HELP! Taming Toddler Tantrums

It sounds like he is overtired when he gets home. He may need two naps and longer naps. Where does he nap at the sitters? Is it quiet? He could also go to bed earlier. Also maybe he is finding his sitters environment stressful in some way.

Also, he may be saying that he wants more time with you when you all get home. I would skip preparing dinner and just play with him. I take my main meal in the middle of the day and then just grab a snack when I get home. This means that I can hang out full time with my little 20 month old when I get home until she goes to sleep. At that age, they are pretty much a full time job :)

I definitely wouldn't do time outs. First, they are not advised for children younger than 3 and second, he sounds stressed and the last thing you should do with a stressed little one is abandon them with a harsh discipline technique that was originally devised as a way to train pidgeons.

Hello,

I am a mother of 3 and I am experiencing that very thing with my toddler. What I do with him is explain what is going to happen when we get home. I will remind him again when we are by the door and if he gives me a hard time about it he will have to go to the room until he calms down which means no tv, no mommy time, no playing. At first he didn't understand what that meant but after 1 week and a half, he now understands that if he doesn't listen he has to sit on the bed or in the playpen until he calms down. I also like to change things up, when we get home, we go for a walk, look at the dog next door, listen for birds, etc. before we walk in. I'll sit him at the table and have him help with dinner or give him a snack while I'm making dinner.

Hang in there it is only a season - it will get better. Whatever you try, be consistent and what it seems that its not working anymore, don't be afraid to try something else.

That might not be enough sleep for him. Also, snacks are key to keeping kids happy. Small amounts of food lots of times a day...at least two snacks between meals. My kids eat an afternoon snack at like 3pm and then dinner at like 5:30pm or 6pm. Maybe he is sleepy and hungry with a big transition home it is all together a REALLY BAD combo!! Also, are you coming home and then going right to cooking dinner? Maybe he just wants some of you. That is a LONG day for a little boy to be away from mommy, necessary to work, but he doesn't understand that and is maybe acting out. Instead of welcoming you and excited, he is angry, very typical. Hard to say, but finding the reason and the words for his upset is the key to helping it. Mirror his tantrum and ask him why, but only if it is not due to lack of sleep or hunger, in those cases, it is primal.
Sleep, 1 hour doesn't seem like enough even with a full night sleep. I think my daughter still took two short naps at that age. One in the morning about 10:30am and one in the afternoon around 3:30 or 4pm. My 2 yr old still sleeps 2-3 hours some days and some days not one at all. My 3yr old sleeps 45min - 2 hours and they both sleep from 7:30-8pm - 6:30-7am at night. Hope this helps.

It seems like he needs some one on one time with you since the most he sees you is from 8-9 a.m. when you give him breakfast. Then he is napping and at daycare/sitters until you see him again. Maybe give him a snack on the way home form sitters house to get his blood sugar levels up, tell him something fun you are going to do with him ("We're going to play playdoh together when we get home," or "IF you are a good boy, we are going to go get a scoop of icecream together!" etc....go to the mall and play, take a walk to a park, sidewalk chalk, etc!) That give him something to look forward to. He's probably attention seeking since he doesn't see you all day! Good luck!!!! I have a 2 year old too!!! Love this stage...they are going through so much and learning so much! it's so important how we respond and that we are consistent!!!

Have a great day!

E.

You son's behavior sounds like my daughter's behavior when she was a toddler and I wasn't focussing on her enough - either working a lot or cleaning a lot or just trying to get time for myself! I did see a difference when I was able to concentrate on her and not let other things distract me. She's 5 now, and though she doesn't have tantrums, she has other behavioral issue that come up when I don't spend enough quality time with her.

My 15 month is having dinner between 5-5:30p and going to bed at 6:30p. We have a sitter too but I had to just go w/ his body's schedule and not my work one! He doesn't nap in the mornings and does an afternoon nap from about anywher from noon or 1:00p, to 2p to 4p, sometimes later. We take the cue from him (first yawn).

I think he is tired!

We were given the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby but Dr. Marc Weissbluth (Chicago sleep doctor) and it changed everything for our son. Now when I see kids being a little wild like you have described, I think, "sleep!". When my son can't be calm and look me in the eye, I think, "sleep!". Rather than set a schedule in stone, we watch for our child's first yawn. If you wait too long, until eye rubbing, your child's body may not be able to calmly put himself to sleep. Anyway, getting sleep is SOOOO important and when we figured this out, it was like magic, really.

You may also consider his diet, what he's having for snack before you pick him up, how the transition back home is going (i.e., you may want to have something pre-prepared for when you get home so feeding him is quick and simple)...
Good luck, I know it has to be frustrating.

Mom of 3 boys (5,3,1)

S.,

It almost sounds like he's tired? How much does he sleep at night, and when is his nap with the sitter? I know kids go through phases, and about 18 mos is one of them...they are mobile and into EVERYTHING that they just end up wearing themselves out.

My suggestion might be to try putting him down for his nap later, so the SITTER helps you. Perhaps even try getting him to skip his am "bottle and nap" in lieu of a longer one right after lunch? Finally, if the nap thing doesn't fix it, consider putting him to bed 15 minutes earlier. Just adjust your evening routine so he doesn't know it's "early". I use this as a second choice since you both work and I'm sure enjoy your time with him at night.

I know these transition times are hard. I hope this helps you out!

Sara

I'm sure that most mommy's will tell you that he wants more of your attention, but I'm not so sure. My middle child has been home with me all day from the beginning and she did that to me. Around 6pm she would start with the antics. Hanging on my leg, crying, screaming and just being pathetic.

I've found with mine and the kids I sit, that around 10 months they start to understand certain things you say to them and they know what you mean when you tell them not to scream. My daugther seemed to scream more if I told her to go play so mommy could cook dinner. So I finally had to tell her that tantrums were not allowed period. I would tell her that it didn't matter if she was tired she was not allowed to scream. I would tell her to sit on the couch and relax for a bit while I cooked or she was going in time-out. After awhile she learned that she should sit and relax or she would immediately be put in her crib. When I put her in her crib I would tell her that screaming is not allowed and when she stopped I would come get her. At first she screamed for 1/2 an hour. I would go back after about ten minutes and tell her that she could come out if she stopped screaming. After a few days she would stop almost immediately, then she realized that when mommy said to stop and go relax she should stop.

In my opinion, when we make excuses for our kids bad behavior...like their tired and then don't address it or tell them that is not allowed, they grow up being very whiney, pathetic adults that think nothing about being rude, ugly, and generally crabby when they don't feel good. They don't see anything wrong with taking out their frustrations on everyone.

I will tell mine that I know you are tired, but crying and screaming is not helping and it will get you into trouble. If you are tired, sit and relax for a minute or just close your eyes and rest.

Speak to the other day care moms and see if their kids are reacting in the same manner. If they are, chances are the kids are not napping. Sounds like they're running a muck all day and are way too overtired by the time they get home. You can give him a warm bath after his supper to relax him or have daddy bathe him while you're making dinner. That should calm him down for an hour or so. If it's already his bedtime by then, just put him to bed..no roughhousing daddy-don't want to work him into a playing tither again. Good luck.

S.,
It sounds like little Matthew is just really exhausted. A couple ideas would be to get him to bed earlier. As a working mom myself, I know that is hard because you want to see him as much as you can. Having a longer afternoon nap would work too. Perhaps have your sitter try different things to extend the nap, like putting him down earlier, and if all else fails then to give him two naps during the day. While I don't subscribe to the cry it out method, I have found the book "healthy sleep habits, happy child" to be worth it's weight in gold.

Hope this helps !
A.

at first i was wondering if its new behavior, if something is going on at home or school that is upsetting him. Then i wonder if he needs down time at home before dinner with you.

but really, at 2... do you do time outs? we used a pack and play (he didn't climb out) and gave time outs. I would give words to what he felt and say "use your words" and try and hug him... but most importantly w/us is to use a neutral matter of fact voice, don't try and scream over him and such.

we had 2 knock em down on the floor kicking and screaming and as long as it was safe. we left the room.
if there's no audiance, it stops being fun for him.

hope that helps. have more questions than answers.

Have you tried a Chiropractor? I have an amazing reference for you. He not only does adjustments on babies but has many views on foods and other insights that may help you understand your toddler's behavior. I am a massage therapist and work with this Chiropractor. He has seen many infants/toddlers with amazing results. He uses supplements that he has researched. He is truly amazing. Write back to me if you want his info. I think it may be just what your little guy needs.

It could very well be a combo of several of the things people have said-he may be overly tired and he is needing time and attention from you so he melts down. Also, you have to look at his individual personality. I think young kids, even if they like their sitter or daycare, can feel unhappy that they are rarely home, with their own Mom and Dad. SO that has to be addressed as well. Be patient and loving with him without reinforcing the "tantrum" aspect if possible.

He probably needs to be in bed by 6...try reading Healthy Sleep Habit Healthy Child, it may just be the answer to your sons personality change at 6!

It sounds to me like your little guy is overtired! My son is two years old and takes a 3-4 hour afternoon nap. He never naps less than 2-3 hours. He is very active and needs this nap to replenish his energy otherwise he's crabby. If your son won't nap longer for the sitter, than maybe his bedtime will have to be earlier. I have some friends that read the "Healthy Sleep, Happy Baby" book at put their kids to bed at 6:00. I know you won't want to do that because you don't get home much before that.... I would try to increase the nap time. My son used to go to the sitter and wouldn't nap at all or only for a little time, when I would pick him up he was a disaster. Constant meltdowns, etc. He couldn't help it, he was just so TIRED!!!!!!! Hope this helps!

Your child needs much more sleep and good nutrition. Call the God-send Dr. Marc WEissbluth, ###-###-####. He is a genius!! Only see him. If you do what he says, I promise you will be thanking me within 3 days!!! Feel free to send me any questions - good luck, M.

tell the daycare to NOT let him sleep less then 2 hours. He isn't getting enough sleep. If he wakes before 2 hours is up tell her to either let him be until the whole 2 hours is done or to tell your son to go back to sleep, but under no circumstances should he be getting less then 2 hours nap. Here at my daycare most of the 18 mos olds sleep 3 hours in the afternoon or 1 hour in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon.

Honestly, both my kids went through this stage at this age (my toddler is on the tail end of it...), so I think it is VERY NORMAL!! Both of my kids are in daycare during the day as well, so it does help to give a small snack on the way home and spend a little quality play time and attention time with them prior to trying to do anything for yourself including making dinner. But, just know this stage will pass and it isn't unusual.

when my son was that age I had the same "evening monster" problems. it turns out that he was super hungry! he needed to eat 2 dinners, one around 3:30pm and one between 6 and 6:30pm. it was a growth sput. if you allow him to eat in the car, a healthy snack on the way home may help. I am not sure what time he eats an afternoon snack at the sitters. the other issue may be that he really misses you. he wants your undivided attention when you two get home and I am sure you have a lot to do when you get home b/w making dinner etc. ask him to help you cook. my son loves to make "potato soup" - all you need is a large bowl, a few potatoes and a wooden spoon - then he can be near you while you get dinner ready. good luck, it will pass!

Hey Sara, I know its hard to imagine, but is it possible he needs and earlier bed time? Since his nap is so short during the day, he may be ready to go to bed by 6 or so. Although since he wakes so late in the morning maybe not.
On a different note, i work a rotating 24 hour shift every 4th day. I leave about 0630 and return between 0800 and 0830 the following day. My boys typically do what I call, making me pay for going to work. They fuss at each other, get into mischief, cry and climb all over me, scream when I shower without them. They get better the longer I'm home. Since 18 mos is a very typical age for separation anxiety, do you think it may be that he just misses you all day and this is his way of expressing his displeasure with you being away from him all day? I'm not suggesting you shouldn't work, at all, just suggesting that this is likely a power struggle that will pass with age.
These are the toughest a COOLEST times in a child's life. My guys are 3 1/2 and 22 mos so we are quite sympathetic to the age group!