Help!!! mY 2 Year Old Is a HANDFULL!!

My four year old daughter is very similar in temperment to your son. She is an agressive, fearless, rough-and-tumble girl (instead of walking up to her friends to give them a hug, she'll race up and give a huge hug, half the time knocking both herself and the friend over in the process) who loves to be right in the middle of everything.

I've found that giving her time frames and getting enough exercise make a huge difference with her.

For time frames, you say you have " x " number of minutes to finish what you are doing. (Playing, eating, bathtub, etc.) Set a timer, so it can be the "bad guy", then FOLLOW THROUGH. Don't get into the "one more minute" trap. Just say "those are the timer's rules". I've found that this grounds my daughter because she knows exactly what is going on and when, without me suddenly deciding that what she has been doing has gone on long enough.

Getting her enough exercise is really important too - whether going on a snail-hunting expedition or "treasure" hunt around the neighborhood.

With a tiny bit of planning ahead, you can spray paint and hide various small things in his favorite color for your treasure hunt. Even if it's just a few leaves and rocks that you paint, and you put them right out in the open to "hide" them, they really get a kick out of the novel color.

For those days when you're really tired, find a children's music/dance video and encourage him to do wild dancing to it. (Don't do this too close to bed time, as it gets kids pretty wound up.)

A book that helped me is "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp. It had some really good pointers.

Yes, boys and girls are different, but be very careful not to stereotype them, though. My daughter has always had full choice of dolls, tea sets, dress up clothes and her barbie dream house, and some quiet friends to play with those toys. Most of the time, though, she decides she wants to be outdoors hunting snails and bugs, climbing trees, and driving cars and trains through mud puddles with the more rambuctious of her friends.

I have 4 kids - 3 girls, one boy. Boys are NOT girls. Biologically, emotionally, physically, behaviorally. It isn't environmental - it's biological. Don't expect your boy to behave like your daughter, and don't think he needs anything to become more 'docile'. Honor his 'boy-ness'. His boy-ness can function well within the family and contribute to it.

A few things I've learned with my boy (who is now 17)

Set SIMPLE, clear limits and stick to them with clear age appropriate consequences. Every time. Don't deviate. At his age, just a handful of limits that you really care about.

Set a daily schedule that your son can depend on and look forward to so that he is not uncertain about what will happen next. Of course, you can't predict everything, but do the best you can - don't forget to schedule in playtime, downtime, etc.

Boys need a LOT of physical activity. Make sure he plays outside every day. Wear him out. He won't be able to sit still ever with all that energy inside him.

Give him active things he can do that he will feel proud of. At two years old, he can help wipe down the table, he can help you weed the yard, he can help wash the car. He can help walk a smaller dog. Do these things with him - he'll get really good at them in the next few years. He'll be putting some of that energy towards feeling accomplishment.

After all the activity you do with him, the couple of times a day that you expect him to sit still, expect it of him. Make it part of what you are doing at that particular time, whether it is mealtime, or storytime, etc.

If he is in daycare, he may not be getting enough physical activity. It may be difficult for him to have one set of rules during the day,then different ones in the evening. He may be holding together with the expectations of the care center, then letting everything out when he gets home.

Do you have your own father or uncle that can do things with your son periodically for that male role model influence?

Appreciate the differences between boys and girls - they are wonderful!

Maybe an activity through the community center or something to focus some of his energy. Do they go to Daycare? Maybe he isn't able to expend his energy through out the day and does it when he's with you because it's a safe environment? Maybe knowing what he does during the day with help with suggestions. Good luck to you~

I think they are bored. I'm sure they will enjoy an activity with all three of you even if it only 30 min. Also, giving dicipline is a another way to shower them with love, too. It is okay to play with exicitment but, it is not okay to hurt yourself and others. Try watching Super Nanny and her use of the naughty chair dicipline. It works! You just have to be consistent! I tried it. It worked for my 4 year old son and 3 year old daughter. I think you can do it and I give you props for being a great single mom!

Check out Hand in Hand Parenting. Their information is in the local business reviews section of this website. I would recommend starting with their booklet series on "Listening to Children". It's excellent, and might give you a some ideas you can use right away. I have it, and re-read it regularly to remind myself of how best to help my 18-month-old manage her emotions. I wish you the best!

Hi E.,

I wanted to share with you the experience of good friends of ours. Their boy sounds just like yours. He is now 4. He was always a little rough (deemed aggressive by his preschools). He seemed a little "hyper" and more so the older he got. His parents talked to many counselors, psychiatrits, etc. He has recently been diagnosed as having a sensory disorder. Before when I heard of kids being diagnosed with this it was usually that they oversensed things and sensations such as water on the face, the ground on their feet bothered them. In this case, the boy is unable to sense things physically to the same degree as most people. He lacks a sense of gravity and space, which is why he seems to be "running into people" and their space more often. He laso had behaviors when he was younger such as pulling and twisting his mom's hair, pinching, etc. It never seemd malicious, it was just something he did. It may be worth checking into if the behavior continues. Their son is currently undergoing a kind of occupational therapy to help correct the condition. Hopefully it is just that your son is an active and curious two year old, but keep the other case in mind. Good luck.