Help! Car Seat Anxiety

Both my kids HATED being in the carseat, and it started when they were about 3 months old. Screamed, cried, screamed some more, cried some more... they just plain hated it. Regarding my first child, it was hard to hear her scream (she would sweat profusely too- she really got her point across). 3 things seemed to help for her: 1- Sitting back there and entertaining her if possible, 2- Baby Tad to distract her, and 3- Time. With the second baby, I thought, "Here we go again... he'll outgrow it," and I didn't think too much of it after that. He also wasn't as stubborn/persistent as her. What helped most for him, was giving him something new that he'd never seen before, and he would explore it and be fascinated by it.

They both outgrew that carseat-aversion stage. I forget how long that stage lasted for them... sorry, I can guess that's the part you really want to know. Few months, maybe?

Try to Zen-out all the crying. Be aware of the crying but don't let it get to you, just let the feeling pass. Breathe.

(And shorter, not so frequent outings help too- lets be real).

My son used to not like his carseat either. I started to put him in it regularly at the house so that he got used to it. Also, put some fun toys on it to give her something to look at and eventually play with. If there is something that makes her stop crying when you are home, put it in the car. I talk to my son all the time when I am driving and it seems to keep him calm. I can imagine that babies feel very confined in a carseat so maybe losen the straps? It gets better I promise. My son had colick as well and once he was 4 months old he seems to calm down. Hang in there S.!!

Hi S.. I kinda think you might want to rule out an allergy to something in the carseat materials. You could remove the liner and wash it thoroughly. Probably this is not the case as she does not have a problem in it when sleeping. How about distraction? Put some new toys around for her to play with or look at. Hope this helps!
T.

S.,
My baby is the EXACT same as yours---it felt like I was reading my own request because my baby girl is 3 months old too. I feel as though I can't drive anywhere either because she screams at the top of her lungs, turning red in the face and sweating profusely. I don't get it because she seems to be okay every time I first put her into it in order to take a stroll. She does cry for a little bit before she falls asleep in her car seat while we are walking, but if she wakes up she will scream at the top of her lungs and sometimes won't stop. It is a real inconvenience if we are far away from the house. I tried going shopping with her and it was horrible because of her sweating and crying in her stroller. I drove for 30 minutes somewhere while a friend was in the back with her and she still cried. By the time we arrived at our destination she was drenched with sweat.
I've been experimenting with different things in this regard. First, I purchased an Ergo carrier and she really loves it. I walked with her to the post office (not too far from home) and she loved it so much that she fell asleep. This has happened on several walks around the neighborhood. I feel as though I have a tool that I can pull out if we are shopping or taking a stroll and she wants out of her car seat. Second, I have been researching different toys with lights/sound to put in the car in order to distract her. Several friends said that they had the same problem and that it helped to have a toy to keep their baby from crying. There are 2 toys that I am considering---the Baby Einstein Move & Go Music Mirror or Tiny Love Sea Deluxe Fun Mobile. I have not purchased these yet....cause it hard to drive to the store! However, in reading the reviews for Baby Einstein Move & Go Music Mirror I've noticed that parents who had the same problem as us praise this type of toy and claim that it keeps their baby calm. Lastly, lots of friends with children have mentioned that is is just a phase and that it will pass, which is hard to hear, but also somewhat comforting.
S., I feel your pain, girl. Just know that there are lots of moms out there with the same problem! Our feisty girls will grow up to be athletic, go-getters who are charismatic leaders:)
PS I have a wonderful husband who is in grad school and one spoiled dog! If you live on the Westside (near Culver City) and want to hang out, let me know cause I am a SAHM too!

Hi, S..
Wow...I wasn't alone in this. My daughter is now 7-months-old and when she was about 3-months-old, she also screamed and protested when she was in the carseat. Several things I tried that helped were a carseat toy by Baby Einstein that hangs from the carseat handle, giving her a toy or a little blanket to hold on to (apparently, she would clutch the blanket or toy tightly with her hands for comfort--something I didn't notice until I sat in the backseat with her while Dad drove), but also just talking to her before I put her into her carseat. This seems really odd, but, for instance, I would let her know before I put her in the seat that we were going to yoga class and she needed to go into her seat. As I put her into the seat, I would continue to tell her about what we were going to do while we were out, always making eye contact with her. For some reason, my voice seemed to reassure her and she would inevitably smile and allow me to strap her in. Just know that this phase will pass and she will start to entertain herself in a couple of months. It's so difficult when they're in the backseat crying while you're driving. When it happens, just take a deep breath and know that she's okay. She's just anxious because she's back there alone. She will get used to it though. Good luck!
All the best,
E.

S.,

Seriously consider having your daughter evaluated by Early Intervention for sensory issues. My son screamed non-stop in his car seat the entire time he was rear facing. Going anywhere was an absolute nightmare. Turns out he has sensory integration disorder, and autism. Riding in the car backwards gave him a horrible case of car sickness even as an infant (obviously every kid who get car sick doesn't necessary have sensory issues or autism but it doesn't hurt to make sure). It improved once he could be forward facing but that first year was horrible. If your daughter does have sensory issues, hopefully they have some sort of therapy to help her deal with them. I know they do with older kids (my son has been getting services since he was 2 so we struggled for a long time before we figured out what was going on with him). The other thing you might want to explore is that colic is often food intolerances. My second child had "colic" and I was breastfeeding. Once I removed dairy, soy and eggs from my diet his colic magicially was cured. If you are formula feeding, there are hypoallergenic formulas available. Similac Alimentum or Enfamil Nutramigen are the two that are available in pretty much any grocery store. They are the first level of hypoallergenic. If that doesn't solve the problem there are "more" hypoallergenic formulas that you can get on line or special order through a pharmacy. They are Neocate or Elecare. Obviously if you are breastfeeding, there are more things than dairy or soy or eggs that can cause problems (I figured those out using an elimination diet). If you are breastfeeding and want more info, let me know.

Good luck, I hope you find some answers. I can remember really well how nerve wracking it is to have a screaming baby in the back seat when you are trying to drive.

T.

Hi S.,
Call me today, wed the 5th. I am your local car seat certified specialist and we can rule out incorrect installation and use by making an appointment for an inspection, i'm in the marina.
Babies do not breath well, sleep well and generally hate being in a car seat that is not installed the right way, or they are not harnessed correctly, which by the way is almost 100 percent incorrect in our area.
Like i said, call me today as you cannot replace her and it sounds to me like the seat is not right.
C.
###-###-#### --- you can look me up at seatcheck.org or nhtsa.dot.gov or www.kidzseatz.com

sounds like you are doing what you can. She just has to get accustomed to it. She will eventually understand that this will just be a part of everyday life. Short drives around sounds like a good idea. Smart mommy! She's still soo young, she should get over it eventually. It must be very difficult seeing your baby go through that...poor baby.
Good luck!

My daughter also hated the car seat. But as she grew older I learned something about her-she gets carsick very easily!! Even around town drives if I'm making alot of turns she says her head hurts. You never know...just a thought. By the way, if you have anxiety, the baby will sense it. Keep your cool and just do short little drives...it'll be fine.

I had the same problem with my 2 mo. old boy. He would scream and cry to the point I thought he would choke. We put a rolled up towel under the car seat to change the angle and it changed everything. Now there are no tears and he's asleep within minutes. Changing the angle made all the difference for us. I don't know if this will help your daughter, but it's worth trying.

Try taking the car seat in the house and periodically sit her in the seat, talk to her, play with her, etc. for short periods of time to get her used to it again.

Oh Dear , what to do ?
How about ....
bringing the carseat into the house and there you can use it sometimes just as a seat , a place where she gets goodies ect ... and once she does not assoziate the car-seat with .... all the hectic that goes along with it - trying to get on the road -
you can " exercise " the carseat-thing at home ...
GOOD LUCK WiTH YOUR SWEET TREASURE!!

I am so sorry that you're going through this. The only thing that helped my colicky baby that screamed ALL OF THE TIME in the car was to turn it to a non radio station (static) and turn it up. He loved that and would calm down. It's not good for conversation, but it brought some sanity to me. Maybe that will work for you? If not, keep yourself as calm as you can so that you can drive safely! Eventually "tuning" out the screaming as much as possible gets a little easier (still not fun) but not as distressing. Hope that helps! :)

I am sorry to hear about her car seat problems. My daughter isn't a big fan of her car seat either. It's hit or miss with her. One thing that I always wished was that they made a car seat that I could put her swaddled in. My daughter who is almost 4 months LOVES to be swaddled. She may fuss a littl ebit at times, but aht's a sure fire way to put her to sleep and keep her there.

Then I saw a swaddle blanket made for them to travel in the car seat with. Because, being swaddled isn't about their legs, but rather their arms being wrapped tight. I just made my own by using her swaddle blanket and taking her legs out of the bottom part of the blanket, which allowed me to put the seat belt between her legs. Maybe that will help you? good luck!

we had the same story...the colic and then the car screaming. It is awful. We did a million things to help her but nothing really worked...she just got over it in another mo. or so. I know that does not help much but hang in there...run as many arrands by yourself...she will be over it in no time.

Check under the cloth padding in the top surface of the back of the carseat where the baby's back will be. You will probably see that there is foam only on the top 1/2 of the seat itself. YOu have to put more foam in the lower 1/2. The baby's back is hurting and her sacrum is hitting on that hard plastic. Manufacturers do not cover the entire back of the carseat with the foam padding. Why they only do 1/2 i will never know but for some babies it is a HUGE problem because it hurts their little backs.
The other thing is she may get car sick. Does she face backwards? If you could put her in the middle of the back seat facing forwards it might help her to not get car sick and nauseaous.
This is another probable cause of her resistance to the car seat.

Hello there!!

My daughter went thru the same phase around 3 months. Every time we put her in she would scream! it killed me!!! I can't tell you how many times I pulled over to comfort her... it was tough. I am sorry you're having to go thru it right now.

One thing to remember... When babies get all worked up like that, they DO get REALLY HOT! We would have to turn the a/c WAY UP to avoid her from getting too hot. That horrible phase lasted about 3 weeks and then one day she just stopped. We still don't know why it happened, but my daughter is 11 months now and is absolutely fine in her car seat! I hope the phase ends soon!!!

My son was the same way. I just wouldn't go anywhere if I didn't have too. My niece suggested a mirror that attaches to the back of the passenger side head rest. The mirror lights up and plays music. The baby felt comforted looking at himself instead of the back of my head.
You can find them at Babies R US or any retail store, I believe. This worked for me, I hope it does the same for you.

Hi S.

My oldest son, now 21mths had reflux and colic when he was a baby and would cry every time we put him in his infant car seat, we had the peg perego. He would cry from point A to point B every time he was in the car. Someone suggested we change to a regular car seat to see if it made a difference. We did, got a Britax that fits from 5lbs and up and he immediately was better. Not sure if this will help, but it definately did for our son.

good luck
S.

Our son did the same thing. Here's what we did....we padded the seat (under the cover) with cloth diapers or small towels since there is not much padding between their backs and butts and the hard plastic.

The other thing my husbamd thought of, which worked AMAZINGLY well, was putting a heating pad in the car seat for a few minutes, so it was warm when we put him in it. Those 2 things chnged our lives.

PS You might want to make sure that her spine and butt are up against the car seat, rather than rounded without support. Think about how you feel sitting in a chair slouching....after a while it hurts your back.

Hi S.,

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time in the car. What seat are you using? Have you tried using any soft toys to keep her occupied? (something just for the car) It might be time to move her to a convertible as she might be uncomfortable in the infant one now. Also you could come and check out www.car-seat.org for some great help and suggestions as well. It's a great forum mainly geared towards carseats.

children's electric toothbrush...don't know why. but it soothes my son. he just holds it while it vibrates. good luck!

Hi,
My guess would be that your own anxiety about putting your 3 month old in the car is not helping. Babies can be very perceptive and if you think it's going to be a problem, she's probably getting that energy and thinks something's wrong so now she's going to scream about it, cause what else can she do?
I would try bringing the car seat in the house and making into a fun thing where she can sit and you interact and play and sing songs or whatever, just for a minute or two, then 5 and then 10 and move it around to different places. Then I'd try back in the car, but I think above all else you cannot do this, if you are not in a happy & relaxed state. In fact, you seem worried enough, that I'd try having a friend re-introduce the car seat in your home with you not being in the room. If you can see that it's not a problem for someone else perhaps that will break down your anxiety about it. If that doesn't work you may just have to wait it out.
One of my children did not like the car seat at this age either, but it's just a must-do and after a few months he got over it. It seems like forever in a car ride, but really looking back on it, it was brief. There was even a short phase of crying everytime the car stopped (at a light, even at a stop sign). Who knows why? That too stopped after awhile. All the best to you & please be safe when driving.

Do you have her in an infant carseat or a convertible carseat. My daughter never really liked her infant one my son was the same way as well. I only used the infant carseat when need. The rest of the time I had them in the converible carseat rear facing. I think that they liked it better because they were sitting up more and able to see a little more of the world. Both of them were about 3 months old when they first used the convertible. If you have not tried it yet it is worth a try as you will have to buy one in the future any ways. I hope this helps as I know when they are screaming and getting them selves worked up that it can be hard to consentrate on driving. My son never took a pacifer so I totally get the screaming distraction. Please let us all know if this works. Take care.

Hi S.! Sounds like you're having a time of it! My husband went on tour when our son was 3 months old for about a month and I thought I was gonna end up on the funny farm. He also went through a time when he hated being in the carseat, especially if the car was stopped in traffic or even at a light. it got to the point where my husband and i would try not to stop the car, or we'd reach back and jiggle the seat when there was no way around stopping. Now that he's 15 months old and I get to sleep at night, I guess what i want to say is that I know it's SO stressful when they get hysterical, but the truth is, she's going to be fine even if she screams her lungs out all the way to your destination. I think the more important thing is for you to try to stay calm while it's happening, or even see if you can find a sense of humor about it. If that's asking too much, you might try earplugs, and I would definitely practice breathing deeply while you're driving. I also have a baby who won't take a bottle or pacifier. I'm still nursing, although it's easier now because of course he's eating solids, so other people can feed him. I think I wrote not because I have such great advice to give you, but just because I recognized a slight bit of desperation in your email, and I wanted to just say that the first 6 months are so intense,but it does get a LOT easier! I don't know where you live, but I teach a mommy and me yoga class in santa Monica full of great mamas, www.allyhamilton.com if you want to come!

S.,
I am soo sorry, as we had the same thing with our 2nd daughter. Our 1st was perfectly happy :) BUT, then we got a new infant car seat that was simply too upright for a baby, or atleast for our baby. Anyhoo...I would first suggest that you have the seat base correctly installed...and although it is "safe" to have the car seat without a base I strongly suggest a base. You put it in one time, nice and tight, make sure it's level and simply pop in the car seat each time. Some mothers don't use a base...leaving the chance that every time they put the car seat directly in the car it can be loose, too low, unlevel, etc... Proper installation is extremely important!! Of coure it could be the colic or other issues, but we found it was just the leveling with our car seat and our baby was great after we replaced the car seat. All the best! S.

I had this same problem with my daughter and unfortunately, they just have to outgrow it. Let me guess...she was born in December? I'm not too big on the astrology stuff but read in Astrology Baby Signs that Sagitarius babies don't like to be strapped down. It's so true for my little Sag. She eventually outgrew it (she's 15 months now) around 4-5 months. I wish I had a better solution for you but unfortunately I just had to tune it out while driving. Good luck!

We had the same problem. I dreaded going anywhere with him in the car. What helped was a CD called For Crying Out Loud. We got it at The Pump Station on Vine. It has recordings of a hair dryer, a vacuum cleaner, heartbeat etc. We used to use a hairdryer to put him to sleep at night (the 5 S's) so he found this very comforting. Actually we used the vacuum cleaner track because it sounded most like our hair dryer. If our son was overtired (which was often the case) the CD would almost instantly put him to sleep. He is now six months old and has been over the car seat-is-torture stage for a good couple of months. It has made life so much better! Good luck!

Hi there - I totally know what you're going through because I went, and still am, going through the same thing with my daughter as you are!! It started when she was about three months old and she would be fine when I put her in the car seat but once we got moving she would scream and make herself purple and wouldn't let up for anything. I remember crying and cranking up the music so loud sometimes because I felt like i was just going to lose it. And my drives were NEVER longer than 30 minutes. I hated, and still do, driving alone with her for longer than a 30 minute drive. She has gotten lots better the older she gets - she's now 20 months. She still hates the car, and strollers, so I had come to the conclusion that she just doesn't like to be strapped in to anything for a long period of time. She's an active little one who'd rather walk and run than be in a confined seat. I'd love to hear what kind of advice/suggestions you get on this too because I would sure like to know what can help her, as well as if I happen to have another child who hates the car seat too (God forbid!). I hope things get better for you soon!!!!

Hi S.,
My name is R. and I would like to give you some ideas. First, let me tell you that my husband is a certified safety seat inspector for the state of Nevada. He is a full time police officer. Call your local police dept. and ask if they have an appointed person to adress your issue. I am wondering if the seat fits, is uncomfortable, something is poking the baby etc. My son who is now 15 had colic for the first 4 months. It's alot to deal with. She may be sore in her abdominal area from the colic and that may be why she does not like the seat. BE AWARE THAT PADS OF ANY KIND ARE DEADLY IN A CAR CRASH!!!! Best of luck to you with the little one. Smiles- R.

My son did the same thing. He was colicky for 8 months. It was the worst time of my life. So much stress, the car seat was a night mare. It is something that takes time. I tried to avoid it while I could, and in time, as he aged, and was happier and more used to this new world, he eventually enjoyed it. Don't drive with the baby! It's to much stress, and sort of dangerous! :)
Good Luck- get some rest.

I feel your pain, as I have a little girl who is the same way at 9 weeks and has been all her life thus far! She is such a content child until she gets in the carseat and then...well you know! Well, thanks for asking this question and I am curious to see what advice others have. No matter what I do, almost every time, she works herself into a tizzy. Maybe we should try getting them to sleep before we get in the car as often as possible, anyway. Good luck and wish me luck with mine too, please!

This is a very stressful situation that I also experienced. I dreaded picking up our older kids from school each afternoon. Our baby would cry the entire ride without falling asleep for a good 30 minutes. It's like he felt trapped and anxious to be locked in, babies are smart. A pacifier, bottle, or baby toys were not helpful through these anxiety attacks. Once released from the car seat full of tears and sweat, our baby felt secure and content to be in our arms.

A few suggestions. Make sure your baby is well fed, burped and diapered, with cool clothing. Try playing familiar, soothing baby music during the ride. Another passenger sitting with the baby sometimes helped. Your baby will feel your anxiety and stress, so try to stay calm.

In time your baby will get used to the car rides, don't give up. You will soon learn your baby's cues with further development.

Oh my poor dear. I too had a fiesty one. SHe hated the car. I thought all kids liked the car. It got easier when she was forward facing. I wonder now if she got car sick. Or if maybe I needed to make the car seat more comfy. Feel around if it is scratchy. My girl hates scratchy. Maybe get a soft cover. I dont know if this helps at all. Just know your not alone and it too will pass. Good luck.

Hi S.,
My daughter also did not like the car seat - we found out much later that her "colic" was an extreme case of acid reflux. I suspect now that she didn't like the car seat because the angle that it put her body at aggravated her stomach upset and caused her pain. I have no idea is this is relevant to your situation, but it's just something to look into if it continues...
Good luck!

is your babe up for more than 2 hours at a time? when my son was just a babe i didn't know they weren't supposed to be up more than 2 hours at a time ...my friend turned me onto Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child..totally changed everything..he went from hating the carseat to being fine. Sometimes they're just over tired and that's the problem.

Hi S.:

I would DEFINITELY look into the possibility that your daughter is having allergic reactions to her car seat, or something in the car. Since allergies can now be cured, and in a non-invasive way, without having to put any chemicals in the body, I thought you might like to look into it. You can visit naet.com for more information and to locate an naet certified physician. I love mine and have been cleared of many allergen blockages, and I am absolutely amazed at the breadth of things the body considers allergens, and the unique ways it responds to them. And even better, babies can be treated through a surrogate (you). I have two grandchildren who have received tremendous benefit from naet treatments.

Best wishes,

M.

I wouldn't rule out that she is too hot. My daughter at that age literally had to ride in her car seat with a onsie on and then she was happy otherwise the screaming never stopped.

At one point or another we all go through the car seat dilema. The straps on the car seat might be to tight. I saw this program on TV were the baby would scream everytime they put the baby in the car seat. After careful inspection they figured out it was not the car seat, the straps were to tight. Once the losen the straps the baby was alot happier.
Another idea would be to bring the car seat inside and have the baby play with it.
Good Luck!
T. Salazar

Bring your car seat inside and make sure there is nothing that is poking her or causing and allergic reaction. If not set her in it (don't buckel her in right off)and play with her use it as a chair. feeding ECT....Maybey she will get used to it.

It sounds like she just does not like being turned backwards in her car seat. Some of my girlfriends have experienced this when their kids were younger. They put a mirror in front of them which seemed to help. There are lots of different kinds at Toys R Us or maybe even Target. I think as soon as she is a little older and can hold her head up she will be fine. I know it is nerve racking. Hang in there, it gets better.

My daughter went through that and 2 things helped. One, we moved her seat from the middle seat of the back seats to one of the seats by the window. My doctor thought she could be getting car sick, so having her be able to see out the window helped her. Also, we moved the straps of her car seat to the next level up. She was probably feeling pressed down by the straps so once we gave her some space, she was fine.

my daughter as infant would scream alot in the car. in hindsight I attribute it to gas. when they are in a car seat, this puts them in a bad position to alleviate gas. i would try burping her very well before putting her in her seat, or adjusting her/your diet.
asides from this, somtimes if she was in the carseat for too long, she would throw fits because she wanted to be held. every child is soo unique and each babies threshold is different.
best of luck

Perhaps the restraints are too tight? Just a thought. Good luck.

Hey S.,
First, just wanted to say I have a three month old little girl too. Do you have a mirror on the back of the seat so you can see your little one from your rear view mirror. That really helps to be able to look at her safely. Or my little girl likes things to look at (toys, etc.) on the back of the seat, maybe that would distract her enough.
A.
~work at home mom with two little girls
www.thebest4yourfam.com