Help - Palm Springs,CA

a]At 40 years old, he should seek a medical professional for help. Sometimes a chemical imbalance in the brain is the root cause of anxiety and depression, and medication is necessary.

Universal City Medcal Group
They can help treat depression w/out anti depresants with fish oil, exercise and something else, forgot what....it's for digestion. My doctor wanted me to take Zoloft (I am not really depressed, just stresses) but UCMG recommended another regimine, so I will be trying that. Call them.
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C.

There are various degrees of depression. Some are chemical imbalances, some are hormonal (like in women), some are because of a situation and being bummed out...
He needs to see a Doctor.

As a Mom... you need to monitor him... his well-being, his disposition, anything he says, his behavior if it is manic or not, if he is suicidal or not, if he is just in a funk, if he is not doing basic hygiene anymore, if he has no hope, inability to even get out of bed etc.

Depressed people, often do not think rationally either... so even though you can allow him to express himself to you and you being a shoulder for him to lean on and have someone who cares... you NEED to and MUST make sure... that his depression and behavior is not a danger to himself.
Very important.

Sure, make sure he eats, exercises etc. All that stuff. But ultimately... only a Doctor can assess the degree of his depression and if he is manic or not... etc. Or suicidal. If he is suicidal... make sure he is not by himself....

Monitor him....

All the best,
Susan

If he is clinically depressed, all the sunshine and fresh air in the universe isn't going to "snap him out of it." Please encourage him to seek professional, medical help. You most likely cannot help him other than to get referrals to some very good doctors for him. If he is suicidal and/or is expressing suicidal thoughts or you think he may hurt himself or someone else, please call 9-1-1 and he will be admitted for evaluation. God bless.

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Hi D. I agree with lots of sunshine and exercise. I went through a short round after my divorce the exercise helped more than anything. I did martial arts and my confindence went up I could make my opponet my ex husband and the imagining beating up my ex helped alot. :) My sensei figured this out and started using it to his advantage. My first tournament I started losing to a guy and one of the other guys who knew I was using my opponet as my ex shouted hes your ex husband. Needless to say I won after that.

The chemicals released by exercise make a world of diffrence in battling depression. Let him talk to you and don't be suprised if he hybernates just don't let him do it too much. He needs to get around people in general. ex the store, martial arts, bowling or whatever he likes.

The sunshine made a world of difference getting me out of it too. He needs to deal with the reason he is depressed. Is it cause he lost custody? if so he needs to spend as much time as he can with his kids. There are logicall reasons for depression it is enevitable but how long he stays in it is another story. Death is a reasonable depression. divorce is a reasonable depression. and so forth the depression is just part of the cycle of healing. But he needs to be monitered and I never took antidepressants but I know a whole lot of people it has helped. find him a support group who deal with the type of depression he is dealing with such as a death support group or a divorce support group. Get him active in something. the more exercise he gets out of it the faster he will snap out of it.

can u get him to take some good long walks? or get him involved in some exercise routines? really helps a lot..get him involved in things..maybe he needs to feel needed..or needs to get out and live..or see a therapist..i don't really trust doc's...i went to one b/c i was having severe headaches..she said it was depression ..put me on zoloft..which was totally insane ..i had every side affect..turned out i was allergic to the perfume i was wearing...and that's why i was having the headaches which were in turn makng me depressed..
i think the human body needs to exercise..i always am happy after i run in the park

good luck sorry he's down..the 40's can be depressing years..i'm 45

Call the Dept. of Mental Health in your county. I work on a crisis team for the county of Los Angeles and we go out to counsel people who can't or won't seek help for depression, suicidal and/or homocidal thoughts or psychotic behaviors. Is he willing to seek help? Is he self medicating with drugs or alcohol? Does he have health insurance? Legally he is an adult and it's up to him, but a mental health expert may be more persuasive than his mother. We also have the authority to hospitalize patients against their will in certain cases providing they meet the legal criteria.

Hi D., while no specialist in this matter, it depends on what level his depression is. Is this his first go round or is he clinically diagnosed depressed? The direction I am going, is he may need professional help.

Otherwise, talk to him everyday, open the window coverings and allow extra sun to shine in the house. Let him know you love him, even though he may not respond, tell him anyway. Fill your home with life, live plants, flowers, and a clean and healthy environment. Be sure he eats as best as possible. Vitamins, as well exercise are just as important for our physical health, as our mental health.

Best of luck to the two of you.

Before any help can be given, the son must admit that he has a problem. Once the problem is admitted, then seek help through your health care provider referrals. Medication can help with therapy. Depression is very often caused by a chemical problem in the brain as well as situational or both.
If you think the person is suicidal, then you need to have the person put on a 72 hour hold. Of course, that is a last resort. Do not say "get a grip" or "suck it up" or "be a man" as those platitudes do nothing but aggravate. If he will not admit to a problem, you might need a family intervention. Living with depression is awful. I never want to be in that place again. Good luck.

You didn't say what form of depression he is sufferening from, but if he is living with you and threatens either suicide or hurting you, calling 911 will bring instant help to your doorsteps.

There are two books I found helpful, but your son probably wouldn't read them unless he thinks he has a problem. There's a book called UNSTUCK that discusses treating depression without medication, and another book called THE JOY DIET, which talks about adding more joy into your life. But if this is a clinical depression, he may very well need some type of medication, at least initially. Good luck.

Hi D.,

Hard situation. My advice is to encourage him to seek help. Depression, as I'm sure you already know, is a very serious condition that can cause some BIG problems. Sometimes, the person with the depression doesn't even know what's going on with them.

He may not want to hear what you have to say, but as a parent, you've got to take steps to protect your child .. even if he is 40 :)

Be strong and have faith that things will get better. He needs you right now.

Best of luck
W.

D., first know that you can not help someone who does not want help. Second you need to know what you are dealing with. There are a lot of great books on the market (Potatoes not Prozac comes to mind) but really until you find out what you are dealing with, nothing will matter.
I am a Family Success Coach with a specialization in Nutrition. I am a firm believer that we can heal our own bodies with food. Start here www.BestBreakfastEver.com both of you. Give it 30 days and see if you still have the same questions.
I will be happy to help if you want.

B.
Family Success Coach

Among the help he needs give hime some herbal tea with raw honey daily

Try to reverse what his "head" is telling him. Men usually get depressed if they have no money, no sex or no power/ego. Does he have or just lost his job, see if you can help him with the job search, if he is not getting loving, well..he probably needs a therapist for that one, and if he has low self esteem, see if you can boost him up with praise. Good luck!

You may want to suggest an herbal supplement to treat depression and anxiety. Its called Luminex and it contains natural ingredients like St Johns Wart, griffonia seed, folate, and vitamin B12. Its not recommended to be taken with other medications, but it may be an alternative to psychotropic medications. I was treated for anxiety last year and have found that Luminex has been more effective that the prescription medication my doctor prescribed.

Get your son to a doctor id deppresion took meds talked with my dr and got better i am now 86 travelwith my husbands on business aata least 3 times a year to will work A. no hills we have 4 children A. no hills

Sometimes they have to come to the decision on their own. They need to be the ones to understand that there is a problem. If he does understand that and wants help, the first thing is to see a psychiatrist, they can prescribe medication if that is what he needs. The next step is to see a regular psychologist to work out the issues that are surrounding the depression. I have been through this with my husband, his depression led him to a nervous breakdown, please don't let it get that far with your son. My husband went through 2 1/2 years of mental health recooperation. That's what I have called it. We also saw a marriage counselor together during this time also. It was what we needed to do to get him healthy again.
He was on medication for 6 months, then we were introduced to a company called Neurogistics which really helped naturally instead of chemically. Also changed his eating habits and exercising really, really helps.
I hope your son finds the help and solace that he needs!

Really hard situation isn't it, fellow parent. I am experiencing the same thing with my 35 yr old. However, my son has always struggled with ?????? that made him a difficult youngerster to raise. He had and can have just a horrid temper, he does not like to be alone in his home as he becomes very lonesome. I believe he has "brain chatter", the never ending thinking over everything that develops into worry and anxiety. I have suffered through panic/anxiety my whole life, and there is evidence that there may be organic origins for mental health issues. I have always talked to my son periodically telling him that he does need to see a psychiatrist & a therapist for talk therapy. I didn't harang, I just revisited the subject periodically, especially when I knew he was having a particularly bad time. It is my opinion that people who have major life issues, generally by 35 have a major event of panic attack or ??? This usually gets them off their butts as they get scared to death after going through the experience and have no desire to repeat the process. That was the case with my son and suddenly he took all the right steps. He can talk more easily about his situation and is very aware that he did and does need to work on improving the quality of his life. He also sees this is very possible and so has a very open mind and is willing to get to his appts. He was put on Lexapro and a tranquilizer that has helped tremendously. The current group of SSRI's, though good in many ways when the PROPER one is found for EACH UNIQUE person can be a true life changer. These meds however absolutely have some side effects that are not pleasant at all causing many people to give up on the meds prior to the meds actually getting into their systems to actually do some good, this can be 2 - 8 wks. You can be a tremendous help if you sit down and think back over your son's life, take a deeper look at any illnesses, accidents, tendencies (inattention, anger, anti-social, fighting, day dreaming, school performance, etc.). How was the pregnancy? What drugs were given in delivery? How was your health & appetite as a couple? Did you smoke, drink, take meds (even aspirin) were you exposed to things that could be toxic or was your spouse possibly bringing toxic elements in one his clothing? Did you have lead paint in your home, asbestos, etc. I know it sounds overwhelming and likely you won't need to be answering all this, it's a guide to get you thinking. Consider your discinpline practices and those of your spouse and other family members. Could he have been abused, beaten, or shamed? What about coaches? They have a lot of affect on kids and can make a great athlete or can destroy a kid's spirit, the same with teachers. If you can build a biography of health, home life, experiences, and make sure you think about any parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents who displayed mental health issues, then you can provide a very powerful tool for a psychiatrist to look at that will help him to treat your son. My son was of course scared to death that he would shame himself by crying or appearing less that a man if he went to the doctor. He found out that the experience has instead helped him tremendously so that he is beginning to relax, plan and feel so much better for the first time in his life. He isn't married at the moment but has found a neat gal that is very supportive. They are taking their time in the relationship and not creating pressure for themselves to meet a deadline of a make it or break it. I can only suggest that you have your son read this post and perhaps he will see the sense in getting in to a psychiatrist. He should not see a general practictioner, they are not trained or equiped to deal with mental health issues. Eisenhower Medical Center has an outstanding group of docs that are right in your neighborhood. Finding a compatable doc should be quite easy. If I may suggest, just due to a lot of experience with docs, therapists, mental health meds - I would like to suggest that it is OK to start with the simplest meds first such as an anti-anxiety, access and add if needed. What seems to be depression can be soooo many other things in the mental health area. Commercials make everything sound like depression but the symptoms that they list can also be ADHD, ADD, Bi-polar, anti-social behaviors, Obsessive-compulsive, PTSD, brain injury, brain tumors, thyroid, etc. Obviously, he nor you can really begin to even rule out what is and isn't going on. You can get him in the the doc who best seems to have the knowledge of the major symptoms he exhibits; at this moment, you feel depression is the issue so a psychiatrist is a great place to start. Since you are in an area with just tremendous medical facilities, there is no reason to not jump on this immediately. Your son could easily see a psychiatrist within a week I would think. He could begin to feel dramatically better within a week to 10 days. If that doesn't motivate him to get going, I don't know what will. You can offer to drive him and wait at the office. He can decide if he wants you or another person to accompany him into the presence of the doc. You likely may not get all kinds of info out of your son that you may want to know after he sees a doc. Patience. As he becomes more relaxed, sees positive things happening, he will likely open up more. And if you feel that you may be the cause of all his problems, write that down with all the other info and give all your backup to your thinking. It doesn't mean you are at fault but your thinking and feelings and how you handled your relationship with him, your discipline, your patience or lack thereof, your screaming or rage, your spanking, threatening, whatever; just write it down. I guarantee you likely were functioning exactly as the parents of the same time with the morals, discipline methods, expectations, of that time in history. At 58, I am just beginning to learn that the area my son was raised in had a very powerful strict discipline theory regarding children that was shared by pediatricians, OB/GYN's, neighbors, church members, teachers, everyone who I came in contact with at stores, parks, you name it. Looking back, I think the theory of discipline was extremely harsh and I would not repeat what I was TAUGHT by others but we are vastly affected by those around us as young parents and unless we were blessed with a natural ability of parenting, we did rely on our community to be our guides, so I hope you are not beating yourself up. I have real confidence that you and your son can make a huge jump to better things if you share this email. And I can honestly say, my son is feeling more of a man than a wimp these days which has boosted his confidence immensely. I don't wish people luck because no part of this is luck. You and your son are on a hunt for find the best psychiatrist to help him. Call the hospital, they can give you suggestions as to which psych doc have specialities in certain areas. You fight to find the right doc, the right treatments, the right answers. You don't give up and don't let your son. You will be successful and it will be because you committed yourself to getting your son better. So here's to much better quality life in the very near future.