Help with Kids!!!!

Hi... here are a few ideas that might help:

*make a plan for the day, a schedule. Have him give you input on what he would like to do and incorporate. Include activities for him as well as his sister. (I gather your 5mo. girl is still easy to manage)Post the schedule and try to stick to it

* I've found that as my 3yr old girl keeps busy, engage in activities she is interested in, then she's out of trouble. So for the making of the plan I sneak in the things I want her to do also (ex. playground at 1pm? then she *has* to pick up her toys before then)

* When the melt downs come (inevitably, they do come).. take away privileges (sp?)... time out never worked with my daughter, she would *play being in time out! ... so, putting in the closet favorite toys came in handy... I give two warnings and if she doesn't stop, the toy goes away.... the melt down gets worse, but within minutes and with me reminding her that if she just does what I've asked her to do, then her toy can come back in one hour (not right away, and yes, she does the work looking forward to getting her toy back)

* I saw Dr Phill once (and no, I don't follow all the rules all the time) and he said something that stuck to me: Find their money... or something like that, meaning, find what is soooo meaningful to him and work it like money in the real world... so when picking what to put away, it has to be something he really cares for

* Misbehaviors are usually for seeking attention... When my 16mo old is sleeping at night (she usually is down before my 3yr old)... then I spend that time with my 3yr old, playing boardgames, reading books...quiet stuff but that allows us to talk and play together as when she was an only child... that has worked wonders... my guess is first child really would miss being the only one getting the attention, and they could still get some one-on-one, at least half hour of the day and would be great...it might even work for more appretiation of their siblings.

ok, that's my two cents... just try to work it in a positive way... I wish you lots of pacience... we do need that in a day to day basis and I wish I had a jar to get some out when I run out.... I hope this helps

M.

Hiya K. :)
I was once in chaos with my son. He was 2 when the discipline and destruction issues started. He too wouldn't adhere to any punishment. We later found out that he has ADHD. With help from the behavior therapist and a little help with medication, he is doing great now.
You may want to look into a behavioral therapist. They can usually determine if the child is just being rebellious or has an actual disorder. They also have great tips for helping you deal with these rebellious issues. (Even if you think you have tried everything) As far as your second child, she is probably just mimicing the behavior or her older brother.

hi K., I think that you should read my response to Jennifer R titled,"Disciplining a screaming 2yr old...and read other responses...I wish u luck

hi i am a 25 yr old mom of 3 girls, who have severe emotional and behavior problems, the only thing that their doctor tells me is ignore the bad behavior unless it is physical, because they are just trying to get your attention. If you ignore the tantrums they seem to be less frequent and severe.

I hope all is well,
L.

Hi K.. I don't really have advice- just confort in the fact that I am going through the same thing with my 3 & 7 year old boys- and there constant fighting, yelling, running- and they could care less what I say or do. Today I tried time out for the first time- I knew it wouldn't work- my 3 year old just laughed at me- and got right up!!
So take comfort- I feel your chaos!!
Take deep breaths!!LOL!!- M.

My 3 year old is alot like that. It is very hard but I have figured out ways to make it better...first I get down to her level to talk to her, right on my knees no matter where I am..I gently tell her to calm down and look at mommy and to stop crying....if I yell at her ot get angry with her it gets worse. Then I tell her what it is she did wrong, I tel her she is not a bad girl but made a bad choice. I tell her what to do next time, i.e if she is mad tell me she is mad don't throw something or hit her sister. If we are at home I tell her to sit down for a minute and relax in time out and think about what she did and I take away her "Lambie"(her favorite stuffed animal) until she is calm and can apoligize. If she doesn't stay calm or won't apoligize she doesn't get her toy back and she will lose something else.

It's not perfect but it has helped us alot...plus it helps me not to get mad at yell at her, because I have to be calm to get her back calm....I hoped this helps....Good Luck!

hi K.: the situation is that the kids have not respect for you. you need to take control of your housewhole again. the best way to do it is to put up a performance for your kids(go crazy on them), act like you lost your mind and take away every priviledge; t.v,(disconect), toys(lock them up),outside time to play(no more have them sit in the house and don't do nothing until you tell them to and to be honest a beating every once in a while goes a long way.after these things happen, little by little, bring things back. bring back a half hour of tv, and then turn it off, just to let them know that you are back in charge;then do the same with everyother thing that your took away. see the problem is that right now your son is the king of the house and kids, by nature, want to follow the person in charge.
my son is 3 and he has a very strong personality. this is the same theory that his father used with him and trust me it worked. yes he tries to get over it some times but we stay strong and consistant. this is my best advise to you.

I really have a hard time reading what some people have written. It makes me very upset to know what people are suggest when you child is basically SCREAMING for your attention that you ignore him. I think this is one of the WORST things to do. Some things I would do are when you see hime getting angry and getting ready to hit someone/something suggest that he hit a pillow, go in the bathroom and shut the door and yell, Kick an animal, get him a punching bag ect. Find some way for him to get rid of his anger. He is at an age where he is full of emotions and is not sure how to properly display them. I agree that trying to find time to spend with him is GREAT! If he still naps let him stay up a little after the others go for their nap. Take that time to do an art project with him or play a game or read some books. Just the 2 of you. Same with bed time. Make sure he KNOWS that he is just as much a priority as the baby.

Have you ever listened to the Love and Logic for Toddlers audio book? Excellent ideas in there. One thing to try-- when he's destructive, he has to fix, clean up, or "pay" for the item with his "money" as someone else referred to, something near and dear to him. When he's disobedient, he doesn't get privileges: Tell him "Little boys that (whatever he did), don't get to (whatever privilege is appropriate)." Like "little boys who throw their dinner don't get to eat ice cream with the rest of the family." Love and Logic says not to say "When YOU do "whatever", you're not getting "privilege". You need to broaden it so he sees that anyone pulling this behavior has consequences.

Another thing to try is time-ins or power sitting. This is a very popular strategy among foster parents which is how I learned it. For time-ins in this type of situation, you grab the child and force them to sit on your lap -- grab each of his hands in your opposite hand as you sit behind him and tightly cross them over his chest/belly so he cannot punch, scratch, get up, hurt himself or you. There is no discussion, yelling etc., just a time for him to calm down. When he is calm, you discuss the behavior and why it is inappropriate. For power sitting, you sit the child down against a wall, back flat up against, they cross their legs in what used to be called "indian style", hands flat on the floor directly beside their butt. Then they breathe deeply for 5+ minutes. This is said to make the child feel empowered and in control of themselves, after which they will be more open to communication about the misbehavior. This works better with an older 4 year old, as they are approaching the fifth birthday, or maybe after several weeks when you get him calmed down enough in general to no longer need the forced time ins.

Once his behavior is under control and the 1.5 yr old has seen the consequences, chances are you won't need to do it with her.

Best of luck,
K.

Hi K.!
Wow...you have your hands full. A friend of mine had a boy like that and for time-out she brought in the car seat, sat it on the floor and would time him in it. He would kick and scream, cry, but it wouldn't be hurting anyone. He eventually exhausted himself and stopped. The only qualm I have with that is when you do go to strap him into his carseat for a drive, he will think he's going into time out. But I guess you could just explain to him that when he is in the car, it's not time-out. But you have to weigh out your options here.
Also, you are right...you don't want your younger children think they can act that way. So you definitely have to set standards and let the younger ones know and see that that behavior is unacceptable. Hope I've helped you! Good Luck!

I am a HUGE fan of supernanny and nanny 911 on tv....over and over again, they seem to show that when the eldest child is creating problems (which then trickles down to the other children because the eldest is the role model)...any they consistently show spending one-on one time with the child on a weekly basis builds the trust factor between the child and parent(s) and gives them the attention they are craving (since your time has to be split between three kids) DRAMATICALLY increases the behavior of the child over time. They feel that they are the "only" chuld again. It is an amazing trnasition.
Just a thought.