I can't imagine how hard this must be as a mother. If I were to give you some advice, I would say that he's reached a time in his life where you just have to force yourself to let him go free. You've raised him the best you could, with principles and morals, and he's obviously just going through a time right now where he's being completely independent and only thinking about what he wants to do with his life "right now". He's only 18, and although that's legally an adult, he still hasn't formed a complete understanding of making choices based on the pssible consequence of each choice. But, having said that, if he's not willing to allow you and his father into his life to guide him, there's nothing you can do that wouldn't just push him farther out of your life. If he's throwing a fit about be given things that are rightfully yours, but that he was using while he lived under your roof, how about telling him that you'd be willing to let them go for a certain amount of money? It wouldn't have to be much, but it would teach him that you're not going to just give him things because he is throwing threats around. He probably knows that you guys will give in to him if he cuts off contact, and he's right more than likely. But, if you make the choice to not fall into his control trap, it may teach him to not try and take advantage of you again. As far as his girlfriend goes, that's a lost cause. It seems like the more my mom didn't like someone, the more obsessed I became with that guy. It's a way to rebel against your parents with very little effort. It's sad that a child feels they have to rebel, but it's natural for them to want to prove to us that we can't control their every move anymore. I know it's much easier said than done, but I truly do think that if you just let him go, not get on him about anything, and just let him learn on his own, that it would help to mend your relationship. My mom and I always stayed in contact, but it's because she never tried to control my decisions once I was about 17 or so. My dad on the other hand tried to control what I did, who I did it with, and everything else in my life and our relationship was very rough for a long time because of it. I never wanted to call him because I figured he'd probably just lecture me. With my mom, I knew she's just chit chat and not try to force herself into my business. Granted, I shouldn't have been doing what I was doing back then, but atleast I still had my mom in my life, whereas if she'd tried to butt in, I would've shut her out too. Maybe try just calling him, just chit chat with him, without sounding nagging or like you disapprove of his decisions. Maybe ask him if he and his girlfriend could come over for dinner. Tell him you'd like to start over because you know how he feels about her and you'd really like it if you could develop a relationship with her. Plus, if you are accepting of her, and it's his main reason for wanting to be with her (you not wanting him to be), maybe he'd be done with her sooner!!
