My daughter who is 3 1/2 is in a wonderful day care while i work. She is normally very outgoing and confident of her self. There is a little boy in her class who is younger than her that picks on her constantly!!! I have spoke to the teacher about it, and there is nothing really that can be done, and its the best day care in town I dont want to move her. But since the bully has been picking on her, she is very shy and isnt confident of her self. We put her in "Small Fry" Soccar league hoping ot build her confidnce back up,but no such luck. She is shy with family and even us when she normally wasnt. I tell her everyday as many times as i can things to build her back up. Any Advice?
Everyone Keeps asking me "why is this the best day care in town?" Well I have personally visited every daycare with in 20 miles of my home, and I have reachered each of them with the state and went over each inspection the state has given them. That is how i came to the conclusion its the best one in town/ or the best one for my daughter. My daughter was born with a hole in her heart, and weak immune system, and she has to have breathing treatment every day. I needed a day care i could trust to look out for her best instrest and I know would give her her treatments on time. The director called me Yesterday and I spoke with her again when i picked my daughter up. They have moved the boy in two a diffrent class but her class and the bullys class have morning and afternoon playtime together and the teachers have strickt instructions to keep them apart. They do know that he has shown aggression towards her and a couple other little girls. So they want me to try this and see if this solves the problem and if not they will move him up into another class or ask him to leave. There is no talking to his mother by the way, she says she dosnt belive in any form of punishment at all, not even time out!!! She belives that punishment or time out is whats wrong with todays kids. LOL I have agreed to see how this works, they think that if he had less interaction with her on a daily basis he would leave her alone, So we will see how it works. The director said she would personally see to this situation and have chat with the teacher because this behavior is unacceptable from the bully and the teacher.
If they can't deal with a bully properly, then it's not the best daycare in town.
If the teacher isn't taking action, go to the director. If the director doesn't do anything, report them at http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/
If the teacher refuses to do anything about it and the director doesn't either, i would call the state department for childcare licensing to come out and do an investigation. The daycare may not like it but Daycare Licensing is there for a reason, to protect our kids. There is always something that can be done. I have butted heads with the best of them over my kids in daycare, i too did not want to move them because of the wonderful teachers and such so i put up a BIG stink until something was done.
My daughter now is 6 and a blue belt in taekwondo (1 year left to black) and the main reason for putting her there is so she can defend herself against bullies, she is small and always will be. you will not get away from bullies, they will be in every grade level but running away or cowering to them will just give them more reason to be a bully. I have told the teachers at daycare and school that if my child tells them someone is bothering her and they choose to do nothing, she WILL take care of it herself. If the teachers are not going to protect our kids, they have to learn to protect themselves. She is not learning to be a bully nor has she ever acted like one but she has the confidence to know that she can take care of things if she has to.
Far too few parents take action when this sort of thing happens. If you can't get the day care to do anything you should confront the parents yourself. My daughter used to get picked on too and it stopped only after I confronted the parents of the bully.
Of course the response I got was shock; "Not my dear little boys! Bullies?" But it never happend again after that.
Just be considerate when you do it. Parents get defensive about their kids.
I personally beleive that most parents today rely too much on "the system" to take care of things or shield their children from inappropriate behavior. Parents need to take more action and responsibility. "The System" has a bad history of being unresponsive and over taxed as it is.
Just my oponion.
RPocai
C.,
Why can nothing be done about this by the school. I know when my daughter was at summer camp she came home and told me a little boy in her group (she's 5) had pushed her down on purpose. I called the camp counselor and they told me that they had already documented the incident and had sent home a formal letter to the parent letting them know (1) what happened and (2) that their child had one warning and if anything else happened he would not be able to return to camp.
As it turned out, he did start with another child a week later and was thrown out of camp.
I would suggest talking to the director of the school and if he/she cannot talk to the other childs parent then perhaps filing a formal complaint with the school would be your next step.
As for this being the "best day care in town" only you can decide what is best for your child, but if the employees allow children to actively bully each other, is that really a good environment?
I hope it works out for you and your little one.
C.
Talk to that kid's parent. If you ever see the little monster tell him to back off.
I can only speak with what my son went through. He was in a great school and we had faith that he was safe. He was there favorite at the beginning of the year. Then after Easter he got in trouble for the 1st time and was accused of biting a child in the playground in the tubes like the McDonald land play area at there school. My husband arrived and noticed he was by himself and the teacher told him he had to go talk to the director. He was put in isolation for 2 1/2 hours and he was 2 1/2 at the time. I heard a min for every age old not every mo old. We were so upset and felt 2 1/2 was too long.
After looking into it further the director sd she went to security and it was on the security tape. So I went to the Manager of Security and he was my husbands boss so I know he was honest with us and told us she never came to him and even if the director did it would not show inside the play area just the doors entering.
He would talk at home but the teachers sd after 7 mo he never talked. I felt like they didn't care about him. We pulled him out after the lying I didn't have the trust anymore, and my child safety is too important.
After 2 months at home working with him he knew his basic colors, shapes,part of his alphabet. He is learning so much now. So I quit and stay home now and have a home childcare so he has other kids to play with.
If you are uncomfortable follow your parent insticts.
I did and I know it was right for our son. He gives his 18 mo old kisses and there isnt biting. Pushing biting is a sign of there frustration.
I can't stand it when that happens! It happens a lot sad to say. I've seen it when I was teaching 2nd grade and there really isn't anything anyone can do about a bully. It's up to the parents of that child. Have you made an attempt to speak to the parents of that boy? Maybe they don't know about his behavior?
For your daughter, well I would just keep on showering her with positive praise. How about a gym class? Or some time with other children she is confident with?
Recently we ran into 3 little boys at our local park who were just stinkers! Each one of them was mean to my 2 year old. I have twins and wouldn't you know it, they picked on the one who is very sensitive and usually confident. Stinkers! I haven't been back there yet.
Good luck!
They can do something because I have been on the other side. I have a son that was the bully and every time we had a problem they would talk to us and tell us if he did not stop it then we would have to find another daycare. They can do something especially if that child is doing it to other children...you may want to suggest that they speak to the boys parents to see if they can speak to the boy because your should not have to change daycare centers just because the other child can not behave. I would recommend they speak to the parents and if nothing is done then you may want to talk to the owner or director. Good luck. I also had that problem with my daughter this boy kept bulling her and daycare did not do anything so one day she defended her self and the bully never did it again. Not saying that was okay, but for some children that is what it takes...it worked for my son what goes around comes around.
C. -
I agree with Caryn. You need to speak with the director about this. I'm troubled by two things: 1) that a teacher says nothing can be done (which is never true, especially at a top-rated daycare), and 2) how do you know she's being bullied? Is she telling you this? Is the teacher? What are the specifics of this bullying? Physical? Verbal? If the little boy is just following her around wanting to be near her all the time, that's annoying but not bullying. If he's taking toys away, pushing, etc., that's a bully / disruption issue and the teachers should have him removed, and if it is a top school there are measures in place for this.
I'm a mamma bear about my kid. And recently, he has been coming home with lots of little cuts, scrapes, bumps, etc. - and every day it seems I am signing an accident form of some kind and it all revolves around one other boy. I got my hackles all up because of it and really freaked out, but upon further investigation, turns out these two are the best of friends and really freak out when either one is not there. And the other boy has just as many bumps and bruises. So while I'm not saying the boy isn't a bully, what I am saying is you need to talk to others at the school and get to the bottom of the true nature of their relationship. Bullying is never tolerated at an established daycare. So do some digging, find out what's going on. Ask for a meeting with both the teacher and the director together so you can get the truth and the solution all in one swoop.
Good luck fellow mamma bear!! Grr!!!!
S.
Everyone else has said this and I TOTALLY agree. You need to speak with the director. A teacher that says nothing can be done is a sure sign that your child is NOT in the best daycare in town.
I am just curious why you believe this is the best daycare in town? Is it because there is a waiting list? Is it because they have won awards? Is it because your friends think so?
Just remember all daycares will make mistakes from time to time, but the best daycares are the ones that resolve the issue and correct it! If they are not willing to work with you about the situation, I agree .. they are not the best day care around!
I agree with most of the other responses. If it was truly the "best daycare in town" they would have a bullying policy in place. Your daughter's well-being comes before anything else. Find another daycare or quit your job, if possible. Years from now, your job won't mean anything, but the damage to your daughter's emotional health may be irreversible. Call me over-reacting, but I speak from experience.
C.,
NO daycare is worth killing your daughter's self-esteem. Bullies can do very powerful things to people; if the daycare does not rectify the problem, I highly suggest that you move her to another daycare. I feel so bad for your little angel!!!
Good Luck,
A.
