I have a DD who will be 13 next week. I have never had "the talk" and really need to but every time I go to talk to her she gets really embarrased and wants nothing to do with me. She says "I know, I know". I just dont want her to think what she is hearing at school or on the bus is right. Any suggestions?
Talk in the car. You can't make eye contact and she can't escape. My mother did this all throughout my teenage years when she wanted to talk to me seriously. I can now see the genius in that maneuver. :) GL!
I would go to the book store and find a book, on her level, that explains it all the way you would. Give it to her, and ask her to read it, and then have her come to you with questions. At least you will know that she has learned what you want her to learn, and it might ease her embarrasment if she just needs to clarify what she can't grasp.
I am a Girl Scout leader, and when my troop was at the end of 5th grade, I had the school nurse come to a pizza party and play the video and talk to them when they knew that the boys were not just down the hall. She answered their questions and it was very easy and relaxed. They all had to sign a pledge that they would not discuss what anybody said or asked, and to my knowlege, none of them have. Parents also had to fill out a special permission slips, and most of the Mom's stayed too, but we stayed out of the way for the most part.
They all had questions! I split them into small groups and they all did "science" eperiments on all the different brands of tampons and pads to see how sticky they were, how loud the package was to unwrap, and how much water each would absorb before it leaked. They got to touch them and see them and we had the "instructions" laying out. Most of them looked, and in that enviornment (a home) they even asked questions about them. We ended it with a "maxie pad relay" and they had to unwrap a pad, stick it to thier thigh on top of thier jeans, pull it off, roll it up in toilet paper, throw it in the trash can next to their seat, and everyone in their group had to yell "never flush a pad" and the next girl went. They had a very good time, and it was really good for them to touch them, see them, decide which one they wanted, etc, etc. So, if you have a group of girls like this, and you think that they would be OK for an event, I would give it a try. These are close girls, so it all worked out.
M.
A friend of mine uses a "questions box". Her son could put questions/requests etc in and then she would pull them out, answer them (or one time she bought him a book on a topic), and tape them to his bedroom mirror for him to read the answer in private. This doesn't work for everything, obviously. But it's a good way to get an open line of communication that isn't embarrasing for your kid.
My daughter is 9 and we "talk" in snippets all the time. I can't imagine having to have one big conversation, overwhelming and to much info to digest all at once. I think if you haven't had 'the talk' with your daughter yet, you will be AMAZED at what she does already know, so I would start out asking her questions. If you see something that might 'spark' conversation, bring it up "wow - they look happy to be pregnant, but can you imagine if she were 16 and not married - what do you think about that?" or if you see stuff on tv "Do you think it's ok for her to be doing that? what other choices could she have made?" etc etc.
Whenever I talk to my daughter, I always do more asking/listening than talking. I try to start out about someone else and then bring it back around so there is a personal connection for her.
Good luck!
Sit her down and make sure she's listening then give her damn right truth
I can still remember having "the talk" with my mom when I was probably in 7th grade. Scary truth is some of my girl friends were already experimenting and trust me they had already told me most of the details. What I think my mom did differently was not to focus so much on the science and technical side of things. She talked to me about real love and respecting my body, and how boys will not like you just because you will get physical. She was relaxed about it and I was not uncomfortable. Whatever she said, it worked pretty damn good.
You can just let her know that you want to make sure she has all the information she needs. You want her to talk to you and let you know what they are teaching her at school. (You might also want to clarify in case you are trying to teach her something moral as well as biological--girls' issues at this age are not just about boys, but their bodies in general, although I think by 13 most girls are well into puberty). This is not necessarily an optional talk, and the car is a good idea. I think I was in second grade and was walking with my mom and just told her I was hearing weird words at school and wanted clarification (she is an RN and I got an appallingly textbook explanation--couldn't imagine anyone doing that on PURPOSE unless they desperately wanted children). You also want to keep her safe and make sure she understands boundaries and personal rights. Put the "power" so to speak in her hands--you want to help her assert herself and protect herself, and to do that you need to make sure she has all of her information correct. You also want to keep communication open in case she has questions. One alternative would be if you have a relative or close friend who is closer to her, see if she would prefer to talk to that person (an aunt or older cousin) and make sure you are all on the same page first. Sometimes a child is just plain embarrassed to talk about such subjects with mom but might not mind an aunt or married cousin.
