Hair Pulling and Grabbing

M.:
I completely understand where you are at. My daughter went through the same thing and it was terribly embarrassing. I did all the same things as you. Just try to be consistent with how ever you choose to deal with the behavior and know it will pass. It's really a phase they out grow-at least mine did! Take care and try not to worry.

J.

This may sound horrible, but when my child started biting his sister, I called my mother for advice. None of the modern techniques were working. I am 46 yrs old and my Mother is 84 yrs old. She told me to bite him back. I laughed and said you can't be serious. She said abosolutely I am, it will work. It only took two bites from me (Mom) (not sister... don't want to encourage fight biting) for the lesson to be learned. Sometimes natural consequenses are the best teachers. If the child doesn't understand the pain all the reasoning in the world won't work.
Cathy R

You're doing the right thing, teaching him to be gentle is important and with repetitive teaching he'll get it, just keep trying. Good job.

My son did the exact same thing at that age, including grabbing jewelry and glassses right off of my face. It really is just a form of exploration and I would just divert and distract. He is not displaying inappropriate behavior for his age, nor is this any sort of harbinger of agressive behaviour. (My son is a very gentle soul.) He will very quickly grow out of this. Just be patient.

Just keep doing what you've been doing. "Hands to ourselves." Patience, my friend. He'll "get it" eventually. Just be consistent and don't be angry. I know it's tiring, but he's only 18 months old.

I agree with Shannan A! We don't do our children any favors by waiting for them to 'grow out' of a 'phase' that is costing them their friends. We are hear to teach them, even when it's difficult.

Hi M.,

My little guy started doing that around that time too; we would deal with it in the same way as you are. I would also give the "victim" some attention by saying something like 'oh, ____ are you ok? I hope that Noah didn't hurt you! (while doing the 'hurt' sign where my son could see it) He's sorry he pulled your hair - he has to be gentle, doesn't he?' and then do the 'gentle' bit with my son, rubbing his hand along his face gently, saying 'we have to be gentle with people; it hurts our friends when we pull their hair' (doing the hurt sign again too)

Again, it sounds like you're doing the same thing so...don't worry, it'll get better eventually! My now 22-month old isn't pulling random kids' hair anymore at playgroups, but he still likes to pull mine & his rocking horse's...so we're still working on it, but it does get better....

Good luck!

M. S

my 18 month old does something similar. while we are playing he start to "clap" our faces. Literally clapping with both hands. we just hold his hands and tell him gentle. then we touch his face the way we think is acceptable. it was very important to teach him since we have a 10 day old baby now! mostly just work with him when he does it to you and you will have to remind him when he is out. remember you have to be consistent! hope that helps, E.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. My son is 1, and he's been doing the same thing for about a month now. He's in daycare, and according to his teachers, this is a completely normal phase, especially for boys. Unfortunately, even at your son's age, there's not a whole lot you can do discipline-wise. I've been instructed to first, make sure we don't "rough house" at home, like, letting him tackle us, wrestle w/ him, etc. Then, just remove him from the situation and distract him w/ something else. I've learned you really can't even teach them "gentle" -- by words or demonstration -- until they're older toddlers. It's a tough stage, but I assure you this is totally normal behavior. And I think you hit the nail right on the head w/ the "curiousity" thing. That must play a huge part in it. Our son has been less aggressive the past week or two, w/ some "bad" days here and there. But remember -- your son is NOT intentionally trying to hurt other kids, and he has no idea that what he's doing isn't perfectly normal and fun, so don't be too harsh w/ the discipline. I think that might just scare him. It sounds like your little "time out" isn't too harsh -- just speaking in general. I think our son's teachers usually put him in his crib for a bit -- just remove him from the situation and let him play by himself, "contained" (ha ha), for a while. Good luck!

I think what you were doing with teaching him is the best. It takes a while, depending on how often he is around others. It has worked with all my chilren and since they aren't doing it out of anger or being mean I don't think punshing them is any help. I have even done the nice touch when they are not doing it I don't know if it made it go faster but it seemed that two weeks of consistant training seemed to do the trick.
W.

My son has always been very outgoing and curious about other kids. He also tends to be bigger then kids his own age. So, we insisted that he not touch other children at all. Especially kids that weren't familiar with him. One of his first phrases was 'no touching' so we said it a lot. That seemed to help and it was short and to the point. Every once in a while he still tries to grab someone, but he immediately knows he shouldn't have. Hope this helps!

I know what you are going through Mother of 3: 6, 4, 9months. We used the same techique, by stopping and telling them "Soft" and helping hold there hand and run in softly on the sibblings head. This worked for us, but it takes time. With all disipline you need patience consistency and ecnouragement for correct behavior. Keep up the good work! B.

I know it seems "harsh" but other moms have told me that when that happens, the moms have gently yanked the childs hair to show him what it feel like....they say that the kid didn't like it and stops the behavior after 1-2-3 times. Ouch! Who knows???