HELP! 13 Yr Old Son Told Friend He Wants to Run Away

My son is 15 now. I wouldn’t worry, it sounds like you are a wonderful mom. He is just acting out because he got in trouble. Hang in there as the responsibilities change for him as he changes from a boy to a teen then to a man things do get a little different, and they should. He has more responsibility now and if he gets in trouble it is important that he has consequences, it is your job to teach him that. He will adjust. He probably is jealous of the younger daughter but that is normal. Keep doing what you are doing!

My son will be 16 next week. I also have a 14 year old daughter and have been single since they were very small (dad now deceased)........dropping grades and abrupt changes in behavior can red flags..did you ask him about the grades?..if you have not done so make a chart of expectations/responsibilites and consequences.....make it very clear.....he is at the age where he needs strong parenting while he is pulling away and figuring out who he is.......let me know if I can be of more help

Assuming that both of your children have the same father, it doesn't sound like the father has been gone for too long if your youngest is 3. A lot of children have problems with divorce or no father around this age. This is when they need their father the most, especially boys. This isn't why I'm responding to your question though, it was just a though I had because my parents were divorced when I was 15 and I know how I felt. The reason I'm responding is because I want to tell you to keep being your sons friend. My mom and I got along the best when we were friends and she would relate to me rather than be a parent and tell me what she thought she should. There are ways to tell your child what they should do and also relate to them, such as "The parent side of me wants to make you do the right thing but when I was your age I probably would have done this. I want you to do the right thing but I'm going to love you no matter what and I'll always be proud of you." I'm only 20 right now so being this age is still pretty fresh in my mind. My mom and I are best friends now but I used to get so mad at her sometimes that I would say things to my friends that I didn't mean. I'm not saying to ignore what he told his friends, but I think it's just a stage. Whatever you do, don't let him find out that you read it off of his phone because that will just make him madder than he is already and that's not a battle you want to fight...... believe me. My suggestion to you (even though this may sound bad) is to take your son out of school someday and just go do something that he really wants to do. He would love missing school and think you were so cool for taking him to do fun things. That would bring you closer and calm him down. Maybe while you're out you can ask him questions about his friends and girlfriends and if he's happy at home and things like that. Never stop being his friend or parent because he needs both! He'll grow out of this. Also, as far as his grades go, once I hit his age, I got a "social life" and all I could think about was hanging out with friends on weekends and having fun. Just because his grades are slipping doesn't mean that he's doing anything bad, he could just be less interested like I was. Tell him that he needs to get ALL of his homework done before he goes with his friends and if his grades are bad on his report card then he'll be punished, but give him the chance to do it right. Also, if there is something very important to him going on friday and his homework isn't done yet, let him slide every once in a while and do it the next day but make sure it gets done. He'll begin to resent you if you don't let him go sometimes. I hope this helps!

I agree with Laura. Are you his friend or his mother? I had friends growing up whose parents were just like "one of us". They would toilet paper people's houses with us (and drive the get-a-way car). They would buy alcohol, etc. But when one of their kids had a serious problem that required punishment other lifestyle changes, the kids would rebel and go from loving their "parent" to hating them. It's great to have a good relationship with your kids, but there's a difference between being their friend and being their parent. Also, it could just be a phase now that he's in those difficult teenager years. Talk to the school about his grades/behavior. One thing my school told out parents was that kids will rebel and distance themselves as part of their mental preparation for becoming an adult and being responsible for themselves, either in the working-world or in college.

It sounds as if you are more of a friend than a parent. Since you said you had him early and that you 2 grew up together. At some point you should have expressed being more of a parent disciplinarian so that now you wouldn't be going through what you are. It is nice to be friendly but your job is a parent and not a friend. My soon used to get after me about things when he was younger about what his sister (3 years younger) would be doing and I would say to him, "Who is the parent and who is the child?" He would answer me and say that I was the child. There were times that were tough especially at this age but he was trying to find out who he was and flexing his identity. Just hang in there and contact the school and ask him questions one on one without sister being around to see if you can get at the bottom of this. Good luck to you.

I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but could it be that you have set yourself up to be his friend and not his parent? because that is what it sounds like from what you wrote. my 13yo son has not ever acted that way, and i to joke with him, etc. but am a STRONG disciplinarian. and he knows exactly what the rules are and my expectations. it also sounds like there are some "friends" involved. the changes you describe are what authorities describe to be warning flags and should set off lots of bells and whistles. man, oh man, i would so be up his butt and in his business, i would be all over him like stink on a skunk. i definatley think that you should go to the school and talk to his counselor. i would also see about getting a good role model male figure in on this to help him through this part of puberty. i think some of these things are phases but that doesn't mean that you should tolerate his behaviour. not tolerate it at all. if you don't set some boundaries and expectations aside from being his friend he will be running amuck. he needs you to be his mom not his friend. and i think you need to harden your heart and not take his verbalizations personally, but don't tolerate them either. remember you are the adult.
good luck,
L.