Has Anyone Taken a "Staycation" to Experience Life as a SAHM of School-aged?

Work is work, no matter how you put it. When you start a new job, I think everyone is all jazzed about it, then one day you get fed up. I think the same thing happens when you stay home. Eventually you get fed up with something or another.

You know, the grass is always greener.

This is question is just going to start the "stay at home mom" vs "the working mom" war.
So I am not going to answer it!
HA!

Yes, I do it every year for the first week of school. It's Heaven! My house gets cleaned, we have a great dinner each night, I get to take my daughter to school and pick her up, and there's always a little time by the pool and afternoon naps!

I've worked outside of the home,, worked in home (had an in-home preschool) and worked as a SAHM in the eight years we've had our son.

As Julie S pointed out, if you are actually doing it, it IS work. I found that I wanted to stretch out a bit and so I volunteer at the school. Currently, I coordinate a geography program which serves 360 or so students, work in the school library and help in other various ways. It's rewarding and I get to see my son from time to time. Some SAHparents would --- and do-- find being home mind-numbing at times. I have those days myself. No satisfaction is guaranteed.

Being a SAHM is what you make it. I get a staycation once a year, when my husband and son go off to visit my in-laws for a week and I get a quiet reprieve taking care of our cats. It's quite lovely. Other than that, we don't do any destination vacations. We don't have smartphones or cable. We have one car my husband uses for work and I walk or bus everywhere. We live a fairly moderate life. In short, we do what works for us.

I feel like I do like something needs to be addressed in this conversation, and that is the contempt for those SAHMs who hire out work, be it child care or lawn maintenance. Some families need childcare. Some moms need that break from their young children so they can be better moms later in the day. This morning I had a hard time putting my socks on because I injured my back and it's been having spasms. Would I hire someone to come and dig out the new rain garden or take care of some landscaping work? Even though I love to do it myself? In a heartbeat.

Would I have to broadcast that I have re-injured my back for it to be 'okay' to hire services? Last year I wore a really boring and ugly jumper for nearly a month. Some people might have thought I was depressed or lazy-- I'd actually had a surgery and was recovering. When you are a SAHM, guess what? No one gets to stay home and do your job for you. Three days after surgery I was up and doing dishes, making food, etc. When you can't rest well, healing takes longer.

I write this just to say: one never knows what's really at the root of another person's choices, only what they see on the outside. There's a lot of judgment, and that's easy to do when we don't know what that other person is truly experiencing.

You'd have to do it for at least three to six months to get an idea of what it REALLY feels like. Because once the organizing and clean up is done is when the real pleasure, routine and boredom, sets in.
I liked being an at home mom for the most part, but once my kids hit middle/high school it got harder. I wished that I was one of those self motivated domestic goddesses but after the physical and ever present work of taking care of little ones was over I was bored and lonely. I did NOT like spending hours at the gym or working on projects that no one else appreciated. I also didn't really enjoy volunteering because it seemed liked all my fellow volunteers were elderly!!! It was depressing, I felt like I already had one foot in the grave. In my early forties :-(
Just my personal experience of course, everyone is different.

Well a week wouldn't be an accurate gage. My first years as a SAHM mom with all three in school (I homeshooled before that and did non-stop kids from birth before that) were last school year and now this one. Kids have been in school for a week this year.

Last year was no vacation because I finally started painting full time which I've been wanting to do my whole life, and painting's not relaxing, and then that was hindered because I needed to clear the house of 10 years of clutter because my life was chaos from all the years treading water home with kids.

I'm a single mom, so there is only me here to do ALL kid and house stuff after school and weekends, so my only "free time" is until 2:30 weekdays when I have to get ready to pick kids up after school....so the day flies by.

With the painting and decluttering all last school year I was very stressed for time and money. This year I'm just painting full time but it's STRESSFUL. I just killed myself to meet a deadline for a show yesterday. Sometimes I have paid commissions and sales, but mostly I'm building a body of work for future gallery representation which is not paid of course. So I'm busy and stressed for cash, and the kids get off the bus at 3pm.

On the opposite end of spectrum, I have working friends with NO kids who are very busy with work, but technically have evenings, weekends and vacations "free" from kid obligations. However, they are just as busy and burdened as anyone else if they have other goals and activities outside of work.

I know only a couple of SAHM moms who are totally lazy and watch TV, exercise, do their nails, and get organized every week like we all fantasize about. And the ones that do that have that sort of personality, have comfortable finances, or are opting out of the income they could get by working in exchange for "doing nothing". Likewise I know very few childless people who are relaxed and leisurely all the time when they're not at work..there are those types of people, but they're not the norm.

Also, don't forget, most SAHMs who don't work have chosen to live on a super lean budget in exchange for more time at home. This creates it's own challenges. I'm "free" to paint and do exercise DVDs and tackle some housework while kids are at school, but my working friend next door is "free" to buy all kinds of stuff we aren't including a housekeeper, fancy gym membership, and lots of high quality take-out food and meals in nice restaurants. I have to cook! Every damn day! And pack lunches. Every day. And clean the kitchen every night while guiding homework, baths etc...

Nothing is realistic for one week.

But sure, save up some dough and take a week off work while you're kids are in school. It will just feel like a week off work though.

I'd wait until the kids are off school for a week during holiday or in the Summer and actually spend that time with them. Taking a week off while the kids are in school honestly sounds boring. I'd probably spend the whole week just doing my own projects and such, and it wouldn't have anything to do with the kids.

A few summers ago, I was blessed to be between jobs/military assignments and between college semesters. I spent the entire summer with the kids. They still remember it fondly and ask me when I could take several days off while they're out of school. We went places, spent lots of time together, and had an amazing time. It was a perfect Staycation.

If you're going to take a week to be with the kids...do it when you can actually be with them.

I did it in a way last year, when I lost much of my work. It was depressing to me. Our house isn't a mess and I don't enjoy running errands, cooking and doing chores. They're just things that need to get done, but aren't satisfying. I did find it easier to get the dog out for a walk and work out, though. I love my work, so I really spent a lot of time missing it.

To me, it wasn't a grass is greener situation. However, the situation is different for everyone.

i've taken many staycations, but it's been because we either didn't have the money for a 'real' vacation or because there were so many projects piled up that we needed a week to dig in and get 'em done.
i think it takes a week or so just to get into a new groove, so unless it's going to be a lengthy 'vacation' i don't think you'll really experience life as a SAHM.
i would have loved to be a SAHM. not because i think it would have been easier, it simply would have meant more time with my boys. and even through the rough bits of the child-rearing years, i sure did love time with my boys. but i had to work and there was no way around it.
if you CAN test drive it, why not? but i don't think you'll get a real feel for what it would be like full time. however it will give you a chance to organize your closets, work out and catch a break.
khairete
S.

I feel like I have to point out that the M stands for mom. What is the point of waiting until you don't have to spend much time with your kids because they are in school to try this out?

I was a stay at home mom for 18 years, the school year was no different than the summer, not different than working but that is because I really did it. I didn't say oh well it is summer, I guess I will go back to work. Oh, I am tired of talking to 8 year olds, time to go back to work.

I assure you there is no trying it out during vacation. That you think it is is kind of insulting to both working moms and stay at home moms.

Wow Jill, and you claim I am argumentative.

I have taken stay-cations, but not to see if I could be a stay at home mom. I know that's not for me. I enjoy what I do, I went to school for a lot of years to become well educated in my field, and I like knowing that I can self-sustain if the situation ever came up. My husband was recently out of work for 9 months, and without my salary, we would have been screwed day 1. As it was, we were able to maintain for 7 months before having to ask for help.

Staying at home is a LOT of work too. Sure, I envy the mom's who get to go have lunch with their elementary kids, get hugs every morning (I leave my house before 6am), get the things done around the house that need done, time for the gym/appointments/errands....however, I know those are all a lot of work. It's a tough, though job. Though I do wish there was a way to get the best of both worlds.

I worked PT until my third child was born. Now I am a SAHM full time. My kids are in 7th and 12th grade.

I love it!!! I typically go out to lunch once a week with a friend. I exercise at least 1 hour a day and I have turned a hobby into a way to make some extra money. (I am a self taught glass artist. My work is in a gallery and I participate in local shows). My house is typically straightened and clean.

I'm about to find out. I WAH and my company just required all field people to move to corporate, so since I'm not moving to AZ I'm out of a job in October. I plan to get my teaching certificate but won't find full time work as a teacher till next school year, so I have almost a year off to be a SAHM of middle schoolers - which will be very novel for me! Like you, I'm looking forward to working out, doing projects, cooking more, volunteering at the school, etc. Hubby swears I'll be bored out of my mind in 6 weeks, we'll see, lol. I'm just looking forward to the break since I've worked non-stop since the day I turned 16. Ask me how it's going in December :)

SAHM to school-age kids would be pretty blissful. You have 30 hours a week (at least) without kids underfoot to care for yourself, your home, and take care of errands, etc. that you otherwise would have to do evenings or weekends. If you can afford to do it, give it a whirl. But make sure you really can afford it. It's not just about your current income, but about your ability to save for retirement, keep your career on track, have a foot in the door if you found yourself needing to work due to divorce, death, long-term illness or disability. And if your income is supplemental right now - meaning your husband's income can cover the bills - is yours being used to fund retirement savings? College savings? Pay for sports, vacations and summer camp? Can you afford to not be able to do those things?

I do use some vacation days while the kids are in school to catch up around the house. Then I feel guilty because I feel like I should save them for when they are on school break so that we can do things together. A lot of my vacation time gets sucked up on one day here, one day there to do something at school, then I usually take off around a week during winter break and a week in the summer. I haven't yet taken off a full week during school but am tempted to this year.

The closest I've come to SAHM was when I took 6 weeks of disability leave after giving birth as a surrogate. Six weeks wasn't long enough to pull my youngest out of daycare so all of the kids were at daycare or school while I was home. Sure I was recovering from birthing twins but it was a fast recovery. I enjoyed being able to help out the parents of the twins once or twice a week and then had blocks of time on other days to shop, finish up some much-needed interior painting and organizing, etc. I joked with my boss that I was really enjoying the SAHM life but by 6 weeks, I was starting to feel myself losing brain cells and was eager to get back to something more mentally stimulating than household tasks.

You sound adorable. So please realize I say this with a smile. We would all love to quit our jobs and have time to organize closets and work out every day lol. Things rarely work out how we imagine they will.

But comparing yourself to others is just asking to be miserable. I don't recommend it :)

Now having said that, to answer your question - I have taken a couple days off here and there with "nothing" to do, even took an entire week off once. I found my days were filled with more of exactly what I spend every weekend doing. Cleaning, laundry, working on to-do lists, projects. Meh. Maybe someday I'd get caught up if I did it full time...but then what would I do?

Any chance you can work your job part-time? To me, that's the perfect scenario.

I agree with Mamazita that you would have to do it for many months to see what it really feels like.

I'm a SAHM and my kids are 12 and 15. I worked full time since I was 21 and owned my own insurance agency until 2 years ago. I have been home full time since then.

I would not call us "lazy" as one person did. Just because I have the option to stay home and choose to do as I wish doesn't mean I need to be called such names.

Although I have a 6 bedroom house, my kids are old enough to have chores so between the 4 of us, everything is kept up pretty well.

Lately I've spent my days downsizing the house after reading about "living simply". We will be moving eventually and I want to take as little as possible when we do. So I have been working away at it as I can.

My BFF lives just 5 minutes from me and another church friend even closer. They are both disabled, one waiting on a double lung transplant and the other has several medical issues. We call ourselves "Chatty Chicks" and they come over at least once a week. Sometimes we hang out and have coffee, other times they bring crafts and we do those. We will also go on errands together and do shopping if we feel up to it and have extra money to do so.

I also watch TV shows that I DVR and my husband doesn't necessarily like to watch with me. I also like to read and have started a women's bible study that I spend some time doing by myself each day.

I also worked at our church Food Pantry until they closed it temporarily recently.

I have considered volunteering at the local thrift store mostly because I LOVE seniors and appreciate their company and the years they have spent living. They tell some awesome stories and life experiences if you take the time to listen to them so I think it would be fun to work with them.

I have also considered working part time but need a double knee replacement and also have some undiagnosed health issues that might make it difficult. My youngest is also at a charter school that doesn't provide buses and has 1/2 day every Friday so I have to be available for that.

So although I think your STAYcation may sound like a good idea, it really would be just time to get some home projects caught up, unless you could really figure out some fun things to do that you normally wouldn't. Not sure it would be as great as you think it would be unless you want to be "lazy" and stay home and paint your nails, watch tv and exercise like some others "fantasize" about. LOL JMO. Good luck.

It's only insulting to SAHM's who don't have cleaning people, make homecooked dinners almost every day, pack their kids' lunches, take care of a yard etc. I also work full time and some of the SAHMs I know are on a semi vacation everyday. They have cleaning people, lawn guys, kids take the bus, kids make their own lunches or they get hot lunch at school, they get prepared food for dinner a lot and on and on. Let's face it. If your kids are gone 7 or so hours a day and you don't do much housework or cooking, it is like a vacation. My mom stayed home and worked her butt off bc she never hired anyone and we never ate out. So when I think about staying home, I think about what kind of SAHM I will be... And I do think about taking a week off from work and being the type who has cleaning people and doesn't cook. :).

I was a SAHM twice. Once when the kids were little and then when my daughter started HS. I lost my job in 2002. So I stayed home until 2005. I actually enjoyed it much more than when they were little. I did have time to do my own thing. Clean the house, coffee with friends. I did a lot of volunteering for the Marching Band that my daughter was in. I had a blast!!! The kids enjoyed coming home to mom. However, I was getting bored. There is only so many times I could clean the toilet.

When my husband was transferred back to Houston, I decided I wanted to go back to work. I have been working full time since 2005. I love my job BUT I feel like we have NO life. I haven't made a lot of friends because I work a lot of hours. My husband travels all the time and the kids are out of the house so I work.

Life balance is something I need to investigate.

So to answer your question, SAHM is a JOB. Its the hardest job I EVER had. Remember that and treat it like a job. A week is a short time to figure out if you want to do this or not. Can you job go to PT? Also, be sure you and your husband are on the same page and that your finances can support your not working. Good luck!

I took staycations because we couldn't afford to travel.

I guess you could call it a ":staycation" if you are a military wife that has just moved to a different location or country and you cannot work there.

I spent four years in Quebec as a SAHM. The first few months were fine and adjusting to not working and being pregnant. A routine was created and all the chores were done and the dinners were made from scratch Language barrier was a bit in the beginning but I learned to communicate and enjoyed my stay.

Fast forward to our stay in Europe. I did get a job at the Arts and Crafts center teaching ceramics for a few years. I was a building monitor to let adults into the high school for night classes. My final job was sewing stripes and patches on uniforms. The jobs got me out of the house and yet let me be a mom at home when needed. I took a few classes and got college credits. The spouses club met twice a month for business meeting and social. A bazaar was planned and we would raise money for activities on the base. It was kind of the best of both worlds as you were out and about but you also had time to take care of things at home.

My children were 4 and 0 in Quebec and 9 and 4 in Europe. Their activities also granted us time to go places and see new sights and history.

I went back to work when we got back to the states as I am a person who likes to work. Staying home was and is a personal decision.

the other Suzane

It sounds like more than anything, YOU just need a short break from work. So take a few mental health days and regroup. I personally found myself feeling edgy not having an income of my own (I also WFH) and there was always more to do than I could To Done. You also need to be really really clear about the budget and expectations. I had a big fight with my DH about what I "did all day" and wrote down everything from making meals to answering phones to potty accidents for him for a few days. He was in a bad job but we needed his income. It hurt our marriage.

If you want to pursue something or be more organized, find the wiggle room to do it. My DH recently started pursuing a life goal and I'm all for it. Because it's good for him and then good for all of us by extension. You may not need to quit, just shift things around.

If your DH can help you achieve the me-time, great! Once a week I leave my DD with her dad and I go do something for myself. He's a capable father. I come home just before bedtime. It's their time. Also, she's old enough now to do more for herself. No need for ME to fold her laundry. Can your kids step up?

I think that to be a real feel for being a SAHP, you'd need to be off for a month. Long enough that it's not just fun anymore.

I was a SAHM to school age kids and I didn't find time to do the things you mentioned. I was busy volunteering at the school, serving on church committees, planning fundraisers, cooking and baking from scratch and doing 100% of the housework and yard work.

Seems like you have the best of both worlds. You work from home. You are there when kids get home n in holidays. Seems like you would be the envy of every working mother who trudges out in the rain, sleet and snow.