We have been having a babysitter to come help us once a week for the last month. She's wonderful, but my 2 year daughter becomes very anxious whenever she comes, and it's actually more work for us to have a sitter because my daughter clings to me and won't let me out of her sight.
My husband and I feel that it's still worth it because it's likely a growing pain and she'll eventually get over it. What do you think? How long should we try until hiring a different sitter who may have "better chemistry?"
Anyone with similar experience?
The same happened to my daughter and we eventually got another sitter. Sorry you may want to consider a change to see if that helps.
I babysat for over 10 years (age 11 to 23 - I'm 27 now) and most two year olds are clingy. I suggest you start leaving as soon as the sitter arrives. Trust me... within minutes, even seconds after you leave, she'll calm down and get straight to work playing with the sitter. Do this for 3-4 weeks until your daughter gets to the point that she looks forward to the sitter coming and immediately gravitates to her when she gets there. Then, you can start staying at home with the sitter. Also, try to stay in a different room than your daughter & the sitter. Out of sight, out of mind. If you're walking around cleaning or other things, you'll just be a constant reminder to your daughter. Also, encourage the sitter-child relationship with special activities, like finger painting with colored pudding, playdough, or sidewalk chalk. If you never leave your daughter alone with the sitter, she'll never learn that it's okay to leave mommy's side to play with someone else. Most of my babysitting clients would be waiting at the front door for me and as soon as I walked in, they would turn to mom and dad and say "bye!" because they were ready to play with me.
Also, be sure to give your daughter "pep talks". All morning, say things like "[sitter's name] is coming over to play with you today. you're going to do lots of fun things, like [activity]! I'll be [at the grocery store], so you can play with her until I get back. You're going to have so much fun with [sitter]!!"
If that doesn't work and your daughter is still clingy, maybe you should hire someone to do the work you're trying to get done so you can play with your daughter rather than having a sitter do it.
It's usually awkward for the babysitter too if the parents are home. Most children act totally different when the parents are in the house and the babysitter feels funny trying to pull the kids away. I used to babysit and it was always harder this way. My daughter got a babysitting job this summer and is having the same issues.
It's a matter of building trust between the sitter and child. It's not possible while the parent is nearby. The child has to see that she can depend on the sitter for her needs.
My first thought was that your daughter may not mesh well with this sitter. She may not be getting the attention she needs. If she is an anxious child by nature, then she may need a bit more validation and positive reinforcement which this sitter just isn't providing. I'm not saying she's being neglected, but some children just know what they like and it sounds like your daughter is trying to tell you something.
Try interviewing another sitter and let them play while you stick around the house out of site but not out of ear range.
Also, how old is your sitter? We tried a 20 year old and she was so quiet and not well trained like she said she was (she fed our baby popcorn). Our new sitter is 21 and is one of 8 children so she has a lot of experience! She is verbal, outgoing and has a good head on her shoulders. No we don't come home to lavish art projects, but our kids are happy and so I know they must have had a good time.
Good Luck!!!
Does your daughter act like this with other people or just the sitter? It might be worth trying someone else once just to see if your daughter just doesn't like the sitter or if she will act like that with everyone.
Also, you might try running a short errand (like to the end of the block -- lol) and see how your daughter acts when you aren't there. A lot of the time kids act 100% different if the parents are there.
A friend of mine and I were just talking about this last night, she had this problem when she would drop her daughter off at pre-school. here is what she did, and still does 5 years later. She says it is the most powerful took in her arnsenal. she pretends like she is on the phone and says things like. "well i know jane is a little scared of pre-school but she is getting very brave, and i am proud of her for being so brave" you get the jist. she let her hear her "talking" to some one and heard her say how hard she knew it was but how brave she was and what a big girl she was. so try that. she absolutley swears buy it. good luck
I guess that I am in the minority, but here is my two cents. Your daughter is trying to tell you tha she is uncomfortable with this babysitter. I would look for someone who has a better chemistry with her. The period of adjustment should be relatively short. Although some 2 year olds can be clingy, I would not assume that yours falls into this category. Good luck...it is hard to find great babysitters that you can trust these days!
I don't have personal experience with this but I was an assistant for a woman in AZ that had the same thing happened. She re-assured her child that she was home and their for her and always left her office door open. The nanny started taking the little girl for walks and spending alone time with the child outside of the house. I know it's hot but I think it helps to get the child out of the mom environment. Stick with it, you'll get over this hurdle!
Now, Where did you find this sitter? She's only at your house 1 day a week? Does she need more work, what part of town are you in? I work from home and need someone like 2 days a week.
Apparently your daughter does not think she is 'wonderful'. Is this sitter a mom's helper? meaning are you still in the house when she is there or do you leave? If your daughter does not act like this at other times, I would change sitters as there is obviously an issue with this one. You can also set up a nanny cam and see for yourself what is going on.....good luck.
I would just get something REALLY cool for the baby sitter to do with the kiddo that you usually don't- glitter glue, sprinkler play, whatever she would totally love, so when the sitter comes, she knows it's a treat and not a bad thing. This would probably make her look forward to her coming and not feel like it's such a big deal. If it doesn't work, well, maybe you might want to check into the chemistry thing...Good luck!
C.
Hello,
Have you already found a babysitter? My daughter has passout a flyers to babysit and so far she has no luck. She is 14 years old. Very mature for her age and she is very smart and loves children. We live in Flower Mound. My phone number is ###-###-####. My daughter's phone number is ###-###-####. Her name is Ashleigh. Please do not tell her about this website. I am a single mom. Divorce her father 3 1/2 years. Deadbeat father who want to control me still. My daughter is very good person. She just doesn't understand that her father is very controling and manipulating too. Good luck.
Try a different (hopefully recommended by someone you know) babysitter a few times and see if it is any different. Don't underestimate your child's instinct and what she is trying to tell you in her behavior. It is very possible that the babysitter is making her uncomfortable in certain ways. Or maybe it is just chemistry. Or techniques. Find someone who is more mature instead of someone young. I stick to babysitters who are in their late 20's, as I feel that they can handle emergency situation a bit better than a teenager.
I am a childcare provider w/over 20 yrs of childcare experience. I am cpr/first aid certified and certified night nanny, registered medical assistant.
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I know how hard that can be, My youngest now 3 had separation anxiety from the time he was 10 months until he turned 2.
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It was a very long time ago but I used to help a lady in our neighborhood with her daughter. She had me come over several afternoons during the week to occupy her daughter while she made dinner or something.
I was not very old, maybe 10-12 range. If this is your goal I suggest an older child to play with two year old. Kids respond to kids. You may want to give the sitter suggestions of what to do and it may take a little longer since you are home to acclimate this idea with your own child. However, I remember (amazingly) that it was a really fun thing to do for me too.
You might find a girl in your area or a girl from church that would like to do this. Ask your children's pastor for suggestions of a 4-6 grader. Another source would be a homeschooler. They might even be able to help you during the day if their school work allowed it. You would give them valuable experience and they would be a great deal cheaper. You don't need to pay top dollar when you are home. You would also be training this little girl for times when you need to be away.
