This is my first question but I have been reading other posts for a few months now and am awed at the wisdom that is available out there!
This concerns my son and swimming lessons. a little bit of background - Last year he absolutely hated to get his face wet and had a healthy fear of the water. We signed him up for swimming lessons and he did make some progress with being able to hold his breath and blow bubbles under water but he never really liked to spend time at the pool. This summer, we enrolled him in swimming lessons again (a continuation of the program with the same instructor, who is just awesome!) and he got off to a rough start - not being able to hold his breath or blow bubbles, or anything. After a couple of days of lessons, there was a complete turn around. He was actually swimming and loving it, with the only distraction being that he kept wiping at the water on his face. I got him goggles to wear and that seemed to help. Now all of a sudden, he is not listening to what his instructor is telling him to do and is flat out refusing to try to float or swim in water that is deeper than 3 feet. He can do it, we see him doing it, but only with the security of being able to touch the bottom. I guess my question is how do we help him build the confidence in his abilities that he can do whatever he puts his mind to and to have the trust in his instructor to not let anything happen to him? His instructor is always within arms reach, we are right there at the edge of the pool, and there is a lifeguard on duty so safety really isn't an issue. We really believe it's just the depth of the water that is making him freak out and not allowing him to put his skills to use. I'm sorry for rambling but we're at our wits end - talking to him, reasoning with him, punishment (for the not listening part not the fear part) is just not working and we don't know how to help him get past this. He is an athletic boy (loves to play soccer) but is not as confident in the water as he is on the soccer field. Thanks so much for your insight and suggestions!
My duaghter normally loves the water but we too have been sink or swim (forgive the pun!) with lessons. We have had much more success when she is signed up with a friend. Maybe that will work for you? Good luck.
As a teen I became a swimming instructor, a lifeguard and joined a swim team. But that was not always the case. When I was 6, I was scared to death with the idea of going to the pool, specially as I was short, and on my tip toes my nose was barely out of the water in the shallow part of the pool. At the time, my parents had enrolled me to some swimming lessons and every Sunday it was a battle for us to go. I really was scared, and even remember pulling myself to the edge of the pool using a friend's foot (he was sitting on the ledge) as I really was unable to swim well enough or just because I panicked.
My parents did not push me to do more lessons after that semester. But maybe a year later I ended up going with neighbourghs to the pool for free swimming hours, and it was just fun to play with my friends - as I was taller a bit, it was easier. Maybe a couple years later I resumed my lessons, and never got out of the pool since!!!
So my advice is don't push him. He was ok for some time, but something might have happened to him, something not so dramatic needing a lifeguard, but something scary enough to make him fear again water. The good thing is that he has been able to enjoy himself a bit so far, and it will certainly return. Let him ask you to go to a pool, let him join his friends, later in a year or two, you might suggest lessons again...
Good luck!
I.
Ok, this might be really off the wall, but I am just wondering if the new baby is throwing him off. Could this be a way of getting more of your newly limited attention? I am wondering if a detached, encouraging approach is the way to go and I second the idea of just spending as much time at the pool and with lessons as possible. Best of luck to you!
J.
As a former lifeguard and swim instructor:
Keep going with the swimming lessons - try for private lessons if you can afford it.
Go to the pool even when you don't have lessons scheduled. Let him make some friends. Peer pressure - in a controlled setting such as this - is a great way to get the kids to do more. Since your child is cautious, you know he's not going to be jumping in the deep end just because his friends can. But, when he feels he is ready, he'll do it and he'll be so proud of himself!
My son is also very cautious. We had gotten him one of the floaties with the front and back pad and he'd go just about anywhere in the pool. Just keep at it with no pressure, they have their own pace. Take him to a fun waterpark and just let him play. Mine repeated the same class 3 times (he'd do it for me sometimes, but not in class) This year it was like a switch was flipped and he just got it. He still doesn't like being on his back but we're working on it.
I'm a little surprised that so many people are responding with the healthy fear/when he's ready approach on this topic. I know he is only 6 but being comfortable in the water and knowing how to swim are definitely things he needs to know. Too many adults are petrified of water because they didn't learn to swim as children. If he doesn't learn as a child, he may never learn. I'm not saying that he needs to be on the swim team, I'm just saying that learning to swim is a life skill. My 6 year old is very cautious by nature and is not the type of kid to throw himself in the deep end. He has taken a lot of swim lessons and this is the first year that he has worked up the courage to go off the diving board. I have encouraged swim team but he's not in to it because of the competition aspect. That is fine but we will continue with lessons just so that he remains comfortable in the water. On the rare occasions when he has complained about going to swim lessons, I have told him that he NEEDS to know how to swim because it is dangerous not to know how to save yourself. Small group lessons, individual lessons and year round lessons are all great suggestions. My son likes the wintertime lessons best. The water in the indoor pool is warm and he enjoys the physical activity in the winter when the weather is too cold for a lot of outdoor play.
I see this as a healthy fear. My 8yr old is the same way. As your son gets older, and builds strength in his arms and legs, then he'll become more confident. Forcing or punishing him to do something he is fearful of isn't going to help him. Perhaps he could take lessons in the fall also, so that its not just a summer activity.
M.
K., we went through the same thing with our daughter. She too hated even getting her face wet in the shower. We didn't do swimming lessons between toddlerhood and the age of seven, so she wasn't in the water a lot except to play. But my husband, a good swimmer, felt she really needed to learn to swim for safety reasons.
I do agree with the other person who posted that it's a natural and overall healthy fear - I would rather have a child who has a respect for water than one who plunges in with no fear at all, but you want to turn his fear into the informed respect that comes with experience at swimming!
What made a huge, huge difference for us, besides goggles which were a gigantic help, were very small group lessons followed by private lessons. I didn't see in your posting whether his swimming lessons are in a group or private; sorry if I overlooked that. I found that lot of group lessons had seven or eight kids with one instructor, or so parents told me, and that sounded like too big a group for us. I think I've heard that some places even do 10 kids in a class, which sounds big at the basic level to me. I'm not knocking the ability of instructors or the idea of group lessons, just saying they weren't for us. We found a group lesson with a limit of just five kids (most of the time only four attended!) and because all the kids were around my girl's age (seven at the time) and all social like her, they were very encouraging with each other and she wanted to keep up with the other girls. Then when that ended we got her private lessons and that truly made her take off in confidence and skill. The individual attention was key for her. So you might ask your instructor, if your son's current lessons are group lessons, if he or she does private lessons. I know the county recreation center pools do have private lessons available - ask at the rec center desk for a form.
A healthy fear of the water is a good thing but I would continue with swimming lessons year round if you can swing it. My son began swimming lessons at three with two friends. Small group lesson, only people in the pool etc. It took quite a while ( a year or so of almost continuous two day a week lesson) but eventually, my son gained enough confidence to enjoy the lessons. One thing that helped him was a floatation device that he used in the deep water. It really helped him to develop confidence. Keep at it. Learning to swim is a very important skill for kids to learn!! Good luck.
hi K.,
it sounds as if his instincts are overriding his logic, and he's listening. that's something you will want in other situations, so i'd be very cautious about punishing for that (i know your focus is the not listening, not the fear, just saying that it's good to follow your instincts not another person when your gut is screaming that you're going to die.) the best way to calm his instinctive reaction without teaching him to ignore it is familiarity. if you can figure out some way of allowing him to play in the water without it being a formal lesson where someone is telling him what to do, that's the best thing you can do. of course, you'd have to be right there with him. but if he could proceed at his own pace to put together what he's learned with what he feels, he could move forward with confidence.
khairete
S.
My son was cautious at first. Now he loves the water and we have a hard time getting him out. Confidence takes time. If he's learning to swim in 3 ft of water he's doing fine. Give him lots of opportunities to play in the water. He'll be fine. Just don't push him faster than he wants to go.
He just might not be ready yet. We as parents think that they will quickly move from one step to the next. Sometime it just takes them a little longer to digest the next move and be ready. Don't push to hard just keep exposing him to water. Maybe take him to a water park where the fun will override the fear. My son sounds exactly the same. Now with the help of lessons (and friends being at the pool)he is getting better. He still likes to be able to touch but he knows he can swim if he can't touch. He is 8. So good luck and be patient.
My 10-year-old started the same way. Just keep encouraging him. Acknowledge those HUGE accomplishments. Each year he is progressing. Remind him how much he's achieved and tell him you're proud of how he has overcome his fear of the water. Be patient. He's 6 and he's done a lot each year. Your son, you and your husband sound like you're all doing a FANTASTIC job! He'll get there in his own time. And, when he's at the Olympics someday or the college swim team, you'll look back at these years and laugh to yourself.
