HELP!!!! We Are Not Getting Any Sleep!!!!!

We let out kids sleep in our bed with us when they were little. Around 18 months or so, we would start putting them in their own bed once they were asleep. They would wake up in their own room. Sometimes when they woke up during the night, they'd come in to us. That still happens occasionally with our two youngest (8 and 5). Often I can just redirect them back into their bed, or just let them cuddle for a few minutes before sending them back.
There is no crying at bedtime. Now (and for the past year or more) all we've had to do most of the time is tell them it's bedtime, and tuck them in (sometimes they try to delay - as most kids for their age do, but we just stay firm and tell them to go to bed. Still no bedtime fighting). They go to sleep on their own.

I think in our society that we are too eager to push our children into independence. There's nothing wrong with letting your baby sleep in your bed for a while longer, unless you or your husband have a condition that makes it more likely for you to roll on him (very deep sleeper, meds that make you sleep deeply). At least, you can let him fall asleep in your bed and then gently move him to his.

I am sorry you are so exhausted!
It makes sense to me that your daughter needs a bottle so frequently--she's burning up a lot of calories complaining! Plus, she's hitting a million developmental milestones and growth spurts. She needs every calorie for learning and growing. The more comfortable she can feel without needing to fuss for hours, the more calories she will have available for learning, growing, and sleeping soundly.
Consider that she's not being difficult on purpose. If there were such a thing as "BabySource," she'd likely post to it and ask her friends "How can I make my mom understand I love feeling close and connected with her after a long day?" She probably dreads bedtime as much as you do.
Consider, too, that the medical definition of "sleeping through the night" is about a five-hour stretch. For someone who's hitting growth spurts, she's not too far off that.
She really will outgrow this. In the meantime, try to treat her gently so as not to break her trust and create anxiety. You might appreciate the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by E. Pantley. Personally, I value my sleep and have noticed that the family that sleeps together SLEEPS, so I don't mind having a baby in bed (flat surface, no gaps, pillows, or medications for mom) or nearby in a co-sleeper. You could put the crib in your room or make some other arrangement to help her feel near and be reasurred by her presence when she wakes. I think you have to decide what's most important to you--getting a good night's rest right away, or having her sleep in a crib starting now.
I think it's healthy she is not overly attached to a pacifier or blanket. This shows she values people and is connected to the people who love her. How healthy, and how indicative of someone who is growing to establish healthy attachments with other people as she grows! She knows relationships are valuable and people will offer her more comfort and security than objects. I know you're tired, but I think you can feel good that your mothering style is helping her to value people before things--so many folks have that mixed up these days!
Hang in there!

We have 3 kids and they all slept with us when they were babies. Moving them into their own room can be very tramatic. This is what we did and hopefully it will help you. First we waited until 18-24 mos because we had read that the transition goes a lot smoother. Next we put a bed in our room for our child..just a sleeping bag on the floor. This helped them hear us and feel safe. Slowly we moved it to the door and then on the floor of their room. Your daughter is probably very attached to you..which is a good thing! So this process will take some time, but as long as they feel safe it can go smoothly. Now that our kids are older and time seems to fly by, we don't regret the first couple of years at all! Good luck!

I am sooo sorry. Many of us have been in the same boat, and it sounds like you are getting lots of great and varying responses. My only addition is that before you try anything, you might want to make sure you are mentally and physically prepared. If that means pulling her back in bed with you until you are not so sleep deprived and waiting for a weekend or when you can take a day that you don't have to work in the morning, that would be best. I had to mentally gear up, "Ok...this is the night that I'm going to....(whatever you choose to do.)" I was expecting the night to be bad, and was ready to meet it. Maybe I'm abnormal.... :) GL!

Hey E.!

I totally understand what you are dealing with! My daughter is 87 months old has been sleeping with us from day 1 adn we are moving her to her crib. I will NOT and DO NOT let her cry it out EVER! And I get really tired of hearing from other moms, oh you can either let her cry it out for a few days and all will be fine or you'll have to learn to live with it. Well those aren't exceptable answers to me, so I found this great book called the No Cry Sleep Soluition and so far its great. I hope that helps and best of luck to you and your little one.

Cheers!
Jess

Oh my goodness. These times can be hard. It's so hard to not get sleep. I understand. My little girl has never been a sleeper. 40 minute naps were the blessing! =)
First and foremost it breaks my heart to hear you take blame for this situation. Babies are different. It is NOT your fault that she has crazy sleep patterns. I would like to suggest that maybe she's not ready to sleep alone. I know many people will not agree with me, but it is my belief that each baby is different and you can't expect them to fit into a certain mold. I too co-slept with my baby and she is a bright, happy, well adjusted girl. She's independant and knows I am here to protect and love her.
Our transition to the crib was surprisingly easy! I think it's cuz she was ready. We let her lead in situations like that. Weaning was the same thing. She stopped when she was ready (11 months, BTW)
I dont want to throw options or advice to you right now. I want you to hear that you are a good mommy. Remember that there is no right or wrong. You're the mom and you get to decide what is right for your baby.
Good luck, my dear!
Devon

PS, having a bedtime routine is very wise advice. It can be as simple as pjs, books, sing one song with lights off and holding her, then bed. It worked for us! =)

Awww-I feel for you. We "dealt" with our major sleep deprivation at 8 months with our daughter...not too different. My only suggestion for you is to read & follow "The SleepEasy Solution." It truly gave my husband and me back our evenings together and very soon after beginning it finally gave us restful, peaceful nights. Our daughter, now 2 1/2, always puts herself to sleep and stays asleep till the morning. Hope this can help you :) tomorrow's another day!

I don't know if this will help, but I put my little ones bed right next to mine...(her bed is a mattress depth lower than mine)...when I lay her down in her bed I lay down in mine and tell her to hold my hand. (The first night it might take her a little bit to get the idea, but probably not as long as her crying it out sessions.) When she wakes up at night I pat her on the back and then hold her hand. That way she knows I am there, but she is not getting used to sleeping with me. After a couple of nights she was sleeping through the night. She lays in bed and goes to sleep by herself at night now. It has worked well with my children. Sorry, I'm not a believer in the "let them cry it out" method. :-) Good Luck!
God Bless!

I think it was supernanny who demonstrated sitting next to the crib, then moving a little further away each night until you are at the door, then out of the room. I don't remember the specifics of the technique. The other alternative I would suggest is turning off the monitor, and letting her cry. Sounds awful, I know, but you can't function like this. My first was never a good sleeper. I used to actually get up with him, and take him out of the crib, and let him play, or whatever in the middle of the night. Months later I looked back and couldn't believe I did that! This will pass. Good luck.

Our daughter likes to sleep in the Boppy. We found that was the only way to get her to sleep recently when she was sick. She seemed to like the snuggly feeling of it. She's old enough to get out, but if we tuck her into it, she's very happy and stays there. It might just be trading one habit for another, but our daughter transitioned out pretty easily when we went on a trip and just didn't put it in the crib with her. I have to admit, though, she slept better with it, and I'm considering going back to it. I'd love to not have to get up and tell her goodnight every morning at 5. :) GL!

I also recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" I just used it for my ten month old. I didn't think I could let him cry it out but I realized that I was making it worse by trying to pat or sooth or just by going it too soon. Sometimes he just needs to fuss a little and then goes back to sleep within a few minutes. I also like that it starts out by telling you how important it is for them to learn good sleep habits now. Once I started this his naps got longer too, instead of those little cat naps. I just checked it out at the library. I hope that helps.

It sounds like you are both overly tired. My advice #1... go buy "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". The best sleep book out there, bar none. Skip straight to the chapter that matches your daughter's age/stage and read that... you can always read the rest when you're not so darn tired! =) #2, you might just have to go to a complete cry it out... not going back in to soothe or anything. I know that some are opposed to that, but when we did it with my daughter, we went from her waking up and needing me to put her back to sleep every 2 hours to her being able to fall asleep easily and stay asleep by herself until she needed a feeding in 3 days. Get the book and give it a try. And don't give up. It will be hard, but it will get better, and quickly, if you stick to it. Good luck!

My oldest did this. We finally let him have a small toy to take to bed to play with before he went to sleep. I too made the mistake of holding him until he went to sleep. It's a very hard habit to break.

I would try the toy thing. With my youngest I alway made sure to put him down with the light on. He's almost ten and still sleeps with the light on. He's really afraid of the dark. It took me two years to figure that out. Two years spent not sleeping good because he was afraid to sleep in the dark. When I found out what was wrong, I felt like the world's worst mom.

Good luck and I hope you are getting sleep soon.

Have you ever swaddled her? Try a sleep machine they are about $25.00 at radio shack. The ocean is very soothing to babies. What you are doing sounds right, even though it is very hard on you. DONT GIVE UP and let her back into your bed you will never get her out.

I am sooo sorry that you are going through this..we can't change the past but we can fix the bad habits for a happier future!!! My daughter did this around your daughter's age too, we had her in the pack'n'play next to our bed for about a week while we set a BED TIME ROUTINE. We do dinner time, daddy/daughter time, bath time, reading time while feeding and singing in the dark before laying down and saying our prayers. After she knew what was coming next, it made it easier to transition her to her own room. I did sleep with one of her blankets and hung it on one side of her crib that first week. It was hard and I did let her cry it out, no more than 15 minutes at a time. It only took a couple of days of sleepless nights. My daughter is 2 now and has slept fine since we did the routine, if we skip a step in the routine she now let's us know =)... Long story short: Set a nightly routine, so she knows what is happening and that night time is coming next whether in your bed or hers.

i highly recommend "healthy sleep habits, happy child" by dr. weisbluth... he recommends "extinction", gradual method to teach self-soothing (like super-nanny) or cry it out. the extinction method takes longer, we decided on CIO and it only took three days.

I was in the same boat. I was nursing my daughter down and she wouldn't go to sleep without it... she was about 9 or 10 mos old and I went back to work... she went from getting up one time a night to two... then three... and wouldn't go back to sleep until I nursed her down. her naps started getting disrupted too.

babies wake up every few hours all during the night, the problem is not usually hunger at this age (though she may still want one bottle)... but the problem is that she wakes up and cannot or won't go back to sleep without those same comforts.

when we reached the end of our rope... i was exhausted, and realized SO WAS SHE! it is really awful to have to wean your kid off your comforting, but at the same time, everyone needs sleep... the worst part was the first time we put our daughter to sleep... we started a new routine. first my husband put her to bed... so that she wouldn't have the expectation of nursing. he sat with her in the dark and cuddled and sang songs (after her normal bath at bedtime). then when she was sleepy but not asleep, he'd put her down. she cried for 30 mins that night... 15 the next, and only 5 mins for a few days after that. night was the only time I was still breastfeeding... and was no longer pumping at that point. after a few days, my milk dried up and I was able to trade off and on with my husband on the singing. getting her to self-soothe for that first going to bed helped everything... her night waking and nap times.

after a couple weeks, we were all getting more sleep and better quality sleep... and what a difference it made in our house! it was truly a great blessing for us all, best thing we could have done.

and teaching your daughter to self soothe will help her greatly... good sleep habits will be rewarding for her entire life. the good thing is that you are wanting to do something early, it is much easier with a younger child.

good luck, you don't have an easy task in front of you.. but keep your eye on the prize and keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise it will get better.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with those who have recommended crying it out. I HIGHLY recommend checking out "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. The author suggests a routine. It may take several weeks to undo the "bad habits", but it is SO worth it. I had great success with this method; both my girls were sleeping through the night in their own cribs by 8 weeks.

I don't necessarily have any suggestions, but wanted to give you a big hug - that sounds exactly how my son was. It is exhausting and overwhelming and it's incredibly hard to function on minimal sleep day after day. Don't be too hard on yourself about "creating bad habits", though. That can make you lose sleep too! I think we tried everything with our guy - music, changing cribs, and beds, finding new blankets and animals, tried Dad always putting him to bed, laying next to him, rocking. It didn't seem like much worked - he just wanted to be with Mama! We got to a point where we were so sleep deprived, we quit worrying about anything but getting some sleep (that was about the time he was 2 and his little brother was born). We would put him to bed where he would go to sleep, but if he woke up in the night, we just let him sleep with us. All of us needed the sleep and that ended up working for us. He's 7 now and still sneaks into our bed occasionally, but it's pretty rare. Anyway - I feel your pain. I hope you guys find a solution that works for you!

J.

Well you have created a monster! Enough of that now how to fix it. I know I will get more comments about this and I am ready. You have to leave her alone. She is so used to you going in there and the only way to break the cycle is to not do it. I know it WILL be hard. Trust me I had to with my daughter. Put her down and let her know it is time for bed. I would do it everytime you put her down. When she starts to cry you have to let her cry it out. YES this will last a long time.... My daughter was a champ and lasted 1-2 hours. It gets better...trust me. She will find a way to soothe herself to sleep. You may want to try a music box. Playschool (I think) makes a great one which displays different shapes and colors on the ceiling. My daughter loves it and she is two. This was a life saver! Go get the music box and let her watch it and leave. It goes for up to 15 mins. You may have to go in and restart it a couple times, but only a couple times. After the second time, leave it off and let her cry it out. That will start to become her comfort. Some people think it is crule but when you start a habit there is consiquences to breaking it :) Do not feel bad, she just has to learn to get herself to sleep. Good Luck and if you want more info, send me a message.

Just a note: My daughter since about 10 months is a great sleeper. At bed time I turn on her music box, she watches it for 15 mins and then goes to sleep. I never hear another sound (95% of the time). Its a great thing!

okay we had this problem with our son, eventually we got a small cot(or you could use a playpin or small bed) and set it next to ours when we slept, we did that for a week, and then we moved the cot closer to the door the next week, eventually he was in his room and was okay with it. we started it when he was about 10months so we just put the gaurd rails on the side of the bed so that he wouldn't roll off.

good luck
R. L

HI E.....we have similar issues but it is getting better. Both my children are wonderful, sweet and smart ...but TERRIBLE sleepers. We took them both to see an amazing pediatrician at Children's Hospital....he's a sleep specialist and will have you keep a sleep log for a week or so before coming to see him. He's very analytical and will want to know everything about your daughter's sleep habits....then he'll devise a specific plan to help. If you really follow what he suggests you should have some success. He is a miracle worker and I can't tell you how much he has helped our family. We took my son when he was 10 months or so and my daughter back this past year, also at about 10 months. His name is Dr. Barton Schmitt and our insurance covered most of the visit. ###-###-####

http://www.thechildrenshospital.org/about/doctor/detail.a...

Good luck....believe me, I know how hard it is to go without sleep for so long!!!

S.

Just some thoughts.......not sure if they ahve been mentioned before.

My oldest did the same thing. Finally I gave him one of my night shirts that smelt like me and wahlah!

Do the supernanny trick-sit by the crib and slowly move out.

Do not go in-cry it out.

Music, soft classical music?
Try a musical/light moble that shines on the ceiling.

Just some thoughts I had. I am sorry you are going through this hard time-remember it too shall pass. Hang in there!
lisa

I didn't read your other responses so I am going to give you my advice and tell you what worked for us and our daughter. She is old enough that she doesn't need to eat all night long. It has obviously become a habit for her. She is used to waking up and getting food/attention. If you don't want to drop all bottles and all comfort cold turkey than start by dropping one visit. I am a firm believer in the cry it out method. Babies need to learn to self-soothe. It is miserable for a few days but after that they realize night-time is for sleeping and day-time is for eating and being with mom. She sounds like she is over-tired. At ten months she probably still needs 11-12 hours of sleep at night and two 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps. It seems like a lot of sleep but she will probably be happier and do much better. If you need to snuggle and rock-a-bye do that before she falls asleep or for naps. In the middle of the night either, ignore her or only briefly visit. No talking, no lights, no picking up and no more bottles. She can sleep all night without food. My baby never took a pacifier either and has started to twirl her hair for comfort. She also likes her blankets. It will not harm her to let her cry for a while in order to self-sooth. Invest in ear plugs or sleep in another area in the house. My husband can sleep though the crying and noises, but I can't so I slept on the couch when she cried. He was there if she got hysterical or if something happened. As long as she isn't sick, she should be fine. Good luck.

Oh, how I understand! I have just recently transitioned my 9 1/2 month old daughter from co-sleeping to crib. I know every baby is different, but this is what works for us... Before I sit down with her to nurse, I let her turn off the light switch in her room and then we turn on the white noise machine. As I nurse her for the last time of the evening, I lean on one of her blankets to get it warm so she doesn't notice the change from being on me to a cold crib. I let her fall asleep on me (after nursing, she cuddles me and goes to sleep). When she's in a deep sleep, I carry her to the crib (with the blanket), put the blanket down and put her down on her belly (I know it's not recommended to put them on the belly, but she's old enough for it to be okay, and she rolls to her belly on her own even if I don't do it). Sometimes she'll still protest with a minute of crying, but then she'll go to sleep. I've learned that it actually makes it worse if she knows I'm there, so I just get out as quickly and quietly as I can. I also let her stay in the crib until she's been there at least 6 hours. If she wakes up and cries (as long as it isn't a hurt cry) I just let her cry and she goes back to sleep within a few minutes. When she wakes up after 6-8 hours I bring her back in bed with me to nurse her...I haven't started putting her back in the crib after...maybe soon we'll start that next step! It's hard and sad, someitmes, to move baby from your bed, but just knowing how much better we all sleep now makes it worth it. Also, remember that her sleep routine will be put on hold if she's sick or teething or anything like that. Good luck :)

It sounds like it's time to let her cry it out. Put her to bed (lovingly) and then leave. Don't go back in an pat her back or talk to her or anything. Just let her cry it out. It will probably be a really long time the first night, and you'll feel like the meanest mother ever. But it will get shorter every time. When she wakes up in the middle of the night; she's old enough to get by without a bottle. Just go in there, reassure her that you are there, tell her good night again, go out and let her cry it out. Again, it will probably be for a long time at first. By the end of the week, if you stick with it, I would bet good money that she will be sleeping through the night. It will be a hard and horrible week, but it will be SO worth it in the end.

Hang in there! I survived the "crying it out" method with all 4 of my kids. None of them hold it against me now ;)

I, personally, wouldn't worry too much about it. My son slept with us until just a few months ago, and he's 2 1/2. Your daughter is still young enough that she's bound to wake up a few times and get concerned. I can't necessarily say I blame her (it's a nurture thing...no worries), but we want our babies to be big kids who can do things on their own so early.

My son also woke a LOT during that time. Even in our bed. He would not stay asleep longer than 2 hours at a time, and he didn't nap at all. It wasn't for lack of trying on our part, he just didn't do it. Guess what? I did the same thing when I was a baby.

Long response to a short point: my boy transitioned to his bed at the end of October. He loves it now, tells us when he's ready to go to sleep (which is around 8pm, his bedtime), we read a book or two in his bed, say prayers, and he rolls over and falls asleep within a few minutes. He sleeps through the night, a good 10-11 hours.

IT WILL HAPPEN! It's going to make you crazy for a bit, but it will happen. I know you're tired. But have a little patience, just get up and let her know you're there. Do you have a chair in her room? Even if you end up dozing there, or while sitting in the door for a bit, it's still some sleep, lets her know you're there and she's not alone.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm sorry you're tired, but think ahead to when she's not going to be interested in you at all! Not that far away. Hang in there, you'll get through this!

Well bad habits are hard to break, the older they get the harder it can be. My suggestion is not to go into her at all. Get a white noise machine to help keep her sleeping more soundly. She will wake, it is normal. If she needs to eat that is one thing, however if she has set herself up on a pattern then you have to help her reprogram. Some kids are big nappers but I say kind of toss up the bedtime routine and get a new one going, maybe putting her to bed earlier if she is not sleeping well during the day, overly tired can backfire big time.
DO NOT use the bottle as a soother, she should only need to eat once at night at her age if she is eating solids, that will be another bad habit to break down the road and is so bad for their teeth later. Just let her fuss, each night extending how long before you rush in. I got a music box that kicked on with noise and slowly wound down, it was a life saver as it kicked on if they fussed and that helped them go back to sleep then it turned off after 5 minutes.
Hugs, hang in there.
Get her to bed at 7pm, kisses, hugs and walk away. Do not go into her unless she is crying over 15 minutes. I let my kids do the cry it out thing after the year mark, it sucks, it is hard but to be honest you have to do this in order to get her to sleep all night.
Giving her the gift of self soothing will help you for years to come.
Also make sure she isn't teething which disrupts sleep, causes wakings and pain. If she is teething give her motrin before bed time. That helps wonders!
Don't assume it is seperation anxiety, rule out everything from teething, growth spurt to ear infections. Then just do the letting her fuss alone for a bit. It isn't cruel, though very hard to do as a mom, I know.
I did the 10 minutes of crying the first time, 15 minutes the second night, 25 minutes the third and that was the longest I had to do it, then they both were great sleepers and went all night.

Check out 'How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' by Ferber - BEST common sense sleep book ever...by a sleep scientist - he knows what he's talking about. 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Healty Child' is another good one. Good luck! It will evetually end. Hang in there.

When we moved our little one out of our bed we started by moving her to a little bed in our room. Then after a few nights there. we started putting her in her crib for just her nap so that she could get used to it. then after a few nights of doing the two we finally moved her to the crib for bedtime. However we had to let her cry it out for a few nights still. But doing the first steps made it alot easier i think. She never cried for more than fifteen minutes. One of the things I read was that you should wait 5 min longer each time before you check on her you could try that too. It does get better though. Good luck!

Hi E.. I can completely relate. Our daughter was THE worst sleeper and I hit my limit at 6 months. Instead of starting to sleep longer periods, she was waking at least every 2 hours, sometimes more during the night. It would take me 30-45 minutes to get her back to sleep nursing. Needless to say, the exhaustion is horrible. My eyes were puffy and red, I couldn't remember ANYTHING and I could barely have a conversation. I really feel for you because you are working! Bless you! I have to agree with the ladies. We tried EVERYTHING! What worked was to follow the advice in "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and be extremely consistent. Let her cry and don't go to her. Decide if you can handle giving her 1 bottle each night (I think babies this young often need to eat once) and be pretty consistent with the time. Try moving your baby's bedtime earlier until you find a time that is easier to put her to sleep. The changes we saw in our daughter were miraculous at first! She woke up 4 times the first night and cried 20 minutes each time. Then she slept a 6 hour stretch! I was dumbfounded (and of course, worried!). She woke up cooing and so happy! We kept it up and the next 2 weeks were like a roller coaster having good days and bad days. Now she is 2- She sleeps from 6pm to 7am. I nurse her before bed, put her in her crib awake, and sleeps all night. Of course we have a night here or there where she will wake up, but she can now put herself back to sleep. I really, really feel for you and hope some of the suggestions have already helped.

My first daughter wanted to be with mommy all the time. Her father worked nights so it was easy for me to just put her in bed with me. I was getting no sleep after a while and I made her a special bed in the corner and let her sleep in it. Eventually I moved her into her own room and everything was fine. She is 18 years old now but still mommy's girl.