Hi, I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, but it may be sorta long since I don't want to leave any details out.
I'm 24, with a 3 year old son that I love dearly. My problem I think is within myself. I have been married for 3 1/2 years, but we have been together for 8 (since I was 16). It seems as though my husband & I have grown apart & don't share any interests. We live with my mother due to financial issues. When he comes home from work, he plays with our son for a little bit then goes to "our" room and watches tv or plays his Playstation. Anywhere between 8 & 9 he hooks his playstation to the internet and plays till 11 or 12. Needless to say, we spend very little time together. Which I complain about but truly don't care if I spend time with him or not. My question is this: Is what we're going through normal? And if it is what can I do to make things more bearable & not so tense in the household. And also how do I know if its me that I'm unhappy with or is him that I am unhappy with?
Thanks in advance!
S.,
you and your husband should talk and go to family counseling. This is something the two of you need to work on or it will only get worse. If he won't go, go by yourself. Even if you are the only one going it will help.
K.
Regardless if it is normal it is not acceptable. I would discuss it with him and share with him your thoughts... if you are interested in staying married I would suggest a marraige encounter or weekend of some sort to reconnect without your mom or child around and then see where to go from there. Good luck.
Have a good sit down with him. Find out where his head is on this. Obviously it isn't the ideal situation. Find out if, given the opportunity to date again, if he thinks it'd help. If you start dating again and you're finding that he's not the person you want to keep dating, maybe he feels the same but feels honor bound to stay put because you're parents, you're finding out answers.
He could be feeling ashamed too about not being able to provide adequately. Guys mentally retreat. So if he goes in and plays video games, challenge him to be a player too. Have some fun that way. But definitely get some answers because this could just be temporary due to circumstances.
Or it could be unsuitability.
Some churches offer exercise classes. There should be mom groups out there you could get together with. You may just need to get out more.
Hubby needs to get out more too. Maybe you could take an nice inexpensive walk.
But don't neglect yourself either. You may end up needing to find work to support yourself. If you're living with your mom, can she watch the baby? Is there a way to earn some $ while being a stay at home mom?
Look for answers and possibilities.
Hi S.,
I like your name, my name is Stacy!! :) I feel so bad for you. To be in that kind of marriage is not fun, and alot of people these days would probaly give you the advice to leave him, but that is not my goal here. I have been married for 6 1/2 years, and at first it was a struggle. But now I love every day of it because of a book we both read. It's called the 5 love languages. I'm not a psycologist, I can't even spell the word, but I do know what it's like to have your love tank on empty. It sounds to me like both of yours are empty. If you read the book, by Gary Chapman, and apply what it says, I can guarantee within a few months, you both will be happy in your marriage. Maybe, if he's willing, you can both read it together. But if he's not interested, then it will have to be you alone trying to repair your marriage. And it can still work, if you are willing to do it. Eventually, after you start speaking his language, he will automatically give you what you want because you have filled his love tank. Also, it sounds like he is very stressed out about your financial situation, and some ways men cope with it is to withdrawl into their own little world, as is the case with the video games. He probably feels like a failure as a husband, father and caretaker of his family. The worst thing you can do at this time for him, since his self esteem is so low, is to nag him, or yell at him. Instead, be understanding, and build him up as a man. A lot of compliments his way will go a long ways for him right now.
I hope this has helped some!
God Bless,
Stacy
