Help!!! 3 Yr Old Refusing Pullups at Night. :(

My daughter is 5 and still not totally night time dry.

I went a bought a completely different style/pattern of "pull-up" and told her they were "nighttime panties". You could use the nighttime underwear" for big boys who sometimes still have a few wet nights.

That way their pride about being a big girl/boy doesn't suffer...

He is so proud of big a big boy and not needing diapers/pull-ups...that makinghim wear them at night is insultinghis feelings....find him some "special nighttime UNDERWARE"

Good luck!!

Can you give him a choice? Strong-willed kids often do really well with these, since it lets them stay in control.

Put some underwear and some milk next to each other. Say, "You can have one, but you can't have both. Which one do you want tonight?"

I know it's weird to put these two items right on the same table or whatever, but at this age, kids need to see things right in front of them to make sense of alternatives. You could do the same thing with a pullup (show it next to milk) -- "The milk goes with the pullups. They go together."

Long term, it sounds like you're going to raise an independent guy who thinks for himself. And that's a good thing.

Don't take away his cup of milk. That's not why he's wetting the bed. The brain actually creates an enzyme that signals the kidneys to stop producing urine while the body sleeps. Some kids don't make that enzyme until later, some kids start making that enzyme at a very young age. The child has no control over it, no matter how much they might wish otherwise.

I think you're just going to have to tell him, "Your body isn't ready to be dry at night. We all need to get a good night's sleep. You will need to wear night time underpants at night until your body is ready to stay dry. It's not your fault, and I know you are trying really hard to stay dry."

Would it help if you allowed him to choose some night-time underpants (pull ups)? Maybe a brand or design that he doesn't associate with potty training. He may feel like he's still wearing diapers like a baby, when he feels like a big boy now. Perhaps buying a different type would help. They do make night time pull-ups that look a lot like underwear. (My nephew had to wear them until he was 8, poor kid.)

Hi E.,

As many have said, its a biological thing with night dryness. The body is either ready or not. My daughter wasn't night dry until around 5, and my son is 3 and day trained, but still pees a LOT at night.

What if you just tell him his body isn't ready and put a diaper (not a pull-up) on him? He may be associated the pull-up with his day training days... and in my experience once they master that, they will refuse to wear a pull up again. But a diaper might be different enough, and maybe take some pressure off him. (Who knows if he is feeling pressure? Maybe not.)

It might be worth a try.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to do deal with changing sheets and so much laundry. However, if you do decide to go that route, one trick I learned is to layer three or four sheets onto the bed, with a plastic sheet inbetween. That way, if anything happens, you just strip off the top sheets and the plastic sheet (which should be fitted, they are really cheap to buy at any Target or Bed Bath & Beyond) and VOILA, new set of sheets. This was the best advice anyone ever gave me on parenting.

Good luck!

You could try using incontinence pads like they use in hospitals and nursing homes. From what I understand there is no way to "night train" a child. Either the body is ready or it is not.

If this is a battle you are not willing to take on right now, I recommend buying a waterproof mattress pad (they are not truly"waterproof" just water resistant- we have them on all our kids' beds) and then buy the good nights mattress pads. then layer it all - Line your mattress with them, put the waterproof mattress pad on top, then another one or two pads (where you son sleeps) then sheet then your son, then one blanket or sheet on top.
This way you do not have to always change the mattress pad and the soaking stuff only goes into sheet and cover. Also, this helps protect the mattress from smelling like urine.
Good luck. _ Oh, we use the good night pads as a precaution with my 6 yo. He still has night accidents:(

No pull-up = no bedtime milk. All other liquids stopped 1 hour before bedtime. Wake him up to use the bathroom before YOU go to bed. You have to be in charge, not him. I have a VERY strong willed daughter too, so I understand exactly what you are dealing with. Just be prepared for the meltdown over the no milk and the waking at your bedtime to pee.

Good luck and stay strong and consistent. Don't cave in!

If you think it is less of a battle to wash sheets than it is to fight him, I'd let him try. I'd offer him the pull up every night and if he refuses, remind him that he can put his sheets in the hamper, change his pjs and go back to bed. Or use a mattress pad and explain that no pull up = mattress pad.

And after a few days he may decide it's no fun waking up at 2AM to do all that, he may learn to do it on his own and you get to sleep, or he may choose the pull ups. I would also put a potty where he can easily get it so if he wakes up just in time, he can pee there.

My DD is 4.5 and still needs pull ups to sleep in. She is unhappy about this, but she is not usually dry. I told her that if she wanted to give it a go, I would allow her to not wear them over Spring Break (when waking up soaked - because she will sleep through it - will not ruin our morning). I expect a lot of laundry and we'll just see how it goes.

Nighttime is honestly more about physical ability and biology than daytime training and some kids get it at the same time (like my friend's DD) and some don't.

Nighttime potty training is something kids grow into. It is a physiological process, it can't be rushed. The body has to mature to the point that the child is capable of staying dry overnight.

This is all per my awesome pediatrician.

I say all this because restricting liquids and waking kids to drag them half-asleep to the bathroom won't help if the kid isn't able to remain dry. Setting a goal that your child is not biologically able to reach is a recipe for failure and disappointment.

I have a very strong-willed five year-old who still needs a Pull-up at bedtime despite having been day-trained since before he turned three. Most of the kids in his kindergarten class are the same way. My son didn't like the idea at first, and fought the Pull-ups, but we insisted. I have no interest in the daily bedding change and extra laundry. If changing his bedding everytime he wets is okay with you, by all means, get some waterproof mattress covers and layer them with sheets, cover, sheet, cover sheet, etc. so you can just pull off the top layer and go back to bed. Otherwise you could try letting him choose his Pull-ups from the store. Different brands have different designs, we have had good luck with that. Or offer the choice between a Pull-up and an actual diaper. That may make the Pull-up look more appealing.

Good luck, I hope this goes more easily for you all soon.

My son was day trained at 3 1/2 but he didn't stay dry through the night till he was 7 1/2 yrs old.
Some of his friends wet the bed till they were 11 yrs old.
Restricting fluids 2 hrs before bedtime is common, but it doesn't help if their bladder just isn't mature enough.
Kids can sleep very deeply and many times they sleep right through wetting the bed and only notice it when they wake in the morning.
You could have a very long time of dealing with a wet bed ahead of you.
It might take more than one night of what you went through last night to get him to wear pullups at night.
Ask if he remembers what happened last night this morning because if he was sleepy enough he might not have any memory of being awake at all.
You might be able to say 'you can have your bedtime milk only if you wear pullups at night' and he has to be wearing them before he gets the milk.
You might be able to say - you wet the bed last night and you didn't wear a pullup so you are not getting <what ever treat he wants> until you wear a pullup at bedtime without fighting about it.
(Keep in mind that sometimes they can overflow sometimes even if they ARE wearing a pullup - but at least it keeps the bed soaking to a minimum most of the time.)
With my son the rule was he had to wake up dry 2 whole weeks in a row before we stopped using pullups at night.
He never fought me over night time pullup wearing - he wanted his bed to stay dry too.
They do grow out of it eventually but it's hard when you are going through it.

My son who is the same age fights it sometimes. Usually he will comply if I explain to him how wet his bed will get etc. If not, we do the battle. I am not getting up in the middle of the night because he is crying over a wet bed.

Sometimes if he is particularly stubborn, I will wait until he is asleep and then sneak up and slip one on him.

If you are willing to do the laundry every night keep doing what you are doing. I myself have never been willing to do that. There is no telling how long he will wet the bed even without the cup of milk since milk digests as a solid not liquid. My son is 10 1/2 and is now on meds to not wet the bed. There is no way that I would have known this would be the case but if I would have let him win that kind of a battle back then I would have been doing WAY too much laundry because I let my son have his way. They do have alarms you can buy that but I don't know how well they would work for a kid that age and you would have to get up too. It has a liner that goes in the underwear and when there is any dampness then the alarm goes off and then you get him up and have him go to the rest room. At 3 a lot of boys though are not ready to be night time trained.

My son did the same thing. We would sneak them on at night after he fell asleep. Then he caught on and would take them off in his sleep, sigh. Then we learned that the pull-ups cooling sensation was really bothering him, so we went with more expensive 'over-nighters' (that was what my son called them, I can't remember the name now, but they are more like underwear, very soft, and come in boxer style). We would just keep it simple and calm 'until you're old enough, these are overnight pants' kind of thing. Then at 4-1/2 he said he wanted to were pajamas with no underwear at night (he was naked until then). We said we would try it - it's been 3months and only 1 accident. Good luck!

Well, we took away pull ups for our daughter. Because when we did this with our son, after a week or so of him waking up soaked, he started waking up dry. I am not certain how long this has been going on, but it's possible that after a few rough nights, he may get it. So if it's a new issue, you may want to give it a bit more time. For my son, pull ups were "permission" to pee.

This plan did NOT work for our daughter. She and her little bladder just aren't there yet. And unlike your son, peeing the bed doesn't wake her up. I have come in to find a soaked bed, to the point of finding her hair wet and she slept right through it.

Every time we decided it was time to go back to pull ups, we had the same melt down. Plus tears and "I'm a big girl". So we let it go. We did the laundry. Waking her up before I went to sleep was of moderate help, but she still wasn't consistent (water or no water after dinner). I seriously did this for almost a year. It was exhausting. THen one night, I slipped the pullup on her when she was asleep over her clothes, just to get a break. Eventually, she became more comfortable about the idea. She still doesn't love it, but she does it. So is a "covert operation" a choice?

For a while, I also put a mattress pad on top of everything. When she had an accident, I could simply pull that up and a new blanket, and at least be spared the sheets. We just started pulling out extra clothes and leaving them by the bed to avoid a hunt for clothes too.

Another option may be an underwear cover like they have for cloth diapers. A friend I know, made her own cloth diapers and fashioned some to look like underwear for her kiddo. If you have sewing talent, that may be an option.

You're saying you haven't taken away the one big variable in this equation. How can you know what he's biologically capable of if you're essentially setting him up to fail at staying dry by giving him liquids right before bed?

I know every child is different, but at 2.5, if we didn't drink after dinner, went potty before tub and again after stories, he was able to stay dry.

I would tackle the milk issue first and allow him to wear big boy pants. He should continue to help you clean up. If / when he gets tired of being wet, perhaps he'll be agreeable to keeping them on at night.

Thank you, everyone. I truly appreciate the feedback.

He doesn't want to wear them, so don't make him wear them. Easy. Put down a waterproof mattress pad under his sheets so that all you have to worry about will be sheets. Wake him up about an hour before you anticipate him wetting during the night and take him to the bathroom. Make sure he uses the bathroom before bed.

His not wanting to wear the diapers is a GOOD thing. Not something you need to "prove your point" on. It means he needs night time toilet training.