Has Anyone Adopted???

No, I have not adopted.. but I am on the other side of that... I am an adoptee. I was adopted at age 4. I think it takes a very special type of person to adopt a child and treat them as their own.
Single moms can adopt, it is harder but it isnt impossible. Something you can consider is to be a foster mother. That is taking in children who need a home temporarily and sometimes permanently. They are children who need love and as a foster mother you would have the chance to touch lives that really need to know someone cares about them.

Yes, I have adopted, and I was a single mom when I did it. In fact, I was in the process of adopting my daughter when I met my husband. She was a crack baby and is bi-racial, but who cares. I was her foster mother and I got her when she was 5 days old. When she was an infant, the attempts to try and reunite her with her mother failed, and she was placed for adoption. They went through the process of looking at family members, but in the end, I was offered the option to keep her. (foster parents are given priority since it would keep the child in the home they are already in) Needless to say, I told them she was not leaving. She is the most beautiful little girl. She does have problems. She is ADHD. But, as long as we control it, she does wonderful, and is the smartest child in her class and way ahead of everyone else. Oh, and VERY athletic. We put that extra energy to good use.
It is hard to adopt an infant, but if you get involved with the foster parenting program, you will have a better chance. And, you can do this as a single mom also. It cost me a total of $41 to adopt her. DSS paid for the rest. And, yes, I get adoption assistance until she turns 18, and she is on medicaid, so no insurance costs, although I have her on my vision and dental program just because medicaids programs are very restrictive for those.
There are kids out there that have problems, and kids that don't have any. My parents have adopted 2 babies as foster parents also. I know foster parents that have perfect normal adopted kids.
Going private or overseas is very costly, but there are plenty of kids right here in the US that need homes and parents who will love them. You could try for a baby or go with an older child. I would contact your local Dept of Social Services (DSS) and get more information from them on the foster/adopt programs. YOu would have to go through classes and have home inspections, but it really isn't that big a deal to do, and it will prepare you better to give the kids what they need. There are plenty of perfectly normal kids in the foster care system. Some just need a little help and understanding, some are well adjusted normal kids. It's the parents that are the problem, not them!

I didn't go into fostering to adopt, but ended up adopting her. The timing and my financial situation just worked, and I was the only mommy she had known, so I just couldn't send her away. You could do fostering for while too. I had 5 other kids before she came to my home. They are all great kids! My parents fostered about 130 kids over the years. I'd say 95% were perfectly normal kids that just needed love.

Feel free to email me if I can help any more with additional information.

K.

www.adoptionhelp.org might be a good place to start, and they might even have information they can send to you to help you start the process. My husband have said for a couple of years that if we decide to have any more children then we would adopt because of the same reason. I think it is great that people can have children on their own and if that is what works for their family then that is great, however if you are able to open your heart to a child who needs a good home I think that is just as terrific. We have looked into Russian adoption and the cost would be around 12,000 plus travel and accomodations while we are there. It would probably run us around 20,000 total, but a lot of insurance companies are offer adoption assistance, and help in paying for the fees. So you might want to check with your insurance company. I do wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. And the only caution I have is to make sure that you can afford another one. Sometimes it can be easier for a married couple because you can share in the work and responsibility, but I think a single person can raise a family by themselves and if you want children you shouldn't have to necessarily wait for a husband. But just be careful and don't take on too much. Good luck.

I am an adoptee, and let me first say that Andrea's stereotype about all children placed for adoption having "mental" problems is wrong. If you are thinking about adopting an older child, they may come with some emotional baggage, but that doesn't mean anything is wrong with them. Children who have been put through the foster system often just need a bit more love and stability to come around. My birth mother was 14 when she gave birth, and knowing that she couldn't support me, gave me to a loving family. My adoptive mother was living with her future husband, but was not married at the time of adoption... so it is possible for single mothers to adopt. I don't know much about the adoption process, but I do know that a social worker will interview you and visit your house to see if you would be financially able to support and adopted child, along with your other children, comfortably. If you would like to hear more from an adoptee's point of view regarding adoption, feel free to contact me.

I have five of my own but our friend (who is unable to have biological) has adopted five. Her and her husband started out as Foster parents, then adopted two girls then the family just grew from there. From stories I have heard it is a long process, four of the children all came from the same mom and she called to ask my friend if she would take the new babies each time, still a long process. I wish you the best and you could do fostering, those children need help also. Good Luck!

I adopted four years ago from Russia. My children had just turned 2 and 3 at the time. First I will comment on your age, and I will add that I am not being judgemental in any way...just telling you how it is out there. You must first undergo a home study in which your home will be inspected by a social worker, your finances and credit investigated, and your background checked. Most states will say that you are too young at the present to adopt. Unless you are fortunate to find a private situation for adoption, you will also have a difficult time as a single parent. I was single when I adopted from Russia. It was very expensive and involved two trips of approximately two weeks each. Every country is different on the travel. Some allow single people; some do not. There is an income requirement. Infants will likely have less health problems, but are not immune to things like fetal alcohol effects. You may or may not be told this. If you get an older child especially from an orphanage, they will always have developmental delays. These can be overcome, but it takes time and LOTS of work. I can give you plenty of first hand information if you wish privately. As far as foster care, the "system" usually removes children from horrible home situations way too late. I tried this before I adopted my children from Russia. It was a nightmare. They were 10 and 12 at the time, and you can almost be sure that the state (any state) will not give you the whole history. You, being a single parent, will be offered only the most messed up of children. I say that because that is what I saw and encountered. The kids can't help what they were born into, but it takes more than just love to get them the help that they need. Some states (and I can tell you which ones) will not even consider a single parent, and they will all likely say that you are too young yet. I can give you more specifics privately on this matter too if you wish. As several people have already stated, count your blessing, and enjoy the children you have. You have good intentions, as I did years ago, but kids from foster care need a whole lot more than just a loving home. If you have questions, please let me know. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's best to go in with your eyes wide open.

First I want to say- Why get married when you can do it on your own? If you want more children why wait for man to marry you. Just do it! :)

About adoption- you can adopt as a single mom. Not an infant (not easily anyhow) but you can a minority child, a drug addicted baby, or a child over the age of 5. The older the child the easier it would be for you to do it. I know this b/c my single 26yr old single friend is in the process of adopting an older child- a 10-12 yr old.

As for the cost if you adopt a NC child the state pays for most of it. you can google adoptNCkids. the state also gives you an "allowance" and pays for college.

Good luck!

Hey R.. I have not personally adopted but my parents have. It surely was a lenthy process and the toll it took on my family paid a price. Don't get me wrong. Adoption is a blessing in itself and if you have any doubts about it, you're not ready to adopt. You're not married yet and you already have two kids. Trying to adopt by yourself may probably be a very difficult process. I haven't heard much about a single parent trying to adopt so I'm not so sure how that exactly works.

However, most people when they adopt they ususaly want babies. There are a lot of older kids who need those loving homes. The girl that my family adopted was 10 years old when she came to live in our house. I was 13. At first things seemed to work out well. She moved in, took the family name and things were going good. Or so we thought. Come to find out, the girl (I'll call her Sam) ended up having a lot of emotional issues that she carried from her birth family. We were not aware of any of these problems she had. She actually had bi-polar manic depressive disorder and a lot of authority disorders. We did not know this because of our case worker. Basically long story short, our case worker was pushing my parents to adopt and did not tell them the whole true story of why Sam was up for adoption. We found out a lot of Sam's problems through family therapy and just trial and error. But what basically happened was after 6 long years of Sam living with my family, my parents had to terminate the adoption and send her to a group home till she was of legal age. She lived in a group home for only two years. Once she turned 18, she moved out of the state to live her birth dad who she thought was dead all her life. (Just one of the many messed up things that Sam's birth family told her.)

I don't want to scare you off by the idea of adopting a child who needs a home. But before you make that choice, you should know the good and bad of adoption. Find yourself a good case worker. Not one that is just trying to push kids through the system. Because that was the case with my parents. We got handed a raw deal and paid a huge price for it. More than money can ever pay back. Just make sure you are ready to go through the entire process cause you will have a check list of things that you have to go by. I can't remember everything, but adoption agencies do all kinds of checks on you, your house, your ability to be a good parent.

Also, get a complete background history of where your child will be coming from. Get any and all information, as much as you can. Educate yourself with every resource possible. You don't want to go blindly into this. There are people out there who will take advantage of good people just trying to help out in this world.

The best thing for you to do is know your subject. Be educated on what you want. And find the best case worker for you who will help you find the best kid to fit with your family. You will be taking a chance, but it's a chance you have to weigh with your family. I wish you luck and hope you find what your looking for. And may you blessed with opening your home to someone who needs one.

I have not adopted a child but I have given a child up for adoption. Even though it was the hardest thig that I have ever done in my whole life, his parents are the best and I actually got to choose them. Its a great experience among the heartache. From what I understand it is a little pricy but they do let single parents adopt. I think that its great that you would want to adopt a child, I have thought about it myself. If I can help you in any other way please let me know.

My aunt works for the state, and handles kids/grownups with all kinds of mental problems . . . she said that she (and her co-workers) sees so many bad cases that they will never adopt. One of my aunts' co-workers has been trying for years to have kids and has come to the conclusion (after medical intervention) that she can't have children. Even though her and her husband want kids so badly, they won't adopt. A lot of children now-a-days have lots of mental problems. You don't know what horrors the child might have endured before he/she ended up in the foster system (or even while they were in the system).
Also did you hear about the recent article where the people adopted a child and where trying to give him back to the state because the state had lied about the boys mental conditions.
I was considering adoption until I spoke with my aunt. Now I realize that if I was planning to adopt, that there would be a serious, valid concern that I might have to take care of this child with special needs for the rest of his or her life. So you have to ask yourself (1) can I emotionally handle this responsibility for the rest of my life and (2) am I prepared to maybe have to stay home with this child and tend to his/her needs (3) am I financially stable enough to handle these concerns
I'm sure there are lots of good stories out there but this is just for you to think on
Good luck!

Yes, I have adopted twins. I am unable to have children. We had an unusual private adoption. The only expense we had was lawyer fees. We were blessed enough to take home newborns, two days old. However a vast majority of the children available for adoption are not newborns. They are school aged children who need a loving family.

On the other side of your comment, I would like to say, you are only 22 years old, a single mother, who has been blessed with wonderful little girls, one in diapers and one probably barely out of diapers. Adopting a child is a great responsibility. It is not something to do on a whim. Many women would love to say that they could have children as easy as you say you can. I would suggest take a step back, count your two wonderful blessings, and then think long and hard on how this would affect your entire family as a whole. When you adopt, it is not just about you and the wonderful new life you are bringing into your home for you to share, you are bringing a life into your home for everything around you to be involved with. And this, not like a puppy, cannot be passed back when it is too much to take on. Because lets face it, being a single mother is hard enough. But a single mother to three at the tender age of 22? And entirely different story.

I say all this without the risk of sounding harsh. Take your time. Enjoy your little ones. I'm not saying you need to be married to adopt, but at least give the children you've been blessed with a chance to grow-up a little more! I wish you all the best. You sound like a caring person, and we need more of those in this world. Adoption is the best thing I ever did in my life. The day that I took my babies home was a day I'll never forget and a day I thought I would never have, because I have known I would not have children since the age of 14. I hope you get to experience it as well one day, but just not now. Enjoy your blessings!

i KNOW THERE IS ALOT TO ADOPTION AS MY HUSBAND AND i HAVE TALKED ABOUT UT AS HE HAS NO KIDS AND MY KIDS ARE GROWN. hE IS LONGER THAN i BUT WE WOULD LIKE A CHILD TO CARRY ON HIS NAME. WE HE AND i LOVE KIDS AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED 8 YEARS. WE HAVE BOTH LOST ALL OF OUR PARENTS AND NOW ITS JUST US WITH THIS BIG PRETTY HOUSE AND ROOM TO SHARE. bUT THERE ARE SO MANY REQUIREMENTS ALL DIFFERENT IN ALL STATED OR PRIVATE ADOPTION BUT THAT ALSO CAN GET ALL MESSED UP AND I AGEE. WE HAD ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT A SINGLE GAL THAT WAS PREG ANN PAYING HER BILLS AND THEN ADOPTING BUT LIKE YOU HARD TO GET INFO ON THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE LOTS OF MONEY.I LOVE KIDS AND ITS A SHAME THAT SO MANY ARE OUT THERE NO HOME AND FAMILY....LET ME KNOW IF YOU GET INFO ____@____.com

R., I have an adopted daughter and she is amazing. It depends on were you go because certain countries have different criteria for adoption, for example if you go to Korea you have to be married for so many years and cannot be over a certain age, if you go to other countries like China you have to travel, South America, you may have to travel a couple of times. Your best bet is to figure out were you would like to adopt from and then find out there criteria. I hope this helps, A.