I have a 7 year old boy that I have been caring for the last 3 years full-time. This boy is capable of reading. I've heard him read out loud with no problems. He is doing ok academically in school. Behaviorally is another question. He is stubborn, undisciplined and throws tantrums even still at his age. He HATES to read. I've tried all kinds of types of books. His mother loves to read and absolutely supports my desire to have quiet reading times in the daycare.
Last night he threw a 2 hour crying/screaming tantrum. I can't do anything with him but put him in bed when he does that. He lays in the other room trying as hard as he can to sound pathetic and abused. I never know if he is going to throw a tantrum. It's not like there are signs that today isn't a day to ask him to read. Most days he pretends to read. He has admitted to me that he waits for me to look at him and then turns the page. So I watch him close enough to know if he's reading and the more he does this lying/pretending the more I want to make him read!
Has anyone experienced this before? I don't really think it's as much about the reading as it is the fact that he hates being told what to do.
I am just about ready to get rid of the tv's and computers because this constant friction about the reading is starting to rub off on my own daughter! She isn't throwing tantrums of course, but her love of reading is gradually leaving her.
S.
I really appreciate everyone's ideas which I'm pondering over. I will definitely talk to his mother about his eyes and ask if he has been tested.
One thing I know is that we are not dealing with any learning or comprehension problem. Today he chose a reading textbook that was at least 2 grades above his current level. He read the story and after he explained the story quite nicely to me. He understood the moral of the story and there wasn't any doubt that it's a story he hasn't seen before and no one has read it to him. Because I am a homeschooler I collect textooks from the thrift stores. So we have all kinds and I do give him the choice of which ones to choose stories from.
Before he read he had about 30 minutes of feeling sorry for himself and crying. He finally decided to get over it and do the reading. I asked him straight up if he was just angry that he's being told what to do and he said yes right away. I do know that this child has an anger management problem. And yeah, I know kids get tired of being told what to do.
This is where I feel unsure of how far to push kids. I look around the world we live in today and I feel kids have been pampered way too much, given way too much choice and that most of them feel the world revolves around them. And it's our own fault! I'm guilty among the adults that spend 80% of our lives catering to their little whims and fancies and then get frustrated when they become selfish in return.
I try and explain to these kids all the time that none of us is without bosses. Even those of us like me that are self employed have laws to follow. Every human being has laws, rules, regulations to follow and we all have to learn to get a long with others.
Anyway, maybe we'll get lucky and it will be his eyes. That would be cool to find an easy answer.
Is it possible the he needs an eye exam? Maybe he's having trouble seeing and is uncomfortable reading?
I have been trying to put myself in his shoes. If reading was hard for him then I would say that he is avoiding doing something that takes a lot of effort. Because you say he can read well, I am wondering why he is putting up such a fuss. I dont know, I certainly can not get inside of his head, but maybe it is something like this. He has found a way to have control over you. All day long you have control over him, he has to do what you tell him to do. At school he has to do what they tell him to do. At home he has to do what his parents tell him to do. It is possible that he has discovered one thing that you can not physically force him to do. You make him sit with a book. You can even make him go to the room and lay down. You can not, no matter how hard you try, force his eyes and his brain to work together to read a book, only he can do that. So, I am wondering if this is one way he can control his own little world.
If that is the case, then let him control it. When every one else is reading dont invite him to join in. Just get everyone else ready and leave him out of the picture. If he says he is not going to read, tell him that is alright it is his choice. I am just wondering how long it will take him to figure out that it is no longer a power struggle.
Does he like to help out with the little ones? Would he read to the younger ones?
Could you do 30 minutes of reading for 30 minutes of t.v?
Or track his reading minutes and do a special prize if he reaches his goal.
Sorry no advice on behavior. You can only do so much when he's in your care, I know you know that. =) Sounds like his tantrums work at home.
Hi Suzi,
My first thought is if it is affecting your daughter you may want to stop watching him. You have to look out for your own, which I am sure you have already thought about. Absolutly take away t.v. or other favortites until reading has been accomplshed. Have reading time together, the more you get involved and make it fun the more children tend to like to read. Ask him questions about what he just read to see if he is taking it in or actually reading what he says he read.
I do have a couple of options for you, I am an Usborne Book consultant. I can do a party for your kids and their parents and let the kids make a wish list for their family, it could get him interested in reading books that he gets to pick out. I have something for everyone! Depending on how much is bought, YOU would recieve FREE books for hosting it!
We can also do a challenege...kids tend jump on challenges... The kids can get friends and family to pledge money to them if they read for so many minutes a week for 2 or 3 weeks, then whatever money is pledged, that will go straight to the books that they have picked out! A good challenge can build up their excitement to read more!
Hope this helps, let me know what I can do for you!
S.
www.ubah.com/w2474
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Hi Suzi,
Great thoughts and suggestions from the other posters. Plus I know you will do what you can to help.
There are a series of books called "Bob Books." They come in boxes of little 6-7 books and can be very basic phonic stuff but all building on the other.
I would also suggest to the mom to have his eyes tested and maybe tested for any learning issues/disabilities. We went through something similar with our son who is now 18 and in college. My husband and I and our 14 year old daughter LOVE to read!! And I couldn't understand why this kid doesn't. We found out in 6th grade that he was having some eye issues. Nothing major but a year of glasses strenthening his eyes made a difference there.
He also has difficulty, not an official learning disability, but he has a hard time reading and articulating it back. He comprehends what he is reading, but it is hard for him to describe what he's reading. So in the classroom if he was expected to read something then write about it, or even just talk about it, it was hard to get that out. So teachers thought he wasn't reading the assignment and punished accordingly.
Unfortunately we didn't figure all this out until 5th-6th grade and I firmly believe that because of his struggles early on, we set him up for a life long dislike of reading.
Having said that, again as one posted said, finding something he likes to read has made a difference. He has had an ESPN and Sports Illustrated subscription for years. Of course I know and understand that he is not getting the same vocabulary as if he was reading novels but he is reading and retaining and it is something he loves.
Good Luck to you, the child and his mom.
Lori K
I read your "what happened" and have a suggestion. Maybe instead of telling him he has to read at this time, give him some choices. Tell him that he is expected to do maybe three things and he can choose what order he does them in. They all need to be completed by a certain time but if he wants to do read first to get it out of the way, he can or he can do it after he does the other things. This way, he has some of the power still and he doesn't feel like he is just being ordered around. He learns that he has obligations but he still has the freedom to decide how he wants to accomplish the tasks that have been assigned to him. Just a thought. Good Luck!
I know you posted this a long time ago, but I just read it to day.
His parents may want to send him to a child psychiatrist or psychologist for an evaluation. Please don't get me wrong, I do not condone the use of psychological medications on children, except in very severe and rare occasions, but there may be something more that the child needs to stop his tantrums. By age 6 most children can comprehend their actions and be able to assess if it is right of wrong. He should be past the stage of egocentrism. From your description of the boy, he appears to be very intelligent. This is a long shot, but he may be what is considered a gifted child. Those children are quite different than children who are smart or over achievers. Gifted children are very smart children who tend to cause trouble at school or in your case, daycare, because they feel bored or unchallenged.
I just feel like by age 7, maturity should set in and while it's okay for a little regression here and there, an everyday occurrence may be a sign of something more.
the first question you should ask yourself is "is he actually reading the books aloud or has someone read them so often he has them memorized?" my son was also 7 when reading threw us into a whirlwind and other thought he was reading but he had just memorized the words and was mimicking that. there is a set of books that scholastic puts out that are learn to read books but they are themed as in sponge bob and scooby and such and they are little books that are easy for them to learn to read its all based on phonics. they arent expensive and u can order them from the website too. it turned out that after my son actually learned how to read now he wont stop and we dont have arguments or tantrums anymore.
I also had to go thru all this while discovering he had aspergers syndrome (form of autism) as well. just be patient and do take the tvs and "hide" them with a sheet blanket or something because that could be part of the issue too. too many kids today think they dont need to read that they can get it from the computers or tv.
it may not help but thats my 2 cents worth
I agree with a lot of Sherrie's points. I have a child with Down syndrome and have learned that behavior is communication. While a 7 year old might be very verbal, he may not be able to communicate the why's of what makes him so upset in this situation. The issue may be control or it may be something else. Until you understand the behavior and deal with the "why", he may not stop it.
There's not much in your post about the rest of the time he spends with you. Is it extremely structured? If so, maybe it's too much after a very structured school day. He may just need some down time.
Perhaps you could try giving him choices. You can read, draw, color, write a story or lie down in the bedroom. Choices give children a bit of control over their lives. But you still have some control and still have quiet time so the other children can read.
Some children may see this reading time as being forced to read and forcing children to read isn't going to instill a love of reading. And some people really don't like to read. I have two older sons who were treated in much the same way when it came to reading. One likes to read, one doesn't.
Also - I was wondering how he reacts to you or a buddy reading to him/with him. And if he has similar problems in school?
And, of course, the other thing you can do is ask him what kind of books he would like to read or get books that are about something he is interested in. You say you've tried all kinds, but have you tried comic books or graphic novels? Sometimes boys react more favorably to that kind of book.
