Help with Anxiety - Mariposa,CA

See a therapist that specializes in anxiety disorders. That's what helped my daughter get through it.

Really,,, If you are considering poor earring placement and going through your daughter's ear piercing holes closing up properly with no scar as a lifetime traumatic event, then you need to see a professional.

In no way should this be hindering your daily life in the grand scheme of life. There are WAY more things that are traumatic than worrying if an ear piercing hole closes up with no scar.

Think about those on this site and other places who are worrying about loved ones with terminal illnesses, life changing accidents, etc.

Take a DEEP breath, there will be plenty of things you will go through with your child that will be more traumatic than this. You have to be able to handle things without scarring your child emotionally as well.

Let it go... you did nothing wrong, there is nothing to feel guilty and anxious about. Just let her ears clear up and PLEASE don't allow her to pick up on such an anxiety that it will begin to effect her as well. It WILL clear up and you CAN go get her ears pierced again later. Next time, go to a professional piercer located in a tattoo/piercing place where it can be done properly.

I have heard of 2 therapies that are really helpful for some people, even those dealing with PTSD. Check out "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing" and "tapping." Lots of information on both online and in videos.

This does seem like a very strong reaction, B.. I'm wondering whether everything else is going okay for you. Sometimes we seize upon a smallish problem that emotionally diverts us from something larger that feels totally beyond our control. Or sometimes, a strong reaction like this is an attempt to deal with underlying depression.

Wishing you peace.

I suggest that this level of anxiety may have been triggered by the piercing but is the result of a more serious issue. How confident do you feel in your ability to make decisions and recover when they don't work out as you'd planned? It may be related to how you view life and your role in it. Perhaps you expect perfection. I suggest that you feel responsible for how life works out. Do you know that you are not the only influence in how things work out? We do influence our life but we are not in control.

I urge you to talk with a therapist that is able to help you gain confidence and to be able to accept that what happens is as it should be. We learn and grow from our experiences. With an attitude that says life unfolds as it should we feel less anxious. We realize that we can relax and let life unfold.

Anxiety is created by a series of irrational, fearful thoughts that we continuously play out in our minds. Usually, we don't stop to really become aware of or deeply question those thoughts. Sit down with a notebook and write out the fearful scenario you are playing out in your head. Write out all the fearful thoughts and criticisms that you are dwelling on. Allow yourself to simply pour it all out on paper.

Then, take the time to really inquire into the validity of those thoughts. Ask questions about each thought. For example, "I am a terrible mom because I let a bad thing happen to my daughter" Really? Did you "let" this happen? Could you really have controlled this? Can you actually control your daughter's world enough to make sure nothing bad ever happens to her? What does a "terrible mom" really look like? What did you do that would suggest you are actually a really caring mom? What are you learning or unlearning from this experience? What does your daughter get to learn from this experience? What will all of this look like a year from now? 10 years from now?

Your brain chemistry is being created by your thoughts. Even though anti-depressants could help in the short term, they will not heal the thoughts therefore they will not cure the brain chemistry.

Find a new counselor. All counselors are not created equally. Keep searching till you find one that fits for you. Look for one that works with your thoughts (cognitive) and one that can support you in questioning and exploring your fearful thought processes.

Another resource might be The Work by Byron Katie at www.thework.com. She has tons of free video and audio information along with her free worksheets that can support you in questioning your thoughts and to find the freedom to move forward.

Anxiety can over-emphasize a lot of events that seem trivial to others. If ear-piercing has caused an excessive response in your (either guilt or obsessing about the healing), then there is another underlying problem. Therapy doesn't always help. Chemical imbalances can cause improper brain function (depression, anxiety, obsession, and many others) - medication is one route to controlling the symptoms, and sometimes that can be mixed with therapy. Sometimes medication is a short-term approach, and sometimes long-term. It's not always successful. In addition, a lot of chemical imbalances can be helped by nutritional changes - I did not have anxiety but I did have clinical depression for many years. Therapy helped some, anti-depressants helped some but caused other side effects, but it wasn't enough. I've now been medication free for some years, working with a nutritional company and seeing a whole lot of health benefits that also showed up in my lab work. So I have objective and subjective results, if that makes sense. And I have many friends and colleagues who have addressed depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, rages, focus issues, and mental clarity without medications or therapy.

We're not always able to help ourselves - you may feel that you are early in the process and don't need/want medication. Counseling didn't help but you don't say how long you tried it or if it was specifically related to this piercing event. It's also possible that the piercing event itself wasn't the only contributing factor - maybe there are others. It's possible you had the wrong type of counselor for anxiety. Just like doctors or teachers or car mechanics, sometimes the first counselor isn't the right specialty or personality type for you. So if it's early in the process, that's good.

I know some people are going to criticize you for letting a "minor" event like piercing trigger this level of response. They're correct that, the way you've explained it, it doesn't seem to be something that should result in this level of anxiety. But then again, you may not have explained it fully (which is your right, and which often happens when something seems so incredibly clear to you that you can't imagine it won't be obvious to those reading about it). And and we may not know some background that explains why this is so traumatic for you. There's usually a reason why someone has an extreme reaction to something, and you deserve our respect.

I doubt, given this level of reaction to a precipitating event (and whatever else led up to it), that you can talk yourself out of anxiety. I think you would benefit from a guided approach, whether that's with counseling, medication or nutrient supplementation for healthier brain function.

I think this will be a good life lesson for you in the long run. It will teach you to let go of control. I had a similar issue pop up when my son was little. He got a large cut on his back. For some reason, I was convinced he would be scarred for life and I would forever feel terrible that he had gotten that scar on my watch. It really did bother me, more than I expected...to the point where I felt that his back would never be the same and quite frankly, that I had ruined his beautiful skin. Yes, it was irrational that I put so much pressure on myself to keep him "perfect". A year later, you'd never know he even had an injury! And, several more cuts and scrapes later, I'm used to him having little bumps and bruises to heal. We can only do so much as parents. We do not have complete control over all experiences with our kids. Your daughter's ears will heal and be fine. I know rational thinking doesn't help with anxiety, but maybe you can at least try to get the negative thoughts out of your head when they pop in by visualizing something wiping them away. That has helped me in the past.

Anyway, I do know how it feels and I hope you can find some peace. I have had great luck with some iphone apps and websites for relaxation and different types of anxiety. They do seem to make me feel empowered and mindful of more positive thinking. See if you can find a recording to listen to daily. Also, do things that make you focus on things other than your negative thoughts. Do you feel better when you read, do yoga, play with the kids, meet a friend for lunch? Keeping myself busy and engaged always helps me get out of my own head.

Also, I have to add on...my irrational thoughts about my son's back injury did not in any way correlate to any other situations with my kids. Meaning, when my daughter had surgery I was totally fine and strong. When my son later hurt his leg and needed stitches, again I was strong and had no unhealthy worry. For some reason, I over-focused on the one incident, but it didn't happen with other situations at all.

Antidepressants are a tool to help you deal with the things that are causing your issues. Once you work through all of them you go off the meds. They are simply a tool. Many times a person can't let go and open up about what is really really bothering them because of holding it in for so long and pushing it down and down and down.

Meds are not bad. Ignoring issues and not working through them won't make like easy because they'll eventually bubble up and boom goes your life.

Anxiety is not always rational. Anyone that has had it knows that. You probably have the type of personality that is prone to such feelings. Your anxiety is about trying to control things you have no control over.

Don't beat yourself up for how you are feeling. That will only make things worse. And the more you try not to focus on something--the more you will focus on it. Acceptance is the key to calming anxious feelings. Tell yourself your daughter is fine. Your lives will go on as usual. Accept what happened and don't judge yourself for what happened. You are a good mom and you are human and you make mistakes.

Eat healthy, sleep healthy, get out and exercise, avoid sugar and caffeine and give yourself some positive self talk every time your negative thoughts come creeping in. Try and find another professional to talk to that specializes in anxiety disorders and one that you click with.

B. C. -

It is right and good to reflect on things which went wrong and what you might have done differently. It is part of the learning process. Were it not for that, we would be more apt to repeat our mistakes. Having said that, the process shouldn't be crippling. If you find these thoughts are consuming you and interfereing with you living your life, or enjoying your children; if you are dealing with "borrowed worry," and dealing with it badly, maybe some professional help is in order.

A few deep breaths, and focus on attitude and gratitude usually set thing better for me. If that fails, a glass of wine.

Best,
F. B.

Have you ever tried doterra essential oils? I am not salesperson but the are l natural oils that aid or cure many things. Look them up on the internet. I find them to be helpful. The oils can be diffused. Applied topically. Or ingested. Different oils help with different ailments. Good luck. Take care.

Perhaps you have a chemical imbalance and this is how it shows up. Go get a good physical. If you need an anti-depressant, get it. There is no sense in being a martyr when you could get help. Once you get back on track you can wean off.

There is no shame in asking for help of any kind. You need it, you get it.

the other S.

If the anxiety is a new thing for you, get a full check-up at with your doctor. I had some strange anxiety issues and it turned out to be hypothyroid-Hashimoto's disease. I feel it's best to rule out medical conditions just in case...
Otherwise, my daughters and I tend to stress quite easily. Hiking and music help us out immensely. So, give it a try.

Anti depressants are not the right meds for anxiety, there are meds specifically for that. But, I would not be so fast to discount counseling, you have to really put into it to get anything out of it. If you go in with the attitude that it will not help, then it won't.

I would also see the doctor about possible chemical unbalances, or even about your BC, hormones can do weird things, because this level of anxiety over an ear piercing seems really extreme.