Help Me Help This Child

Teach with games to make it fun, but not obvious. There are lots of games for geography, math, etc. Reward correct answers with M & M's, money (pennies, nickels, dimes, etc.). Also, they should be tested for learning disabilities, IQ, etc. so that you can focus on only the areas of concern.

You've gotten some great advice already, but I'd like to add that my kids responded really well to puzzles. We have a couple of really nice United States puzzles that we would do together, identifying the states as we put them together. When it's together, point out what state you live in, and others that family or friends may live in, etc.

As for the seasons, it may be helpful also to just be aware of what's going on around outside everyday. A perpetual calendar is also fun, because they can change the numbers every month, and put up the holidays or birthdays for each. Corresponding the holidays to the months and seasons may help a lot.

Kudos for you for being a loving and involved foster parent! Best of luck!

For the Months and Seasons:
http://fivejs.com/teaching-the-months-of-the-year-and-the...

Get them each a calendar for their room/door.
Take them to the planetarium or science museum and let them see how the stars correspond with the calendar.

For the geography, my son showed me these links just last night. They might help.
North American Country Quiz:
http://www.ilike2learn.com/ilike2learn/NorthAmerica.html

North American Geography:
http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/web_games.htm

U.S. States Puzzle:
http://www.yourchildlearns.com/mappuzzle/us-puzzle.html

U.S. States Game:
http://www.ilike2learn.com/ilike2learn/unitedstates.html

Yes, most kids learn these things between preschool and elementary school - but because they are thoughtfully taught, not because it is a natural development. Time and space are really quite arbitrary, when you think about it; we are teaching them a system of keeping track of things when we teach them about time and geography. It is totally understandable that, if these girls had gaps in their development and in their schooling, there would be gaps in their understanding of these things. A house inside a neighborhood inside a city inside a county inside a state inside a country inside a continent inside a hemisphere inside a planet inside a solar system inside a galaxy . . . that's as complicated as a second inside a minute inside an hour inside a day inside a week inside a month inside a season inside a year inside a decade inside a century . . .

Definitely talk to their case worker and get some additional resources for them. It's not their fault, they're not stupid, they just were never taught. It would probably be really useful to have a full assessment done on both of them (like at one of those tutoring places, like Sylvan) to identify gaps, as there are likely many more that you just haven't noticed yet. Your caseworker can help you get something like that set up, either through a private service or through the school district.

Good luck, and good for you for so patiently and lovingly helping these girls to find their way in the world.

On a general level I wanted to share something which you may or may not find helpful. In our house we have created what I call the shelter zone. In other words there are no stupid anythings (people, questions, etc.). The outside world can pass judgment and be cruel but within our home we support each other unequivocally and with love. For instance, my husband is a bit hard headed and is quick to call himself stupid when he doesn't know something or does something wrong. I know it’s his defense mechanism resulting from his insecurities about not being college educated and/or frustrations over a project. I tell him in our home those words can't be heard and together we can do anything. I have him tell me what’s going wrong and then we set about fixing it which means doing research, working together because it’s not a one man project or whatever solutions seem appropriate. I also lead by example and I go to him when I am in the same boat. It has been interesting what one or both of us haven’t known and also what we do know. In the process, of course, we have learned we are each vulnerable in regards to our knowledge and so there’s no point in thinking otherwise. We have also been instilling this concept in my stepdaughter and will do so with our little one. For me the point is twofold – our family won’t make fun of each other and learning is a lifelong journey which is best shared together. Life is not about what you know but about knowing what you don’t know and working to expand your knowledge.

Cheryl B made a good point about how they do not teach the kids how to read an analog clock, they usually only know how to read a digital clock or watch.. The other thing is many of them do not know how to make change.. We gave our daughter a watch when she was 6 that was an analog..

They cannot count money back.. The cash registers now just tell them the amount.. But if you are working a garage sale or someone id giving you many back, you do not want to be ripped off, so you need to know how to count it back. You can practice this..

Also they do not spend much time on Cursive writing.. You may want to at least have them practice their signatures. And how to read cursive.

Since we do not know what their background is, it is hard to guess why they missed out on these basics. If there was a lot of drama in their households you know that they probably were under a lot of stress and can suffer from memory loss also they could have had their minds on other things rather than school. Being in a survival mode takes a lot of energy for a child.

I look back at my report cards and can totally see that I was a great student until the grade my parents started really having a hard time getting along. My grades completely dropped. Especially the year they separated. Back then Divorce was still considered a bit of a scandal, so it was not discussed outside of the house even with my teachers.

Also families that move around a lot and their children moving from school district to school district can have gaps in their learning. For instance, they taught Roman numerals the first month of our daughters 3rd grade advanced math class, but at that time she was in a regular math class. Once she was switched over, the Roman numerals were then being taught in regular classes and the advanced math had moved on..

And so I was given some work sheets to work with her on this.. If we had moved she would not have met this one math fact and I certainly would not have even thought about it.

So instead of trying to figure out why, you now need to work on things as it comes up.

There are great place mats with the United States on them or you could laminate some maps. At dinner, talk about different states and what the Capital Cities of each state is. Have the kids test you too. When you are going somewhere use a road map. Have this girl plot out a way to go. Teach her how to actually read a map.

Same with the months (get a giant calendar and have the kids add their activities to it. ,For Christmas, give each child their own Calendar, one that matches their interest. the seasons, Roman numerals,

How to balance a check book. Teach them how ti figure out sales tax.

How to follow a recipe. How to keep a budget. Include her int he things you do, like how you stay organized. How to read the electric bill.

First and foremost -- Bravo to you for taking in these foster kids and for caring so much about their knowledge and their futures!

Please make your very first stop at the school counselor's office. This is why counselors are there -- not just to deal with kids' emotional or social issues but also to help guide parents when there are any issues at home, including this one. As you found when your foster child got upset, this is not going to be just a matter of some lessons; you will need to approach things carefully because the kids may be sensitive when they realize, as she did, that they lack certain very basic knowledge. So talk to the counselor about both where to turn and how to start with some lessons, and just as importantly, how to do all this in the most positive and fun way possible, so that the kids -- especially the teenager -- want to learn, and don't shut down with resentment and fear of learning "because I'll never get it right."

You also should talk to all their classroom teachers. The topics you describe probably aren't on the teachers' curriculums for these ages, so be clear with the teachers that you are NOT there to criticize them but to approach them for help and resources to help these kids catch up on what they likely should have known years ago. Again, ask for ways to make this appealing to the children so they are not turned off. You asked us here what we think these kids are missing but we can't know that -- however, the teachers certainly will know what they feel the kids are lacking in knowledge. Ask for specifics!

It might end up being best if the kids-- maybe especially the teenager -- are tutored or helped by someone other than you or a family member. You have a lot on your plate as the parent, and you want them to see you as the parent; mixing in a sometime-teacher role could confuse things, especially if they have any issues at all with your authority as parent already. (Not saying they do, just something to consider.) The suggestion for some tutoring might come better from a trusted teacher than from you, in fact.

But most of all, before you launch into lessons or workbooks, talk to the pros at the school. If you're not satisfied with the helpfulness, or lack of it, from the counselor and teachers, go to the school system and ask if there is an adviser there who can guide you. They surely have worked with other families where children needed this type of help.

Consider setting up rewards systems for all of them, however you end up teaching or tutoring them; this is outside their regular schoolwork and rewards they value would motivate them. Praise a lot, find the best in them, and reward them in ways they value -- again, especially the teenager, who is at such a tough age.

One other thought -- Are there computer games the kids can play that would help with this knowledge? The 9-year-olds particularly might love geography and season-based computer games.

Please post again and let us know what happens! You are doing great and caring so much. Education is everything to our kids, and you are right to help them with it.

You might check out the books "Everything a Kindergartener Needs to Know" up through "Everything a (whatever-er) Needs to Know" from your library, and browse them for common subjects every child should now. Then, just make conversation about it.

I do feel sorry for these children, because like so many others, the public school system has failed them.

She may have a learning disability or problem with the part of her brain that deals with spatial relationships. This can have a huge effect on her ability to understand how one location relates to another. How has she done in math (especially geometric shapes, converting measurements of volume and length)? At 16 she probably either has her license or will get it soon. Start working on reading maps. Have her guide you around town or help plan a trip. There are also geography games you can play. We also watch Amazing Race and sit with an atlas to look up the cities and countries they visit.

Sounds like she was robbed of great learning by her past home life. School doesn't teach much without parents there to make sure things are complete and sink in, homework is done, topics are discussed daily, someone CARES about your learning, etc. I would find experts to talk to in the school or community. From this point on, definitely include educational stuff in daily conversations. At 16, you will have an almost impossible time "catching up" but an expert may be able to help you navigate a starting point.

I don't know if the "What your First Grader Should Know" series books go all the way up to high school grades, but I would get that set of books from kindergarten through her grade level and review stuff with her. There are good outlines in there of what she should know for each year. It can provide an outline for library books. I have "The Well Trained Mind" book, and an awesome suggestion is to always get one of every TYPE of book from the library, one science, one art, one math, one autobiography, etc...and then as many "fiction ones" as desired, but be sure the kids get through the "academic books" each couple of weeks. This could be a good start. She's a bit old for all the brief kids books, but I'm learning a lot going through them with my kindergartner! They may make good snapshots of past presidents and historical figures, etc. if it's been missed. Best wishes, I really admire you for taking extra kids! Blessings!

It's amazing how kids can slide through without knowing the basics! But let's face it, there is very little time spent in school on days of the months and months of the seasons. If she missed a lot of school during her early years, she may have missed the couple of days they talk about those subjects. One of the things my husband and I have noticed about our nieces, nephews and grandchildren is that a lot of them cannot read a clock with hands. They are used to digital. Now, when my granddaughter asks if she can do something/have something/go somewhere, my husband will ask her what time it is. We have a clock with hands in the living room. If she can tell him what time it is, then she gets to go/have/do or whatever. We have found that some of our nieces and nephews who have graduated high school cannot read the clock! So that is one thing I would check her on. I would just sit down with her when it's just the two of you and tell her you've noticed that she has some gaps in her learning and you would like to help her fill in those gaps. Keep it between just the two of you so she doesn't feel uncomfortable in front of the other kids and just start with the basics - days of the week (what they are/what order)., months of the year., months of the seasons,. reading a clock with hands, and you also might check whether she can tie her shoes! With all this slip-on and velcro. some miss out on shoe tying. Good luck! I know with you in her corner she will do just fine!

When I was a child we moved around a lot. I went to two schools in 5th grade, one that was in a classroom with multiple ages and one with a independent workbook-style learning. So in the midst of chaos and change, I missed learning how to multiply and to tell time (digital watches were all the rage at that time). I was horrified when my parents found out I couldn't read an analog clock. But it wasn't hard to learn once they took the time to teach me but I still was ashamed. That shame was magnified when I went into 6th grade a conventional school and everyone knew their multiplication tables but me. I was so humiliated and too embarrassed to ask for help. It made learning them even harder. To this day, I freak out a little if I have to multiple 7s or 8s in my head. Silly, yes, but shame is powerful. It's easy to absorb and carry with you for a long time. And ironically, it multiples! Once you have it (shame) you can easily start applying it to all your "imperfections". Then you keep a running list in your head of all the things you need to feel bad about. It's tiring and useless. It wasn't until I talked to a counselor in my 30s until I really let some of the shame I carried around since childhood go. I forgave myself and let it go. So, why am I telling you this? Only to say missed learning or learning challenges are nothing to be ashamed of. They just are opportunities to try again and with a different or new approach. Let your daughters know that you don't judge them, there is nothing to be ashamed about, but that they need to know this stuff and you're there to help them. Keep it light of heart and with love. No judgement, no shame. And make no excuses either. It's tragic what happened to them in the past but all they have is the future so move onward and upward. Which sounds like that is exactly what you are going to do! Good luck!

I worked with a young lady who had an IQ in the 50 range. She had Spatial disabilities. We had some goals to work on learning new skills to try to help her learn this. We would go to Walmart and I would stop at the front by the registers. I would point out the doors and the things on the walls, like blankets and fabrics that indicated the fabric department, the chicken and roasts high up on the walls by meat, the fruit and veggies, etc...we worked on this for 2 years. She still could not find her way out of a paper bag. There are just some things that just don't happen. I think it is possible these girls may have some spatial or time line type of learning disabilities. These are things they should have learned at a very young age but since they are still showing signs they can't remember them or can't learn them I think it's time to have an LD evaluation done. It could just be they need a few sessions with an educational psychologist to tutor them and help them learn the areas they are recessed in.

I have heard stories about adults who have to be retrained to do some tasks by learning to crawl. They never learned and some future stage of development can't go forward without it. So they had to go crawl around on the floor and learn to crawl, they they could learn the skills they were trying to get. Sometimes we figure out some huge mystery just by being in the right persons office.

Make sure their caseworker knows this and intends to help you make sure the girls get to where they need to be. There is probably a service that the caseworker can put in place to give the girls some extra assistance or if you feel you can better work on things with them it would still be good to have the caseworker or the girls' attorney know about the issue and they would probably be able to help out...

You have a lot of great ideas here, and I don't know that I have any different ideas to add. However, I did want to say that I disagree with rewarding correct answers with candy or money... Just your praise and telling them how proud of them you are should be enough. Children really need to be brought up wanting to learn for the sake of learning. Not because they get sweets or money for it. Just my two cents...

Lots of kids don't know geography. Usually travel helps them understand this, but bus travel or flying sometimes you loose the concept of distance. We are looking at getting maps for our wall and I found 2 X3 feet decals for world map and US map at Menards. Then you can point out where you are talking about or where friends or family live. When you do take road trips have them look at a map and not just rely on GPS.
As for the months and seasons, I don't know exactly when they understand that, but I know they start teaching it in kindergarten even preschool. I wish I had better suggestions for that other than lots of reinforcement.

How big do you think the problems are? I worked with foster children as a case manager and when children got moved around a lot they often missed whole chunks of information in school. also it is hard do concentrate when they had a traumatic situation at home or had to adjust to entering foster care. I had one girl who entered foster care as a young teen (14 I think). She ended up failing 7th grade, finally getting into foster care, repeating in a combined 7th/8th program and starting high school a year late. She later told me she was so glad to have the extra year to enjoy high school in a stable place. How big do you think the gaps are for these kids? If they seem very behind maybe you can request the school do some testing. Even smart kids can have gaps in what they know (and if they are smarter kids it may seem less obvious). I would definitely put up world and USA maps on the wall and show them places whenever it comes up.

I worked with a young lady who had an IQ in the 50 range. She had Spatial disabilities. We had some goals to work on learning new skills to try to help her learn this. We would go to Walmart and I would stop at the front by the registers. I would point out the doors and the things on the walls, like blankets and fabrics that indicated the fabric department, the chicken and roasts high up on the walls by meat, the fruit and veggies, etc...we worked on this for 2 years. She still could not find her way out of a paper bag. There are just some things that just don't happen. I think it is possible these girls may have some spatial or time line type of learning disabilities. These are things they should have learned at a very young age but since they are still showing signs they can't remember them or can't learn them I think it's time to have an LD evaluation done. It could just be they need a few sessions with an educational psychologist to tutor them and help them learn the areas they are recessed in.

I have heard stories about adults who have to be retrained to do some tasks by learning to crawl. They never learned and some future stage of development can't go forward without it. So they had to go crawl around on the floor and learn to crawl, they they could learn the skills they were trying to get. Sometimes we figure out some huge mystery just by being in the right persons office.

You don't give a ton of information in regards to the background of the foster girls. There are many studies on how both prenatal and infant malnutrition can effect brain development. Also, studies show that children not held in an upright position enough during infancy can have brain development issues. My daughter is 4 and was adopted from an orphanage at age 1. She can be very witty and social. But, I've found at times that her mind completely freezes. She will forget the name of her best-friend from the neighborhood who she plays with on a daily basis. She will forget my mom (Nana) and cannot remember her name. She struggles with color, shape, letter and color recognition. She'll 'get' something one day but not the next. I'm not looking for a label to slap on my child, but I do believe that her first year of life is impacting some of her learning challenges.

My kid learned his months of the year by PreK. They are going over it in now in K but most of the kids know them.

I don't remember learning about the 50 states much less world geography until about 4th of 5th grade.

So...

I suggest getting books from the library or looking up websites on academic knowledge for each grade (ex accroding to my kid's report card, he is supposed to know all his shapes, count to 100 and write all his letters by the end of the year). Or look up the curriculum on local school's websites (fi you have the time to read through them) . See what the kids know from each grade so you can see where they are lacking. So yes, you will have to supplement their education at home until they are caught up.

Tell them its not what they don't know...its about what new things they can learn.