Help Getting 4-Month Old to Sleep

I agree that the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby book by Weissbluth is EXCELLENT!! I'd say 2 things. Swaddle him as tight as you can (I know it's hard at 4 months) if he's still sleeping on his back. Simply put, this is because they sleep better when they feel cozy and secure. Sleeping on the back makes it more likely that they will startle themselves awake and it's not a natural feel of security...as their front is against you or cuddled up when being held, so they feel comforted like that when sleeping. And schedule...you didn't say what the schedule you've tried is. With a developmentally appropriate schedule, your baby will surely get restful sleep, as it trains the baby to get quality sleep so they are not overtired when trying to sleep. Keep in mind that sleep while being held does not allow for that restful REM sleep, though I realize you don't prefer that route anyway. :) Before sleeping through the night consistently, we stuck to a 3 hour schedule, so it looked something like this...
6am wake and eat
7:30-9am down for a nap
9am (wake if needed and) eat
10:30-noon down for a nap
noon (wake if needed and) eat
1:30-3pm down for a nap
3pm (wake if needed and) eat
4:30-6pm down for a nap
6pm (wake if needed and) eat
7:30-9pm down for a nap
9pm (wake if needed and) eat
10:30 feed final meal before bed and to bed for the night
feed only as demanded in the night

Once your baby is consistently sleeping through the night, signs of being able to go to a four hour schedule would be consistently needing to wake baby for feedings and not being so interested in eating when it is time. That is when it is time to stretch to a 4 hour schedule. Nap time is halfway between the start of feedings regardless of how "tired" the baby looks to be. Once baby shows signs of sleepiness, they are overtired and it becomes harder for them to fall asleep and stay asleep, so it becomes a tough cycle to break. Typically when you lay the baby down when settled into the schedule, he will be alert and content, but then when laid down, he will also drift to sleep quickly because his body is used to the routine. My first son (now 3.5) took to the schedule really easily. My second son (2 years now) took a little longer to get adjusted to the routine as he was not that great of a sleeper naturally, but he turned into an EXCELLENT sleeper, though a light sleeper still. Within a couple weeks at least, he should be used to the schedule and follow it pretty much himself. Somebody mentioned to read child development books because it is normal for a 4 month old to wake 2-3 times a night. I have a degree in early childhood, a degree in psychology, have worked with kids for years, have 2 of my own, have read many baby books and completely disagree. I guess it depends on what books you read. It's not uncommon, but it is not normal and healthy either...a 4 month old is surely capable of sleeping through the night. A routine helps to encourage it. You are doing well in trying to encourage healthy sleep! :) Feel free to write back with any other questions about it or anything. :)

Denise,

With regard to your guy waking so often...is he hungry? Are you formula or breast feeding? How is his temperment when he is awake? Content or fussy?

I also have 2 boys - a 2.5 y/o and a 3.5 month old. Our first son had colic. It was terrible. After many, many sleepless nights and constant waking, we finally established a schedule and stuck to it...every single day. For Jacob (2.5 y/o) it was bath, bottle, bed every night. We called it the "3 B's". He loved the bath and was comforted by it. I loaded him up with baby lotion, put him in his PJ's and sleep-sack and gave him a bottle of expressed BM right before bed. By 4 months he was sleeping from 8:30pm - 4:00am. He'd wake for a feeding and be back to sleep until about 6:30am.

When Ryan was born this past August, we started the same routine as soon as possible with him except that I actually nurse him before bed rather than a bottle. He's been sleeping from 9:00pm - 4:00am since about 10 weeks. When he hits a growth spurt, he'll wake at about 1AM for a feeding for a couple of days but then it's back to the 9-4 routine.

Even now, Jacob thrives on his night time schedule and he's a great sleeper. At 7pm he gets a bath, brushes teeth, picks 3 books and by 8pm it's off to bed to be sung to and tucked in. We don't hear from him until about 7am the next morning.

I, personally, have never been a fan of crying it out OR co-sleeping. My boys have been in their own bed/crib since about 3 weeks old. We have soft instrumental music playing in Jacob's room as that seemed to calm him. Also, Jacob was calmed by his pacifier. Ryan takes it at night, but not 1/2 as much as his older brother. I was 100% against them until I had our colicky son and it helped soothe him.

Good luck,

T.

Read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It is based on over 30 years of infant and child sleep research. At 6 months our baby slept great through the night (10-12 hours) but had no interest in developing any sort of nap schedule. He too, would only nap for 30-45 mins, but sleep great if I was holding him. Knowing that he would be going to daycare and realizing how crucial sleep was to his development, I had to do something (because I knew no one in daycare or in-home could sit and hold him for hours on end while he slept).

Within 3 days of using the techniques in the book, he adopted a routine of waking around 6:00 - 6:30, napping at 9:00 until 10:30, napping at 1:00 - 3:00/3:30, and going to bed around 6:30/6:45. I was surprised that things would fall into place so quickly, but once I started respecting his natural body clock and need to rest, we were both happier.

Some people love the book and others hate it. However, it sounds like you're really searching for something that works. Read it, and if you think it is something that would work for you, then give it an honest try.

I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Also, with both of my children I had to teach them to fall asleep under conditions that they could recreate on their own in the middle of the night - no pacifier, no rocking, no holding, ect. It involves some crying, but usually for no more than 3 days. Good luck!

Hi Denise,

Another recommendation for Dr. Weissbluth's book. We followed it and our daughter sleeps like an angel. Also, there are approaches that don't involve crying (although the "training" will take longer) so if you do not want to go that route you don't have to.

We started "sleep training" at 4 months and it involves only allowing waking at night every 4 hours so you will still have some night waking. As others said, he's an infant so it's to be expected, but the training eliminates too much night waking and allows for more restorative sleep. If you have any specific questions, feel free to respond, but def check out the book. It will also offer guidance on naps (I think at 4 months he should have no longer than 2 hours of wakefulness at a time, but you will want to confirm that with the book).

Good luck!
C.

My daughter was like this. She never slept. She did sleep pretty good at night, but never during the day! The best thing I can say it is gets better! Your baby just needs you a little more than your other ones did! Nothing wrong with that. I know it is hard. Trust me, I have been there, but it does get easier! Hang in there.

You'll obviously do what you are comfortable with but I can't do the cry-it-out thing. If I'm awake and misearble too and only counting the minutes I'm not sure how that's helping anyone.

Someone else recommended the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" maybe that's another one for you to check out. I just got it so it's too early for me to tell you if it's worked for us or not.

have you tried putting him down with the shirt you wore to bed the night before?? wrap him in it so it's between you and him.. let him fall asleep in your arms... then both he and the shirt are nice and warm, stop jiggling him or rocking him a few mins before you lay him in bed.. the closer you get to putting him in bed the farther you should hold him to your body. Once you lay him down (on his side where he's used to feeling the pressure) lean close then move away slowly.. I had to do that with my daughter who's almost 6months now. Eventually she has gotten used to me just placing her(on her back) in her bed at night.. during the day I need to be close still (same room or ajoining room) for her to sleep more than 30mins:D

Don't worry your not the only one out there. My son is four months and doesn't sleep during the day either. He will fall asleep for about ten minutes and then wake up and the only way he falls asleep is if i am holding him. I talked to my doctor about that and she told me that I needed to try and put him in his crib for an hour a day so he knows that eventually he is going to have to take a nap. (make sure he is feed, changed. all that stuff put some toys in his crib so he can just get used to being in there by himself. If he cries check on him tell him he is okay and leave him alone again.)

As for the night- my son sleeps through the night.try giving him formula and cereal in the bottle RIGHT before bed. Swaddle him and put him to bed. Try playing some music too (soft music)I told my friend about this and her daughter is now sleeping 8-11 hours at night.

Also my son will still wake up in the middle of the night and all we do is go in there give him his pacey (the only time he take and wants it) turn his music on and he's goes back to sleep. It took a while to get him like that and it can be miserable but it is WELL worth it.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Hi, I know how you are feeling, and there is a way to gently help your baby sleep without crying it out. I strongly recommend the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. I used this method with my first son at 8 months when he kept waking up 6-8 times per night because he didn't know how to put himself to sleep without a bottle. I was going crazy getting out of bed at night but would not let him cry it out. My daughter is now 5 months and again I have been using Pantley methods and she sleeps all night except to sometimes feed once in the night. The book describes how to gently help your baby fall asleep without your help. This takes patience in the first few nights, but then you just need to be consistent. It really only took my son about 2 weeks until he greatly lessened the number of wakings and then through the night. He is now 2 and an excellent sleeper-I think this gentle training that I did when he was an infant is attributed to this rather than letting him cry and feel alone at night. The bottom line is to let your baby know that you will respond to all of his cries. Try the book and let me know how it goes!!!

Hi :) I just wanted to correct the last post. 5 hours is considered sleeping through the night until 6 months, not 8 hours. It really depends a lot on feeding methods as well. Breastmilk is SO well digested that it goes through the system more easily. If you are formula feeding you can try to add a little more and see if it helps.
You are right, Ferberizing really doesn't work for a lot of babies, it's better to give him a few minutes, 10-15, to see if he's just in between sleep cycles or really awake and then go to him.
For naps, we had trouble, too. Here's what worked for me (and so is bound to help no one else because that's the law of babies, right? lol, what works for one NEVER seems to work for another...ergh...)
I darked his sleeping area (he wasn't in his own room yet so I actually threw a dark piece of fabric over the cradle that he couldn't reach to pull in on himself). Black-out shades in his room work wonders. I turned on a fan or radio static for white noise so that I didn't bother him. When he woke up an 30-60 minutes later, I went in right away, stuck my hand under the fabric and re-inserted the pacifier he was bound to have lost. He almost always went right back to sleep. If he continued to cry, I would give him 10 minutes and then get him up and try again later.
It took a week or so, but he did eventually go back to nice long naps twice a day. I can't help with the night situation. The truth is, I just figured, it has to change sometime and if what he needs right now is me then that's what he gets. When we started solids at 6 months, he started sleeping through the night.
I followed his lead and now I have a 1-year-old who sleeps 12-13 hours at night and takes 2 1.5-2.5 hour naps a day. The two books that helped me were "The Baby Whisperer" where I learned to feed him when he got up instead of before putting him down and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" where I learned what sleep cues to look for and that I was keeping him up WAY too long and it was messing with his sleep patterns. He fell in to his own sleep schedule and I do everything I can to stick to it. Yes, I miss a few things here and there and I get dirty looks from my MIL when I tell her she can't wake him up to go to church when we visit (is it so much to ask that they just go to a different service time?!). But We both get as much sleep as we want and I'm really happier for it. Everyone says I have the happiest baby they've known and I can't help but think it's because I work around him and his sleeping.
Good Luck!!! And remember what my mom tells me each time I call to complain about something: "This, too, shall pass." :)

Boy I'm with Chanda on this one-I have to disagree with alot of the other advice here. What you describe is totally normal at your child's age-he is an infant! And yeah, it is rough on Mom, no doubt. In my opinion you do need more attachment to your baby,that is largely how you learn to read them and what they need when. They will create the schedule they need as they go, and it will change constantly. When they feel secure they will learn to sleep etc. on a schedule when they are ready.

Denise, I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but the truth is that it sounds like you are doing everything you can - your youngster just isn't ready to sleep through the night yet. Keep trying... and brace yourself, no matter what your first experience was like this might be completely different and take a while. I speak from experience on this one... my first slept great after the first 8-12 weeks - good naps, through the night - the works. I gave myself good pats on the back for my excellent parenting... my second has only just started sleeping through the night... he will be 1 on the 30th! Best wishes and try to nap when they do!

4 months is too young for "Cry it out" Weisblut's book is fab. A 4 month old should be able to sleep 8 hours which is considered sleeping through the night. The weisblut book makes a lot of recommendations. first, make sure baby gets plenty of sleep during the day - is not awake for more than 2 hours at a time. Then for nighttime setting up a pattern that is rest oriented, calming etc. I used some nice music to calm my little one down. Babies do need to learn to fall asleep. It can take a while but after a week or two if you follow either book recommended, usually sleeping through the night follows.

Denise....try reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. It's a very happy medium. I think that 4months is way too young to try to Ferberize your baby. Babies have many different kinds of sleep patterns. I think you'll find this book very helpful.. Best, J.

My guess is this is a phase... most likely a short one. 2 - 3 times per night is NORMAL especially at this age.

I am very concerned about the other PP talking about "ferberizing" an even younger infant.

I highly recommend that you do some reading about infant/child development so that you can see what is normal.

Remember that the first year of your child's life is about establishing trust so that you have a secure and healthy child in the future. Not responding to an infant's cries is dangerous. Babies need to eat frequently and they need frequent attention. This need continues at night...

I'm not sure what about "attachment parenting" doesn't work for you but really that moniker just means being present for your child and trusting your instincts.

I would recommend trying to co-sleep/bedshare. It will do wonders for both of you getting the rest that you need.

Good luck to you. This too shall pass....

I think expecting a 4 month old to sleep through the night is a little much. I think it's pretty normal for them to wake up several times during the night. I don't think you need to co-sleep, if you're uncomfortable with it. It sucks that you have to get up all the time, but just remember, this phase will pass. I can't do the cry it out method either. Does your son have a mobile in his crib? Does that help to soothe him at all? There is nothing wrong with going in to your guys room and comforting him when he cries. Don't let people influence you into a decision that you're not going to be comfortable with. We never let my 9 month old daughter cry it out. She finally started sleeping through the night on her own. It just takes lots of time and patience. Good luck to you! Also, remember what may work for one person may not work for you. A lot of it depends on the tempermant of your child. Good luck again!