HELP!!! 16 Months Old and Has Attitude!

I agree with the time outs. I've been using it on my 2 1/2 year old since she was one (I didn't start that early with my other two so it has taken a lot longer to work on them). But with the youngest I was consistent. Same spot (corner, sitting facing out - not facing the wall- I want her to see life still going on without her), said the same thing each time I put her there and for the same amount of time (1 minute for each year of age). Here's the kicker though. For me I use time out as a time for them to THINK about what they have done and why they are there. So I don't call it TIME OUT... I call it THINK TIME! So... if she is crying or getting up it doesn't count. She doesn't get out of time out until she has sat quietly for two minutes straight (now she is two). And now that she can talk.. I ask her if she is sorry or if she is going to do what I've asked her to do (depending on the offense).. if she is being stubborn and says NO... then I sit her right back down again. It is VERY rare that she doesn't conform the first go around. Also, we've gotten to the point that all I have to say is "Do you need to THINK about this??" 99% of the time she straightens right up and we don't have to spend much time in the corner anymore.

Totally normal, she's getting close to terrible 2's....all kids go through this i think. Time out doesnt work for a child this age, they can barely stand in one spot for 5 seconds....let a alone time out. With my kids I just used to ignore them and once they saw that i wasnt paying attention or bowing to their every need they stopped b/c i wasnt falling for it.
Good Luck, this is only the beginning......

Me...with 3 boys all age 4 and under, I use spats on the hand as my form of dicipline....it's not for every family, but for us, it works. It's a swift form of punishment that they easily understand...and it's something that I can still do while on the go. I don't tend to use time outs myself because we are ont he go alot and time outs are hard to enforce then. Ignoring does not work...the tantrums will only get worse and worse untill you do pay attention to her. Time outs actually can be effective....just make the time out spot in a place that she will understand what's happening....for example, place her in a corner during the time out. Whatever you choose, nothing will work unless you use the method EVERYTIME its needed.

You've got to be kidding me. She's not even 1.5yrs old yet!! time out?? spanking?? Is she tired? Is she hungry? Is she just having a bad day? This is way too young to discipline her at all. If she's melting down then sit down with her and let her know that you're there. She doesn't have the verbal or emotional skills to tell what's bothering her so she just lets loose. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just stop and scream our heads off?? Oh wait, sometimes we as mother do just that.

Let her meltdown. Let her have it all out, she'll be better for it. Just let her know you're there for her and with her. She doesn't have an attitude. Just wait till she's 3, then there's attitude.

She's not manipulating you. Let me repeat. She. is. not. manipulating. you. At this age it's all very primal, very instinctual. She's upset - she cries, she's hungry and frustrated - she cries.

Hi,

I also have a 16 month old girl. This is a difficult age for babies--their little minds are growing so fast & they are learning so much about the world around them. The temper tantrums are your daughter's only way of expressing her frustration about not being able to communicate.

She is really too young for any kind of punishment--she won't know what you are trying to teach her--she will only know that you are angry with her & it will probably just make things worse.

If you feel overly frustrated, you can put her in a safe place (like her crib) & take a few minutes to go outside away from her screaming & take some deep breaths. Remember that she is not trying to fight with you, she is just really frustrated.

Try also to figure out what is frustrating her--is she tired, hungry, needing redirection?

I know it can be overwhelming to care for a toddler! Good luck!

L., mom of 16 month old Isabella

well im a 22 yrd stay at home mom mititary wife also with a 3 and almost 2 yrd. well i used to watch the nanny, great tv show and with daddy being gone alot the kids do tend to act out more. i found that the naughty map works great for me. almost like time out but buy a mat bath mat pretty mat whatever u like. put it in a place where there is no tv games toys. when she does go crazy put he on it for one min. (suppose to be 1 min per yr of age) tell her if she gets off it starts again. it wont be easy trust me and u have to be though u can NOT let her win. we she is done tell her u love her and hug her she may not be able to speak but when she can teach her to tell u that she is sorry and once she does that she gets off. now if she is still cry while on the mat and her min is up still let her off and hold her. she did good she stayed on the mat and that isnt so easy for them. once she knows that the maats is there for when she acts out it will be easyer for u to keep her on it. main thing is to not back down and to remind her when she is done that u love her and always will. worked for me hope it works for u

My 1st daughter is 18 months old. (2 boys 11, 5-2 girls 18m, 6m) and she is as sassy as sassy gets. Sometimes it is actually so funny I have to bite my tongue not to laugh. With my children, ignoring has always worked best. From my experiences with my children and friend's children, them not understanding discipline is bull. You just have to figure out which way is most effective. Redirecting works better for my kids. Every child is different, so I have had to figure out what works with each of my kids. I also feel each fit may need a different avenue of discipline. If she wants to play with your glass knick knack-trade her for something different, sit down and let her hold it in your lap for a bit. The share it. Once she checks it out she won't want it anymore. If she doesn't want to do what you are wanting her to do, ignore it but this is one you can't give up to and let them win. Once they realize what they are doing does work, they will start manipulating it. You can, however, show them the better side of it. Say a bath-while she is having her fit, get it ready, put a few toys in there, and then point out the fun. Way out what you are discipling about it...is it the end of the earth? a safety issue? or will it really hurt to let her put spaghetti in her hair?

UNfortunately, mommying is a game of trial and error for the most part. Time out may not work as far as expecting her to sit in a chair and not move, but you can try turning everything off in the house, putting toys away and have just quiet time when it is getting to you.

There are thousands of books on parenting. Read them, then adapt what works for you. Just remember as soon as you get it down, they grow up and you have to change it. She will have her terrible two's, then her terrific three's and so forth...like a roller coaster..it will go back and forth.

Good luck, hang in there.

Manda said basically what I was going to say. My son still needs to be put in the time outs but he is completely aware of what is going on and is wonderful almost all of the time in my opinion because of consistency with this method. Best wishes.

Every child is different and will respond to different things. Recently a posted a similiar question, except my son was hitting. I used his playpen that wasn't being used for anything else and put him in the playpen in his room by himself for a minute and a half. Honestly I didn't think it would work because he screamed his head off and within a two hour span I put him there four times the first day. But a couple of days after putting him in time out and simply saying "no hitting" when I took him out, he pulled his arm back to hit me and I said "time out" and he stopped mid swing! Just be consistent and it'll turn out right. But remember most kids go through that phase and what you do now will guide him for later.

Best of luck to you.

My advise, find some punishment that she doesnt like and be consistant with it!

She does it to get your attion. Ignore her and let her do her little fit. Just walk away and see what she does? I did that to mine and still do. All three of mine did that one of them still try to do it but when I walk away she stops now. Good Luck she will grow out of it.

I am a behavioral therapist and I would love to talk with you about some strategies and techniques that would help you in your home with your 16 month old. Please write me at ____@____.com

I have to ditto what others have said. Ignoring it works best. I had to ignore my son and refuse to look at him or talk to him until the behavior stopped. Then I would stop what I was doing, because I would have started something else and leave him with his tantrum, and go back to him and say that the behavior hurts my feelings. For the most part, the being by yourself throwing a fit got really boring as long as I didn't go back in there and yell or anything. Total ignoring. When my son was her age, I would put him in his play pen and remove all toys and just walk off so that he was in a safe place for him to kick, cry, scream, and fuss until he stopped... usually ending in a self induced nap. Hahahaha
Good luck.
Keep your chin up, it really gets better as they grow and it becomes worth every minute of it.

Dear M., AHHH!!! I remember being a first time stay at home mom seven years ago!!! How wonderful the days!!! Word of advise, Redirect! Redirect! Redirect! Don't focus on the negatives, but give her lots of security and Praise! Praise! Praise! She wants and needs you!!! One thing I did with my daughter at that age is we played preschool. Go to a teacher supply store and find a preschool curriculum and work from that! Set up centers, read stories, play music, the list is endless. She will love it and so will you, because she will become content within herself and she will play on her own happily. I hope this helps!! Deborah :-)

It may seem like she doesn't understand but they understand way more than we give them credit for. The key is consistency. Choose your discipline and do it every stinking time, no matter how you don't think it is working. What happens is that you sit her in time out, she then throws a fit and you give up and try something else. So she thinks if she throws a fit when you do something else that if she throws a bigger fit the next time you will give up as well. Yes, even at this age they can be manipulative. You have to hold out until she gives up. It will take longer now because you did not stick with it but don't despair, it will work.
I only use spankings for safety issues like running in the parking lots or streets or the issues that I call deal breakers for me. My kids know that, even my son with mild autism knows when he crosses a deal breaker line cause he will look to see if I am headed his way.

Good luck,
C.

I think it is important to understand child development and what she is capable of understanding. She doesn't know how to properly express herself so it comes out in frustration. She can't have what she wants immediately and lets face it ..its no fun not to get your way. This too shall pass. It seems to get worse at times but it is just a stage. I think redirecting her to a positive activity and ignoring her bad behavior (as long as she isn't hurting someone) Often time these tantrums are a request to have you intervene. Try a hug and help her with words to describe what she is feeling (e.g. I am sorry you are feeling angry) then redirect. Don't take it personally she is trying out her autonomy.
Best Wishes!
S.

Carol A and Dawn have got it right. Listen to them.

As far as 16 mo. old not being able to sit still for more than 5 seconds, I disagree. All five of my children could sit quietly during church at that age. Because I expected them to.

Dear M.,

I encourage you to get a copy of 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' by Tedd Tripp. That book changed our family so much for the better! We read other 'discipline' books, but this one went so much deeper - to the 'heart.' I found a used copy on www.amazon.com if you want to check there.

Also, I encourage you to log on to www.AboveRubies.org and click "How to Subscribe" to start getting a free subscription to their magazine. It is a very encouraging magazine which helps support mothers. Hang in there - this is a just a season!

Blessings,
R.

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