Have Any of You Ladies Given Birth Without Your Husbands There?

Many moms (and dads) prefer to have a doula in the role of labor support and coach.

I have to consider this in the event that my folks aren't here in time to care for my toddler (we have no real good viable overnight babysitting options). I plan to have a back-up doula and midwives to help me through the process.

Some husbands prefer that a doula take over the coaching aspect of labor because they are not comfortable or confident to take that role (unless they've taken a Bradley Method class, etc.). Some moms prefer it as well because the doula is knowledgeable and usually very good at easing labor (as well as helping to prevent cesareans). Some are more expensive, some are more experienced - and some are fresh out of classes, so they are free.

He will be there for you, even if he isn't physically there for you. Both of you can ask someone that you both know will be a strong support for you just in case he can't get to you fast enough. His love will be with you :)

So sorry you are in this situation!! I just wanted to suggest...if you do decide to have the baby without DH present, I would recommend hiring a doula. Find one that is accepting of how you plan to deliver (from c-section to every available drug to water birth with chanting...heehee...many are very supporting of any choice you make) and is someone that you feel comfortable with. I agree with others that you may want a friend or family member there, but it is so great to have a professional support person as well!!
I truly hope that you are able to work things out. And try not to tie your stomach in knots. Hubby may not be there, but I guarantee baby will be :)

Yes. And it was fine. :) My husband was so sick he could not make it through my labor and then could not come back for another 24 hours. (I had C-sec.). Do I wish he had been there? SURE. Has it made one bit of a difference in our lives thereafter? Nope. Your husband will love that child whether he is there or not. I do hope that you would be able to have other family (you want) or friend there with you though.

Just remember that a generation back the husbands were not allowed in the delivery room. You will be fine and so will your husband and baby either way. You may need to work a little harder on the bonding at first but you stressing about it now won't help. Good luck and have a healthy happy baby.

My last birth was a surrogacy. I gave birth before the parents were even in the state. I know how scary it is to think that you cold give birth without your husband, however if you have your mom, or sister, or a trusted friend with you, they can call hubby and put him on speaker phone while you labor.

Take a deep breath. It'll be ok. If hubby doesn't make it in time, then make sure who ever you have laboring with you films it so hubby can watch it when he gets home.

*hugs*

I'd look at options...don't iPhones and other smart phones have video chat these days? I'd also get an alternate coach. Your mom. Your friend. A doula.

While men weren't allowed prior, I don't think that means a man shouldn't be included now. You will be alright and so will your child, but I understand worrying about him not being with you. Just make a second plan and hope for the best. Babies often don't come on schedule.

Dear A.,

Birth has always been a woman-centered event that men played little role in until the mid 70s. This is pretty much true world-wide. Frankly, it may have been better when women who had given birth were caring for women who were laboring...less fear involved as it was a known event.

I would suggest that you make arrangements for your older child with someone that he/she will be comfortable being with...and then hire a good doula! If you are unable to afford a doula contact some local birth organizations or get on dona.org and try to find someone who needs some births in order to complete their certification. My doula took about 500 pictures during my labor and birth - and my husband was there! That is something you can request if you and your husband wish.

Best wishes,
C.

Almost. My husband was out of town. He got an emergency flight back. Luckily he made it back in time...I had already had the epidural. But he was there.
Personally, I would line up a back up, then you'll feel calmer!

You really are in a tough spot, and I can only imagine how your emotions are making you feel on top of it all. I guess you could look at this whole thing like women who are home alone due to military or other jobs that take spouses away. You should make sure you have a great friend, or family member, M., sister, cousin, you want with you at the time. Make videos, and have them take lots of pictures for daddy. Skype if possible at the time. Hope for the best timing, and be as understanding as possible if he cant be there. His job is important and its a real shame employers cant have more compassion for this situation but thier job is to look at the bottom line, and thats all. He will be home when he can and it will be just as special, maybe even more so because he will be looking forward to seeing his new baby even more. At the fast rate you give birth after labor starts, he could have an office job across town and still miss the actual birth anyway. My husband almost missed our 2nd being born. He drove me to the hospital at 5am and while the staff was getting me into a gown and bed, he went to move the car out of the ER bay, and got back with about 2 minutes to spare. Id been in the hospital 15 minutes and she was born. So, if it had been in the daytime and he was at work, theres no way I would have even made it to the hospital, and he wouldnt have been there. I wish you the best of luck, and timing, and wish there was a way to make it all work out the way you wish it could.

My daughter's husband was in Afghanistan when she gave birth to their first child. Her dad and I were her labor coaches, and my sister did the filming so my son-in-law could see the birth of his son. Despite the less than ideal circumstances, my daughter was surrounded by people who love her, could offer her comfort, and make her laugh.

Yes. My husband missed the birth of our first child. I had some serious issues while pregnant with her but due to job obligations he was overseas. He was in town visiting and my high risk doctor said I could go anytime and I was only 32 weeks. Unfortunetly he couldn't stay. We were hoping to hold out for another three weeks when he could get home for a substantial amount of time but nope I went into labor three days later. My brother was my back-up and was awesome. Hubby made it home almost 24hours exactly after she was born. It sucked that he wasn't there but we did what we had to do.

I was almost in this situation. My husband had reenlisted in the National Guard & signed up for AIT several states away before we even knew I was pregnant. He was gone the last 3 months of the pregnancy. I ended up being induced (they claimed I had gestational diabetes lol), which actually helped us out. We were able to notify Red Cross the day before so that they could get my husband home for the birth.

I went in to the hospital early that morning. My husband was supposed to fly in that morning & have someone bring him to the hospital. Well, his "friend" didn't show up, so he was 2 hours later getting to the hospital! They were already telling me to push & he wasn't there yet. Amazingly, he actually walked in the room like 5 minutes before our daughter was born!

But, he was only able to stay 10 days, then he had to go back to finish AIT for another month or 2. :( It sucked.

Do you have a lot of family & friends nearby?? I stayed with my parents until hubby came back. That was a big help!

Any chance you might need to be induced??? Do what I did and have an extra "heads up" to get him home in time! :)

my husband was there for the first... he was all for it. Gung ho and happy. Had to watch the miracle of birth and he was utterly disgusted. He was there for our second as well, but was not very helpful. For the third we had no friends, or family that were willing to take care of the first two, so I said "please stay home and watched the kids" lol...Despite this, he was all set to come for our son's birth. He even rustled up the courage to ask our family friends to come the 3 hour trip, when I needed. However, I kept having false labor from week 34 on up. You would figure with 3 kids I would know when it was time. Though the first 2 were very simple. The last one couldn't make up his mind. When I was actually in labor, I had gotten a HORRIBLE headache and dizzy after doing dinner dishes. I thought it was my blood pressure, so I went to Urgent care BY myself. Ended up having the baby 4 hours later, naturally and didnt really even have time to call him. I texted him cause I couldn't talk. They had given me an epi for what they thought would be an emergency c-section. When they did so, they botched it, and I was paralyzed on my right side. It affected my speech, and so they were working on that as well while I was giving birth. I think it was better he stayed with the kids. He still swears that our son holds it against him. Its a running joke with us now. The thing is that I didnt even care much he wasnt there. It was so hectic and crazy I just focused so much on getting that peanut out and healthy. It wasnt till later when I was alone with my baby that i felt sad about him missing it. By the way after 4 days and continued PT I was able to regain my right side. I have some lasting nerve damage to my right hip, but its minor.

well, it was worrisome, but my DH was able to be present for the birth of our youngest child.

During my last 6 weeks, my DH spent 3 weeks total out of state. The worst was when we were 6 weeks out & I was put on bedrest. My Dad came & lived with us, which my older son loved!

In the end, all was well.....

I think my fav delivery story is of my DH's cousin...pro baseball player & his wife watched him in the playoffs while delivering!

Hey there! My husband was in Iraq when I gave birth to our first born. It was hard knowing that he wasn't going to be there, but when I was in labor all that I cared about (at that moment) was having the baby and that my baby was healthy and things were all good. Of course the days and months that past until he did return were much harder. You will get through whatever you are brought to. Just don't worry about what you can't control. Maybe have your doc schedule to be induced (sp?) .. I wish you the best.

try a skype or the two way screen thingies where he can see and hear everything and you hear and see him.

heard a story of a brides maid that couldnt be there for the wedding but did one of those cam things. sorry i dont kno the proper tech names.

My husband stayed home with our first when I had our second. I had to have a csection, he's not good with blood and medical procedures, my sister takes great pictures and wanted to be there and I wanted my good friend/doula there. And no one could stay with our oldest, so it just worked for us! He was there with her right when we came out.

I agree with JoAnn. Now, can you find yourself a surrogate coach? A sister or friend? Your Mom?

My husband was not there for the birth of our second as he couldn't get there from work fast enough. He was not able to go in and be with me for the first two births because in those days, the old days, the husband couldn't go it for the delivery. Things are so much better now days. It will be sad for you if your husband isn't there but just so he gets there later and sees you and the baby all will be okay.

Sorry, but your financial security is more important than him being there the day of your child's birth. In a heartbeat I would tell my man to secure his job - I am also one of those that does not want him in the labor room as well, my sister was there and he was in the waiting room for ours.

I don't know when you're due but you could discuss scheduling to induce with your physician. You of course would not want to do it early but if you knew when you were going in, your husband could let his work know that you were heading to the hospital and start his seven hour journey to meet you before you actually start labor. I realized that you could still deliver before the date you set for inducing labor but it would give you a chance to have him there. Your doctor will know when it is ok to induce. People have been "scheduling" their delivery for years now so it's not as weird as it sounds. My second child was induced due to some mild complications and it was a seamless process. I'll admit, however, that it was less than seven hours from inducing to delivery so he'll have to start his trip before you go in but he could know that he needed to leave this way.

A., have you looked into having a doula? I know it's not the same as your husband being there, but with a doula you would at least have someone there to support you.

It will be OK. Fortunately my husband made it home for 3 of our 4. He was in bootcamp for number one, in TBS for number 3 but made it to the hospital before she came.

My mom was with me for number three until he got there.

Find a solution you are comfortable with, your mom, a doula, midwife, best friend, his mom. Go to your lamaze classes with her and enjoy the final days of your pregnancy.
Be sure to have lots of pictures and video or skype for him.

My first husband died in a car wreck when I was pregnant with our first child. I had a pregnancy coach teacher and my mom came too. Make a support team for yourself.

Hi there!
I'm a casting associate working on a spec-commercial for a video conference service. We're looking for Pregnant women in their last month of pregnancy whose spouses won't be able to attend the birth. The spot would involve allowing the father to be present for the birth via the internet. Sort of an awesome thing for families in the military or who work for oil companies. It's time sensitive but if you think that there is a possibility that you or someone you know could be interested in participating please email or call.

I'm attaching the casting notice below. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thank so much,
Dorien

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Time Sensitive Casting Notice

Looking for real pregnant couple int heir last month of pregnancy with the following circumstance: Father is unable to attend birth for any circumstance that has him out of the state or country (i.e. Military, Business, Peace Corps etc..)

· Couple must be between 18 – 50 yrs old

· Father will be absent for birth due to unavoidable circumstances

· MUST BE IN LAST MONTH OF PREGNANCY

· All Ethnicities Welcome

Couples that are chosen will receive $1000.00 compensation and will be given camera equipment to allow them to be present via internet.

If this is you or anyone you know please contact Dorien at ###-###-####

or email ____@____.com with name, month of pregnancy, phone number and picture.

http://www.tiffanycompanycasting.com/