opinion. You want him to learn behavioral skills not get drugged up.

Don't do the hot sauce in the mouth! That won't stop him from getting angry! He needs to be taught a healthy way to control how he feels.

My friend took her son to a child therapist who used play therapy and had AMAZING results. There is no shame in getting professional help for this! My nephew (almost age 7) has had a horrible anger problem for years and I wish that my sister would take him to a counselor.
Do it for your son's future!

Could he possibly have ODD? I have a friend with a son with ODD and it sounds a lot like this. He was later (sadly, at age 7) diagnosed with autism. Not saying this to scare you, but talk to your pediatrician about some counseling for controlling his rage. HTH. Good luck!

He's five years old, so how ARE you disciplining his inappropriate behavior? Are you giving him alternatives to expressing his anger besides being physical? Are you having him apologize when he hurts other people and behaves inappropriately? He needs to have consequences and you need to have a plan in place for when he behaves this way.

Behavior like this doesn't just occur in a vacuum. He has to be learning this behavior somewhere or something/someone/some situation is causing it. You need to get to the bottom of it, and not assume that it's some sort of disorder at the root. It seems likely to me that there's a parenting issue or a situation occurring that is causing his behavior, even contributing to a "disorder."

Get him to therapy, but I think that this is more about fixing the family unit and parenting issues than it is about fixing the child. Are you having problems with your husband? Does your husband have anger issues? Does he spend a lot of time around individuals alone who you may want to investigate a bit?

First do not do the hot sauce thing. That will not teach him how to controll himself, maybe it will teach him hot sauce is gross but it will not really help solve the issues.

Secondly as someone else mentioned be ahead of the school, get a few sessions in with a child psychologist/therapist now.

Definintely have him evaluated - many many kids have issues with learning or with authority, etc. You'd rather have him learn to control himself and develop tools for emotioanl regulation before he heads off to school. It may be covered under your health plan - it may not - but it's worth the money to have a good child counselor work with him (and you and your husband) to find out what sets him off and to learn how to calm himself and deal with his emotions. He needs to learn tools to do this himself - and amazingly they can teach little kids how to help themselves.

Everyone is wired differently - some people are overly sensitive to stimuli that comes from people, others are overly sensitive to stimuli from the environment - lights, buzzing of the lights, birds singing outside the window, etc. My dear daughter who is 15 struggles with emotional regulation based on stuff from other people - things people say, facial expressions, etc. I didn't really recognize the problem and should have had her in counseling years ago but didn't start until she was 13 - I wasted so many years! She is better off now than she was 2 years ago - she's learned to evaluate what someone has said or a look they gave her to decide if if was really "as bad" as she thought it was - and she's now learned to adjust her response /reaction. To people who don't have this issue it seems so elementary - but for those whose minds are wired differently it's so hard to deal with. Kids liek my daughter are like roses or cacti - they're beautiful and have so many good qualities - but they're prickley and it can be hard to get past the thorns.

The younger your son is when you start with him the better off he'll be in school and life. He'll make friends easier, he'll relate to his teachers better, etc. You don't want him to be the kid that the teachers find difficult and the other moms don't want their kid playing with. We all know a couple of kids like that - and I think they're just wired differently and then their parents gave up becuase it is difficult. You must outlast him!

Take it from a mom who is farther down the road - and wished she had started sooner. Look up child psychologist or counselors specializing in pediatrics. Ask your pediatrician for a recommendation, etc. The worse thing that could happen is that your son doesn't need much help and he figures out how to deal with his overwhelming empotions quickly and you'll be done!

Good luck mama! This parenting stuff is not easy sometimes!!!

Talk to his pediatrician. He sounds like he could benefit from anger management, which should be started sooner than later. My husband went through anger management as a young child and is so much better for it!

Please get him professionally evaluated before kindergarten. You are right when you ask "what is his future going to hold?" Get a referral today so you can get started.

From what you describe you can already forsee that there will be trouble once he's in a class full of other kids, acting the way kids do -- not doing what he wants, not turning the toys the way he wants, turning off the bathroom light, etc. Imagine those things but happening with 25 kids doing them around him, not just one kid. He is on a path for serious behavioral problems in kindergarten. Get him referred by your pediatrician to a pediatric behavioral therapist who will talk to him at his own level, figure out why he lacks impulse control, and will help him, and you, come up with behavioral ways to learn to control himself. Then when he starts kindergarten, talk to his teacher and tell her about the therapy and your son's behavior and be frank and open and get the teacher on your side to "catch him being good" and help him carry through with the behaviors the therapist is working on with him.

Therapy does not automatically mean he has some disorder or needs medication etc. This may just be a factor of being five and lacking impulse control and lacking the ability to find other ways (like words or just turning away) to deal with situations he can't handle. This is why someone who knows how to talk with and to kids could be the way to go.

As for hot sauce? In some places that would be considered abusive. Don't you think that will make him only angrier? And spanking? Think about the mixed message it sends an already angry child who already lashes out physically: You should never hit--but it's OK if we hit you because it's for your own good. Even if you believe spanking works with some children, please consider whether you want to model physical punishment like that with a child who already takes out his anger physically on other children.

Something's wrong.
Please have him evaluated.
He needs to learn to handle this before he's much older and much stronger.
My Mom taught 6th grade years ago.
There was a special ed kid (teenager (16) but mentally at a 6th grade level) who flipped out when some kid turned the lights off and on again.
The teen started strangling the other kid all the while telling him he "should not do that".
The other kid was turning blue and it took 3 adults to pry the teen off the other kid.
You need to get him some help before he seriously injures anyone.

His behavior is far from normal for a 5 yo. I think that you know that it is time to have him evaluated. Start with your pediatrician and get a recommendation.

And from what you write about your situation I do think that your are being too easy on him. I don't think that he gets consequences to fit his crimes. To that extent you need to do some research yourself on how to handle him. I don't think spankings or timeouts are really the answer. Look into John Rosemond. He is an old school child psychologist who has a lot of really good advice for getting kids like yours in line.

...is his father (or other close family) bipolar? Ask the ped for resources on related subjects, hopefully not, but you never know.

In a addition to a child psychologist/therapist, have him evaluated by a pediatrician.

T,

I would go talk to your pediatrician. We have been trying to get our angry and aggressive son some help for about the past two years and after finally getting video of what was happening we are finally getting some help. Listen to your gut as we moms know when there is a problem. If you wanted to talk further let me know and I can tell you what has happened for us and what they are thinking.

Good luck!