Help!!! - Hollywood, FL - Mom with 1 kid

When my daughter was a baby, she was "high need". Instead of trying to make her into something she wasn't and let her "cry it out" or train her to like solitude, I listened to what she was telling me. She needed the contact, so I gave it to her. 2 words for you - BABY BJORN! You can just put them in there and tote them around.
I'm proud to say that my daughter is now 2, very independent and bright.
Enjoy this time because they won't be babies forever.

My husband left to go work out of town when our daughter was 4mos, so I know how you feel, trying to do everything yourself. We couldn't use the carriers. I tried the sling one, she screamed the minute I put her in it; never stopped. She never liked not being able to see out of it. And the other one, that she sits up in strapped in front of you, well, that one worked OK, but she would only stay in that for about 20mins, and it killed my back as she got bigger. I've had severe back problems since pregnancy, so carrying her around all the time as she gets bigger (18 lbs at 8mos) just isn't an option. We had to buy several things and rotate her between them. I used a bouncer, a jumperoo (we got the one that's on it's own stand, but it takes up a lot of room), an exersaucer, the playpen, one of those gyms where I could lay her on the floor (had to put dog and cat up in the bedroom for that one), and even her crib, which has an aquarium and that panda mobile from fisher price (she loves that thing). And I would talk and sing to her while I did my work. Walks are good; I'd take my cell phone and make any calls I needed to make while I walked her in her stroller. She's eight months now, and I still have to do the same things. Except now she's got a few more things, like a walker and a play area where she has all her toys and she can spend some tummy time and practice crawling, and a little bike/stroller thing that I use to walk her around the pool when she gets tired of being inside. Sometimes she just plain gets tired of doing all the same things, so that's when I put her in the car and take her out to run errands - she likes getting out and seeing people and for some reason, she really likes leaning back and looking at all the signs on the ceilings at stores :) Do you leave him in the car seat, or is he sitting up in the cart yet? I started sitting Katie up at about that age, with a Floppy seat which protected her from the dirty carts and has places to hook lots of toys to keep her busy. I put my purse on one side of her, and usually kept my arm on the other until she got better at sitting up by herself. I forgot to mention - be careful with carrying him on your hip while you do housework. I did that with Katie one day while I was mopping when she was about 6mos old, and she kicked back in my arms so fast, she ended up hanging upside down by her leg. And we have ceramic tile floors. My heart just stopped. Thank God I had a good grip on her thigh when she did it. So, I don't carry her unless I can use both hands anymore.

It is ok that your son cries sometimes. You cant get stressed or freak out-they will feed off your emotions....have him where YOU(he does not nec have to see you) can see him and do your cleaning/cooking but dont stop because he is crying if he is not hurt, wet or hungry. Or budget your time to do those things at nap time. Have a routine and schedule and things work smoothly. When in the kitchen I placed the child in a reclining highchair to watch me...in the bathroom and while I am in th shower I used a bouncy seat - cleaning I have learned to do one handed :)

My daughter went through that too, and even now at 11 months some days are better than others. Every one says it will pass, they'll get over it, and so on. Let's put it this way I learned to do a lot of my daily chores with only one hand. And when that didn't work I learned to just let her cry. Also I just did stuff when she went down for a nap and sat next to her on the floor with her while she played with her toys while she was awake. Sometimes though she would be playing and move to another toy or area so I was then able to get up and leave without much fuss and she would be fine untill she realized several minutes later that mommy left. It really does get better. Just make sure your son knows that you are there for him no matter what, and make sure what ever you decide to do helps you keep your sanity. We are no good to our children if we are all stressed out and on the verge of a breakdown. Take time away from it if it becomes too much.
L.

I put my son in a wrap and carried him around when he went through stages like this. He wants to be with you. A wrap is very resitile and can be worn many different ways. Including on the hip and the back. My son loved the wrap and still likes it when he is sick or extra clingy. Here is a website to look at http://www.wearyourbaby.com/Default.aspx?tabid=89 If you look to the left there is a list of carring postions under the wrap folder, the link has instruction. I hope this helps.

I agree with the last response, all your baby wants is to be close to you. My daughter was the same way and the only thing that worked was to keep her on my body. The sling helped keep my hands free. Be careful cooking though, this is one time you may have to let him cry a little or if you find something that works for a little bit use it while you are chopping or doing things at the stove. I have to say that even at 16 months my daughter would rather be on my hip than anything else. Especially when I am in the kitchen. I think she just likes to see what I am doing. I find that putting her in her highchair with some crayons and paper is what works best at this age. This puts her at a height that she can see what I am doing. That reminds me, when she was really little I would put her baby seat up on the dining table while I was cooking. I know your not "supposed to" but it worked and it didn't on the floor. It does get better, even with a "clingy" child. He will become more interested in what he can do as his skills develop. Just nuture his needs for now, everything else can wait. Research shows that the more physical contact you have with your child the quicker they will develop motor skills. And don't worry about spoiling him or getting into a bad habit by holding him all the time, that is a false belief that is loosing popularity.

Is he beginning to teeth yet, sounds like it. There are several wonderful natural Homeopathic remedies that will help with clingy babies, Pulsatilla and Chamomilla, check them out on the internet. I am a Homeopath and they have always worked for clingy children. Good luck

Both my children were the same way. I carried them both constantly. I had back spasisms for months, but would carry on. Some mothers can watch their children cry, some can not. It gets easier as they get older, because they can understand more. But they always want your time, attention, and love. I would invest in a baby sling if I were you. Go to childrens consignment shops and try different ones on, see what works for you both. Some convert as the child grows. askdrsears.com is a great web site to search for info on many aspects of parenting, and they sell a great babysling. http://www.askdrsears.com/

It could be teething... could be separation anxiety and unfortunately, you have to try everything to find something that will work for you. My children were clingy too and when I got absolutely desperate, I put them in the backpack and carried along that way. It's just a phase and it will seem to last forever, but it won't...and then there will be something else. I just always kept in mind...what is MOST important over all?! When you get through this phase, amazingly you might realize how much you miss it! Your children are only babies for so long and phases of growing up and behaviors change in the blink of an eye. So, while frustrating, try to enjoy how much your baby wants to be with you too.

S.,

Try this; talk to your son as if he completely understands you. Walk him around the apartment and show where things are. This is the kitchen where we eat, this is my room, this is your room. Have him touch things in each space. Everytime you change locations, let him know what you are doing. If he has to be in the doorway of the bathroom, with the door cracked while you use it, then fine, talk to him while you take care of business.

Kids get freaked out at various times and just remain calm and keep talking to him. He will figure it out after a while.

D.

S.,

I understand what you are going through. My youngest started acting like that around 7 months. I tried everything and nothing worked. Then I found that if I turned on the radio on low and sang out loud to him while he was in the other room it helped. Atleast long enough to fold a load of laundry. I also cut my day into 3 seperate periods of time. Before baby woke up, while baby was napping, and when baby was eating. Before baby woke up I would eat and drink coffee and read the paper then make my list of what to do. I would get breakfast ready for the kids, then get them up. While baby was awake: I would use his carseat while doing laundry putting it on top of the dryer. I learned that if you put the baby in the clothes while carrying the basket to the other room for folding was a lot of fun for him. Also while doing dishes I would give him sometimes the last clean pot and wooden spoon to play with. Even though he could barely sit up he would lay on his back and swing the spoon. While making beds I would jump on it and then bounce with him on it and set him down and finish the bed. Then his nap where I would watch tv or read a book or shower whatever I wanted to do then get lunch ready and get him up ( I never let him wake up on his own). He would eat, I would throw dishes in the sink and sit down to play for about 20 minutes with him and put him in the carrier while I vacuumed, swept and picked up toys. Then it was back to laundry(you know it never ends) back in the carseat, back in the basket and then I would put him in his bouncer or swing or playpen and go in the other room. I put the radio on low so only I could hear it and sang loud enough for him to hear me while I folded, hung and put away clothes. Then we would play again for about 30 minutes, this time reading and singing. Nap again. This time I made dinner (Always something that would bake awhile or go in the crockpot). When I got him up it was snack and tv time where we watched barney or dora or blue or something rediculous like that. Then my oldest came home from school and we did homework together Aaron with crayons in my lap and Ty with his pencil and paper. Then my husband came home and he took over. I understand you don't have that luxury, but to tell you the truth I didn't need it because I kept him from stressing me out by keeping him involved and happy. Also, I didn't work so I didn't have to worry about clingliness when we got home. Try a few different things and see if it helps. I hope everyone else has some great ideas for you as well.

Also, it seems like a pain but sometimes an hour at the park just watching everything and getting some fresh air can relax you both.

Best of luck
J.

Hi, my name's L., I live in North Port Fl. I have 8 month old twin girls, Julia and Jessica, Julia is exactly like your son. They reach a stage where all they want is you, or just to see you. It does get better, a little anyway! The best solution for me was finding a small stroller, yard sales and thrift stores have em really cheap, walmart isn't bad either, and if I was leaving the room I would have to put Julia in the stroller and wheel her everywhere with me, to the bathroom, doing laundry, dishes, etc. Jessica is fine, once in a blue moon she cries, but Julia was bad. It got a whole lot better when they were able to sit up on their own, it was easier for her to entertain herself on the floor with a circle of toys. As Nathanael gets a little bigger he'll play with the toys a little longer because they'll interest him more.
A really good thing to get to help him learn to sit on his own faster is this seat called BUMBO. It's a small rubbery/foam seat designed to build their ab muscles and back muscles but it is so perfect. You can bring it anywhere and it's so small, we would let the girls sit in them on the table when we ate dinner. They were expensive for what it's made of, 35 or 40, but well worth it in the end! I'm a new mom figuring it out as I go, I hope this helps at least a little, i'm alone all day too so I know how much it means to get a few minutes to do something without the babies!
My girls are three months older, so if you have any questions in the future feel free to ask!!
Bye,
L. P.

I love my Ergo carrier ! www.ergolady.com. It is totally normal for baby to want to be near or on mom. Wear your baby you will both be happier! Good luck ! M.

Seperation anxiety starts to kick in around that time. They are starting to realize they are not attached to you.
Think about it. He's only been in the world for 5 months. He can't entertain himself that long yet. Have you tried an infant carrier like a patapum or mei tei? I'm not saying hold him all the time but trying to get a kid to learn to entertain himself is like trying to teach a kid to walk early. They will be ready when they are ready. Your baby does not know enough about the world to know that you are coming back if you leave the room.

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/content/qanda/seperation...

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babydevelopment/145...

First I want to commend you and your husband for all of your hard work.
I am sure that you have gotten a lot of advice some you agree with and some you do not. I try to be selective in what I respond to because I know it can become overwhelming.
All I can do is tell you what we did and hopefully it will help.

I will admit that when Elizabeth was 5 months and we were going through this is was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Elizabeth was the same way as your son. I could not get out of her sight. I talked with our Pediatrician and he said it was time to begin weeing the separtaion.
First he said make a schedule. Nothing to extensive but 3-4 times a day at about the same time make that mommy and baby time. Then between is cleaning time, cooking time, etc.

He said this process would take about 2-3 weeks.
He said during the cooking, cleaning times let Elizabeth cry for 1 minute, then soothe her without touching her. Then the next time let her cry for two minutes....etc. Slowly but surely she began to realize that there was time that was devoted all to her and other times she had to play with herself.

During the times I was not with her I put on a CD of childrens songs. I got one of those that has like 30 something songs on it.
Elizabeth is 3 now and she has independent play everyday in her room or play room...with her CD. HAHA
I encourage you to be strong! This will be hard. During this time for us I cried as much as she did, but when the 2 weeks were up and I was able to get the house cleaned and all the other things that needed to be done, done I saw it was well worth it.
You can e mail me anytime if you need support! You can do it.
God Luck with whatever you choose to do!
G.
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