Help... My 1 Yr Old Will Not Sleep Through the Night!!

D. -

As hard as it is, you need to let her learn to self-soothe and put herself back to sleep. She definately should not need the bottle anymore during the night - she should be down to 3-4 meals a day at this point. It's hard sometimes, but she needs to learn.

Here are some of the things that we started practically from day 1 - and the Ped. also recommended them later.
- have attachment/soothing items - pacifier, blankie, small animal, some sort of lovie that they can use to help regulate themselves
- always put them in their beds awake and let them fall alseep by themselves. This doesn't mean that you can't rock them, just don't rock them to sleep and then lay them down.
- we play music (CD, iPod, etc) all night long. Usually classical, sometimes kids music - but something soothing. Nothing too up beat that would get them 'energized'. You need something relaxing.
-keep bedtime the same every night
- if they wake up crying in the night, get up, give them their pacifier and/or lovie and you leave and go back to bed. If they continue to cry for excessive (20+ minutes) - not just wimpering or wining but really crying. Get them up, rock/hold them until they are calmed down but not asleep and but them back in their bed.

- this is a biggy ---- be consistant.

I know it's hard some times. You want so bad to go and get them, rock them to sleep, let them sleep with you - I've been there. It's so tempting just to bring them back to snuggle with you knowing that everyone will sleep then, but it will only make it worse in the long run. The older they are, the harder it will be to break them of habits like this.

Good luck -
J.

Working mom of 2; daughter 3, son almost 1. Up until 6 months or so ago, I was working full time out of the home, now I am 3 days out and 2 days working from my home.

Oh, How I have felt your pain and sleepless nights! When I was in your position, my sister in law, referred a book to me that provided me with the best information to get your child to sleep. Her sister in law gave it to her and my pediatrician referred me the same book and it is one that I give to all my friends to help them put their baby on a schedule and get them sleeping through the night. It is filled with other parent testimonials who have been in the same or similar situations with sleep deprevation. The author is the head of Chicago Children's Hospital Sleep clinic. It does require a few nights of letting them cry it out, not more than five, ususally it works within three nights, but hang in there and don't give in. It does work. Iknow it is hard to listen to your baby cry, but he touches on this many times in the book that it does not hurt them. He does note that it is hard, but to stick to his advice because it works.
hope you find this book useful and it gets you and your family the much needed rest you need. The name of the book is Happy sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Weisinbluth (sp on the last name, sorry). But again, this book was a life savior for my husband and I with our first and helped us wonderfully with our second child as well. Best of luck to you and your family.
N.

D.,

I worked full-time while raising my sons too and know just what you are talking about. Although most doctors and other mothers will advise against putting a child in your own bed I found that getting my sleep was far more important than our sleeping arrangements. Our older son slept in our bed off and on for quite awhile, then by two years old was sleeping in his own bed. You sound like you are on the brink of a meltdown and getting some relief for that is probably more important than anything. If you don't start getting some much needed rest you could fall asleep driving to work, or just take it out on your children or husband. My sons are both young adults now and we had many issues over their growing up years. One thing I know for certain is that whatever "bad habit" (i.e. sleeping in your bed, etc} they may have does not last forever. They all eventually give up their binkies, bottles and want their own rooms in their own time. Believe me, the day will come soon enough when you won't be able to roust them from their beds for love nor money, just make sure YOU survive until that day comes.

My best to you,
S.

You're not alone. Many families go through this. I did and survived! It just seems awful while you're in the midst of it. Rest when you can, go to bed earlier, or have the baby sleep with you - whatever you have to do to get through it. I wouldn't let a baby sleep with a bottle because of cavities forming in their teeth. Maybe a water bottle. If it were me, I might evaluate how necessary it is for me to be working full-time right now. It usually was necessary for me, but if it isn't, I'd take this as a signal to cut back or quit.

Good luck!

D.,

First of all, Don't Worry! You can fix this. In my experience, it only takes a few nights of the crying it out method for it to work. You can still comfort her, just don't let her rely on you completely to soothe her back to sleep. My suggestion, which worked with all 3 of my children is... First time she wakes up, only wait about 5 minutes before going in. You don't want her to feel that you are not coming. Babies need to know you will always be there. Now, this is the key - DO NOT PICK HER UP! Soothe her by rubbing her back, sing a gentle song, or whatever she likes. Leave after a couple of minutes while she is still awake and tell her that she has to go to sleep now and so does mommy. Say see you in the morning and walk out. If she whines and gets worked up again wait about ten minutes before going in and soothe her again. Everytime she wakes up calling for you increase the time frame before you go in. Be strong and firm, but loving. Truly, no matter what DO NOT PICK HER UP! The first night will be a long night, so I would plan this method for a Friday night or any night that you don't have to wake up the next morning. Reassure her during the day that she is a big girl and can sleep by herself. If you do this, you will have a confident sleeper in about 3 nights. I know it is hard. Believe me, with my first I just sat outside her door the whole night sobbing and watching the clock for when I could go in again. Good Luck and stay strong. By the way, all 3 of my kids slept through the night by 3 months old.

K.

This might sound harsh, but I actually had to use ear plugs when my son went thru that phase! (My husband was available.) Thank God that's over. You will make it thru this too!

S.

Hi D.,
Don't feel bad about not letting her cry it out. I can't count the number of these types of posts I have responded to because of that issue alone.:o) What I say to you is my OPINION, and what has worked for me, you have to do what YOU are comfortable with. Sometimes some of the resonsed you mihgt read on here seem harsh and a little judgemental, so I'm just going to tell you what worked for ME and hopefully with all the suggestions you will be able to identify with something and you will get the help you need.
I am like you, I can't just go back to sleep if the baby is awake. I know the theory is that "eventually they will stop getting up and crying". Not all children are the same though, and you know your child. My oldest son (now 14 years old) was a terrible sleeper, but by the time he was 2 he had the sleeping thing down and I got up at night with him and would rock him or hold him until he got to that stage. Now, with my older two being 14 and 10 years old, I would give anything to have them as babies again waking me up in the middle of the night!! I know it's hard and you are tired, but it will pass. Does she nap too long at daycare? Some daycares require that they are laying down for 2 1/2-3 hours, for my oldest one, I had to take him out and put him into a home daycare because he just didn't need that type of nap. Maybe cutting down her nap time or getting her up earlier in the a.m. might help....also here are some things you could try....you and your husband could take turns caring for her each night. Even if the other has to go sleep in a different part of the house to not be woken up. Then the parent that wasn't up at night could focus on the 3 yr old that evening and then you could swap.

One of my kids was just not a good sleeper unless someone was next to him...whether it was me or his older brother or even the dog-- lol. Sleep is VERY important to your overall health, does she sleep better if she sleeps with you? I know some people think that is awful, but America is one of few countries that doesn't advocate the benefits of co sleeping with our kids. I slept with my 10 yr old and believe me he is PERFECTLY independent.:o) Another idea would be to take turns a couple times a week giving eachother 30 minutes to take a nap. Naps are so helpful. When I first went back to work full time, I would go out to my car and nap or to the tanning bed and nap. People probably thought I was crazy, but there were days when it was the ONLY way to get through the day.
So, do what D. is comfortable with. I could never let a little one like that cry. One yr old is still a baby to me, she will get it figured out.
My 16 month old stopped taking the bottle at 13 months, and he started sleeping well around that age too. I dont' know if there is any correlation to that since he had tubes in his ears around the same time too. But, up until about 13-14 months, he was still waking up at night. I would just go in and change his diaper and rock him back to sleep. To me, spending 10-15 minutes a couple times a night to put him back to sleep made more sense and helped me sleep better than laying there listening to him cry and feeling all anxious and upset.
Whatever you decide to do....GOOD LUCK!!

I had the same thing.. he finally slept through the night when he was 13 month old. The day that my doctor suggested the Ferber method he just started sleeping. I think he heard the doctor. :) Are you familiar withthe Ferber method? Check it out. My doctor all but guaranteed he'd be sleeping through the night after 3 nights. It is a hard 3 nights though. I had decided to start on a Thursday night hoping he'd be sleeping by Sunday night.

A wonderful book: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Getting Your Child to Fall Asleep, Stay Asleep and Wake Up Happy. You can google the sleep lady in case I got the title wrong.

dana

I agree with Sue... you have to do what works for YOU. If it's easier and works better for you, then let her sleep with you in your room or in your bed.

I don't agree that habits are formed at this age if you tend to their needs and hold them instead of letting them cry it out.

For example, my son didn't want to be put down really ever or for naps until he was about 12 months, then he was fine for naps and at night... no issue. I think we have to do what FEELS right for us.. to me it wouldn't feel right to let my son cry it out.

Everyone at all ages form new habits as needed. Check out Dr. Sears's books.. it might be helpful. Maybe your daugther is going through a growth spurt, teething or just feels like she wants you at night.

I also disagree with the "cry it out" method. I just wouldn't feel comfortable letting my child scream in the other room, scared and alone while I just ignore it and try to sleep. I have an almost five year old son and when he was a baby I actually had his crib in my room until he was almost two years old. When I moved it back into his room he of course liked sleeping in my room better than his own but a little after a week (JUST ONE WEEK) he was totally fine. Sleeps in his room every night all by himself. You will get through it, you doing the best you can. You just need to find what it is that will work for you and your family. Good luck

Hi D.

I have read through the previous posts with interest and there are some very strong opinions on this subject! I thought I would just add my own experience with the matter, and hopefully you will get a litle something out of it. I have three girls - 5, 3, and 10mo. All of them have co-slept with me. They have also all grown out of it. Some would suggest that it will get harder to break the habit later if you don't stop it early. I can't speak for other kids, but with mine this was not the case. I don't know if this is something you would try, but it is what worked for me. I am a much better mom with a good night's sleep!
Although I am sure she doesn't NEED the bottle, I am sure that it is hard to not give it to her if she seems to want it. I would probably not bring it to her, though, if she has been tossing it. I think the suggestion of making sure she has plenty to eat including a snack before bed, is a good one. Also a good bedtime routine could be helpful, if you don't have one already - bath, books, spend a little time in her room with her before leaving her to sleep in there. Also, I liked the previous suggestion of getting her a special toy or something to snuggle.
I just know that as a parent, despite all of the books you may read and advice you get, you just have to go with what FEELS right for you. I figure if something makes both my baby and myself miserable why do it?
Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Hi D..

I have to disagree with many moms who have commented here. Every baby is different, and to say that ANY baby should not need a bottle in the night is ridiculous.

I am not a CIO mamma. I'm sure you guessed that already. Even at 1, I do not believe you can comfort your child too much. I can tell when my daughter is fussing just because she thinks it should not be bedtime and when she is in need of something else. I'm sure you can tell the difference in the cry as well.

First, I would make sure she is not hungry going to bed. Fill her up at dinner time. Depending on your bedtime routine, maybe give her a snack before bed.

Second, make sure she isn't sleeping too much during the day. Check and see what the nap schedule is at daycare. That may need to be adjusted.

Third, offer some kind of lovey for her to have in the crib at night. Maybe YOU sleep with it for a couple of nights so it smells like you.

Fourth, try anything and everything. Maybe sleeping with you will do the trick. Maybe sleeping in a packnplay in your room will do the trick. She may just be going through a phase where she needs to know you are near. Seperation anxiety is pretty strong around this age, you need to reinforce the fact that you ARE there and you ARE near and WILL be there for her.

Letting her CIO in my opinion is not good. 1) it doesn't giver her any tools to self soothe. They CIO'ers say they need to learn to self-soothe. Well, by letting baby lie in the crib what tools are you giving them so they can learn to self-soothe. I don't like to fall asleep crying, why would my baby. 2) If they are in need of something all it teaches them is you won't be there to help them. So...that's not good.

You need to find what works best for you. I know its tough when you have to get up and work. Every baby goes through phases. She also could be teething. Check her gums... see if they are swollen. Often times a teething baby will wake at night because they have slowed down and now realized 'hey! that hurts!' During the day they might be too busy playing to notice.

I hope you can find something that works for both of you.

There is nothing more heart wrenching than to listen to your baby cry it out. Unless you want to be sleep deprived for years, you need to teach your child to sleep. It isn't something that just happens, it needs to be taught. Just by offering a bottle at night and then allowing her to throw it out and continue to cry is showing her that she is in charge. YOU are in charge. Pick up the bottle, turn off the light and close the door...period. Next time, no bottle...if you need to, go to her and comfort her but leave her in bed. It will be awful and you will feel like you are neglecting her...but you're NOT! It will only be a few days an you will have your precious nights to yourself. It just boggles my mind that people allow their toddlers of 2 or 3 to wake several times a night and think it's okay. Sleep is not a luxury! Having children does not mean that you gave up sleep and routine...be firm and stick to your guns! When you can't stand it anymore...we are here to back you up...just don't give in!

~L.

i know how frustrating this can be. my daughter has gone back and forth with going to sleep on her own, and it is tough to hear her cry. but, if you don't start now, it will not get better, at least not for several years...i agree with Lacy, that we need to have better expectations for our children. They CAN sleep through the night as infants, anything else, and we are making excuses for them!

I've had friends say the technique where you sit by the bed for a few nights, and then move away a little bit every few days works (google "sleeplady"), but my daughter hated that more. i had to let her cry it out. whatever you decide, give it time to work, more than a few days...

one thing i would suggest....STOP giving her a bottle. she does not need it. if she is eating normally throughout the day, she does not need to eat or drink during the night. that is the easiest part for you to control.

finally, make sure she is getting the right amount of sleep. children this age need to sleep around 12 hours. many people think that keeping them up later will make them more tired and sleep longer, and the opposite is true. they get overtired, but sleep less. my daughter is 14 months, and sleeps 7am-7pm. people think it's weird that she goes to bed so early, but whenever we put her down later, she's up by 6 or 6:30 without fail. and, your daughter probably needs 2 naps per day...not more than 1.5 hours in the morning, even though it's tempting to let her sleep longer. it will affect her afternoon nap.

good luck!