Help Me Put off My Housework by Answering a Philosophical Parenting Question ;-)

Stew sounds good :)
Idk. Kinda like you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink! You do the best you can, teach morals and values and hope they listen. Then if something goes off track you are there to pull them back :) I want my kids to experience life, dance in the rain, make mistakes and just have a good time! Its too short not too. I think if my kids are happy, then they have succeeded!

I'd say that parents have tremendous influence in a child's life rather than control. Besides, I want my child to learn self-control, so I don't bother with the "control" aspect. If my child is in public and is making choices that I do not want on display, I take her home.

I will have been successful at parenting if my child is able to: learn independently; be passionate about learning; maintain herself; make decisions; hold her own in a conversation by using sound argumentation; express her thoughts and needs well and listen to the thoughts and needs of others; be a critical thinker; be passionate about her work; keep financially afloat; get philosophical while she is cleaning the house :) ;
love unconditionally.

Q: How much control do we as parents have over our children and our child's future.
A: When they live with us, we have considerable control. When they are an adult and move out, we have very little control.

Q: Do you think that by raising them in a particular way (doesn't matter the way, this is a general quandary) that we guarantee their success?
A: Nothing guarantees their success because they have a mind of their own and are free to make any choice that they want.

Q: How do you define your child's success?
A: If they are happy, enjoying life, kind and caring to others. I want them to be THEM...not who I've forced them to be.

Q: How do you define successful parenting?
A: One in which the parent truly does their best and makes their child a huge priority in their life. I might not always agree with the method, but I do think that is a successful parent...when they try their hardest...truly try their best. (My favorite type of parenting is one in which their is mutual respect, children are allowed to develop who THEY are, and when the child ends up self motivated, independent, and successful in life.)

Q: Do you think your child might make the same "mistakes" (insert your own definition here) as you?
A: Absolutely. For some reason, our genes don't pass down learning from parent to child:-) I absolutely believe they'll make the same mistakes.

Good question!

I think we, as parents, can provide our children with a foundation from which to build a successful life, but that's about it. What our children *do* with that foundation is ultimately up to them.

In my book, I will feel I've been successful as a parent, if my sons become productive, self-sustaining members of society. I will feel I've won the gold medal of parenting, if my sons actually *want* to come spend time with me after they've established their own households. (I don't want any "guilt trip" visits.) While I would very much love for them to feel happy, I also know that too often being happy is something we choose to be or not be. I can't force them to be happy, I can only hope they'll be happy with the life they create for themselves.

Will my sons make the same mistakes as me and my husband? I hope not. I hope they learn from our example, both negative and positive. But if they do, I hope I have the courage and fortitude as a parent to let them make their own mistakes. Mistakes are sometimes the best way to learn the necessary lessons of life.

I think "nurture" plays a big role for our children. As a teacher starting her 19th year in the classroom, I can see what poor nurturing can do to a child. But, at the same time, I also believe we're hard wired to be a certain personality. All that nurture is filtered through one's hard-wired personality and the outcome can be different than what we, as parents, hope or imagine it to be. For example, my mom saved all my elementary school report cards. From kindergarten through 6th grade (and beyond) all my teachers said I was a sunny, happy child, always smiling and eager to help. I had a rough childhood, one that wasn't always pleasant. But, my sunny, Pollyanna personality filtered all that negative stuff and I took away the silver lining. Another example, my youngest son marches to the beat of his own drummer, as it were. He's a great kid and I love him dearly, but he just processes things differently than 95% of the kids his age that I've worked with. I'm often stunned by the "message" he takes from various situations and have had to do lots of rethinking of how I handle him. (Sorry, I can't think of a good example at present.) It's made for some very interesting parenting moments.

As my kids near high school graduation, college and beyond, I'm faced with the knowledge that only too soon, I'll have to "walk my talk" and take a back seat in my sons' lives. In many ways, I look forward to relinquishing control to their good judgement. But, many times, I look at the dumb, teenage boy things they do and wonder how in the blazes I'm supposed to stand back and shut up and let them fall flat on their faces. <sigh> I have a much greater appreciation now for what my mom went through when she left me at university and watched my sister move out at 15. Oh, boy...

Hope this put off at least a round of bathroom cleaning!

Honestly, some days I feel like I don't know whose kids these are ;) All four of mine are so different, they take after both me and their father in different ways, but each of them really is his/her own person, kwim?

I hope they are liberal thinkers (like, the REAL meaning, not the made-up one). I hope they are happy. I hope I have prepared them to be independent and not piss off their future roommates and spouses.
Other than that, it's up to them. I will support them no matter what they do or who they are. One of my kids is bisexual, and I am thankful every day he got us as parents and not some crazy religious nut who thinks he's a sinner and is going to hell.
Successful parenting is not measured by how much success is achieved in a child's lifetime, it is measured by the tools with which they were sent out to explore life. I hope to fill their proverbial Tool Belts with enough to make them self sufficient and not living on my couch when they are 30. And to have a sense of humor because sometimes life sucks, and without humor it's almost impossible to navigate well.

I absolutely believe you have tons of control. And I believe it's ALL within the first few years, and after that you must free them to make their own choices with the foundation you have given them. How they use their impulse control and discipline and positive reinforcement and love and all that stuff as they grow is UP TO THEM, but missing the early window by letting kids lead and develop negative behaviors through early school years can seriously hinder their self respect and their parental respect. This holds them back greatly during teen years etc. I've seen it time and time again. The firmer you are in toddlerhood (with love as ingredient #1 of course), the less you need to helicopter going forward, and the more you can trust older kids to live their own lives well an treat them with maturity and respect, which perpetuates itself. I have been lucky to see this first hand before having my own kids.

Success to me is if my kids are kind to others, happy, self disciplined and self respecting, and not afraid to conquer life in whatever way they wish.

*I made Stew last night!
My family ate it up!
LOL

there is no guarantee.
Kids grow up.. in all kinds of scenarios.... good or bad. How they turn out as adults... depends, on them. And their mentality. In reflection of how they grew up or not. And what they personally want out of life or value or not.
We cannot control that.

2) My kids 'success'... is KNOWING who they are. My kids do, even at their young ages. I taught them that... as did my late Dad. To be, themselves, to KNOW who they are, to not be followers and to follow their heart. To be their own, person. And to CHOOSE, wisely.
To nurture your talents and know the differences among people/cultures.
My kids, know that.
They have wings. Then they will need to fly.

If they make the same mistakes as I did... then I will guide them.
If they make other mistakes, I will guide them.
My mistakes, taught me a ton.
Nothing is perfect or guaranteed.

It also means to me, to teach our kids about people.... how to DISCERN scenarios. Of all kinds. So they gain skills in coping and handling what life spews out.
I have done that with my kids since they were 2 years old. They have a great emotional cognizance, for their ages.
I don't shelter them, but I guide them and teach them whatever I feel is important and pertinent.
Life.

Everyone has free-will.
That... is the part we cannot control. But we can steer it and be a rudder for our children.

No, no guaranteed success. My parents were well off and gave me EVERYTHING (not spoiled me...but I wasn't lacking for any experience, be it toys, clothes, vacations, sports, classes, etc.) I did great in school...not just well, but great...graduated top of my class of over 400. Was headed to MIT. Then I gave into my drug use. So here I am, 30 years old, married with 2 children and just my AA degree (which was just an afterthought, really.) The years between high school and having children at 24 were a train wreck...very disappointing to my parents. Oh well, life's great now.

As far as how you define success...okay, here's my situation. My husband is disabled, and I am a stay-at-home mother who homeschools, volunteers, and takes care of my family. We are dedicated servants of the Lord, and really have a happy life. We can't afford anything (hardly), we rely on government assistance...but my children aren't lacking for anything because relatives send clothes and toys, I save every scratch penny from odd jobs to buy them what they need and want, and we've NEVER had an issue of going without necessities. So, I would say my life is a success...we have a great family life, and we're serving every way we can.

However, my mother thinks we're basically bums. So she wouldn't say we're a success at all. I think her parenting was not successful, and I think my style is VERY DIFFERENT based on how I was raised (more on how I was raised as a teen.)

We are doing everything we can to ENSURE our children don't make the same mistakes we did. And yes, we can ENSURE that. Our children are homeschooled (through a great online school with a great curriculum), go to church, participate in sports, etc...but we are THERE with them, and always will be. They will not be doing drugs, having sex, breaking laws, etc...at least not until they are adults and out on their own, which hopefully by that time they'll be past it. And considering the morals we're trying to instill, the lessons we teach, etc...I think they'll grow up without making any of those mistakes. However, I'm sure they'll have a few of their own...but not the drastic ones we made.

If we had been raised differently, I would be a statistical engineer with a degree from MIT (was my dream...) and my husband at LEAST wouldn't be disabled. But God gives us what He wants us to have! :)

First and foremost--there are no guarantees with children. They don't come with one of those. If you want one, then you'll have to buy a doll that comes with one, b/c actual children don't.

How do I define success? It varies... sometimes it is when my child sticks with something that they are struggling with (whether it is academic or not biting their nails) and they master it. Sometimes it is when they stop themselves from something that I would have had to step in to correct/stop myself, i.e., self control. Sometimes it is when I see them think of someone else's feelings before they do/say something. Or when they correct a sibling or friend who has just done/said something hurtful to someone else. Generally, I think it is when the kids grow up to be independent (as in generally self reliant) people who learn from their mistakes and the mistakes of others, who are kind, generous in spirit, and thoughtful (as in not fly by the seat of their pants all the time) and who find value in relationships and life, not in "things".
Successful parenting, is getting them there, or rather, getting them on the right path to get there on their own.

Will they make the same mistakes I did? Probably some of them. And they will make others that I did not. I already see a level of emotional maturity in my 13 yr old that I didn't possess until much later. But as long as they learn from whatever mistakes they encounter along the way... they will be on the path to success.

I would love to help you put off housework! LOL :-D

I think I would define my childs success upon his confidence in trying new things and never be afraid to fail at something, and only to learn by the mistakes he makes. We all make mistakes. There's no escaping that. lol As long as we build a strong foundation of love, self esteem and confidence, I believe my children can only excell at life. And also my husband and I will always be here to help our children should they fall down. Making our children accountable for their actions/mistakes, and to learn acceptance of everyone around them will also help them become strong inside.
My Mom use to tell me when I was preteen/teenager, that she will always come to my defense if I'm in the right, but if I ever get in trouble with the Law, she will let the Law take care of me. That scared me enough not to be on the wrong side of the Law. Plus, I had a lot of surrounding love by my grandparents, mom and step dad, and my aunts. I will also teach my boys what my mom told me. :-)
I think that's about all we can teach them, other than guide them along their journey in life as they take their steps through it. Teaching them a good sense of right and wrong will also help a great deal. :-D

I'm not sure how much control we have, but I do believe we have great influence. Frank Lloyd Wright's mom told him when he was a little boy that he was going to be an architect. And, she encouraged him all growing up to be one. He was one of the greatest architects ever. I think we breathe life (or death) into our children by what we say to them. We can inspire them, or we can deflate them.
How do I define my children's success? First and most importantly is that they love the Lord with all their hearts, souls, and minds. If we can impart to them the truth of Scripture on a daily basis, I think we are successfully parenting our children. I hope my children don't make the same mistakes as I did. I wasn't walking with the Lord when I was younger. But, I know they will make their own mistakes of some sort. I pray they are spared some of the heartache I have had though.
Another aspect of their success is if they love their families, are diligent in their work, whatever it is, and that they are honest and hard working. I don't really care what vocation they choose, as long as it is moral and legal. :)

I think that you can never GUARANTEE a certain outcome, especially success. My sister and I were raised int he exact same way, and she has had multiple struggles with the law and drugs as an adult, whereas I am the complete opposite. I think it that everyone has a combination of nature and nurture, and you never know how much of either they will end up with.

1) No. No way to guarantee their success.

2) I define their success by their having happy lives.

3) I'm trying really hard to not have them make my mistakes, but yes, it's possible.

I do think we do have some control over our children's future by how they are raised.
For example if a child is raised in a home with sports parents, ie always watching , always encouraged to play sports they will also be interested in those things. On the other end of the spectrum is a child raised with a science geek as a parent. That child is exposed to a lot of science. They are more likely to be interested in science.
I believe that a child's potential and interests are only limited by what they are exposed to.

Teach them self control and to know who they are. Help them to modify their character. Be a loving parent. This means you NEVER hit your child or use physical punishment. In a study of who saved Jews during WWII it was found that those who did had never been beaten or abused as children and so they had courage.
The inner character of a person is inborn determined by The Holy One for their mission here on earth. This mission is seldom lived out since people are drawn away from it by the society around them. This Mission is the most important portion of their lives without it they will waste their precious human birth.
Teach your children not to take the ordinary life nor to live by other than the Ten Commandments.
Above all by example show them to take up their share of repairing the world.
I am a life long pacifist and descendent of several generations of pacifists. I taught my children to avoid war. I also taught them never to run from a conflict but to settle it using peaceful means.

You still have to get the housework done.

Children aren't "blank slates," as some people used to say. Parents don't have total molding power. But they have a lot. Any mama knows that children also come with personality traits of their own, and in some ways they mold themselves. And don't forget the influences from relatives, neighbors, friends, teachers, and occasional strangers.

Perhaps the hardest thing a mother or father has to do is to see a child for who he or she is, and figure out what input will help the child grow up best. I don't think *any* book can teach you how to be a successful parent in ten lessons. But you can take some of what you read in books and think, "Yes, this may be good for this (or that) child."

Our objective is to help our children grow up - not to become "parent successes" in our own or other people's eyes. As far as my child's success in life is concerned, it depends on whether I define my son's or daughter's success as a six-figure income or a loving, wise heart.

I once read a paragraph in an old mystery by Dorothy Sayers (GAUDY NIGHT) that made me stop and think. An archaeologist - an old classmate of the principal character - is speaking of her children: "All the children seem to be coming out quite intelligent, thank goodness. It would have been such a bore to be the mother of morons, and it's an absolute toss-up, isn't it? If one could only invent them, like characters in books, it would be much more satisfactory to a well-regulated mind." I like that. To me it says, "Do your best to raise them, instill character and good habits, and then have an interesting time seeing what they turn into."

Yes, my children were *perfectly* capable of making the same mistakes I did; look who was raising them! We teach every moment, especially those moments when we'd rather ignore the teaching job. Maybe one of our jobs is to raise them so they'll make their own mistakes, not ours!

Oh, and, um, your laundry is still waiting to be done. So is mine!

How do you define your child's success? When they are grown they know how to handle themselves with class and not allowing adversity to break them, they are doing what they want to do in life and not what they have to do.
How do you define successful parenting? When they are grown and come back home often.
Do you think your child might make the same "mistakes" (insert your own definition here) as you? We are fighting thier mindset so that will not happen, so NO.........We have succeded with the first 3(barely) so I'll get back to you on the last 3.