Having Guilt Issues with Deciding to Be a Stay at Home Mom

I used to feel like you and the first couple of months I felt guilty being home all the time and a little stir crazy. Fast forward 5 years forward and now I would not have it any other way. I did recently start working from home but only a couple of days so I am mostly a SAHM

I promise it goes away and you start to love it! Join a playgroup, volunteer in the classroom, and most of all RELAX

To me it is hard to not loose you individuality while staying at home. Try to get involved with a playgroup or something. I am thinking about doing bunco. I think having an activity away from the house and kids would be helpful. I do get a little bored sometimes and miss work. The feeling of accomplishment and comraderie with co-workers. BUT...I look at my kids and they just seem so happy. I feel good knowing every little thing about them. I enjoy watching them grow and hitting their milestones and watching their little personalities develop. I am most likely going to have to return to work because of money reasons, but I will miss them so much if I do. I think it's give and take. I just remember they are only this little once and am cherishing every moment with them.

I totally feel your pain. I became a SAHM in Oct after working in the insurance industry since I was 15 (I'm 30 now). It was such a emotional decision, but God put it on my heart to stay at home with my son (4) and He has made it work.

The hardest adjustment for me was being from the go-to-person because I knew so much about how the office ran (I was at my job for 8 1/2 years) to "just a mom." It took me a while (couple of months) to get over that and realize now I'm my son and my hubby's go-to-person and how much more important is that?

I, too, am a very independant -- very independant -- so the financial aspect was difficult. However, I see my "job" as saving my household as much money as possible and honestly delight in seeing how low our energy bill is or what I can get on sale. That may sound cheesey, but knowing I'm saving us $ on those things and the money of daycare really makes a difference. It doesn't make up for my pay, but I know I am contributing to the financial stability of our family.

Best of luck and feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you need any moral support! I TOTALLY understand what boat you are in!

Hi C.,
I've been in your same position, and it's not fun. It's such a struggle to make such a MAJOR life changing decision. I quit working 2yrs ago, and at times still struggle with the thought of, "Did I make the right decision???" but, once your kids come home and you see the smiles on their faces it makes a great impact on you and you say, "YES, I made the right choice!". :)

Can I make a suggestion???
I think it'd be a great idea for you to join us(GLM&M)at next month's OPEN HOUSE event... We have a Guest Speaker - Eliska Counce, and the topic is "Dealing with Mommy Guilt".

You're more than welcome to join us to check out our group, chat with a few NEW Stay-At-Home Moms, Working Moms, and some of our "Seasoned" Moms that have been doing this SAH thing for years. :)

GREATER LEWISVILLE MOTHERS & MORE ~ OPEN HOUSE EVENT ~
Date/Time: Tuesday, May 20th @ 7pm
(Visit www.mothersnmore.com for location details or call, 1-888-535-7118)

Topic: "Dealing with Mommmy Guilt"

Host: Guest Speaker - Eliska Counce is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Director of Transforming Tomorrows Counseling Center in McKinney (www.mckinneycounseling.com), where she specializes in moms, wives, and the people who love them. Eliska enjoys teaching other women about how to conquer mommy guilt, methods to babyproof your marriage, how to transcend stress, and ways to achieve balance while juggling the many responsibilities we women have.

Please email me @ ____@____.com for location details, or if you have any questions.

Take care,
E.
www.mothersnmore.com

I quit work 3 years ago after adopting our son from Russia. It was quite an adjustment. Staying home and not seeing the people I had worked with for years. Having someone totally dependent on me. At first, I was bored to tears and felt guilty because I wanted to be back at work around other people. After getting a routine down, things turned out great. Now I have two kids (5mths after getting home from Russia I ended up pregnant) that keep me busy. We go to the mall to play, to the park...we'll even go have lunch with my husband if he has a slow day. Other days the kids play in the backyard or watch dvds while I clean house or do laundry.
It's great staying home....enjoy it, your kids aren't small forever!

Don't worry...you will love being a SAHM. I went to college/grad school and worked too, and thought what will I become after I quit my job? Being a SAHM sounded so un-adventurous and un-rewarding, but it is by far the best job I've ever had in my entire life. You are your childrens' mama and being with them 24/7 is a blessing to you and them. You will absolutely love it! My hubby and I have so much joy and peace throughout the day knowing that I am able to take care of our baby, and that he's not in daycare.

Also, join a mom's club/playgroup to still keep in contact with other adults. If you don't have any mom friends, this is the best way to make some. Try meetup.com for listings in your area.

I understand how u feel. I work for FedEx Kinkos' corporate office and I have a 12 year old daughter (who is homeschooled), and my son is due any day now.

I am on maternity leave and have enjoyed the moments at home with my daughter. I understand you want to contribute, but if your husband is telling you it's ok, then that means he is the MAN you married and will handle his business accordingly. Give him credit for that and allow him to. If he can't he'll let you know.

You can email me, and I will give you the websites to both home jobs that I work. So if you like the phones, let me know. It's ok to feel a little guilty, but when you see the joys and less stress of being home, it will all seem worth it ;O)

____@____.com

You have gotten some great advice. I just wanted to ask if you had thought about having your own home based business? I mean, you could still be home with your family, bring in a little income, and have adult conversations too. Anyway, just a thought. If you would like to learn how you can work from home with a great group of women visit www.themomteam.com/janetmwright Hope that helps, and know that being a stay at home mom is the most rewarding "job" there is.

J.

Hi C., I also understand, I worked for 18 months after my sone was born, and felt guilty when I quit, it was such a struggle financially. I have been home now for 5.5 yrs and am so happy, and so glad that I am here raising my 3 kids. I did dtruggle with losing myself, so I started a home based business, so that I could get of the house and be someone besides so and so's mom. Well my business took off and now I'm working from home so that my husband can quit and we can both stay home!! I think home based business are great for stay at home mom's that need a little something extra. If you are interested in what I do feel free to visit my website www.TasteYourWineAtHome.com

J.

I think you should serioulsy consider, as you are already, staying at home with your family. there is no more important or rewarding job in the world! I have 3 boys, the 1st 2 are EXACTLY 11 months apart to the day, so every year they are the same age for a month, and the 3rd is 3 yrs younger. you can always return to work later on. the first few formative years are so important, and it is a joy {and alot of work in a different sort!} you won`t be bored! just a consideration. :)

I completely understand where you are coming from. I became a SAHM last August when my daughter was born. My husband always made a lot more money than me and we maintained separate accounts. He had his money; I had mine. He paid most of the household bills. I had my own credit cards, bought my own car, paid my own personal bills. Before I left my job, I paid off any debts I owed and started stashing money. That ran out, oh, about Christmas time.

Since then, I've had a lot of guilt. I want to buy new clothes because my body has changed so much and I can't fit into any of the old ones, but I hate to ask him for money for things like that. I need a haircut but...,he gave me a credit card that he pays but I hate to use it!
I've started selling things on Ebay so I can have spending money for me and my daughter and I'm writing a book that I hope I can get published next year. If not, I will go back to work when my daughter is two.

As far and individuality goes, it's hard. I miss the intellectual stimulation of my career. I try to get together with my old colleagues every once in awhile and I'm trying to meet new people and keep up with things that interest me so I have more to talk about than my child.

Sometimes I think my husband stresses a little about being the sole breadwinner but we're not in any financial trouble (just not putting as much away as we used to) so I just try to make him feel appreciated. I also remind him that this is temporary.

He still helps with the baby; he gets up with her on "his night" and he baths her every night and puts her to bed. But I also try to give him time off, with his friends. We leave the baby with grandma once a month so we can go out together and I try to do most of the chores around the house so he doesn't have to worry about the little things.

The bonus is that I know my daughter will benefit from this time at home with her mom and that is enough to outweigh the guilt and put up with ill-fitting clothes (ha). We are both very lucky to be married to men that we can trust to handle things like a MAN!

Congratulations on your soon to be!
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I know my post is already too long but I had to add this after thinking about it:
You will never love your husband more than when you see him in his element. Knowing that he is capable of caring for his family makes him shine and he'll love you more for trusting him! And your little girl will learn a lot about what an "acceptable man" is. She will look for qualities in a man that she sees in her father and this will give you peace to know that she will eventually want to marry one who is capable.

Also whatever you do, set ground rules...if your husband ever needs your help financially, he needs to have the courage to tell you. Be careful not to complain if things get bumpy...you don't ever want to make him feel inadequate.