My very strong willed 6 year old girl wants to do her own hair sometimes before leaving for school. The problem mainly is...she will grab one side or just one spot and put a ponytail holder in then another and then another. It is not done neatly and it looks fizzy at best.
I tell her it just takes lots of practice but 10 mins before we walk out the door is not the best time to practice. She of course thinks she just did something marvelous and is so proud of herself.
She can have such a melt down and start crying over it and of course every time I touch her she yells I am pulling her hair and I am putting knots in it. But her technique kinda produces the knots. It is a 20 min drive to her school and this morning she cried and complained all the way about how her technique was fine and I just don't understand how she wants it.
This is starting to become a problem and I don't like fighting over it in the mornings.
She also has red hair so she is complaining that everyone talks about her hair and says how wonderful it is. She says she is not liking the attention but I am trying to get her to understand making it look odd won't make people stop talking about her hair. She has to tell them they are making her uncomfortable about talking about it.
Should I really let her do her own hair once or twice for school and just be supportive? sort of let her peers teach her that isn't the way it should look? What if they make fun of her at school?
Thank you for the ideas to give her a couple of days a week to do her own hair. This morning she said with a grin --and it is Wednesday and I get to do my hair myself and giggled....but then got distracted and forgot all about it. I ran a brush through it because she said it was ok as it was but I told her NOT doing your hair isn't an option but she didn't care today as she was thinking about a caterpillar she had found.....KIDS! all that fuss and she didn't make use of it...guess sometimes they just want to know that they CAN or COULD OF.
This is hilarious!! I would let her do it! She may be just doing it just to win with you. I say let her do it, she will catch on. And if not, maybe she will start a new hairstyle! I think its cute! lol
Play "beauty salon" when she gets home from school until she can fix it well enough on her own. She's a redhead Mom, you will always have issues, lol!
If the other kids make fun of her hair, your daughter will learn something new about fixing her hair.
Since she is so strong-willed, perhaps this is not a battle to pick. A more important issue is her learning to talk to her mother in a respectful way. She has no business ever yelling at you unless it's to inform you that the house is on fire.
Why don't you do what you were thinking about - letting her fix her own hair once or twice a week? Specify the days that she will be the stylist (say, Tuesdays and Fridays); the other days, her hair is Mama's. Pick up a bottle of spray de-tangler to get the knots out. (I keep this handy for my granddaughters' visits - tangles are painful!)
Don't be embarrassed at how she looks; you're just practicing for when she's a teenager and will be into strange clothes as well as strange hair.
Also, get at least one picture of her handiwork. Pretty soon she's going to look at it and say, "Yecchh!" I have a feeling this whole thing isn't going to last too long (or else she'll turn out to be a genius at hair styling!).
(Some time down the road, you can share with her that people haven't always admired red hair; a hundred years ago redheads were always teased! She needs to learn to handle comments about her hair, just as one of my boys had to learn to handle comments about his ears that stuck out. He just said God made his ears the way they were and that was OK with him. When his friends realized that their comments wouldn't have any effect, they stopped making them.)
Let her do her own hair. Take pictures.
If she doesn't like her hair color or the attention she gets over it,
just tell her to wait till she has a daughter of her own and then it won't be long till it starts turning gray.
I think it is adorable that she wants to do her own hair, and Like Mary said, when she is a teen she will look even weirder to you, beleive me I am going through it right now.
She is coming into her own... and you can sit back and laugh about it, take lots of pictures so when she gets a little older you can look back on it and laugh and show her how stubborn she was.
As far as the embarrasment... at that age I doubt her friends would make fun... they will probably be jealous that she gets to do her own hair. Just be sure to let her know that you will demand a respectable "do" when you are going out somewhere important or on Picture day, assembly day, etc...
until then just let her have fun and try and let go a little or you are in big trouble later...
Good luck
Pick your battles mom.... It is hair. Also, don't squash that strong willed personality. It is a good traight when channeled in the right direction.
My sweet strong willed daughter from birth went through a stage with her hair as well. It was not long lived and now at 15 she does not walk out the door without it perfectly in order.
She'll learn from some peers and she might get a little teasing. Then she'll let mom help her learn. It is hard to let them go and figure out things on their own but we have to do that as parents or we'd be fighting battles all the time. She is growing up!
When you do her own hair, does it really look the same by the time she gets home from school? I use to have long hair and my mom would fix it every morning. By the time I would get home from school, it was a frazzled mess! If she is proud of her hair styles, let her do it (unless it is picture day!).
I agree with PP. I have a 3 year old who sometimes wants to choose his own clothing - who cares if it matches! Our only agreement is that it has to be weather appropriate. Foster that indepenance. you'll be glad later that you did!!
let her do it! let her develop her own style and let her keep the pride of taking care of her own hair if it's what she wants to do.
If the kids make fun of her at school, she may want to adjust what she does to her hair to please them. she will NOT do it to please you. Just be supportive of her!!
J.,
you have received some good advice so I won't say much. Only that I agree you should let your daughter fix her hair. Clean and brushed should be the only requirements. In my opinion, this isn't a battle worth fighting.
Good luck.
~K.
I say let her do it. My son at that age used to want to wear yellow and red to school every day or all red (red top and bottom) all yellow or all any color. I used to worry about him getting made fun of too. Turns out from talking to a lot of the other parents that his style made him the coolest kid and all the other kids wanted to do it too and they thought I was the coolest parent for letting him pick his own clothes. Go for it as long as its clean....and its not picture day:-) Good luck. At least she knows what she wants.
My 8 year old and has beautiful natural spiral curls, people compliment her on her hair all the time and she is now self conscious over her hair. To the point where I can no longer say it is pretty. She wants me to comb it so that her hair isn't nearly as curly.
She also does her own hair, she has high functioning Autism so she doesn't care that it doesn't look good. I used to insist on fixing her hair but now I let it go. It is her hair and it is more important for her to be happy than for me. BTW she has created a cute hairstyle I wouldn't have thought of.
I realize your child will probably care how her hair looks but I think if your daughter wants to do her hair she needs to be happy with it, I learned that from my other 2. Good luck!
I would let her do her own hair as long as it is clean and knot-free. Tell her that you will gladly let her style her own hair as long as she lets you run the brush through first (until she learns to do that herself). Then get the knots out and walk away unless she asks for your help.
When you reach that agreement with her, be sure to specify that you will handle the styling for picture days or really important occasions.
I agree with the others, let her do her own hair. My daughter is the same way (7 now) and comes up with some "interesting" hair styles. We tend to alternate days and I get to do her hair for church and picture day or other special events. Otherwise, as long as it is brushed, she can style it how she wants. And it is starting to look more "normal" after a year or two of her doing it herself. Today the part wasn't even straight, but it was brushed. Like someone else said, it looked the same this morning as it usually looks by the afternoon.
As long as it's clean let her do it herself. By the time she gets to middle school or 4th grade really she will have it down to a science. If it is really awful as the kids get older they will tell her and she will ask for help.
I sympathize with you because I have gone through this with my 6 yo at times. You could tell her you will cut it off if she doesn't cooperate (I have threatoned my daughter with this many times) or you could do what I finally did and just let it go. Eventually someone will say something to her that will make her want you to help her. We also have the knot fairy visit us and have problems with knotty and frizzy unruley hair. I finally found a hairdresser that gave her a cut that would reduce the knots. She also sat with my daughter and explained that she needed to put in leave in conditioner as soon as she gets out of the bathtub or shower and that she needed to use a good shampoo, not just the 3 and 1 bath soap that is sold for kids. She showed her how to do it so it would dry curly or how to brush it so it would be nice and straight. I usually have to remind her to get the conditioner in now, and I show her the brush and tell her that I will be brushing it if she doesn't want to. That will get her going because she claims I pull her hair. she now spends time in front of the mirror doing it. when it is time to leave the house, she now knows she is going no matter how bad her hair looks. some times peer presure is the best thing that can happen.
Hi J.,
There are so many battles to choose in parenting. Is this one that you really want to pick? If she is proud of her styling, let her go to school that way. She might get teased, but she might not. If she does, it's a learning experience. If she still wants to do her hair if she gets teased, she's building inner strength. I think pride in her own accomplishment is what is most important here.
To help her do a better job, I suggest you make brushing her hair a part of her bedtime routine. She can practice for the morning. You can let her do it on her own or ask her if she would LIKE your help. Chances are after a little while, she just might ask for your help.
Best wishes,
J.
I personally wouldn't let my daughter do her own hair. If she's becoming that independent and throwing fits I'd let her start practicing during the weekends. One thing that helps the knots in my daughters hair is braiding it the night before and using some detangler spray.
Well, you got your answer. I was just going to say the same thing. Let her do it herself. (You should have seen some of the outfits my one daughter would wear to school. Lady Gaga had nothing on this kid. LOL) But I do like the idea of playing beauty shop, too. It'll be fun for the two of you. Strong willed? Good for her! She'll stand up for herself and go far in this world, I'll bet!
Let her fix her own hair. I have three kids and once the girls started doing their own hair, I was thrilled. In the beginning, it didn't look so great but they learned and now, as a teenager and a tween, their hair is perfect everytime they walk out the door (sometimes to the point of almost missing the bus in the morning LOL). Who cares!! Is she clean? is she safe? those are issues to worry about. It's hair, she will learn!!
