Help I Need Sleep

Oh the perils of motherhood. When you had a child sleeping is not a option if they need attention. I know it is hard but the rest of us working Mom's made it. You cannot make a child sleep and that is just the bottom line.

It could easily be teething, especially if this is a recent thing. Look at his gums (usually the bottom front teeth come in first, followed by the top ones) and see if they look swollen or bruised at all. That's what happens a lot of times right before teeth break through. If you think it's this, you can give him some tylenol or motrin before going to sleep and/or in the middle of the night (follow dosing instructions, so you don't give it too frequently or too much) and maybe also get some orajel which takes the edge off for a little while, giving the pain med time to kick in.

If you both can sleep this way, you might do better if you snuggle him up to you, so that you'll be right there when he wakes up. If he's crying because he's scared, this may stop that.

First, take a deep breath! I too did the single mom-full time worker gig. My daughter didn't get her first tooth until she as 10 months old, so don't fret there. If by his first birthday there are still no teeth, take him to a dentist. For now (if you don't object to the use of such) give him a minimal amount of baby ibuprofin and a tiny bit of oral numbing gel after his bedtime feeding. The ibuprofin will help him with the swelling in his gums (if it's teething) and the gel will hold him until the ibuprofin kicks in. As to him not sleeping trough the night, is he on solid foods yet? If so, has he gotten to meats yet? I found my son slept more soundly once he started injesting meat protein. He wouldn't eat prepared baby foods, so i put what i was eating in the blender with some water and fed him that. What a difference it made! I hope you get some help from this!

Hi K.~
My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was about 4 years old... so I can completely relate to the exhaustion you feel & your need to get some sleep! We also co-slept... and still do as her 6 year old birthday is around the corner. I read some suggestions of letting him 'cry it out' in a crib & learn to sleep on his own... I don't know if that is the advise you were seeking - but I must say, in opposition, that I completely support co-sleeping. Especially for working moms, to be able to spend the night that close to your baby, is so much more valuable that most people realize! Though it is the norm for many, in our attachment parenting lifestyle, 'crying it out' was never an option. If your son is crying... there is a reason behind it. I don't believe a crying baby should ever be ignored. It is his only way to communicate & try to tell you that something is wrong. It could be teeth... or diet. I would look towards foods that may be causing gas, constipation or other tummy problems. As teething lasts a while, we are not big advocates of giving medicine regularly. If you believe it may be teething related you may want to try offering him a cold teething ring at night while rocking him, as an alternative to meds. My daughter didn't get her first tooth until she was 1 year old - perfectly normal, nothing at all to be alarmed about. Sleeping through the night is not a trait of every infant... or even every toddler. Trying to find a balance while co-sleeping can be quite challenging but stick with it! It will get much easier soon. Now that we are over the tough nights, it is the most wonderful time of my day when I get to curl up in bed with my daughter. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I would bet that your son is waking due to a tummy ache or teething. Trial & error is the only way to answer issues like these with babies. I wish you luck in finding peacefulness in your home at night. I commend your co-sleeping lifestyle & encourage you to maintain this closeness with your child!

While I know you would love to have that time with him to cuddle and be close, if you are not getting any sleep, then your quality of time with him when you are awake will be poor. Babies just wake up and whether they are teething or not, it simply becomes a habit until mommy breaks him of it. That won't happen till he is in his own crib, his own room and made to sleep through the night. He's not hungry, as you stated, but he does need to sleep. If you can sacrifice a few days of letting him cry it out, he will begin to sleep peacefully, all night. Then, in the morning, both of you will be happier and your evening with him can be spent enjoying each other. Plus, if you really want him in the bed with you, try that method and if he learns to sleep all night on a regular basis, bring him back in.

My daughter did the exact same thing when she was teething. She would wake up and scream hysterically over and over for nights on end. I felt so bad for her, and I was worn out. We got a teething necklace when she was about six months old, and after that she only woke up on the worst nights when the teeth were actually breaking through the gums. It sounds ridiculous, but I swear they really work. I tried my daughter's necklace on one day when I had a toothache and couldn't get to the dentist, and the pain almost went away! Here is a link...
http://www.threesisterstoys.com/p-25-amber-teething-neckl...

We also used Hyland's Teething Tablets. They sell them at Kroger in the section where the pacifiers are. They always help except when the teeth are breaking through and causing the worst pain, then we had to give motrin. Clove bud oil (the essential oil) is numbing, a natural option to Orajel, and bonus--your baby will smell like the holidays. Hah.

I hope some teeth break through soon so that you can get some rest!

First let me congratulate you for choosing to co-sleep with you son. I co-slept with my second son and have not regretted a day of it, even though it has it's own difficulties, just like making a child sleep alone. It's not for everyone, and those who don't do it won't understand perhaps, the importance for a child (and parent). Now, for you're actual question, since you clearly stated that the co-sleeping isn't the issue. He's probably teething, some babies get through it easier than others. If you're open to alternative options, try teething tablets or even specific remedies such as belladona or chamomille (homeopathic) for your son's symptoms. He might also benefit from Rescue Remedy since he wakes up screaming. You can find all of these at most health food stores and online (regular teething tablets at any pharmacy). If I choose the right remedy I've had great success with homeopathics. The right remedy can work wonders without the risk, no matter how slight, that ibuprofen and acetaminophen have to the liver and kidneys.

My oldest son had a really hard time with his teething and I spent a lot of nights up and down all night soothing him back to sleep. The good thing is that it passed and there was nothing more I could do than try to make him comfortable and wait it out with him. Now it's a distant memory. This too, shall pass. Hopefully for your sake, very soon :)

-R.

Have you had any success yet? you have to find a pattern all of your own. Some kids sleep and others don't. I have one of each. My newborn sleeps longer at night than my toddler - she never did sleep well. At a certain point I was just plain tired of getting up twice per night to feed her and rock her back to sleep, I was exhausted. Eventually the doctor told me to let her cry one out and she'd go back to sleep. It's hard as a mother to listen to your child scream and not pick them up, but just a couple nights of her in another room with the door closed, and no respose from me, she got the picture and started putting herself back to sleep unless she was really truly hungry. If this doesn't work, try feeding him some oatmeal or cereal before bed with the milk and it should last longer. Good Luck!

ahhh, I just rocked my one year old to sleep and it feels so good to hold them! :) I can't imagine being a working single mom, you must never want to put him down. I would say there is a good chance of him teething and my PED recommends motrin over tylenol. That helps a lot. But, I would also say think about how long you want to keep him sleeping with you. 1 year? 2 years? 4 years? etc. Because eventually he does need to sleep by himself. Once he does, BELIEVE me you will sleep so much better... b/c you won't be worrying about smooshing him, getting kicked, and hearing random noises he makes, etc.

Good luck & remember you know best! You're his mommy.
Amanda

If teeth are ready to erupt, his gums will be 'fatter' and rounder in front than usual (swollen a little). If this is the case, you'll be able to FEEL the little teeth under the skin by pressing with your finger. New teeth have little 'bumps' on the edges for 'cutting' through the gums, and I used to use the flat surface of my finger- or thumbnail and rub til they cut through. Sounds a little cruel, but it hurt for about 2 days then healed up (and you can use Ora-Jel or another numbing formula). Otherwise it can take WEEKS of misery for them to cut through.

I recommend the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". I am reading it right now because mine is a terrible sleeper also. She gives lots of different techniques for helping baby go back to sleep and stay asleep- there is no 'cry-it-out' sort of method that she uses. I don't co-sleep, but the author does, so a lot of her solutions are with that in mind, so you wouldn't have to give it up before you are ready.

Also, I know tons of moms recommend Hylands teething tablets, but my doctor is strictly against them because they contain opiates. I know they have been around forever and that they are probably safe, but I chose to go by my doc's advice on this one. So check with your doctor before you give him anything for his teething. That sounds like what it could be, either that or a growth spurt. Mine does this everytime one of those hits, and they usually come at the same time. I use motrin for the nights when he is really hysterical.

I hope you get some sleep soon, I can't imagine working full time as a single mom feeling the way I do most days.

Hi K.,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. The lack of sleep and trying to be productive during the day can be such a challenge. I, like you, am a single parent(my dh is overseas in Iraq) so I can empathize. However, mine are older (9, 5 and soon to be 2) but I do remember those baby days and we co-slept with them all. I think it is great that you are co-sleeping with your little one and feel there is nothing wrong with you wanting to be closer to him.

Cosleeping isn't the issue here and you shouldn't feel as if you need to change what you're doing because of some of the suggestions. I would definitely be concerned about him waking hysterical. How long has he been waking hysterical? Does he seem to be fully awake or still half asleep? Does it appear that he's in any pain...ie pulling at ears, arching his back, passing gas? Has he started eating solid foods? Have you introduced any new ones? Has he reached any new developmental milestones? I would explore the possibility of teething, food intolerances, changes in his schedule or even new milestones that could be causing what you are describing.

As exhausting as it may be, you are doing the right thing by comforting him when he needs it. His crying is his way to let you know something is bothering him. Listen to it. You've had many suggestions to push him off to his crib and let him cry it out but I don't see that as a solution to your sleep issues. Your little one would be hysterical but alone all while you get to listen.

Remember this too shall pass. I've often found these Hylands Homeopathic products to be very helpful for what you're describing.
http://www.hylands.com/products/calms4kids.php

http://www.hylands.com/products/teething.php

Hang in there, K.! Hugs!

Peace,
J.

Yes , teething is the obvious scenario. This need to be ruled in or out before giving meds or anything like that. Usualy a child will "chew" when this is happening. They will make the motion, and will litteraly chew on objects such as fists, and clothes. When my daughter was teething, she had a very rough time with it. I found that giving her a "large" piece of beek jerky was the best route for her. She didn't like the Melba toast, or the teething rings. She also had dirreha, and therefore diaper rash with it. For that, I mixed 1/2 cup witch hazel and 1/2 cup water in the Huggies Naturals diaper wipes, and allowed her to "air dry" for a few minutes before using pure cornstarch and a diaper. Witch hazel, is safe for use, it is what is used in hemoriod pads. If you have a video camera, I would use it when you put him to sleep. Just let it run. By doing this, you can see if he has a "pattern of behavior" before his episodes. For example, if he is "curling up" it could indicate that he is having gas, or another digestive problem, you can see if he is "chewing" to indicate teething. Once you see what is going on, it will make it easier to know what apporoach to use. My daughter is now 12, and still likes to co-sleep. She has a seizure disorder, where she has seizures while she sleeps. That is a whole other ball of wax. It is not likely, but, your son could be having infantile spasms. Being a nurse, I am sure you would know what to look for in a video, to rule that option out. Best of luck to you.

Have you tried giving him a dose of tylenol before bed or after he wakes up screaming? (only every 4 hrs of course).

Dear K.,
Same thing happend when my son got teeth at 8 months.
Awoke 4 times at night for about 3 weeks. got into the bad habit of needing me to soothe him back to sleep. He was teething and got 2 teeth and then 2 more in the course of 3 weeks. He was in pain, and I used a combo. Infants tylenol and teething tablets(homeopathic remedy), baby oragel day an night time also helped temporarily.(it rubs off).

You may need to go back to sleeping when he naps to catch up.
Hope this helps. You are not alone.

Hi K.,

It sounds like a comination of his teeth and what he might be seeing and hearing around him. Try to avoid cartoons that are maybe scary or very loud in hard scary words. Children at that age are learning to hear and try to understand what is going on around them. And seeing things they still are tryin to understand. I feel their little mind is like a camera and those picture sometime can be scary. And when they go to bed at night their little mind might be bringing out those pictures that could be scarring them. I am just suggesting. I really don't know for sure. Scary thingsc an upset them. Argueing around them very loud, hearing other children fighting and saying things that are scary. I know this world is scary. But we can try to gradually show them in time how to cope with it as they grow up.
I hope I gave you some Idea. No I am not a doctor. Just a mother who care s about our children now.

Have a great day TODAY
Vicki W.

Hi K.,

I also co-slept with my son and he was getting to the point that he was waking every few hours crying and not wanting the bottle. I figured out he was uncomfortable and needed more space to move around. Once he started sleeping in his crib it got so much better - he (and I) sleep thru the night now!! I didn't want to cry it out with him so we did a modified method of gradual extinction called the chair method - basically you sit next to the crib for 3 nights, then gradually move the chair away. It does involve crying but wasn't quite as harsh in my opinion. There were so many issues with my son (previous colic, reflux and throwing up, he was in a pavlic hip harness for a few months) that I employed the help of a sleep consultant, who was FABULOUS!!! If you are interested, her name is Deb at www.familysleep.com. If you want to go this route and have questions let me know. She saved my sanity!

I just wanted to let you know that I am going through the same thing. Daily I remind myself that one day this will pass. I feel that my baby wakes up like this only out of habit. Everyone around me knows that I am sleep deprived and have been for almost 8 months. The other day someone said something to me that I will not forget. Their comment was "You wait for your baby to sleep through the night and when they sleep, you wonder if they are all right." I wish us both a restful night soon.

Hi, I agree w/LouAnn's response. It is never easy to hear them cry but, the older they get, the harder it is. You both will feel better with good sleep behind you. It normally just takes "maybe" a week of being consisent and letting him sleep in his own bed/crib. Then you can make it a treat on weekends to sleep in mama's bed. If you think it is his teeth, can you give him some tylenol?

I would rethink the co-sleeping. Both of my boys were able to self-soothe themselves back to sleep by 6 months of age without ANY issues and began to do so by 4 months of age pretty regularly.

Waking up hysterical means that he is fully relying on you and he needs to be able to rely on himself to settle down and get into sleep.

Seriously--get a crib and use it and after a few nights, I think you'll be quite pleased with the difference. It is dangerous for a nurse to be working repeatedly on a minimal amount of sleep. It could even be deadly.

Find out how long your child is sleeping when he is at daycare or with the babysitter. One of my children got his days and nights mixed up. He was sleeping all day and wanted to stay up all night. I am a working mom too with a demanding career and it was exhausting. The more the baby slept during the day the easier it was on the babysitter and the tougher it was on me.

My oldest son nursed a lot in the middle of the night because he was hungry. He is 18 years old and still hungry all the time. He is 6'0" tall and weighs 215 pounds and he still wakes up once in awhile and gets a glass of milk or a sandwich in the middle of the night.

Feel inside your little ones mouth to see if he has teeth coming in. We gave our little ones motrin at bed time when they were teething. It seemed to help.

Feed the baby cereal and a fruit for breakfast before you go to work. Send the daycare/babysitter cereal and a vegetable and fruit for lunch. Feed the baby cereal and a fruit and vegetable for dinner. Feed the baby snacks in between meals--biter biscuits, plain yogert, cheerios, etc. Your little one may need more baby food and less milk.

Try starting your litte one out in the crib at night. Nurse the baby and put him in the crib. When he wakes up in the middle of the night put him in bed with you and nurse him. Buy a night light for the bathroom and your bedroom and do not turn any lights on if you change his diaper. Do not change his diaper every time he wakes up. If he is waking up hysterical it may be that you are so exhausted that you are not hearing him when he first wakes up. When you get a day off you need to sleep every time the baby sleeps and try to catch up on your rest.

You can easily find out if it's his teeth - rub your fingers on his gums and you should be able to feelt he little nubs of his new teeth. Also likely that the gums will be swollen. Give him tylenol or ibuprofen ( I had better luck with the ibuprofen - it lasts longer ) and of course the ora-gel.
Has he had a cold recently? The number one reason my kids would wake in the middle of the night that often was an earache which in our family will typically follow a cold or sinus symptoms like a runny nose.
If you're thinking earache take him to the doctor. Depending on what they say, ask about a prescription for ear drops. These can help prevent an ear infection in the early stages. I can't remember the name, but it works sort of like putting neosporin on a cut to keep it from getting infected. Best of luck.

Hi K.,

Wow! This sounds really rough. I'm so sorry to hear that he's waking up so often. I've definitely been there. It's so unusual for a baby to wake up and not want to nurse or take a bottle. I'm supportive of co-sleeping. It's not what you want to hear, but I do think it's true - this is a phase and it will end. It sounds like it could definitely be teething. I'm not a huge fan of giving Tylenol and such to babies - but if they're really struggling and in pain, then it does make sense to relieve that for them. There are some healthier alternatives at Whole Foods (you could ask them what they recommend). As a single mom you have to ask yourself if getting more sleep would help you be a better mom and if it would, then you could think about putting your son in a crib or pack and play next to your bed. You're still with him but perhaps he will go back to sleep more easily if he sees you but you're not stimulating him with the cuddles. Ideally, there would be another parent whom you could take turns comforting him - but when the responsibility is all on your shoulders, you have to also take care of yourself so you can function at work and be there for him when you can spend time with him without being completely burned out. I'm a parent coach and could help you process out a plan if you need it.

All the Best,
R.
http://www.noblemother.com

.

You say your issue is not with co-sleeping, but I think it is. You have got to get sleep, and having him so close by prevents that. Even if he throws a fit in another room, if you are further away that is less awakening to you. For your own health, and because you are going to have to do it sooner or later, move him to his own room now and after you go through the inevitable adjustment period, you will get some sleep. Good luck. And is there anybody he can spend the night or 2 with (relatives or friends) so you can get some R&R. I wish I could keep him for you; you are only human.

Even though you want to co-sleep, you may want to consider moving him to a crib. Sometimes they do better in their own bed. Many children wake up throughout the night but if they are in their own room, sometimes they go back to sleep on their own and don't even wake you. Either that, or he could have gas or teething. Try giving him tylenol if he has pain. Fill his belly good before bed, try getting a noise machine in your room, or his. We have one and it is a white noise that soothes them and sometimes keeps from waking at every little noise or at too quiet of a room.

Sorry not much help.

W.

Hi K., I used to co-sleep with my children when they where babies. My son was about the same age and started to do the same thing. My husband and I couldn't figure out what was going on with him. Finally we tried him in his own bed and it worked. Turned out he was ready for his own space. They only was he knew to tell us was to keep waking us up. After putting him in his own bed he slept like a baby. I don't know if that's what's going on with your little man but hey it's worth a try. I hope you find something that will work. Good luck.

I'm am with you on the no sleep. My son is 8 months & will sleep from 8 till 1 at night then up ffor most of the night. He also doesn't want to be put back in his crib.
If he is teething use the teething tablets, the work A LOT better than the orajel. Hope you start getting some much needed sleep.