Help W/getting 3 Yr to Sooth Himself to Sleep

Hi

You need to think of a routine that will work for you as a family , for example bath , story and then into bed and you need to stick to it every night without fail.If you give in at all one night you will have undone every thing you achieved so far. He is going to cry at first , not because he is being difficult but because you are changing what he is used to , first night you could sit with him for x amount of minutes before leaving the room and then keep going back in to comfort him and then leave again (don't pick him up just talk to him) and keep doing that. It may take a week or so but you will get there in the end , kids need to learn to fall asleep by themselves and the earlier you do this the better.

Good luck

K.

First, one night is not a routine, just keep doing what you did that first night. Second, you could gradually move out of the room. On the first night, you put him in his bed and go thru the routine, for the first month or so don't vary from it, but instead of laying down with him, sit next to his bed. Over the next several nights gradually move closer to the door, so that he feels comfortable, and you are not in bed with him. This may take more than 10 days! Within a month, you and your husband can enjoy some adult time after the kids go to bed! Each child is different, and day by day too. My 6 yo sometimes wants to just give me a hug and kiss, she grabs her bear and says "I'm putting myself to bed", likewise my older boys sometimes want me to walk up with them. Be prepared for regressions, my kids even now at 13, 11 and 6 sometimes can't fall to sleep in their own beds. SO I look for signs that they are getting sleepy and walk them to their rooms so that they can go to bed.
Another thing that my husband and I did, don't have it overly quiet! Many parents think that their kids won't go to sleep if they hear sounds, this leads to the kids not being to sleep if they hear any noise. My kids can pretty much fall asleep anywhere, except in extremely noisy places. I am not suggeting you have a party(altho I can remember my parents having parties when it was my bedtime), but just go about your regular routine.
We also let them sleep on floor in their bedrooms if that's what they want. As long as they are in THEIR rooms after bedtime.

One idea is to sing just outside his door. This helps build some independence while still letting him know you are there. (I can't sing very well, but it seems like kids don't care too much!) If he's acting up, ask him if he wants you to stop singing and go away -- chances are, he'll say, "no, keep singing."

Also, maybe get him some new special sheets, or a new special toy to sleep next to -- some special treat for him being such a big boy now that he can go to sleep without mommy's and daddy's help. Then he'll look forward to bedtime a little bit more (build it up a little!) by looking forward to his special time with this toy or sheets.

It's important not to do anything he might consider fun (anything noisy) until he's asleep -- at least until he gets used to his new routine. Otherwise, he'll definitely miss you! I think singing to my daughter helped me in part because it made me stay away from washing dishes or other loud activities until she had time to get to sleep.

I had a similar issue and finally had to let my daughter cry as long as she wanted in order to get her to stay in her bed. Trust me I had images of her sleeping on the floor next to the door but when I checked on her after a few hours she had actually got into her own bed and went to sleep. She did cry and scream for at least 20 minutes,it might have been longer I can not remember.
At this age they always seem to be traumatized but they are not and it will help for the future.
Good luck.

Hi there, you are right about the routine. Just stick with it every night until it is established. He will get in the routine and know every evening what to expect. Just don't give up!! It will probably work itself out within a week and you will be so thankful you stuck it out. Good luck!

I have two children myself and routines are the key. My son is 4&1/2 and my daughter is 23 months. I am a stay at home Mom and we wouldn't survive without our routines!!

You are right on- a routine will help greatly! But, you need to do this for several nights in order to establish that routine. Unfortunately, it will feel like it gets worse before it gets better. You may have a couple of rough nights, but in the end, he will understand that routine! It is difficult if you have another child you don't want to wake. Maybe you can sit in or near his room as you're helping him to fall asleep in his own bed...

Hi S.:

I totally understand what you are going through. When my son was three we were going through the same thing. I had to lay down with him until he fell asleep, which could take anywhere from half an hour to an hour. I would do this in his bed so he would at least know and be comfortable in his own surroundings. After doing this for months I had to figure out something to replace me and keep him calm. I noticed that whenever we were going somewhere in the car he would love to listen to his CDs, so I popped them in at bed time and sure enough he would eventually go to sleep while listening to his music without me in the room. It still took a little persuassion and about a few days but we finally got there. He is seven now and still listens to his CDs (Backyardigans, KidzPop, etc.) Good Luck!

It's going to get worse before it gets better. Pick a routine and stick with it. Be consistent. Do not give in to the tears or the screaming. You cannot let him win. You are the parent. You are in charge.
YMMV
LBC

Hi S.,
I was in this habit too, but it was because my youngest was so sick as a baby. She slept with me almost every night till she was almost 2. When it came time to move her to her own bed, I moved her bed into my room for a while just to give her a chance to get used to it. She loved it. She was still close to me, but had her own place. After a few months of her being able to go to sleep on her own in there, I moved her to and her bed to her room, and she did fine. It did take some time but it worked.

The reason your son is protesting the new routine is because it is new. I would give this some time to see if he starts to accept it. I understand you don't want him waking up the baby, but if you continue to give in, he will continue to throw a fit when you put him in his bed. Maybe it would help if you put a chair in his room and just sit with him till he is almost asleep (had to do that with my oldest) or till he is asleep and then leave.

Just a couple of thoughts.
Good luck!

Have you ever tried a star chart with him? We did this with my 28 month old and it was really successful to get her to fall asleep on her own in her bed. We explained the star system and told her if she got 3 stars she would get a present. She also got to choose the color star to put on the star chart each morning which was fun for her. We did this for about a month, moving from 3 to 5 stars for a present, and then eventually the stars were reward enough.

Also, keep in mind that the "nightime routine" can be really short. My daughter would get wound up with a lot of reading and bath so our routine lately is just some quiet play in darkened room, short tv show to wind down and then I walk her to her bedroom and say goodnight and talk about the day a little bit.

Anytime there is change, you have to allow for more than one night before you see change. It might take a few weeks to break the habit, and that's never any fun, but if you want him to sleep in his room from start to finish, you might have to do that. A nice way to transition is to read to him in his room while he's in his bed, turn out the light, but maybe sit by his bed until he falls off to sleep. Then, each night he's able to do that, move yourself further away from his bed, until you're out the room. That might be a gentler way of easing him into the new arrangement. Wish I could take credit for that idea, but I saw that last year on an episode of SuperNanny (Jo Frost).