Have You Every Been Surrounded by Activity Yet Felt Alone?

It sounds like you have seasonal depression. Wiith all The holiday hustle and bustle, social activities, colder weather, you are getting more withdrawn. There's treatment for it if you want to look into it.

Go get vitamin D! You can pick it at any drug or grocery store. It sounds like you might have depression, but it could be as easy as being low on Vit. D. Low vit D flows the same systems as depression. Take it and see if you feel better. Same type of thing Tina F. is saying its just easier and the first step.

Yes, I've felt that way several times in my life. I've discovered for me that it's related to feeling depressed. When I'm not depressed I can call someone with whom I make a connection. In fact, I can go shopping and talk with strangers and get myself out of feeling so alone. A lot depends on how much energy you have to connect.

I'm now on my granddaughter's school PTA. I'm 67 and the other members are in their 30's. I'm the only really new person on the board. It would be easy for me to feel that they're a clique and that I don't fit in. I have started to feel that way a couple of times. I remind myself that I may sometimes have a different view while I watch for openings to support their views. I've discovered that for the most part, I think in very similar ways to them and it's easy for me to chime in at times. Once I make an effort to connect with them by smiling or nodding agreement they connect with me. Sure, it's on an impersonal level but it still feels good to me.

I'm not in the midst of raising children and so don't connect so much on a day to day personal level. Yet, I do feel good to be in the group. I give credit for this new feeling of contentment to having started a different anti-depressant.

The friend I relied on most for talking things thru is aging and is very depressed, herself. At first I felt somewhat alienated and alone. Then, with the new anti-depressant I was able to reach out to other friends and am feeling less lonely.

A certain amount of loneliness can be expected during the holidays. It's a time to remember those we've lost and/or be disappointed in that they're not quite what we expect from the holidays. To manage those feelings I set specific, reasonable goals for what I want during this time. I also purposely spend time thinking about the people I miss. In a short time, I find myself happy as I remember the good times we spent together. I'm feel close to my parents this year because I've started sharing the times I remember with them. I picture them in my mind and talk with them. I can see them sharing with me.

I urge you to get started with counseling so that you can reconnect with yourself. That's the first step towards connecting with other people. I also suggest you consider trying out an anti-depressant. The longer we feel lonely the more our brain's chemical make up changes.

For me the biggest difference between feeling lonely and not feeling lonely was my ability to love myself. I started out with counseling and then when anti-depressants were available added those. It did take me several years to learn how to love me as I am without focusing on changing me. Once I discovered that I am good company, feeling lonely happened less often. I do need to make connections with other people and this is easier when I have confidence in myself. Accepting me, loving me gave me more confidence.

Yes, absolutely. I feel like that often. Have you read the book, "Lonely"? I'm not sure it's worth the money but the main point of it is that loneliness is different than depression, that there may be causative factors as to why we feel lonely or go through long periods of loneliness, how comfortable we can get with solitude and how some people can come out of it and how some people live with it chronically. There is a website about it called lonelythebook.com that you might take a look at for some discussions on loneliness - that's almost better than the book. I am somewhat introverted so I always say I recharge by being alone...yet I complain about loneliness. Working, volunteering, bustling activity are some ways I have passively socialized, too. I'll keep you in my thoughts as I know exactly what you are going through.

You could be depressed, J., or have some other imbalance of brain chemicals. That can give you a feeling of separation or detachment or vague dissatisfaction. You could also be a person who is naturally introverted, a basic personality trait that can express itself more strongly under some circumstances. There could be some trauma or pattern from your childhood you don't remember but is trying to rise to the surface.

If you have access to counseling, take advantage of it. A good starting place might be your doctor. Describe your feelings and ask for advice. Be sure to mention that you are feeling more and more distant from your life, and it's been going on a long time. He/she may want you to try antidepressants.

Your children need a mom who is living fully – much of what they learn about how to live, they will learn from your example. So even if you can't bring yourself to get help for yourself, do it for your children.

My best to you.

All the time! I think sometimes it's hard to not feel alone in this world of uber connectivity - cell phones, internet, email, snail mail, Facebook, etc.

I do have friends. I have made it a point to get out for some ME time - away from the kids (so I'm not in Mommy mode), and away from my husband (so I don't have to listen to him talk about work or us discuss the kids, the house, etc). That has helped immensely. To just find myself.

Lots of my friends are also 'stuck' in Mommy mode all the time. So I've planned several outings like a Mom's Night Out to a local pottery studio, BYOB, I ordered pizza and everyone paid for their own pieces. For the most part, if I don't plan it, no one else will. They do 'Arbonne', 'Pampered Chef' and other sales sorts of parties, but little else.

I've learned that if I do what I love, like walking, going to the gym, etc. then I meet other like minded people. I've grown tired of waiting for some of my girlfriends to find the time to get out, without the kids. They are still my friends, but I find I'm happier not waiting for them. Then when I hear them complain about Mommyhood and how stressed they are, I listen and just say, "Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better."

Take control of your own happiness. Start doing something you've always wanted to or used to love to but now never find the time for. It's true - you'll be a better Mom when you yourself are a happier, more fulfilled person.

Best wishes to you

it sounds a little like some depression. hopefully a short lived one, if you continue to feel separated from everyone and everything you probably should talk to your doctor about it.
i wonder sometimes about people that say they are surrounded by cliques..., how do you figure this out, do you just watch people and decide if you see a few moms together over on one corner and few over in another corner that they are cliques?
There are times in our lives where we don't really feel like we need anybody... I've been there before.
making friends takes a little time, and usually is brought on by our children through school or the park. if you finding yourself lacking interest in everything you are depressed.
maybe you need some sunlight, some more balance in your diet, a little "play" with your husband (that usually is a big mood changer).
if nothing organic works for you it might be time to get on some sort of medication for a temporary imbalance.
talk to your pastor, let him/her know how you feel.... if you get on the prayer chain things might mysteriously start looking up for you.

Hi J., I'm sorry that you're in a rutt. It could also be the weather that's doing this to you, but I think a good solution is to get yourself signed up to the gym. It raises HDL levels which will make you feel a lot better.As much as you may not be an active gym person, or you dread the idea of getting in your car and going there it's a great source of getting rid of depression. You've got to go and stay committed or it'll never pass. I'm not a believer in meds when it comes to this sort of thing. You'll also get to meet some real interesting people. How about hobbies for yourself? Do you have any interests, such as gardening (not the right time of season) sewing, reading etc. You definitely need to get to know yourself better. I was a NYer, and I think that big cities can be the loneliest cities too. Make it a point to say good morning to your neighbors, even if they are a bit clickey, maybe they need a little warming up to also. One more thing, give your new job a chance. The first day is always the hardest, in no time at all you'll be making friends with your coworkers, and who know possibly going out for a drink at times. My dad is 72 years, and still works, because he knows that if he stays home he will get depressed and will probably die. But stay active, get back on your feet and take a good long walk today. Be well...

Sweety..I feel this way all the time. I am very outgoing and can function rather well in social situations...but I prefer to be left alone...in my loneliness. Sometimes I think that if I just put myself out there again, I will feel more at ease around people.

I live in a guarded community too with clicks and whispers. Sometimes I feel that if I would get involved more in the community activities, I would fit in, but I have nothing in common. I don't drink, don't go to parties, I work with kids ages 6-14, I have 4 kids, and I am divorced. I don't know how to have an adult conversation outside of my three friends I do talk to on the phone.

I started going to counseling because I needed something for me. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression...which I knew before I walk through the door...lol. I am not doing what I want to be doing or living where I want to be living. My work schedule keeps me away from...life and living. I attend college online so there's no human interaction there either. When I go out to run errands, I do just that. I get what I need and go home.

I am a Christian and sometimes I don't feel that I don't fit in at church either. All I can guess is that I will never fit in because I was called for something more..to be something more than what this earth can offer. I try to help people along the way, but I feel I am bidding my time until His return.

I have no advice for you since I am in the same boat. Counseling has helped me pinpoint the moment my thoughts changed about social involvement...but I still have a ways to go to find out who I am supposed to be.

I often feel the same way. We moved to an area last year and it has been very hard to make friends. I work part time and I love it but it does not help with the loneliness. I love my husband and kids and I do have family here but still no friends. It is so important to have friendship outisde our families but not always easy. I think trying to make a real effort at building some friendships is veyr important. I am trying to take a class or join a book group to meet some people. Good luck and know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

I think most people feel like this from time-to-time.
Look around...not every person could be "cliquey"! Reach out to someone with similar situation, lifestyle, etc. It might surprise you.
If you feel this is more--talk to your MD....you might be depressed.
Happy Holidays to you!

I remember going through that when I was in college. I was a transfer student in a freshman dorm, which ment that for the first time I was older than the other students. (I was used to being the youngest and people just accepting me as I am...different than the norm...yeh, typical music student.) I remember calling up my mom and telling her for the first time in my life I was lonely and thought maybe it was home sickness. After talking with her I realized it wasn't home sickness at all...It was just that, "When I'm with people, I'm lonely; but when I'm alone, I'm never lonely." What it is that I just didn't "fit in." They were too young and immature. The groups you're with probably aren't like you, so you don't "fit in" and feel lonely or left out. I have found the best way for me to remedy this is to be happy with myself. Yes it does sound corny, but I find that is the best way for me to cope. This means that I need a little "me time"/"private-quite time." Then I feel a lot better.

You sound depressed. Have you talked to your doctor about your feelings? Depression can be a downward spiral that is very hard to break out of.

I'm sorry to hear your area is so cliquey. Are there any activities you enjoy that might get you meeting people also looking for contact? Clubs, groups etc.? That might also be an avenue to try.

It is possible, J., that you are TOO busy. Do you ever take time for yourself, to read a book, take a long bath, or something you enjoy just for you? It may seem counterproductive to do something alone when you feel lonely, but maybe you are out of touch with yourself and lonely for you! It is so easy for a wife/mother to get absorbed by everyone around her. Me time can be very refreshing.
But yes, if it persists do seek professional help. Depression is real and very hard to deal with on your own, and if that's what it is, you should address it and NEVER feel guilty about it.
All the best to you
S.

You are feeling alone because you are isolated, or have isolated yourself. You want some adult conversation yet you don't have any friends. My suggestion is to go to an activity group. Maybe a group that meets up and does activities a couple of times a month. When I was single I joined a group that had something planned every day of the week. You chose what you wanted to go to and did something fun. Most of my best friends live out of town or had kids and me being single at the time made sense. Now that I am married with a newborn I kind of feel the same way, I have tried to look up a mom's group that I can hang out with. There is also a way that you can start your own group as well and have people sign up. That would be my suggestion to you. Start a group where you meet up once a week and have some adult time with some people who are in the same boat as you, you might be surprised how many people feel the same way. You also need a boos maybe seems to me like maybe some more vitamin D might be necessary in the diet to help boost your mood and energy. Sounds to me like you are feeling sorry for yourself but not willing to do anything about it. Depression can rear it's ugly head sometimes and I believe that we all go through it at one point or another. Make a point to try something new each week, an adventure where you go out and meet someone new or try something, arts and crafts, something. You owe it to yourself to find out who you are and what you need. Hang in there you can do this.

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I have felt that way before. Usually it is when I am falling into a depression. It has also happened when I lost myself. I think one momma said it best in learning to love yourself. I know sometimes when I don't do enough for myself I disconnect from others. You are active in your kids life, you are planing stuff for the family during the holidays, you are doing for others. We get busy but forget ourselves. Sit down and try to find out what refreshes you. Reading, hobbies, movie, anything. Take time out of the day even if its just half an hour and do it, schedule it if necessary. Then look for groups outside of the area. If you still are feeling disconnected then please talk to your doctor or look into counseling you could be depressed. Best of wishes to you and hang in there.

Hi J.
I have felt like that at times. I think for me it happens when I feel that life is so busy.
I am standing with people and feel an attachment.
I need either some alone time or to meet a friend.
I have very few close friends,the majority I 've known of years and one that have have become friends with in the last year.
For me I think to make a friend in one's 30's or older is a rare thing.
I think one needs to really click with someone as we choose our friends more wisely due to life experience.
You could be lonely as a result of not having a relaxing time with a friend.
Is there any friend you could reconnect with,even through a phone call ?
Maybe try to organise some chill out time with your husband?
Remember too ,you are not alone,you have your kids.
Sending you all the best
B. k

Hi, I've been in your situation, for me, I met a few people in my also very "clicky areas" and these people I have now in my life are people who shares the same interest with me --one is music (we both play instruments) and one is work - we worked a the same place. Sometimes there are places such as ours that are just like this, people don't mean to be rude or anything but they just feel comfortable socializing with people they've known for a long, long time, so do not take it personally but do keep trying to meet other people maybe more based on your interest and not location. My feeling of being alone in themidst of bustle and busy activities are not as bad as before because I email and sometimes see these friends I've met through same interest, etc. Keep trying to reach out to people even those who are far away just to feel "connectedness". I know it's not easy but keep trying, be hopeful, be positive and know this is more common than you think.

YES! I totally believe you can live in a clicky area, have trouble making friends, and feel so discouraged you want to give up.

I decided to talk with a counselor who I have known for years. I really was totally honest and I have been seeking feedback to make changes in my life.
It has helped a lot. Plus, she never judges or makes it all about her.

I am also trying to develop some friendships, but it is really hard even when I think we have so much in common. Hang in there. Many moms feel exactly how you do.

You have summed up exactly how I feel, surrounded by people, yet lonely. I miss having someone who really understands me. As all my good friends moved away to the country over time and Im left in the city.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find your answers.

For me, the house began to feel dark and gloomy. The whole family seemed depressed; no one talked to each other; I was so lonely yet never alone. My husband drank and our communication stopped.

I found myself wondering if I could afford to live elsewhere since I didn't love our home - I felt trapped there. I found a way. After much contemplation, I announced to my husband that I needed a break from our marriage, to which he replied that he would do anything to keep me. So I stayed and he stopped drinking.. for a short while. 6 months later I was threatening (only a threat) to leave again. It got better for a while. This pattern repeated for a total of 3 times. By the 4th time, we were in therapy. The therapist, a wise woman, said to me - what will happen if you stay? OH! Of course he would start drinking again, and the pattern would continue.

Our patterns continue until we are strong enough to take action that is the right one for us. Only you can find what will change your life.

For me, I got a 6 month lease on a furnished apartment last January. Today, I am home with my family. No one takes each other for granted anymore. The lines of communication are so much more open. My husaband, who used to be my best friend, is once again my best friend. We have frequent coffee morning talks.

Meanwhile, my sister is so happy now that she and her husband are separated that she is looking at divorce and not looking back.

Each of us have to find the root of our depression and the journey away from it. There is no one solution. I wish you the best in your journey, knowing that at some time in the future, you will have found contentment in your new life (even if it looks like the old life), and knowing that the hard bumps in the road are worth it.

Good luck!