Help with a 13 Year Old Boy with Adhd Who Continues to Get in Trouble at School

Don't be scared by this, but have you considered homeschooling? I am considering this option and am reading a great book called "Homeschooling: Take a deep breath, you can do this" The woman who wrote it began homeschooling b/c she could not get the school system to respond to her daughters needs.
In the end she homeschooled all three of her children. You would be suprised at how much support is out here for homeschooling. GOOD LUCK! B..

Does he have a 504 in place. If he does and it falls under the same guidelines as an IEP they can only suspend him a certian number of days. I think in NC in may be 10 days? If he doesn't have on I would notify the school you want on. Document all you conversations and if you get no where with the school go directly to the school board. I would tell them you a tired of the lack of concern and give them a time line to respond to you and if they do not I would call the Superident of schools and let them know you will. Sometimes being nice just does not cut it.

A. M.

Stop upping his meds and get it changed. My son went from Ritalin to Concerta and it helped. He's focused now and his grades have improved.

Good Luck!

If you've tried the increase in medication for at least 2 weeks and it hasn't helped, go back to old dosage. It may be wrong meds. How is his diet? Go for as little food coloring and processed foods as possible. Don't heat any of his foods in plastic in the microwave.
Is he getting enough sleep? enough exercise? Exercise can really be key with ADHD. Daily exercise outside is best.
What does your son say about why he's getting in trouble? Is he motivated to do well? What would help motivate him?
Did you start by talking with his teachers? The counselor should be helpful, but if you can't get the counselor to be helpful, try the teacher he least often gets in trouble with. What does that teacher do that might be helpful for the other teachers to try? Help the teachers share this information. (I know this can be time consuming--try an in person conference with one teacher and email with the others).

Usually ADHD responds well to Diet, Sleep, Exercise and Structure. Structure is the same schedule, rewards and consequences in each class and at home every day. You might also find someone who can teach him some relaxation exercises. They can be helpful if he is motivated to use them. A private counselor or yoga teacher might be able to do this pretty quickly.

Good Luck. It's a tough area and because his chemistry is changing with puberty, the meds that worked in the past may not work now. The good news is that most children learn to get increasing control over the ADHD symptoms as they get into high school and need less intervention.
(I'm a school counselor)

i had the same problem( she has been suspended numerous times and even ran away from home more than 1x and lies alot) with my 13 year old daughter I had the doctor fax over the papers to the school where she was diagnosed they put her in resource classes they have smaller classes with less students she has been doing alot better she gets in trouble from time to time but not near as much. I took her off the medication no since in giving it to her when it wasnt working. If you have insurance i would try a phyciatrist that might help or they may have a better type of medication for this type of problem. I think it is more of an attention thing lately i have been trying to give my daughter more attention than usual and reward her for the good she does instead of being mad at her when she does wrong. So far it has helped she is doing more stuff around the house and seems to be maturing some. I hope this helps because I know how you feel I have dealt with this since she started kindergarden.

Your son should have an IEP or at least a 504 in place. Contact the ECAC. www.ecac-parentcenter.org
You should also look up the IDEA 2004. The Federal goverment requires that every child have a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE)

other sources for you:
http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/fape.index.htm
http://www.ldonline.org/ldbasics
http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/edlite-FAPE...

Don't give up! You need to advocate for your child.

Good luck to you,
A.

Hi there A.,
My son is 19 now,he was diagnosed with severe ADHD when he was10,stayed in trouble all the time.Once he was diagnosed the Drs gave me paperwork to take to school,and they gave him a 504 plan in which they had to work one on one with him and accomadate his needs,(and that was not easy)I was forever calling the school board.If your son has a 504 plan or an Iep and the school is not following it,don't bother the school call the school districts boards office.And complain.I live in Ky and it got so bad here that I was told that If my sons school didn't do there job get a lawyer and sue them. The school got the message,Put my child in special ed were he needed to be in the first place and he was so much better. His mind was going so fast in a normal setting from day to day the stress of everything just left him overwhelmed and he didn't know how to handle it.I was totally surprised though that out of 15 teachers not one of them
knew anything about ADHD.And that in itself needs to be changed.Teachers need to be educated about this.My child was being punished every day for not paying attention,and that was his major disability.He is 19 now he graduated a yr ago and its still a struggle he tried to take a job.He worked 1 night and wouldn't go back.Does you son also suffer from high anxiety?You can email me at ____@____.com
There are also advocates out there for children in your state to see that your school does its job.
Hope this is helpful.

I am very impressed with all the advice given to you so far. I just had the first IEP (individual education plan) meeting for my son yesterday and it was wonderful. Schools have to start with the ADHD diagnosis. If you officially have that from his doctor he should automatically qualify as "other health impaired" and be given things like extended time on tests, being able to write in the book instead of filling in bubbles (if he's not organized or focused enough to do this) and preferencial seating. I'm assuming he's in middle school so he has to switch classes. I think they usually use language arts and math teachers on the SSMT (the team that you will be a part of that will work on his IEP). One thing stressed to me is that no one will see your child's test results from the EC (Exceptional Children) tests except those teachers who work directly with your child and then only if they go looking for them, so some of his teachers might not even know he's ADHD. This time of year Coucilors are having to deal with EOG's and EOC's and are very busy. Be persistant. Some schools even share councilors and they're not at one school all day long. My son's IEP includes being pulled from class to work in ways to verbalize and deal with his frustrations. Try to be "pro" school when discussing with your son though. He may be using your frustration against you trying to place blame away from himself and on the teachers. I'm assuming his problems are mainly at school and not at home if you have 4 kids. You probably do behavior modification that works for you and you need to let his teachers know what works at home and that they need to be consistant. I'm on the PTO and at the school all the time and that helps too- I think the teachers and administrators work with you if they see you. Also, you can observe the classrooms. I have done this too. Sometimes there is another student that is "egging" on bad behavior and you'll see where changes can be made.

good luck!

A.,
I agree heavily with Dee E. She had some very good advice about making sure your son is eating the right things. My nephew has severe ADHD, but it is completely under control by his diet. He was unbearable to be around, and a constant disruption to family and school until my sister figured out that he was allergic to certain foods. It's not a severe allergy, but it's enough to give him a completely different personality when he eats the wrong things. Sometimes it is very difficult for my sister to maintain the diet while trying to please the rest of the family and the temptations that are in front of him every, but it's such a great alternative to medication. And she knows it is worth the hassle when she sees the progress her son has made. It could be as simple as an allergy (or intolerance) to milk or wheat. My own son has a hard time with certain preservatives and processed foods. When he eats certain things he is a lot LESS focused and more distracted. When he is eating a healthy and fresh food diet he is an absolute joy to be around. Try to find some information on determining food allergies. It is time consuming and a pain in the you know what, but it just might mean the difference between having an out of control son on medication, and having a son that is great to be around and have in class!

Also, call the school, make them take an appointment to meet in person, get a babysitter, and go take charge at his school!

I'm sure you've got your hands full with 4 kids, and I'm sure it's stressful at times, but I wish you the best of luck!

S.

Hi A..
If you could find one, I would suggest a holistic doctor to take your son to. He would help you do an elimination diet to see if there are things in his diet that "set him off" to behave badly. Coloring in drinks and food can make kids bounce off of the walls, food that is high in carbs that turns to sugar. Vaccinations are notorious for causing neurological issues because of the mercury derevitive they contain (which is exactly the same as mercury). Or you could do some research online. The internet is full of info about elimination diets.
Also, could your son have unlying issues? Is there tension in the home, things going on that he is frustrated about, etc. May I encourage the "Five Love Languages of Children" by Dr. Gary Chapman as well. Very informative and helps me deal with each child of mine individually and to their personality. I have two girls are night and day different in their personalities. Very difficult to deal with one and the other is very compliant. I needed help and I also read "Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson.
Many blessings to you and your family!
W. Morris from Indiana

You may want to check into homeschooling. I didn't know much about it until I started researching it about a year ago, and I have heard and read so many GOOD things about it, and especially from parents whose children were adhd and needed to get out of the "school" environment to learn, also if he is used to getting in trouble, a complete change of pace may be good for him, at least temporarily. I don't think it is right for everyone, but if you have never considered it or researched it, I would HIGHLY suggest that you at least give it a serious look. FYI I have a 4 year old who will attend public school next year for Kindg., so I am not just suggesting this because I do it (I don't, but I keep it on the back burner as a possibility if needed at some point). Good luck.

Mine is twelve. It is federal law that an adhd child is considered to have a learning disability, EVEN WHEN DOING GOOD ON STANDARDIZED TESTS, if he is so diagnosed and treated. The school system MUST develope a 504 education plan for the child and carry it out. It is not their choice. Tell them you want one and ask what the steps are for your particular school district.

A. - I am a believer in the mangosteen fruit and have testimonials for many health issues. If you would like to hear testimonials re: ADHD please go to:www.insidemangosteen.com/judy0114
This is a natural product and has helped members of my family and friends with their health problems.

J. H
Xango Independent Distributor

I have some experience with this situation. Since you are not getting any help from the principal or counselor at the school go to the school board. You need to talk to the person who is in the pupil personnel area. There is the 'No Child Left Behind Law' and they have to help your son or lose funding. I work for a company that give tutoring for children who are falling behind. Just suspending him is not helping him at all. If you have to play the lawyer card. Just threatening to get one should get something moving.

I feel for what your going through. I am a SAHM with 2 boys ages 15 and 13. My youngest has autism and we have dealt with behaviors issues at school. What I suggest is request an IEP meeting with the school. Request they add a behavior intervention plan into his IEP. I had one on my son which stated if he got out of control he was to be removed from the class which meant he usually went to sit in the VP office until he could calm down. You and the IEP team can come up with the best way to handle your son getting into trouble. I don't believe in suspending a child unless they are a danger to themselves or the other students. I will tell you when my son would get sent home due to behavior I would take away his favorite things usually for a few hours or sometimes for a day. Just depending on what happened. If he was disrespectful to his teachers or class I would have him sit down and right an apology letter (just a few lines but got the point across). That is all I can come up with off the top of my head I hope it helps somes. Good Luck to you. K.

I have a friend whose teenager was diagnosed at an early age with ADHD. He still continued to mean, the medication did not help this symptom. Come to find out he was bi-polar and had been miss-diagnosed for many years. After the proper medication was started, he is doing much better. You might talk with your pediatrician about this.

You don't say exactly how your son was diagnosed ADHD. Was that at the suggestion of the school? What kind of medical testing program did he have? My suggestion is, if it is financially feasible and most health insurance do pay for this, have your pediatrician recommend a good private counselor. I'm thinking that if he has that many problems at school, he's probably difficult to deal with at home too. You need to have a really good set of goals established within your home. That home structure is very important (and I'm not suggesting that your home is not, but rather just stressing the importance of that). Then have your counselor consult the school with suggestions as to the best way to deal with the child. If your child is identified ADHD, the school should be obligated to work with you on an intervention program. Yell a little louder, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

My son is almost 11 and has ADHD too. What medication does yours take. We switched from Aderall to Concerta and there's a world of difference. Good luck.

A., I've been there. My son is a smart fifth grader who was diagnosed in first grade. We worked with the teacher (who was part of the problem), school nurse and councelor, principal, and eventually a behavioral psychologist. We finally agreed to medication after exhausting all other options w/the psychologist's help. It took weeks to get the dosage right, but with more structure at home and pairing him with a stern understanding teacher, he has come around and is a B/C student and 'incidents' at school are rare. I truly feel for you because I know what it's like to see the child you love struggle so much. You want the fighting, talking back, not listening, being easily distracted and frustrated stuff to stop. It's an ongoing battle you as a family will have for a long time. Some grow out of it, others learn to cope by recognizing and focusing on behavior modification. I don't have all the answers but just want you to know you're not alone. Remember: YOU are your son's biggest advocate. Work with the school and get as many child 'experts' involved. He's already labeled a 'problem child'. They have an interest in seeing your son succeed and don't want problems in their school. If all else fails, and you feel the school is not working toward a solution, call the superintendent. Also, you mentioned upping the dosage. The dr. should be the one doing that because it can cause the opposite affect, but also ask about different meds. Adderall stunted my son's growth. Since we took him off (now he takes cod liver oil softgels) he's sprouted lots! He may take different dosages...1 small dose in the am and another at lunch instead of, say, 1 large dose in the am to last throughout the day. It helps my son to have a schedule that he can rely on because change throws him off. Start with a regular bedtime routine and expand to afterschool routines too. One more thing, volunteering is a great way to show you care! Your presence in his classroom will make a difference. Getting familiar with some of the faculty helps, too. Good luck and God bless!

I agree with some of the others. My son is 14 and still on ADHD meds. He was on Concerta for 4 years and did great until his body got used to it. He did get kicked out of school last year after they tried to work with him. But he only got suspended for 3 days instead of 10 because of his ADHD. Now we have switched him to Focalin XR and so far he is doing better on it than the Concerta. He is acedemically gifted and will be taking all Honors classes in Highschool in August and the schools my kids go to are great about helping and working with you and your child. I am so glad i live in a small town because the schools here seem to care about the kids more than the city schools. I will never put my kids in any city schools

Homeschooling seems like a natural option, since you are already at home and wouldn't have to juggle working outside the home and school. Have you considered it? We use an unschooling approach, which is often recommended for the first year or two after withdrawing a child from school anyway- gives them space to decompress- but curricula are not that expensive, he is even old enough for a correspondence school if you wanted or needed to take that route. I don't know what the laws are in NC, you'd have to check it out. In TN you have to have a high school diploma or GED to homeschool through elementary and junior high, and a bachelor's degree for high schoolers, but the requirement for high school is waived if you register as a homeschooler through a church related school or other umbrella school program.

I know a lot of homeschoolers here who homeschool because of behavior problems. So often children with ADHD are gifted in some way and it is not recognized by the school system. Thomas Edison was homeschooled and is recognized to have had ADHD. Many artists and techies have ADHD.

Hope that helps expand the options you have on the table!

You need to have a medical diagnosis through your sons pediatircian stating he has ADHD. Then you go to the counselor and request testing in order to get an Individual Educational Plan (IEP). This can be done through the school system. It will also help determine any learning disabilities which often go with ADHD folks. The IEP will help to safe guard your child academically and emotionally when problems arise. You must learn to be an advocate for your child and also I would suggest getting him to speak to a therapist to deal with issues that pertain to him. These kids usually deal with alot of frustration and it is typically exhibited by bad behavior and lack of impulse control in the school arena. It can get better but takes alot of effort on your part and working with the school. But hold the school accountable to make sure they get him tested and get the IEP in place. I've been through it with my son. You'll make it and so will he! Good luck.

Hi A....it is a very frustrating problem. Our grandson has the same. Always in trouble and getting suspended. His mom also has 2 other boys with adhd and a 1 yr old. She works full time. They do go to a counsler, he is very smart just not motivated to do his work, thinks it is stupid and agrees that he is a procrastinator. I think there is an organization that will send a mentor with you to school to talk with the adm. Can't remember if it is through the ed. Department of the state. (we just recently moved). There are also support groups for mothers of adhd. There is a mag. Called additude that gives good advice. Good luck. .. It is hard when you love them but want to strangle them....

You need to put your requests for help in writing and keep a copy. I learned the hard way that you will not get the help you want with out putting it in writing. Write a letter to your prinicpal, asking for your son to be tested for learning disabilities. They will then have to tell you what the school boards policy is, how long it will take for them to do the testing. they usually have up until 6 or 9 months, and believe me, they use every second of it. So the sooner you write and deliver that note, the sooner the ball will start rolling. Once tested, there is all sorts of help you can get. Hang in there and stand up as an advocate for your child, YOU are his greatess supporter! And with you on his side, he can suceded.
MB

Hi there A.,

I am here to tell you my daughter was with ADHD and anxiety. My counselor we go to is giving her what is called "Bio-feedback". All it is that my daughter is connected to a computer that exercises the brain. Their techniques are too far complex for me to understand HOW this all works because they have been trained to do this type of work. All I can say is IT WORKS. It may take a couple of times to get adjusted with where they need to put the little thingies on the head but there is NO ELECTRICAL SHOCKS, nothing, just exercising the brain with games that are played and I am amazed at this technique. Medicaid has paid for her bio feed backs. Google the word bio feed backs and see what you get in the way of information. If need be, call ###-###-#### to get more information from the person who does my daughters, her name is Mary. You can just say LYNN from Murphy, NC referred you to her. She can assist you with more information. I hope this information works for you and your son. Much luck.

LYNN

I'm a mother of 2 children with ADHD, so I understand fully what you're going through. My oldest is 17 and my youngest is 10. If increasing the medication hasn't helped, then your doctor either needs to increase it again or change medication altogether. There are different medications out there for ADHD and they all work differently for different children. I have great luck with Adderall. Your son may be better off on something else. It took some time to find the right medication for my oldest, and luckily what worked for her also worked for my son.

You may also want to couple that up with private counseling if you can afford it or your insurance will pay for it. There could be something else going on with him that you may not be aware of. But get him on the right dose of the right medication first.

Hang in there. It will get better.

what school is your son going to? it sound horrible. the school is legally required to provide your son with all of the tools that he needs to succeed. i have a sister in law who is quite a bit younger than my husband and i, and she was provided with a laptop from the school. this was to help her with her note taking and also her paper writing, because she is unable to spell and a few other problems due to seizures she had a a baby. you need to talk directly to the school superintendent if the principal will not help you. the school is trying to avoid the costs involved with getting your son help, and he is going to pay the price. this is what your tax dollars pay for.

I would go straight to the superintendent of schools office. Maybe a change of school is what he needs. Their could be a school in your area that is better equipped to handle his needs.

Have you tried to schedule a conference with the principal, teacher, and counselor? I had to do that with my child when no one would respond to me at the school. It has worked out well and his counselor has put him in a group therapy environment once a week with other children with the same issues. Also- have you thought of getting private counseling/therapy for your child? That might also help.

Stop calling the school. Go to the school to talk to the counselor and the principal. This direct approach lets them know that you really are concerned about this issue and that you're not willing to just let it be swept under the rug.

Also, talk to your son about why he is acting out in school. There may be a kid or a teacher who is giving him a hassle. My son was this way for most of a school year. We found out that the teacher was telling him "I just want to strangle you" pretty much every day. Once he was out of her class and in a different school, things got much better.

Sometimes kids act exactly the way adults expect them to. Last year, my friend's son had a lot of problems at school. He was quickly labeled as a trouble maker and the teachers and principal treated him that way. He moved to the junior high this year, but the "labeling" stayed behind. He's doing great, getting good grades and participating in sports. No on there has any history of him being a trouble maker so he's not treated like one and isn't behaving like one.

Does he have a 504 plan or IEP? If he does, by law the school must provide interventions appropriate to his diagnosis. If not, you need to request an evaluation in writing and have his adhd documented by a physician. Also, do not increase his meds without consent of his physician or psychiatrist. Depending on what he is taking, this could increase his irritability or any number of things. If you do not get a reply to your request, tell the principal you will be calling the dept. of ed. in frankfort to speak with an ombudsman about their unwillingness to help your child. Just remember, he must have his adhd documented. It is a mental health diagnosis and he is protected by the laws under "other health impaired." If all else fails, call your local Comp. Care or IMPACT office and get in touch with a case manager. Good luck!

I am a teacher and very surprised to hear that the school has been so unwilling to help. As a parent you have the right to request (demand if you must) a meeting with all his teachers and the counselor to set up interventions that will help your son be successful. This can be done all at once. Simply email the counselor/principal and ask for this meeting. If something STILL does not happen you may need to go to the school board or higher up. I do not think this will happen-they will probably be willing to meet with you.

Some great interventions are: preferential seating in class (he must be near front of room/teacher), positive rewards for good behavior (reward may be at home or at school), behavior charts (filled in by teacher with a note, etc. for each period of day and sent home to you for you to sign and review each night), give his a planner where he has to write all his HW down for each class and ask teachers to initial it-the planner then comes home to you each night for you to sign off on. You need to create an accountability system that pairs you with the school so your son can see all actions have consequences-positive and negative. I have had many children with ADD in class and these are some of the things we use to help them be their best each day. Do your child's teachers have email access? If so, I would check in on him every day or so and ask them for a quick report of his behavior.

Good luck!

Hi A.,

First, I can sympathize with your situation since I have two daughters, ages 11 and 13, with ADHD. The first thing I would do is write a letter to the principal and the counselor. Document when you have contacted them and requested help and let them know that you will be contacting the Board of Education if they don't respond within a certain amount of time (whatever you think appropriate). If that doesn't get them off square one, contact the Board and furnish them with your documentation and demand that they act to help you son. Unfortunately, a lot of of times they think if they ignore us we'll go away.

Second, are the incidents because your son is being picked on or is he starting the problem? If he's being bullied, that's just all the more reason to demand they help him as they are required to do. On the other hand, if he is starting problems he may have ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) as does my 13 yo dtr. If that's the case, your doctor may be able to help with meds.

I hope this was of help and really hope things work out well for you.
pamo

Hi A.,

Please do not become overwhelmed...there is help...contact your school Social Worker...she will know about a plan 504...its to help kids w/add or ADHD...the teachers will have to use modified classroom things..like more time on tests/assignments..let him walk sometimes...or go to bathroom...there are lots of modifictions for children w/ADHD..I am a social worker...don't let the school jerk you around..its the law to educate kids w/special needs...tell them you know about your rights with IDEA...Individuals Disabilities Education Act...they have national web site...there is help...V.Mitchell

Hi A.,
I totally understand your frustration. I am in the same boat! My son is 9 and been on the meds for almost 4 years. I have the same problem with school except thank God he hasn’t been suspended yet! We are will an organization called Four Rivers Behavior Health and we have a therapist a medical doctor and someone that is supposed to go to school and be a mediator between me and the school. My child is being left behind because the school says they have ideas and we discuss them but they never do what they say. He has failing grades and tested out of special ed class ( he does well on tests but daily work brings down his grades). He also has impulsive behaviors they make him act hatefully to classmates and sometimes teachers. That scares me! But there seems to be nothing I can do and the medicine doesn’t help with that either. The only thing I suggest is to find a behavioral management group in your area that is government funded to help you with these issues. Maybe the ones in your area with be more helpful than mine. There are Mothers I have talked to that are having success with these people while I struggle. There is a place is Louisville KY called the Wisekoff center that is to test kids and get a firm diagnosis of what your child has. That report is supposed to be presented to the school and I would send it to the Board of Education and get a mediator to go with you and discuss the findings and then the school is supposed to do everything they are told to do to better his education and needs to succeed in school. All of this is federally funded and you should get help paying for this. There is a waiting list but be patient. You have to have a referral from your son’s pediatrician or his regular medical doctor. Then you get sent a big packet to fill out and turn in. I just got the packet the other day. When you get there they are to give several tests all day long and maybe into the next day to determine diagnosis. I hope this helps if I hear of anything else to help I can let you know. If you want to chat more on this I am on yahoo chroniclesoftrish . I wish I had better answers for you and myself. But someday hopeful we who have these issues will hopefully get them all worked out.

PS. Jechelberg E I have been the route you state in your comment and they have lied and told me they will help him. We make an IEP and nothing comes of it. I have been to the school board and they dont seem to care. I have heard that the 504 is more inforced I havent got that yet. I figure after is evol from the Wisekoff center then it should be better inforced. I have decided if that doesn't work then I will have to somehow homeschool him or figure how to pay for a private person to come to our home. It is my understanding that some people have better luck than others. Crazy but true. But we all no matter what is going on have to keep looking for the right answers for our children.

Thank you and Good luck!

Trish
Paducah, KY

Just out of curiousity, He doesn't go to Dupont Tyler does He. The reason I ask is that is the worst school for getting help and cooperation with any problem.
My 6 year old grand-daughter is ADHD,OD and Bi-Polar. She is on Ritalin and Abilify. Even on meds she is a handful. However She is great in school. Loves it. But most kids, including mine were great in school till Middle School. Sorry I have no advice. Any kind of counseling would be a plus. My 10 year old grand-daughter starts anger management next week. Anger issues with her M..