Just want to start that I think about this daily and would like other mommas perspectives... I am 28 and have 3 wonderful kiddos 1 boy and two girls ages 2, 4, and 6. When I had my first child I knew I wasn't done, and then when I was pregnant with my second I thought I would be done because I had one of each but the minute I had her I knew I would want one more. And when I was pregnant with my third I thought for sure I was done (I am one of two, hubby is only child) so for us three kids was a lot. However, I am not so sure. I don't know if its hormonal but I really want another baby. My husband is a wonderful father, however, he works a lot and so I know I will be the doing the most baby raising. My husband would like 5, sometimes I wish he would just say he is done so it would be easier. My reasons that are holding me back are while I love the baby stage I am not one of those women that likes being pregnant. My pregnancies and labors were easy but I what I worry most about is being so tired and hormonal that I miss out on the stages my other kids are in. Also the attention taken away from them. All of my babies were BF, co-sleeping, baby wearing and so that first year is exhausting. I also worry about being over whelmed which i am tired at the end of the day but frazzled/stressed moments are few. Finances are a major worry. We make a good income (I am a SAHM) and can provide good food, clothing, own a home but I worry about the costs down the road. I am a nerd my husband is a free spirit as Dave Ramsey says. i worry. We are a Christian family and I know God provides but I am also realistic and know things costs money. I would like to give my kids things I never had nice clothing, lessons, help them with college and a car, etc. They currently do art lessons, gymnastics, pre-school and soccer. I know kids don't need this but its important to me that they get to do these activities they enjoy. On the flip side I understand money is just money and it comes and goes and we will find a way. I know I will get the what's the hurry responses, and my answer to that is first my kids are so close in age that I would not want the youngest to be 'left out'. I also have spent almost all of my twenties pregnant or nursing I am not sure I want to do it in the thirties. Also by the time I am forty my kids will be 18, 17, and 15 and that kinda appeals to me. I also worry about my middle child feeling like a middle child. I also hear ALL the time that 4 is easier than three and that kids pair off. We have such a small extended family that our own big family appeals to me. Anyways, i know know one can make a decision for me, I am mostly venting but was curious as to if other women have felt like this and what you decided?
We had three. Always felt someone was missing at the dinner table. Kitchen and dining rooms come with six chairs. So we had another. It was right for us. So I had a 3yo, 2yo, 1yo, and newborn. Loved having them so close. I was forty six when my you gets graduated from high school. I say go for it. Sounds like that's what you want..
I had three and am now 55 and they are grown. 31, 27 & 25. I wanted more at the time. Loved natural childbirth and breastfeeding etc. It is hormonal. I got tired when they were older and was glad I did not have more. My kids were great too. No problems. Just a thought. There was a woman on my street who did not believe in birth control and had 12. You could see that she got tired. The first 4 or so were OK then they got less and less attention and the later ones ran wild. People used to have large families and it was fine, just saying to think about the long term and how you will feel when they are in high school and you are paylng for college and teaching them how to drive and buying cars etc. It is a lot.
I have actually heard that mothers with 4 children are actually less stressed than those with 3... just saying :) if my husband was on board Id have a ton more, we are currently debating on whether or not to have number 3. I also hate being pregnant, but babies are so cute. I also breastfed and co sleep, so I know how much work it is having a wee one. Theres nothing quite like that new baby smell though, lol. I say go for it!
We plan to have one more (we have 3 now ages 9, 6 and 7 months). I've heard from many mothers that the transition from 3 to 4 is so much easier than the transition from 2-3, but everyone is different.
I got "baby fever" last year, and I found the cure. I had a baby. Do it, you won't regret it, but you might regret it if you don't. :)
You are young and have plenty more child-bearing years ahead of you. It doesn't really sound like you're up for raising another baby right now. Between the pregnancy and the first year, it's overwhelming and sounds like more than you can handle at this point in your life. Why don't you see how you feel in a year? They will still be close enough in age to play together and you might feel more ready at that point. I think, in fairness to the three you have, you should focus on them for at least another year and then reassess whether you can have another (you'll still be in your 20's). Whether the age difference is three years or four won't matter in the long run and you might be better prepared to handle it if you wait awhile.
How does your family feel to you and your husband? Does it feel like someone is missing? Or does it feel like a great working unit? You must decide together. After you make up your minds, decide together that you will not second guess and think about what you don't have but focus on what you do have. Every family dynamic is different, but what we all have in common is the ability to choose to be content. We also should teach our children the same.
I want #6, but I honestly don't want to go through a pregnancy. I wouldn't be able to keep up with the others. All I have to do is think about pregnancy, sickness, fatigue, fat stores, etc. And to think I'll never have to do that again...I like that. They are all close to a year or a bit more apart. I've been pregnant for years, non-stop.
I also want them to do all the fun lessons and preschool, etc. Money is one thing, but I can't DO that for them or get them there if I'm so tired and pregnant.
Each one adds more chaos. I would not say it gets easier with more, lol.
We have 2 children.
2 was plenty for us, but my husband is 11 years my senior and wasn't sure that he wanted to be chasing kids any later than he was with my youngest. He wanted to enjoy them, not be the "old dad". He isn't old at all, but I totally understood.
He always says, if he had had kids earlier, he would have had 6.
Do what is best for your family.
We found that as they get older, they get more and more expensive. Ours are now both college students...
If I was you, id have two more. I'm serious. I'm 41, with 3....5,3, and 4 months. I feel complete now, but if I was younger, I'd have two more. I worried so much before having baby three. She is an easy going baby that sleeps really well. I'm not grumpy, and the other kids give her the attention I'm unable to. She adores them.
Listen to your heart, and you will know what to do.
We have four. Our oldest (now 9) was born just after we bought or first house. We waited until timing/finances were right for #2 (now 6). He was 4 months old when I found out I was pregnant with #3 (now 5). After having 2 babies in 2 years we decided to pack all baby stuff away and decide later if we were done or if we shoud have another. We decided after 3 years to have 1 more (now 18 months) and we couldn't be happier!! People tell me all the time that they don't know how I keep up but honestly the 4th was the easiest. The older kids dote on her and will help play with her if I need to get dinner made or something. Not that it isn't still work but our whole family has had a lot of fun having a baby in the house again!
A large family isn't right for everyone but we are happy that we decided to have 4. I say you are young. No pressure to have another right now. Wait, think about it and if the time is right have another. If not be grateful for the 3 you have.
The vibe that I am getting from your post is that you want another baby. You've got the logic at work (which is important), but it seems to me like you are already coming up with solutions in your head to various situations. It also sounds like your husband would be happy with another baby.
My first 2 pregnancies and deliveries were easy peasy. I'm about 19 weeks along with our 3rd, and this pregnancy has been a lot more challenging. I have joked that I don't know if I'd be on baby #3 if my first 2 pregnancies were this way (but remind me of that in another 2 years). LOL! :)
I come from a large (blended) family. There are 7 of us siblings altogether (4 full, 2 step, 1 half). I am the 3rd oldest child, and I have always LOVED having so many siblings. Okay, to be honest, we did go through the typical 'I hate you' stages that all siblings go through at some point. Really, though, our family gatherings are some of the most cherished times I have.
For us, our goal has always tentatively been to have 4 children. We'll see how we feel about things after baby number 3 is here. Go with your gut on this and do whatever you feel is best for you and your family.
Also please don't forget that just because you didn't have everything growing up does not mean that you have to provide everything for your children. In other words, don't get so caught up in providing your children with the things you never had that you forget to provide them with the things you DID have (presumably love, a strong work ethic to earn what you wanted, the ability to use your own creativity to play when you didn't have money for the fancy toys, etc.). A small example of this for our family is that when we were growing up, we were all expected to go to college (or some other trade school to further our education). We also KNEW all along that WE would be responsible for paying for our education. Because we KNEW we would be responsible for that cost, I feel like it made us better people. So far, of the 7 of us, the first 5 of us have completed our bachelor's degrees (2 of us our masters with 2 more starting their masters degrees in the fall). The 6th child just graduated hs with a full year of college already completed through dual credit courses, and the 7th child will be in 7th grade this year. Each one of us found our ways (respectively) through working, earning good grades for scholarships, working hard in sports to get sports scholarships, etc. It taught us all some wonderful things about being productive members of society. Don't forget to create these opportunities for your children, as well.
Good luck with your decision! :)
