Have to Bury Our Bird Today

We buried a cockatiel earlier this summer. We wrapped her in a pretty cloth, dug a hole and buried her (no box). This is the perfect way to experience a death without it being a human family member.

Don't hide anything from them. If they see the animal being put in the ground, they can concretely understand where it is, and can visit the site if they want.

It's also a good time to teach them what happens after death according to your faith.

Several months back we buried our parakeet in our backyard. The kids are the ones who found that the bird was dead because he was lying at the bottom of the cage. My husband took the bird and wrapped him in newspaper. We then found a small box and but the bird in the box. My son helped dig the hole in our flower bed in the backyard. We all gathered in the back yard to say a small prayer. My Mom brought over a rock and my son wrote the bird's name on the stone with a cross. Make sure you dig the hole deep enough so no other animals can dig it up. I think it's important for children to understand death because animals are part of the family and they go to heaven just like people.

I don't think telling them that God took the bird up to heaven is a good idea. You never want kids to get the wrong idea about death. Keeping them from what death really means will not help. Put the bird in a box and bury the bird with the boys. If they want to see the bird, then you can show it to them. If they don't ask, then don't open the box. Make sure you dig deep enough so that another animal does not dig up the box. Say a little prayer and tell the boys that they can visit his spot whenever they like.

I would let them see the bird one last time and have some kind of mini ceremony for the bird. When I was about 5 I remember our dog getting hit by a car and passing away. My mom (or I should say the older kids on the block) had a burial for him and I thought it was very cool. We've since moved, but for every pet that has passed on, we bury them in the same area. It's not a big thing now a days, but I feel it's still important.

Regardless, I think it's important for them to see the bird and have a part in burying it. Don't mention God at this time, but you can say the bird went to heaven and will be watching over them.

I am sorry for your loss. It's always hard to say goodbye.

I worked hospice and I am very comfortable with death and dying and feel it is part of life. I also feel children need to elarn about it as well. We lost our cat in May. I had to take him in the middle of the night to the ER and ended up putting him down. I brought him home so that both the children, my husband and our other cat could say goodbye. I made a "bed" out of a box and put an old blankie in there and left him out on floor overnight so my skiddish cat could have her own time with him. In the morning I took the kids to see him and explained that he was old and lived a long life but that God called him to come home and be with Him and those who love him. A lot fo what you share will differ based on your believes. I make it a point to never say the deceased person or animal is "sleeping" b/c otherwise children (and their concrete little minds) may think they will die or mommy or daddy will die when they go to sleep. The girls were sad. (I have 2.5 year old twins and a 4 year old). They talked about missing him and asked questions about food and water ect. we took him to Grandma's and buried him in her garden. It was good timing b/c my grandmother passed in July and the grils were scared AT ALL. They were happy for her and that she would see God and Grandpa and Dusty (the cat). Their sadness was for me - it was very sweet and VERY appropriate. They also weren't afraid of her body in the casket. I don't force the children to look or see, but I try and really "normalize" the dying process.

I would show them.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

E.

Bury the bird in the box in the yard with their help -it is how children learn about death and dying. It will make it easier for someday when a family member goes to heaven. They will learn that it can be difficult, but they can go on.

I suggest you show it to them and let them help you bury it. We went thru bunnies, gerbils, and birds, then the cat. (Cat we did not bury by the tree). But they knew that this is what happens and where they go, just like people. I think it helps them remember and they know where their bird went to. You can tell them the whole soul went to heaven, but it's invisible. The bird's body is physical and they can see it. Just my thoughts.

I've had to deal with many small pet deaths over the years with my children. Allow them to see the burial, if and when the must attend a wake they shouldn't be confused that peoples bodies are on display but God takes birds feathers and all right away. Reassure that it is a sad but natural part of life. remind them of the happy times and tell them that at least the bird is no longer sick and suffering.
Best of luck and my condolences.
Peggy

Hi A., first I am so sorry for the loss of your bird. Losing a pet is like losing a family member, so I understand that this is not an easy time.

I recently lost my cat, who died after being with me for 11 years. My 3 1/2 year old daughter was very attached to her. The cat used to sleep on her bed with her every night. They were thick as thieves!

We knew she was failing and prepared my daughter in advance, the same way that you have done with your kids. But we did not let her see the cat's dead body. We didn't want her to remember the cat that way, but instead wanted her only to think of the cat as the lively and fun pet that she knew and loved.

What we did instead was kind of what you said in your latter paragraph - we explained to her that the cat was too sick to stay with us anymore, and that sometimes when people or animals become that sick, only God can make them feel better. We told her that the cat had gone to live with God in Heaven, and that she was in a much better place feeling like her old self. She, of course, asked when the cat was going to be coming home - so we explained that once you go to live with God, you must stay with him because it is only in Heaven that you can be healthy once more.

It has proven to be a good lesson in death for her and has also given her a wonderful introduction to God. It was also the least traumatic way to explain the situation to her. She has coped with the loss well and we don't have to worry about how seeig the dead body might have affected her.

I hope this helps! And again, so sorry for your loss.

Hi A.,
I'm so sorry for your loss. It is always best to tell the truth to your kids. I would involve them in the burial and have a little ceremony. We had a situation earlier this week when a wild bird flew into our kitchen window and died. My kids built a small raft out of sticks, laid the bird on it, decorated it with wild flowers, and sent the bird off in the raft in a nearby stream. They all felt much better about it after they had "honored" the bird this way. A burial ceremony could be similar.
Hope that helps.
~A.

No, you do NOT tell her God took the bird during the night! They will then wonder if God is going to come take you or them during the night (body and all).
My best idea is to let them see the bird & even touch it if they want. Then you can talk about the life part of them which is more than just the body.
That should help them start forming a perspective on life and the importance of the person beyond the shell we call a body.
When we were an agricultural society people had this kind of experience often, and that may be healthy.
My opinion.
C.

Sorry to hear you lost your bird. We lost a cockatiel too & it is so sad. Please do not tell your children God took the bird, scary visions can form in their minds. God is greeting their bird in heaven where it will fly & be happy in eternity would be a nice for them.
How ever you decide to bury, please bury deep. I have heard horror stories of neighbors dogs digging up small animals not buried deep enough.

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is never easy. let the kids see you sadness and let them know it's ok to be sad and cry. When our cat died, the vet took a foot print in a "bake to harden" clay, for the kids to keep. We buried her in a box that we all drew a picture on to decorate and to say good bye. The kids helped to dig and fill the hole where she was buried. We said some prayers. We talked about the spirit and body and heaven. We also read a couple of books about pet deaths. One was Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant, the other was The Forever Dog by Bill Cochran and Dan Andreasen. Look on amazon, there are a lot of books for pet loss.

Wrapping the bird and or putting it in a box is a very good idea. That way you are not putting dirt right on the animal. Burying it deep is more good advice. Teaching your children about life and death is an even better idea. Kids can really understand a lot more than we give them credit for. At your bird funeral today, why not let the kids come up with a list of things they liked about the bird and say those things? They maybe let them find some flowers in the yard, a favorite stone, leaf or acorn to put in the grave before you cover the bird. I'd let them help. I'm sad for you but also see this as a real chance for teaching and bonding.

P. Halder
PS: You can read some articles on children and death on my web page and also read reviews of books that help children when death occures. http://www.grannygracecares.com

This is a personal decision... how would you handle the wake of a family member? Would you be opposed to having your children see the body? Pets are a less severe way to experience death and loss, so I suggest giving them the chance to see how it all works. Of course, it has to be consistent with the way you view and handle death of other kinds.

My son, 2.5 years old, went to several open-casket wakes and visited the cemetery for his grandfather with us. We talk openly and factually about death. It is a part of life and is not something to be feared. Of course this was tricky when he saw The Lion King and saw the father's actual death. He reacted a bit to this by running away from hubby when he got hurt and then crying "Don't leave" when hubby would walk away. It was a confusing time, lasted a couple weeks. We rehearsed how to have family take care of each other when hurt, and the problem was solved that same day.

Good luck!

You got lots of good advice already, and I agree with letting them see the bird or atleast letting them know she's in the box, and then burrying her together.

I'm really sorry. It's so hard to lose a pet. We had to put our little poodle down in January, and it's still hard. It's even hard on the other pets.

Good luck & take care.

This is what we did with our fish earlier this year. We put him in a plastic bag because the kids were concerned that other bugs in the soil might eat him. Then we placed him in a paper bag that we decorated with nice saying on it. Once we put the fish in the paper bag, we said that we could no longer open it, because after people and animals die, they need to be in peace and left alone. Once my girls (ages 5 1/2 and 4 at the time of passing) went to sleep, I removed the plastic bag, and fish in it, and dumped it in the trash. (unfortunately the whole ideas of Nemo-all drains lead to the sea did not pass with my kids!) Then we just took the paper bag (maybe you could put something in it to add a little weight so mimic your bird. Then we buried the paper bag outside in a location that my children picked and was acceptable for mom and dad.