Help with 14 Year Old Addicted to Video Games

Not video games, but texting and her phone. We took the texting completely away. I would take the video games away. They may get angry,, but in all honesty, they are looking for the discipline from you and the limitations and boundaries. Over time, the games can be a reward for a period of time, say 15 minutes of play time. As far as the running away, it doesn't solve anything and that,, unfortunately, is a tough love sort of thing. Consequences to actions. Show responsibility, use words and discussion to explain what's going on and restrictions and rules. It is okay. He will respect you later!

I agree with the prior posts, the red flags are going up all around you:
1. Does not socialize
2. Does not like school and is failing
3. Escapes into videogameland
4. Has already run away once

Seek professional help immediately. Hopefully it is something simple having to do with those dreadful teenager years, but what if it's not? You don't want to wonder "what if" later on. He is calling out for help in the only ways he knows how. SOMETHING is scaring, bothering him. You need a major intervention now.

You are a good parent. You noticed the warning signs. Don't sit by hoping this will go away or resolve itself. Fight for your child now. Fight for his future.

Don't blame him. Let him know you are scared and worried about him. Try to get a verbal agreement from him that the next time he is stressed out he will come talk to you. If needbe, have him sign a "contract" that says he will not run away or do anything drastic without coming to you first. (I have heard this is very effective with other addicts/depressed people. Once they sign, they have made a committment to someone else.) You don't have to be a "teenager" expert, just a concerned mom that wants some piece of mind that he will come to you. You have to remain open minded. You have to let him know he can say anything to you without being judgemental or punishing him. He needs open lines of communication right now.

If need be, call your insurance company and get a referral today. Or call a depression hotline to get referred to someone. Don't wait - please.

HUGS and good vibes sent your way. Let us know what happens.

Hi J.-
My son is only 11 and could be a video game addict, but I have very strict time/game rules and he will lose the system completely if he disobeys the rules. He just got it back after a 2 month loss of privilage due to a report card that was Cs, Ds, & Fs. He has a wii and there is a component that allows you to monitor usage games and times and sometimes who. I have heard of video rehab, like alcohol/drug rehab that could be an option. You must be so worried. What about a counselor or family therepist. I know of gamers that their whole being is in the fantasy of their video games, so the real world probably seems pretty scary. I know my nephew was very into games and had a hard time socializing until he went to live with his dad (age 16). He was given a boat load of responsibilities, besides school that had to be completed. He received rewards for completing them and consequences for not completing them. He recently joined the Navy Sea Cadets, which really keeps him busy and he has a ton of friends. And even had his first date. He still plays videos occasionally with his Dad, but most of the time he's working, Cadets or out with friends. I don't know the answer, but it would seem that if your son was really busy with other stuff, the videos might not seem so important?????
Best of luck,
S.

Video games are just part of a giant problem you have. It seems to be so much more than that. Start by talking to the staff at school and continue with outside sources you receive from them and your doctor.

Good luck, and no video games until the school work is done. (Have the teachers e-mail you each day with the assignments and behavior for the day.)

Try making games into family events. With my nephew we have bought board games and made our own games as a little family project. As for school you could turn his homework into an exercise game that's exactly how my mom helped me through high school. For example Math: Have a competition with him using math problems from school. Reading: Buy some books and discuss them together. If he is having trouble socializing with others theirs probably something wrong like someone is bothering him, or he is to shy, talk to him about it and show him you really care and understand where he is coming from. He might be acting out and turning to video games as a place to escape from what ever is bothering him. He he doesnt talk to you about it, Have him talk to a school councilor or a therapist.

I am sorry for what u had to go through , teen years accompanied with peer pressure
could really be stressful for him. Have u considered homeschooling him, since u r
self- employed? There r academic and supplemental classes to take in a much smaller
group that he might enjoy more and still meet some new faces? Please let me know if
u might be leaning that direction, then I will provide u with the info. Hope that both of u
can work this out. Good luck!!
H. P.

J., as with most addicts, it sounds like there is a bigger issue going on here. I would definitely talk to his school counselor and see if there is someone they recommend that the two of you could do therapy with.

I agree that huge restrictions need to be put on him, and playing games should be something he earns, only after doing chores and homework. It's a wake up call for you to fight to get him back, and realize your part in allowing him to get to this point, however hard that may be. I would have a heart to heart talk with him about your fears and concerns, and possible regrets, as well as what you wish you would have done and now will be doing to help him. It's not going to be easy, but he needs you to intervene. His future depends on it, in many ways.

Good luck to you. Please get professional support.

T.

Video games can be a world to escape to so what is he trying to 'run away' from? Because teen years are so stressful and a time of important personal and social development I would seek a professional's help. Find a therapist who is also an EFT practitioner and you will get quicker results. Addiction is a sign of an energy imbalance and EFT is the most effective tool I know for relieving distress and overcoming addictions.

Sorry, J. but the video games are perks, rewards for having done constructive things, such as, learning, schoolwork, and home chores.
He is making bad decisions, that he should not be allowed to make. You need to find out what is making him angry. Perhaps, something happened that he wanted to go a certain way and when it didn't, he couldn't figure out how to respond.
He's running away from something, the video games may just be a way to "escape", and avoid conflict. He may just be interested in girls and is self conscience about body changes. Is there a male figure that he can confide in?
The 4 hours unaccounted for should definitely be addressed, make it clear it is unacceptable and inconsiderate of him not to keep in touch with him, but you need to give him space, too. Kids this age need privacy time for other things than homework. He is not going to be staying around much longer Mom. Your job is to guide him hope all the training and discipline you've given over the years sticks, and not be the "warden".
You can take a look at www.theprogressiveparent.com. Carol Hammer
may have some interesting ways to approach talking with your teen. The main thing is SET ground RULES, if he does not put time to school work, he will not have his "chill" time. Mutual respect of what each of you want.