My 6 year old daughter says weird things all the time, for instance this morning she blurted out for no reason "I have duct tape" (the association is that she has a wart on her foot and I put some tape over the bandage to keep it on but that was last night). Also as she was leaving for school she said to my husband "bye Daddy see you in a 1000 months". She says things like this constantly and I am afraid that it will start having a negative impact on her. Already I see her friends look at her strangely when she says things that make no sense or question her like "what are you talking about?" I have tried to talk to her in a non treatening way and told her to think about what she is saying before she speaks. I have flat out told her she sounds weird when she says these things which I know may be more damaging but it is true and I'd rather she hear it from me than other children. I don't know if she is looking for attention, does it when she feels anxious or excited about something or has some neurological issue. Any opinions would be appreciated since it is really starting to concern me.
Thank you for the wide range of advice. Sometimes just hearing other people's perspectives helps even if you don't always agree with them. I will monitor my daughter's behavior and start a journal or other record keeping of what she says and discuss it with her pediatrician at her next physical(in August). Her teacher is already keeping an eye on her for reading and speech issues. I do think it is mostly behavioral and that she does need to learn to act "normally". I am all for her expressing her creativity and uniqueness as long as it is in a way that doesn't make her appear/sound bizarre. My parents have also commented on her "quirkiness" so it is not just me that has noticed this weird behavior. Thanks again.
I do not have any input on the behavior as I am a 'new' mom myself but the warts...you can put duct tape right on them. Several dermotologist told family members to do so. You can try it and see if it helps it go away.
Sorry I do not have any advice on the behavior
Hi J.,
What a great letter. I'm thinking you need to talk to her tacher, and the two of you could consider How frequent are these off-subject or unusually-worded statements? Do they happen in social and academic situations? I would encourage you to consider having the classroom teacher consult with the school's speech/language pathologist to have your daughter observed in school. Then all 3 of you can meet to discuss the data you have collected. When language is concerned, sometimes similar outbursts can be caused by different things, including social awkwardness, language processing difficulties and neurological development. At this point you probably do not want to tell her this is weird again. If she is seeking attention, this will increase it. If she is having social or language processing difficulties, she is struggling and needs specific assistance. Until the school and you determine whether they can be helpful, perhaps you could treat her comments as informative commnications, and respectfully answer them directly. "Yes, honey, we did put duct tape on your foot last night." "Yes, I will see you tonight." You are affirming the data you know and keeping the lines of communication open. If you do not understand the comment, you might say "Honey, could you say that a different way?" Good luck and keep in touch.
Hi J. - Maybe I'm missing something here, but based upon your examples, I don't see where what she has said is SO strange. She's six. Sounds typical to me. At that age they're exploring their thoughts, trying out new associations...and seeing what kind of reactions these new ideas elicit.
I could imagine the tape felt funny on her foot (taped feet are not the norm) and although she chose not to say anything out loud until the next day, it probably was on her mind a lot -- hard to avoid. So while you say "for no reason," there actually seems to be an obvious reason. So she called it duct tape. And why is "see you in a 1000 months" so odd for a little kid?
Maybe she's more imaginative than her friends. Or maybe this is her sense of humor and you're just missing the jokes? Either way, I'd say lighten up. She's not blurting profanities or improper comments. She's not being mean to anyone. And although they look at her strangely sometimes, her friends are still her friends. This is a great time to watch your child's own unique personality truly begin to unfold.
I agree with the other advice here. Definitely talk to your daughter's teacher and come up with a plan -- more so to relieve your concern. Your daughter may be incredibly brilliant. This free association is actually a sign of a very busy mind. Some of our most incredible thinkers are people who think differently. So it may be just a wonderful sign for you as a Mom to encourage your daughter to share her thoughts as to "How she got there." Help her to understand that she might be a very creative thinker. Also, I do think it's important to note, that what you say IS more important than what other kids say. A mother's words are like magic. It can be more damaging or more uplifting than any other person's. So while you might be worried about what other kids might say, your words will always be more powerful. Be kind, be supportive, be loving. No matter what the other kids say, she will always listen to you.
Check with your doctor if it will reassure you, but I wouldn't worry about it at all. (Esp. as she doesn't seem to be swearing or aggressive). The comment she made to your husband sounds fun and imaginative to me. Your journal could well end up being a great record of her creative development. My daughter is 3 yrs younger and says bizarre stuff all the time, including constantly renaming herself (one example? "Casey Catina Potato Salty Thing Jump-Over-the-Fence".) If being a little different bothers her, she will change/conform. In the meantime, I'd advise you to let her be herself. It may be more hurtful to be called weird by mom than by other kids.
She sounds very bright and like she has a lot of internal dialogue. You can notice and help her interpret when her friends don't understand. You can also role play with her about how to handle their not understanding her statements. You can also reflect her statements (not echo) in order to help her to connect them to what else is happening. "You just remembered the duct tape on your foot". Notice if there are feelings attached to it, does it happen more when she is anxious, bored, during transitions etc. If there are feelings, notice the feelings (not questions). Stating "you are upset about...., you're worried about...., you're excited about ...., etc. This allows her to hear/learn the labels for her feelings.
My kids are still very young 2 and 3 weeks. So I cannot comment on experience but I have 6 neices & they all seem "weird" in one way or another. Most of them have or do say some off the wall stuff that makes no sense to anyone but themselves.
But if you are truly worried I would say see a neurologist but talk to your daughters pediatrician first see what the doctor thinks first. But I'd say it sounds normal too me for her age.
Oh my goodness, J., RELAX! She is six! Kids say goofy, crazy, silly things! Please, please do not let yourself get nervous with the advice you got below. No offense against the other ladies, but it's crazy to say: Talk to the teacher; and talk to the school's speech pathologist; she may have tourette's; she needs as neuro evaluation, etc. That is making a HUGE mountain out of a molehill! I am sure when you read that you were a nervous wreck! Seriously, she is just a creative little girl and you know something? I'm 50 years old and I STILL sometimes talk in a silly voice to my teenage son! It's just being silly and fun. And I think it's pretty imaginative for your daughter to say, "See you in a thousand years!" Whatever you do, don't squelch her creativity. She is not weird. She is original. THAT'S what you should be telling her. IF you are still worried, do a little searching on the internet, that might make you feel better. Good luck and don't worry!
Have you told her doctor? Sounds like she may have tourettes.
As a kindergarten Teacher, I can assure you that this is PERFECTLY NORMAL. Children play with words all the time, they are learning about time and how it relates to their everyday lives which is why she would say something like "see you in the 1000 month"
Age 6 is a fun and exciting time of life. If you don't own it, get yourself to the library and check ot a copy of a book with a title something like "Your Six Old" it will reassure you that developmentally she is acting just as she should.
Hi J.,
I think if I were you I'd get it checked out. Like others have advised, I'd talk with her teachers at school to see if it happens there, and also consult with her pediatrician. Better to rule out anything medical. If it's behavioural you can move on from there.
Best of luck,
T.
My gut is that it's normal, but you are her mother and need to go with what your gut is telling you. If you think it's medical or social, have it checked out. But I strongly think it's just a matter of attention. She probably stops you in your tracks when she says something odd, and associates that with getting your full attention. Ask her to explain what she means in a very calm, normal way. She's probably making associations in her brain and exploring her verbal boundaries. If you tell her 'she sounds weird', that may interest her. Rather, try "I don't know what you mean. Can you explain it with other words?" Then let it go.
Hi J.,
I'm thinking this is pretty "normal". My 6 year old does the same thing, not so much with the random verbal outburts but she says weird things and then gets the giggles. I've noticed that she does this when nervous or in new situations and doesn't know what to do. I too have told her she is being weird and then I try to explain to her why it is weird and how she should behave going forward. It seems to be working as it has decreased a lot (although she does it still at times).
I honestly think she is too young to worry about what other think of her uniqueness. I remember growing up always thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn't meet up to the standard's of the popular kids. You should teach her to be herself and to love herself, and to not let anyone make her feel that she is weird...she's not weird, she's being herself and she will grow up to be a much more secure indiviual and when she has friends they will be REAL friends who like her for who she is. If you focus on teaching her to be like everyone else, she is more likely to give into peer pressure. At times it will be hurtful and others will make her feel bad, but if she knows in her heart that she is a valuable person, she can keep her chin up and stand up for herself.
I wouldn't worry about it. My five year old son also says strange nonsense and I think he is just playing with words and the responses they get. Try letting go of it and see if it loses it's power for her. This is all assuming her learning and language in general is "normal".
I can relate to feeling protective of your daughter and how others may perceive her. It's another one to try to loosen up on, at least for me.
J.
Hi J.:
I totally agree with the other moms who have suggested that your daughter's "verbal outbursts" are NORMAL. If it makes you uncomfortable it might be good to examine why, so that you can feel more comfortable in letting her be. She sounds like a delightful, creative, intelligent child who is exploring her world. If she receives negative feedback from you and your family, it will only isolate her. Try to see the world through her lens, it may help. Although it is not specific to this issue, I can recommend a book by Barbara Meltz (she actually used to write articles for the Boston Globe), PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES (or something like that, I don't have it in front of me). This book is wonderful for helping adults better see the world through children's eyes, which can help us understand their behavior that may seem "weird" or confusing.
Take care.
Talk to her pediatrician about this. It could be a mild case of tourettes syndrome. This is something that i have and was diagnosed with at about 6. It is NOT a death sentence and your child probably will outgrow it or only need meds on occasion when the tics get bad (the outbursts are tics This would also explain any other behaviors that your daughter might have.
You are right to be concerned about the effects of your daughter's unusual comments. However, you need to stop telling your daughter she sounds weird. As much as it bothers you to hear other children make comments like that, if she hears that you, her mother, thinks she sounds weird, what will that do to her sense of self to know that the one person in the world who is supposed to love her just as she is thinks she is odd? You can still help her without hurting her feelings.
All of your hunches about the root of this behavior (attention, anxiety, neurological issue) are worth exploring. A pediatrician or family doctor can help you discover if the problem is organic. If your daughter is in school, talk to her teacher. Maybe the teacher has also observed this behavior. Perhaps s/he can arrange an evaluation with the school's psychologist. (Alternatively, you might want to arrange an appointment with an independent child psychologist.) The psychologist can help identify the problem objectively and provide your family with strategies to help you and your daughter deal with this issue.
Good luck!
Ummm, she's six. I'd just laugh it off and move on. She's not saying anything harmful. I have a six year old too and she comes up with some goofy things from time to time. I think as long as it's not becoming an issue at school where she's blurting something out during a time when she's supposed to be quiet and listening you really should just let it be.
Hi J.,
If you feel uncomfortable with her behavior I urge you to seek a neuropsych eval for her. If there is something going on then early intervention will be key. If there is nothing wrong then you can reassure yourself with that information. Either way a neuropsychologist should be able to help you and your daughter deal with what is happening.
All the best,
S.
Hi J. -
She sounds just like my 5 year old. My daughter makes up words and when asked what they mean she gives the exact same definition each time word for word even if asked several days apart. I think it is natural for kids to play with words and language and experiment with conversation techniques. I wouldn't worry about it.
