Help !!!!! I Need Info

L., I hope you are making time to pamper yourself, because you have it rough right now, and you need to care for the caregiver - YOU!

My grandmother also suffered Alzheimers. I'll never forget one of the last times she "surfaced" from wherever the disease carried her mind away to, and realized how bad things were. She begged us not to come see her like this. How painful that she had to realize her own state and feel humiliated.

Here is what I did. I wrote down all the wonderful things I could remember about her. I was the oldest grandchild and had the blessing of having her in my life the longest. There were so many wonderful times we shared, and memories of things she did for and with me. I was able to think of my "mama" that way, instead of the way she was for the last few years of her life.

You and your family are in my prayers...

Call hospice to help you out.
D.

L.,
I have been there with 3 of my great grandmothers and understand what you're going through. I know how hard it is to see the people you love not even knowing who you are, or behaving like themselves, and the heartbreak it brings to everyone around them. I wish I could give you some great advice on how to deal with it, but the truth is that this is one of the hardest things you'll ever go through. When I was going through it, I spent a lot of time writing: poetry, letters to my grandmothers, memories of spending time with them when I was a child. That helped me to focus on who they really were, not who the disease had turned them into. Just remember that even though they may not know you now, the person they truly are will always love and care about you. I'll keep you in my prayers, and wish you the best.

My grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimers about a year before his death. It was so hard to visit him, never knowing if he would remember who I was. But the company always cheered him up, especially since I brought my two little boys with him. He was so proud to show them off, once he was reminded who they were. He would politely ask for names of those of us he couldn't remember. I wasn't there for his final day (which happened to be his 90th bday!), but my uncles told everyone how lucid he was, and how he just wanted to hug everyone, even tho he could barely move, and told everyone how much he loved them.
I would just keep going to see your grandma. Maybe you could make a special picture album for her, with everyone's names under each pic, so she could look at her family and friends whenever she wants. This is such a rough thing to deal with, for everyone concerned. Just keep loving her, and even tho it hurts you, just keeping connected with her will be a happy memory someday. Tell her stories from your past together, and you'll strengthen those memories for yourself, for when she's gone. That way, she'll never truly be gone.
I send you some big {{{{HUGS}}}}.

J.

My grandmother fell and hit her head 3 years ago, which they ended up finding out that she had alzheimers on top of the head injury! Which she would have her good days and bad days! Everytime I went to go see her I always had to remind her who I was! It was hard because I cried everytime I left too! 2 weeks before Christmas she had a massive stroke which cause pressure on her brain and we lost her! So keep you head high and being there will be good for you and her! Best of luck and I feel for you and your family!

I have worked with alzhiemer's people since I turned 15, and it is always harder on the families than the people who are affected.

The only advice I can give is try to remain upbeat and cheerful around your grandmother. Alzhiemer's seems to revert people affected with it to a childlike state.. treat her with the same reassurances as you would a 2 year old, but in an adult voice. They have the same responce to sadness and fear in your tone of voice as a small child would, and they don't understand very well why you are sad or afraid. Singing seems to ground people with alzhiemers for a while.. try singing while you are around her.. some of her old favorites. Music is wonderfully calming to most people.

My grandfather told me once.. if you could change things so they didn't hurt you.. would you change it knowing it would hurt others more?

That applies to so many things, this included.. be happy you get to take care of her and still get to see her rather than the other option, which would be she wasn't here to take care of any longer.

If it helps any.. in my many years of experience, if you remember that you should be happy they are still alive, it helps. Be happy every day they are here.. save the sadness for when they are not with you any longer.

There are those of us out there that send our hearts out to you. Try to reamin calm and cheerful around your beloved grandmother, and save your tears for later times.

Also, remember to take some extra time doing something that makes you happy. be it a buble bath or playing a favorite record that you dance to. Your mood affects all those around you that you love, and if you are sad, they will be too.

L.,

You have it rough this year. I just finished responding to the cancer question. OK, I've been in your position here as well. My grandmother was labled an alzhiemers patient as well. The Alzheimer's Association is a great source of material and research. Here is the website http://www.alz.org.

The research and medicine now availble is incredible. There are lots of drugs that help with cognative ability and help keep patients lucid longer. My grandmother was diagnosed in 1995 with the early stages of alzheimers. The repetative speach, forgetfulness, as well as inability operate the stove and microwave lead us to place her in a nursing home that specializes in alzheimer's cases.

It does break you heart when they don't recognise you or know where they are. My grandmother had good days and bad ones. You have to cherish the good days and memories. Surround her with photos of family. Label everyone in the pictures. The earliest memories and most ingrained behaviors will be the last to go. My grandmother repeated the story of how she meet my grandfather over and over. Have nurses double check for cross medication conflicts. My grandmother took a horible turn for the worse when they removed one medication and sustituted a generic with a side effect of dememtia. She out lived my Grandfather and died in 2004 at the age of 92. Alzheimer's is truly a long cruel sad goodbye. My heart is with you and yours.

J.

Hi L.. Blessings to you and yours. I don't know too much about alzhiemers, but I do know what I would do if I were you. We come into this world naked and as an individual, we leave the same way. Your mother is still the person you love and cherish, treat her with respect and love and care for her needs. That's it. Pretending she is 2 can help alot! Look at her as a helpless little girl and just care for her. Remember she was a little girl once and now her brain just doesn't compute things the way they used to. Always seek the Lord for guidance and ask Him for extra strength in this area and be sure to pray for your mother as well.

I was a home help aid for two years and had a family that I helped with the wife was end stage alzheimers, I came to love this family very much. One of the best things is to keep a routine with her care. She may not be metally with it at all times but she is most likely aware of what is going on around her even if she can not voice her concerns keep an eye on the little things make sure she doesn't have any skin break down and if possible and she is getting nutrish food. If you need any more ideas feel free to contact me, even if it is just for sympathy, I do understand what you are going through.

I did an internship at and worked for the Alzheimer's Association here in St. Louis. It is a wonderful organization- I would start by calling them. They have so many materials, classes, a free 24 hour helpline, and wonderful, wonderful employees and volunteers. And I'd be glad to talk to you, too. My email address is ____@____.com
It is a terrible, difficult disease and I'm so sorry you have to see your grandmother suffering with it.

call the Alzheimer's Assoc, they should have some help. I think they are located in Creve Coeur

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. The most important thing for you is to make sure that you have support either through other family, friends, religious community, a counselor: anyone who can allow you to express what you're feeling and allow you to grieve openly and without apology. One thing that could be very helpful is if she is not receiving hospice care to look into it or to request that her doctor refer her for hospice care. Hospice is very good at providing excellent care and comfort measures for the patient as well as support for the family. My family has used hospice when my grandfather died several years ago, and it made a huge difference. Blessings on you and your family,
T.