Help! Potty Training! - Portland,OR

Back off. I had the same problem with my son when he was 3. I kept pushing and pushing. Finally I backed off and when he was about 3yrs. 3 months, it all fell into place. :)

My son at the same age was very interested in the potty and actually went in the potty. He lost interest and instead of pushing it I waited until he was ready again which was 8 months later. I was glad I waited until he was a little bit older and was more comitted to it. By then he was really ready for it and the reward system (M & M's and stickers) worked great. Good luck!!

I know it sounds wrong, but let it go for a while. Don't ask him about it, don't even mention it. Give it up for a couple of weeks, and then if life is stable (no illnesses or starting new schools, babysitters...) then try again by simply asking after he wakes up if he needs to go.

My daughter did great for about 2 months, then decided she wanted nothing to do with it. I finally gave up (B/c I was frustrated) the pressure died down, life continued on, and then a couple of weeks later we tried again- very casually.

Now she is a chanp.

Good luck

M.,
It sounds like your son is not ready. The more emphasis you put on it, the more he realizes that this upsets you, and you have a power struggle in which he holds all the power! Practical advice? I would stop all efforts for a month and then try again. If the same thing happens, stop again for a month and then try again. Peer pressure can be helpful if you have any friends with kids who are pottytrained, but the motivation needs to come from him. I have 2 boys, aged 6 and 8, and they trained between 3 and 4 which is really normal, although it may seem late to many people. The stopping and starting thing is also common, so don't let it worry you. Good luck!

Have you tried having him aim for the cheerios or? My son was potty trined in a weekend--He didn't want to poop on "Bob the Builder" I wish I had better advice.

My now 5yo son didn't potty train as early as I thought he should either--but when I relaxed about it, he did it easily when he was ready. The very best book I have read about this is Toddlerwise by Ezzo and Buckman. There is a section on potty training and it deals not only with the behavioral/training side, but also with the physiological development side--which is something neither you or your son have control over. They discuss three different methods of training and how to do them--I HIGHLY reccommend this book for the potty training section. Remember, boys usually train later than girls, and you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. :)

When I put my boys in big boy undies the first day or 2 was messy. They had many, many accidents, but if you just stick it out and they know that diapers are no longer an option, no matter what, they will start to try harder and get it figured out. It worked for both my boys, one at 23 months and one at 2.5 years.

Be patient. What I have found with my boy is that they really don't like being told what to do and if you push they push back, even if it is unconscious.

Also, when you stop pushing this amazing thing happens, he chooses what you where asking of him.

Mom's raising son's have a unique task to help him keep his masculinity while parenting a male, who you are suppose to help make choices. OH, and don't be too worried about what people tell you should happen - slow down and listen to what is real for your boy.

I wish more than anything that I took no advice and learned to trust my heart and his to work together. Even well meaning advice may not be right for your child. With that said here is my input;-)

Recently in working with a client who had a son with a similar situation to yours, what we did was to let him run around with no pant, underware or diapers for a whole weekend. In a few days he was potty trained:-)

One more thing - don't talk too much to the boys. Hold them, read with them, play with them, but they don't understand words the way women do. Simply say yes and no - very simple, very direct and boys like this.

Love your boy - you are on a great trip!

To make the "bribe" even more enticing, find a toy or activity he really likes that he can do while he is in the bathroom...a view finder with cartoon/movie characters of their choice, has worked really well for some of the kids in the preschool program where I work. And he can only do this activity when he is using the bathroom.

Also...the no diaper days are great...although, messy and inconvenient at times...because no one likes to go around wet. For one day he maybe able to handle it...but if you do not resort back to diapers during the day or the next day...it may provide extra motivation if he knows he is not getting diapers back.

My little girl even did this at 3 years old after showing great interest and early success. He's just not really ready, so wait it out, like the other mom's advise. This is not somethign to push - he's not even 3 yet.

I would go back to diapers for a while and try again in a month. For us "naked time" worked the best. We just went through it over the summer so he was naked outside a lot. I found that he would go in his pants but not if he was naked. Then we progressed to underwear time. So he would be in underwear and no pants in the house (or out) so he could see that he wasn't wearing a diaper. Now he's fine but still sometimes asks if he's wearing a diaper to see if he should use the potty.

We went through a power struggle of pooping in the potty vs. diapers. I decided to just let him decide if he wanted to use a diaper. So I had him bring me one if he wanted to poop in a diaper (I fought him on it a lot and then decided to let it slide). He did that for about a week and now he's a potty pooper.

It will happen but if you turn it into a power struggle it will be horrible for you and take longer. GOOD LUCK!

oh and cheerios in the toilet is a fun way to "aim" and often would get my son to go (he holds it which is still an issue!) and we do one jelly bean for peeing and 3 for pooping. He sometimes doesn't ask for them but it's a good incentive for him to go before we leave the house.

Hi M.,
I have 2 boys, one was easy to potty train, the other was like your boy. I tried everything I could think of then just gave up. I put a package of "big boy" underwear in his drawer and told him he could wear them when he was ready. It took him until he was closer to 4 to give up his diapers, but when he decided it was time, potty training was done.
There is a book out there called either "Everybody Poops" or "Everything Poops" I found a copy at local (I live in Port Orchard) used book store. Also if he's interested in peeing in the pot at all, give him some "targets" Cheerios type cereal works well for this and it's biodegradable so U don't have to worry about flushing them.
Hope this helps,
Blessings,
Vicki
PS My son who was such a challenge to potty train is now a handsome 17 yr old young man with big goals and ambitions!!!

Hi M.,
I had the same issue with my son, now 3 1/2. As hard as it was for me to do, I backed off and just let him use his pull ups for a couple of months - still tried to get him to go once in a while (I asked if he needed to go, he said "no" and then went in his pullups) but didn't press the issue. After a couple of months, I began to put his underwear on him, he would wet himself or worse, and I would change him - however...he got tired of having his clothes changed all the time and that is when I began to really see changes. We created a potty chart of what he really wanted bad - a BIG firetruck. I used clipart of a firetruck in the background and inserted 50 squares for stickers. I really played up the firetruck theme and got him revved about it. He was so excited to get the truck that he did the 50 potties in less than a week (no sticker for wet underwear, just in the potty). A few weeks later, we did the same thing with a BIG helicoper (both from Costco for $20 ea) but with helicopter clipart and only 5 squares - this was the poopie chart. He did it and has been going pee and poop in the potty since. He has had the occasional mishap but nothing like before. We use the rest of the pull ups for nighttime (since the dont have much control while sleeping) and once we get done with those, we are going to see how well he does without them since he is mostly dry in the am now.

So, I know it is hard but you might try backing off for about a month or two with only the occasional question about it - he might just not be ready. All kids are different and there is no set time when each is ready for this. This is a big step for them.

Good luck to you! I will see how well my own advice works in a few months when I begin my little girl on the potty "train"!

L.

I dont know if you have tried it, AND I have never had to potty train a boy, but my cuz who had 3 said she would put fruit loops or some other round with a hole cereal in the potty and tell him to hit the circle. It makes it a game, It may help....

I am a 32 year old single Mom as well. Some advise that was given to me...put a cheerio in the toilet and let him try to aim at it...or put some dish soap in the toilet and show him he can make bubbles...what worked for me though was having him in a great daycare that took the kids potty right away when one child would ask. The other kids would kind of line up and want to try to potty as well. The first kid would get a sticker so all the other ones would want one as well. My son wanted to be like all his friend and very soon started to ask to go to the potty.
As for not having a man around to show your little one how to do things like this, that was my concern as well. I mean pleeeeeaaasse tell me how I show him how to pee like a guy I would say to my friends. They would just laugh at me and think I was joking but I wasn't really. Come on...how do you do it??? Do you hold "it" for him and teach him to aim??? NOT FOR ME-SORRY.....this too worked itself out for me in daycare. My sons classes have always been mixed. One with 2 and 3 year olds and then with 3 and 4 year olds. An older child was tought by his father to stand on a stool at home (at daycare the potty is much lower to the ground) lift the seat then lean his whole body forward supporting his weight with his hands on the back of the toilet or toilet seat. This worked out great, my son soon tought other kids how to do it.
My friend also has a three year old. She still wears diapers. She knows when to go to the bathroom but in my oppinion "chooses" not to. She simply goes in her diaper then tells Mom change me. After Sam started hanging out with my son and seeing all the praise that he would get for going potty she always asks to go right after him. So for this reason I am a fan of the group potty if you will.
Good luck with this!

Not all children are ready for potty training at the same time. My older son potty trained himself at 2, which is unusual. My younger son was closer to age 4.
I would back off on the training for now and give him the opportunity to be ready . I think potty training shouldn't be so hard and when he is ready it will be smoother and quicker. He might be ready a couple of weeks from now or a few months from now.

Please remember that boys take longer than girls in potty training in general. Also, the more you push, the more they are going to rebel against what you want them to do. Ease up and don't make it such a big deal. Try to find a friend of his (esp a girl he may like) that already is. Peer "pressure" did wonders for my boy and he was four when he finally became fully potty trained. Good luck, (I do hear you about wanting to stop using the diapers though!)

Hang in there, my son is 4 and I just finished (with many stop and starts and I tried every training item). They have to want to be fully engaged. A few tips I learned along the way...
Always change the pull-up or underwear IN the bathroom. That's the room they need to associate the process in. It's kind of a pain but then they know where to "go" for changes and eventually potty.
My son didn't like (still doesn't LOVE) sitting on the toilet. It's scary for them to feel secure. I made sure he had a stool under his feet so he felt solid and could use his feet to support himsefl. I also have heard about having them sit backwards so they can hold the tank, not to mention it's different than everyone else.
Having hem fully interested and rewarding with their currency is key and it took us forever and lots of $$...it came down to Popsicles (phew, a lot less $$ too!). I bought the mighty mini ones at Safeway. They are tiny, only 15 calories. I didn't give him juice all day since he'd get some from the Popsicle. For pooping, the superhero Popsicle seems to work.
Be very patience, it does come along, I remember being where you are now.
Good Luck!

My advice would be to just wait it out. It becomes a control thing for them, and the more attention they get out of not going in the potty or you trying to convince them to go in the potty, the more they don't want to go. They thrive for any attention they can get. With him not even being 3 yet, I think you're worried prematurely. My just-turned-3 year old is still in pull-ups and while he does go about 50% of the time and he wakes up dry in the mornings, he's still asserting his independance by wetting himself if he feels like it, and we've tried it all too, he even peed in his favorite underwear this weekend!
I talked with our doctor about it, as my older son potty trained at 2 1/2, and the doctor said that anywhere in the 3-4 yr old range is still normal for potty training, as long as he's not going to kindergarten in diapers, don't stress about it.

My son was the same way. We actually went back to pull ups for awhile. Then I found a DVD called "Potty Power". It's fun and it shows them how to be a big kids and that diapers are for babies. Heh must of watched that video 100 times. My son didn't want to be a baby so away went the pull-ups and we just went from there. He would go potty and yell "Potty Power"!!! LOL He did a lot better when he was making the decision to become a big boy and I wasn't pushing him to do so. good luck!

I had the same type of situation with my daughter. She knew how to use the potty, but just didn't care if she had accidents. If I threatened to make her wear diapers, she didn't care. She was fine wearing them. It was a nightmare that lasted for over a year. It turned into an awful power struggle.

My advice to you, unless you have a childcare situation that doesn't allow it, is to let go. If he doesn't want to use the potty, let him make that decision.

I got to the point with my daughter where I barely liked her anymore because I was so stressed about this issue. I finally let it go and really let it be about her - and not my demands or wishes for her. Eventually she decided to use the potty and stopped having accidents. We were both so much happier when I decided not to let potty training be such an upsetting issue for me.

Hey, I'm in the same boat as you! *hug* I'm 30 and my son is now 5. I went through the same thing. Reward system for me didn't work at all. I actually got rid of the reward system and stuck to plain ole' consistency, routine, discipline, and praise. LOTS of praise. I made sure first to not ASK him if he had to go...9 times outta 10...he told me no. I would direct him to the bathroom..."Let's go to the bathroom now." Watch his cues too. Usually 15-30 min after he eats/drinks, he will probably have to go. I had him go in the morning when he got up, right before we left the house, when we got home...etc. Find a routine that works for you both. Each time he does go, praise him. Make a big deal about how he went and what a big boy he is. Eliminate any type of diaper/pull ups during the daytime training. (Tackle your daytime first before you go to nights...believe me...easier.) I believe pull ups/diapers only encourage them to go in their pants. If my son accidentally went (didn't make it to the bathroom on time when they wanted to go) I would help him clean the mess and let him know it was just an accident. If he did it on purpose (you told him to go and he held it in or hid somewhere and did his duty) then I would make him clean his own mess. After awhile, he'll catch on. It's about making him responsible for his mistakes. Just be consistent, try to stay calm, and don't expect it to be an overnighter. It took my son awhile to get the hang of it. He was 2 when he started, but with stress, moving around, school, daycare...etc...he had backed up quite a few times. By the time he was 3, we started again and BAM! In just about a month or two, we had a routine established and it worked out great. I just had to stick to my guns and offer TONS of praise and love. :D If you want help with night training...I could help with that too. Hope this helps...sorry bout the long advice. EEEK! :D