Having Trouble with Recognizing Letters

Hey I bet if you back off a bit and relax that you find she will come into it on her own. I homeschool and I have a 3 year old as well. He loves to play school but he also loves to give the wrong answers to questions. Quite simply it is his way with controling the situation. I don't worry because I know he knows it. He just doesn't want to be quizzed on it. For example I was putting the dishes in the dish washer the other day and he was watching me. All of a sudden he jumped up and said NOOOO mommy the blue cup goes next to the other blue cup. But when I asked him earlier what color his crayon (blue) was he told me yellow with a smile. I would seriously focus more on playing games. She is young and has many more years where she will have to do worksheets and flash cards. For now just let her be 3.

M.

I'd have to second that shes tired of it. shes only 3.5 dont push her let her play.Let her watch shows like sesame street, and blues clues. both do letters. Its easier to learn stuff for kiddos if its a game or on TV.

You are pushing too hard. Lay off for awhile. Then try again after 3-4 weeks to see if she's interested again.

Wow! My suggestion, as a former preschool teacher, is to back off. 3 1/2 year olds do not need to be doing worksheets or flashcards. Learning at this age needs to be self-directed and play-based. She has the rest of her life to do worksheets and flashcards. She does not yet have the developmental skills to sit and learn this way, and will become frustrated. This could lead to defiance and avoidance of schoolwork in the future.

Do not push her. At this age, learning needs to be active, physical, movement based. You can point out her letters to her and talk about them with her, but you don't need to be quizzing her on them. Learning should be relaxed, fun, and as natural as possible.

Hi C.,
I have been through what you are describing with some of my children. What I finally realized (with the third child), is that sometimes the more you try the farther backward they'll go. For me, it has happened with potty training, learning to read or write, and learning addition facts. With my third child, I finally decided to let go and not even let it be an issue. Within 2 weeks, she was doing everything like a champ. I just waited for her to want to do it on her own, and she did. This approach has now worked with the rest of my children as well. In fact, my 5th child (little boy) potty trained himself (without any prompting from me) at 19 months!

Even if this doesn't work for your little einstein, she has plenty of time to master these skills. Most children master them around the age of 5-7. If she pushes you, then it's great for a 3 year old to learn her letters. If you push her, then you may set up a lifetime of distaste for learning. If you set up a great learning environment (which it sounds like you have) then just relax and let her enjoy learning at her own pace. You'll both have a lot more fun!

She's only 3, what's the rush? She may be feeling pressure to perform and it's not fun anymore. I'm a kindergarten teacher and see children of all levels as they start school. If you're afraid she will be "behind" when she starts school, don't worry, their little minds are like sponges! You'll be amazed at the things she will learn when she starts school. Let her have fun being 3, she'll be in school for years, but she'll only be 3 for a short time!

Before I get too far into my reply, let me tell you that I've been in education for 12 years, six of which I taught "gifted" labeled students, and I'm currently working on my doctorate in leadership. I currently help teachers with interventions for their struggling students and provide professional development with them. I have worked a small bit with the Rollins Center whose director has done a lot of research into dyslexia. I say that so you know where I'm coming from...

No matter what the media or other moms lead you to believe, it is NOT developmentally appropriate for a 3.5 year old to be memorizing letters, doing worksheets, watching DVDs, reading, or the like. I do know that some kids can do those things and even enjoy those things. I also understand that parents really want their kids to be successful and to give them a leg up on their learning. However, the research on this is extremely clear. Neurologists and brain researchers have been telling us for years that children's brains grow through play and experience (check out NPR, they just did a couple segments about the importance of play http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7683.... When we structure our young children's activities so much, we actually hinder them rather than help their brain development.
Another thing that the research is clear on...reading to your child is the number one way to boost achievement. Reading to young children promotes language acquisition and literacy development and, later on, achievement in reading comprehension and overall success in school. The percentage of young children read aloud to daily by a family member is one indicator of how well young children are prepared for school. In particular, a mother's education is consistently related to whether or not children are read to by a family member.

I'm sure your child will be able to master the code of language eventually. It's just not time yet. If he/she still hasn't memorized his ABCs by mid kindergarten year, then you may need to be concerned.

I homeschooled for two years and something I learned the hard way is that if a child is not flourishing, you need to change angles. First of all, she is young, and this is a repetitive process. This is also rote learning - which is not nearly as important as the loving to learn and the learning how to learn.

My advice would be to do many more games that are hands on (see below) or do games that go to less rote learning - like shapes, colors, patterns - or whatever she guides. Believe me, I understand that we think they are capable so we want to see them perform, but you need to let her guide the process or she will resist learning. Further, she will need to review many, many times before she gets any value. Reading simple books to her that she picks out tracing the words as you read them is way better than her learning the name of a letter. If she shows interest in reading a leap book, do it. She will learn the sound better by emphasizing it as the starting letter. The name of the letter is not nearly so important as the sound.

You can have her play with rice and you sing the alphabet. Hide a few plastic letters in the rice and sing a song stopping on a letter. See if she can find it in the rice bucket and pick it out. Games that are fun and hands on - not worksheets- make all the differenct. Try to find a book on sensory learning or learning using all five senses - they could be very helpful for you.

Having said all that, if over the next year, your instinct tells you she is resistant to learning, you may want to check out an educational testing consultant. I think 3.5 is not the time for this, but you don't want to throw your instinct out either.

Sincerely, J.

C.,

I might be a little late writing this but at 3 1/2 your daughter has other things to be learning - you might be putting college before high school so to speak. My experience has been that when we push something on a child too early, they'll rebel in a very big way. Saying that she doesn't recognize the letters may be her way of saying that she just needs a break. Keep the hooked on phonics low where she can see it, but don't say anything about it for awhile. She may eventually bring it to you and let you know that she's ready again. For now, let her watch Sesame Street - she'll get lots from it.

My youngest daughter learned to read at 4 and was reading at 2nd grade level when she went to Kindergarten. The Kindergarten teacher chose to put her in a 2nd grade writing class to get her writing ability to match her reading ability. She felt so inadequate with her writing skills that she had issues with them all the way through. I really wish that we hadn't taught her to read that early - I think we would have had a much better outcome.

I believe that even though we are well intentioned as parents that we try to get our children to do so much ahead of time. We cause a lot of damage by this because they make up things about themselves when they don't get it "right" and these limiting beliefs follow them through to adulthood.

Let your daughter go at HER pace - not yours. The results will be just fine :).

You might also want to take a look at the reasons that you want your daughter reading at such an early age...

L.

I wouldn't stress about it or pressure her to do it either. You want her to think learning is fun and you may put a bad taste in her mouth if you keep going at her about knowing her ABCs when she acts like she doesn't. Besides, she's only 3 so enjoy her while she is still a kid cause before you know it they are in school and you'll wonder where your little girl went!!

~S.

My son just turned 3 and wanted a Super Why birthday. If you haven't seen the show, it's on PBS and has helped him learn letters, spelling and is even trying to write. One of the things on the show is their super duper computer. It spells out an answer to their initial question. Along their story adventure, there are super letters hidden along the way. One of the decorations I made is the super duper computer. I put blanks on it that would eventually spell out Happy Birthday. Then I cut out super letters and hid them all over the house. He had a blast finding them and putting them in the blanks. He had so much fun we've done it multiple times. I also made new words for the fun of it. He runs around laughing like crazy. I don't point to the space, I tell him the row and what number blank and he puts it in the space. It's a ton of fun.

My 4 1/2 yr old also knew his letters pretty well at age 3 1/2 but he gets tired of saying them..and the abc's song try other things that might interest her like books on animals and just say the first letter it begins with I think us parents can sometimes push a little much and it becomes boring. There's great tv kids shows as others mentioned that help kids learn in a fun way. Trust me she is learning I thought my 5 yr old would be bored in kindergarten but yeah know sometimes it best to let them have something to learn then to try to have them know everything before kindergarten.

Hi C.-
Your daughter may be acting this way b/c she's stressed out...I know it sounds crazy, but kids are very intuitive. If she senses that this is "work" or that you are disappointed in any way, she may lose interest altogether. You might want to try and let her guide the learning process...My 2 yr old LOVED (and still does) his magnetic Leapfrog letters (you can get them @ WalMart). You put each letter in a box and it tells you what the letter is and makes the sound of that letter as well (they have upper and lowercase). He also really likes the Pooh ABC's video...not sure if it's too young for your daughter, but it's worth a shot...Only about 30 minutes long and really cute. She WILL get there, don't worry!

My child was doing fine in daycare when she started the first grade I noticed that when we read together she would skip over words and just make things up in the story. I didn't think to much until I read about dyslexia. My child is now a young adult 22 years of age and was diagnosed with dyslexia at age 16. I asked the teachers at a young age if they notice this and they said no. Upon years of tutors, I found a Dr. Jack Cramer in Roswell that tested her and she was diagnosed with Dyslexia and ADD. She has been on Adderall XR ever since. In high school at Chatt.High they never gave her the time of day until I approached the school board to allow her special accomodation. We found that as of today she has a six grade reading level and but is really smart and has an IQ of 167. She see reading letters, backwards. While doing regular assignments at home she is fine. Doing a test, well forget it she gets all nerved up because anything with a time limit on it she cant even compute the words. She is at her third year at Auburn University and is in the disability program which allows her to have her books and assignments read to her off from the computer.They allow her to have extra time on test and also some professors allow her to take her test verbally. What a difference it made from a written test of 20 out of 100 to 100 out of 100 done verbally. Her testing that Jack Cramer PHD MD did in Roswell the Wexler Testing proved that she was really smart and should either be in Architecture or engineering. Why because the math is strong and she is really brillant with numbers and loves to draw. The medication has been adjusted over the years and some parents have told me that they didnt like their child taken this type of drug. But for my daughter it works because her disabilities are true. The side effects since this drug is really know as speed doesnt race her up it levels her out. Only the front part of her brain works this is why she can not read, your brian has three parts for reading and comp and she only has one. We did go to John Hopkins and had her tested to and it was true what Dr. Jack Cramer had told us from her testing. I was so flustrated with no help from the school board and wanting her to go to a mentally challenged school as they would not offer any assistance. Today they have remediate reading courses at school but the teachers dont want to take the time, you have to do it. I would buy the same school books that my daughter was taking in school and would read to her every night. It helped but her test show always a poor score, her homework and extra credit assignments help keep her grades up, We only had a few teachers at school that would help us. GOod luck have her checked out. As your pediatrician for a recommendation to where she can go and be tested. It worth it the flustration she had all those years really destroyed alot of happiness for her since the school board were such idiots. And her friends would do well and she wouldnt, they were always wanting to bump her down to the r-group and she was not happy. I thank god now for giving me the courage in talking with her and taking the time to help her everyday. I am a full time working mom and single since she was 2 years old and raised her alone. Its horrible to have your child call you crying or come home crying when someone has made fun of her or a teacher had pointed her out in a class. Good Luck!

Your daughter sounds a LOT like my son. He is now nearly 4, and will balk me at every turn when I try to introduce academics to him. In comparison, my daughter, who is now nearly eight, could read by the time she was 3 1/2 and most of her ability was absorbed from reading together and occasionally asking her to "help" me sound out words. A lot of her ability to read at that age was simply that it interested her to do so.

I found it comforting to read that in (somewhere in Scandinavia... am blanking now...) they don't start teaching kids to read until they are 6 or 7 and they have on of the highest literacy rates in the world.

I know from experience that trying to coax or pressure or force my son into playing "school" with me will result in resistance. We expose him to phonics concepts throughout the day and don't ask for him to do anything with it. He collects the information in his head and occasionally "spits" it back out in ways that surprise us. When the mood strikes him, he will sound out words in the environment (a colorful billboard, a book cover with a picture that intereste him, words on a t-shirt), and I have been pleased to find that if there are short vowels and no digraphs that he actually CAN read a few words. Not that you would know it if you try to work with him.

I honestly think that there is too much pressure for kids to read early, although, like much of education theory there is NO evidence to support early reading with improved learning or ability to read better down the road. I DO believe that our schools have ridiculously low standards and that we are churning kids out of our public school system who can barely read and who can't reason at all. But I DON'T think the answer is to encourage earlier and earlier reading. In fact, it may be counter productive, if they are burned out on school before they even start.

At age three, kids naturally enjoy exploring ALL kinds of things around them, and all the things they learn at this age will stimulate their brain and their curiosity. If they love learning new things, eventually that love and curiosity will fuel their interest in reading (or de-coding the secret language of books, signs, and secret notes!). Please don't rush your little girl... if she is showing that she does know the answers but is refusing to answer, I think it's a clear signal that she's feeling very stressed by situation and wants to stop.

Anyhoo - best of luck and I hope I didn't sound too preachy!

I'm not usually an advocate of television, but we got my son the Leap Frog Video, "Letter Factory" and after watching it several times on repeat during a 5 hour trip to Atlanta, he knew all his letter sounds. He knew all his letters before hand, but I'm still a huge promoter of that DVD. And his preschool teacher said it's just as important to know the letter sounds than the letter itself. Good luck!

Have you tried reading the ABC Book by Dr. Seuss? It's a wonderful book (my favorite) that makes the letters exciting! You could also read any book and stop in the middle of the page and ask her what letter starts a word... when she answers you'll continue with the book. That will make it "real" to her and she will see how it is useful to her in her everyday life. You could do the same thing with signs while you're in the car... point to a sign and have her tell the letter and what sound it makes! It could be a fun game that you can play while in the car... I hope that helps!

Letter factory from Leap Frog! Both of my sons learned their letters and the sounds before they were two. My youngest son could barely talk but he knew his letters.

Have you tried alphabet cookie cutters? Or,cutting the letters out from cardboard, using sand or something she can feel to trace the letters... this helps with the writing because it involves touch as well as vision. Investing in alphabet puzzles (I have one from the dollar store that is also a bath toy) that has different textures for letters also helps.

Patience is a must, never let them see you stress!

Good luck!

M.- mom of 3 girls now grown, grandmother of 2, stepgrandmom of 1

There could be other reasons, but if you haven't had her eyes checked yet, please do. My daughter had some trouble learning her letters at that age and she really should have had glasses. I didn't check here until about a year later. It is recommended that kids have their eyesight checked early on, but somehow I didn't think to do this for my 3rd child. She recognized numbers fine and didn't have other noticeable problems.

Like the others said, I think she's just tired of it. I know with my own kids, any time I try to do anything with them that is too much like "teaching" (flashcards, worksheets) they are NOT interested. Try backing off for a while and taking your cues from her. Try to find ways that make is seem more like a game. Some of the things we did... when we would go to restaurants with a kids menu, I'd ask my son to find letters in the word search puzzles and circle them. We also have a go-fish game that uses letters and animals that start with those letters. We had an ABC train floor puzzle. They liked all of that...

Have you tried rewarding her with a little treat for each correct letter, such as 1 M&M or 1 Reese's pieces. Once she gets used to getting them correct, you can make it a game without the candy and take her to the dollar store and let her pick out a treat if she does great all week!

I'm guessing she is tired of it. She's pretty young for all of that. I suggest you try more imaginative play for several weeks and give the letters a rest. Read her stories without discussing phonics and let her develop her own interest. See how she reacts and if she mentions letters on her own. Then, slowly mention letters here and there in a fun way as they come up in daily life. There's no reason to rush her. I encourage my almost five year old to do environmental reading (basically just figure out the meaning of things from context clues). She can navigate around Internet Explorer by herself using her Favorites list even though she doesn't read yet. She is great on the preschool websites too. She loves to "read" books by looking at the pictures and telling me the story. If your daughter will be in public school, you may want to consider slowing down or kindergarten will be a real bore. My older three children do great in elementary school, but I didn't push them to read early. Good luck.

Why in the world would you push your 31/2 year old to learn letters? She needs to be developing the critical thinking skills that come through play. Rote memorization of letters will help her with nothing but alphabetizing files in the long run. She needs to be role-playing, learning how to make decisions and be independent, working on fine-motor skills, and most importantly having fun. Her refusing to identify letters is her way of telling you enough is enough. It's not age-appropriate play and you run the risk of making her not enjoy learning and literacy activities. Why not read to her and ask her a lot of questions about the story and make sure she comprehends what is being read instead?

She probably is tired of it. We all want what's best for our little ones and want the to succeed, but I do think that 3 1/2 is young for that much emphasis on worksheets, flashcards and such. She has plenty of time for that. Most kids this age learn an amazing amount from play. Relax and enjoy this age, it will be gone before you know it...I have 3 kids and it seems like just yesterday that I was helping my oldest with homework in Kindergarten when in fact I just did pre-registration for high school with her for next fall. She has plenty of time to learn academics, let her be a baby while she is...she will learn it all...I promise :)

My daugthter learned her letters through DR. Seuss's ABC. She loves that book. It was fun for her to learn. Now if I could find a counting book like that.

I would think this is her way of telling you she has had enough. We really like the leap phonics videos and my son new all his letters and sounds from these by the time he was three. We would do letter puzzles and such with him but we left it really loose. He just turned four and can read simple words very easily but we still don't pressure him about what he should know. There are three DVD's in the series and he still enjoys watching them. Now is seems to be ready to start more formal teaching. I find they kind of let us know when they are ready... or not so ready. I used to try and force it but research shows no benefit to learning it early. It does not make them better readers. I have homeschooled all 11 of our children and they all learned at very different rates. I have a 6 year old girl who still gives me fits with reading but I have learned to let it go and she will read when she is truly ready. She knows all the sounds and letters but for whatever reason has trouble putting it all together and remembering what she sounded out. My oldest daughter was the same way and now we have to pry books out of her hands!

Hope this helps some!

Sincerely,

K.

She may just be bored with it if it's something that she's doing all the time. I'd give learning letters a rest and then come back to it in a few weeks.

I don't know if you have tried the Leap Frog dvds,but they have one called Letter Factory that shows the letter and the sound that it makes and my son knows all of his but my friends daughter who wants nothing to do with flash cards or puzzles ask every time she comes over to watch the letter dvds.The Leap Frog dvds include one called Talking Words factory where it teaches phonics and word building,and the Fridge Phonics letters are also great as well.

I even open notepad on the computer and let my son type and he loves to type letters and tell you what they are.

I see you have gotten a lot of advice on toys and programs to use, so I feel compelled to reiterate what a couple of other educators have said. It is not developmentally appropriate to be teaching your three your old letters. It isn't just because flash cards are boring either. It's because letter symbols are abstract and preschool age children NEED to learn concepts concretely. They need to explore concepts with their hands and other senses. I know the pressure modern parents feel to give their children a headstart on academics, but the research shows that children who are taught reading and math concepts in the abstract and to learn them through memorization have trouble with these concepts later on because they don't have the concrete foundation. Preschoolers need to learn through play. To give your child a head start, get a good book by an early childhood education specialist on appropriate learning activities for preschoolers.

I have a gifted 10 year old boy who was doing the alphabet puzzle by 18 months. When my daughter came along i was devastated when she couldn't do her alphebet. At her 4 year old preschool evaluation, she only knew 18 capitalized letters and no lower case. The teachers told me she was my artistic child. She is now in second grade and is the smartest one in her class. She was just accepted into the accelarated program for third grade. I think they all learn at different times and girls just are not as interested until later. I wouldnt worry until kindergarden.

Good luck

My daughter did something similar at that age. What it boiled down to was that she was tired of working on the same stuff over and over. She figured that if she pretended not to know it, I would leave her alone. LOL (Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.) There is a kids book club called Brighter Vision Learning Adventures. Sign up for the monthly workbooks, your daughter will love them, and they're well worth the price. They send a new booklet every month as well as extra activities. My daughter couldn't wait for her new Brighter Vision package to arrive. They're learning in leaps and bounds, but it's so much fun they forget that it's work.
Also she will probably have a renewed interest in learning when she starts school. It's fun all over again when you're learning with other kids. Good luck!