My niece has just been molested!!! What do I do? How do I help her? She doesn't want to say anything for right now but Im totally at a loss for words. What do I do? Should I respect her wishes? I don't want to make things harder on her. :'(
Edit:
She is 13. I don't have custody of her. The molester was her 14 yr old cousin and judging by her reaction it must be pretty bad. So that makes the other cousin my nephew. I do plan on reporting it, I just don't want her bombarded by questions by all of our family members. She told me that she wanted to handle the shock and hurt now then deal with the guilt of the family breakup later. I of course said there is nothing she should feel guilty about and of course I'm at a loss because we don't deal with this kind of thing all the time. :'(
Thank you so much everyone for your input! The parents of my nephew were notified as were the authorities and my niece is currently undergoing therapy sessions for herself. As of right now the authorities still have us on wait on what will happen. Thanks again moms! You all are so wonderful. It's amazing how your words can help someone in such a great way and most of you don't even know it! :) Much Love to all you !
You need to state her age and the relationship of the molester and the extent of the molestation for us to give a good answer.
Whatever you know, needs to be reported to the police. With minors I believe legalities are at play in the state of Texas...you being her Aunt may be considered a mandatory reporter ... to not report could be considered criminal.
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/stat...
DOCUMENT, everything she confided to you about.
How old is she?
The Police NEEDS to be told.
You DOCUMENT everything.
EVERYTHING.
And certainly, make sure she knows, that it is NOT her fault.
Any child, will FEAR, being punished or blamed for what happened. Or, the offender or other adults, may say she is a Liar. Because, they are trying to cover up their own, butt.
She will also need Therapy/Counseling.
If it were in her home, by a parent, well Police also needs to be told. Or she will be endanger AND continue to be molested and abused.
If you don't tell the authorities, it will continue.
You have to report it- They probably threatened her not to tell anyone or someone will be in trouble, but this is going to haunt her forever, tell her parents and let them deal with it!
This is one thing that you should NOT respect her wishes on... You need to go to her parents and the police. I am sorry...this is a horrible situation for sure.
OMG - do NOT listen to her! It is your responsibility as an adult to report this! If the molester is not one of her parents, then tell her parents immediately. If the molester is one of her parents, do not tell either one of them and call the police. Either way, call the police! Your niece needs to be protected! Since you don't want to make things harder on her, definately report this so she doesn't get molested again! Does your niece who her molester is? She probably does. Don't ignore this!
She told you because she wants help.
Think, get your wits together. Do what you know is the right way to handle this. It's your family, it's going to cause repercussions, handle it in the best way you can.
There's a Jerry Springer way and an Oprah Winfrey way.
In the meantime, protect your niece from her cousin if it means she needs to stay with you for a few days until things are sorted out, so be it.
Oh dear, this is horrible. I feel like I need some more info though...how old is she, who molested her, how did you find out??? All these things are important to know to give the best advice, I feel, but based on the facts, no you should not keep it to yourself. Someone needs to know, namely the police and her parents.
It is possible she may resent you or be angry at you for telling, but ultimately she will probably be grateful, although that's hard to know when that will be. Depending upon her age and the situation it could be days, weeks, or years, but you have to go into it knowing that she doesn't understand it or see it that way but you are helping her and other children who might be like her.
**Also, not sure what you mean by "just" but if she still has the clothes she was wearing then she needs to save them and not bathe. If it happened a few days ago you should ask her where the clothes are (especially the underwear) and if she saved them or hid them.
How do you know, did she flat out tell you? How old is she? Regardless of what she said, this needs to be reported to the police, immediately. From there, they will notify her parents (then they're the 'bad guy', not you).
So sorry she's going through this... no matter what, don't treat her differently! It will make her feel ashamed and isolated.
She told you because she needed an adult to help her with what to do. She is certainly confused, worried, feels that maybe it is her fault, in shock, etc. Tell her that the police need to be involved and call the police together. She needs to know that you care about her, that you will go through it together (with the police, her family, etc.), and that this can't wait. Someone else might be molested tomorrow!
When her parents find out, they will want to know that you cared enough to act immediately!
I was also molested as a child. My family chose to do nothng about it. Perhaps to "help" me not to have to deal with the questions or comments from others or perhaps to protect my abuser. He was also a family member. I can't tell you the unsurmountable damage that did to my spirit. Even though at the time, I thought it was for my best too. PLEASE don't just let this go. She is at a fork in the road and she is too young to know what will be the best in the long run. Let her know that you will always be there for her and that she can always come to you. If she will read, buy her the book Boundaries by John Townsend and Henry Cloud. It will help her be okay with setting her own boundaries with her body and everything else because what happened to her destroyed her right to set boundaries especially with her body. The book will also help her set boundaries with people asking questions. Also, get her to a good counselor ASAP. You may have to go through a few before she finds someone that she is comfortable with but she needs to pick for herself. If he did this to her I can almost assure you he has violated someone else or he will. It needs to stop with her. He also needs counseling because he was probably also molested. Read as many books as you can on how to help and if you believe in God, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! He will give you guidance. If she wants to talk to someone who understands what she went through, let me know. I would be happy to talk to her. I'll be praying for her and your family. God Bless!
There is therapy based on eye movement. She won't have to talk about the experience if she does not want to. I went to this after an armed robbery/home invasion and it helped me so much.
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/emdr-what-is-it
I can tell you are so upset. I don't know that anyone can help you on here - how you talk to a child about molestation is best left to professionals who know HOW to talk to children about this. Those who have had training on how to deal with this as opposed to a more general professional, too.
Has she been to the hospital? She needs to be examined by doctors and nurses who have dealt with molested children before.
Sending prayers to you and your niece~
Dawn
Heavens no, you must do something!!! Seriously, did you not hear about what just surfaced at Penn State?!?!? Get to the bottom of this, take care of your niece in whatever ways are necessary so this doesn't drag on for decades, and take appropriate steps with the molester. Her well being is so much more important than anything else!! Don't take this likely, and for goodness sakes, don't worry about anyone inputs, judgements, breakups, whatever...do not take this lightly!!
