Grocery Store Nightmare

Try walking away from her and ignoring the idea that she is even throwing this fit. Some kids like the extra attention that they are getting at that point in time. I know it is hard to ignore the idea that she is acting this way but if she realizes that it doesn't bother you she may think twice about doing it again. My son threw a fit at a local grocery store and would not follow me to the next isle so I told him I was leaving him while he threw the fit and as soon as I got to the end of the next isle he was right behind me. I always remind him that all of the strangers are staring at him wondering why he is acting this way. Just walk away and breath. Good luck!

First thing, she doesn't get to go to the store with you anymore until she stops throwing fits. Second, when she does throw a fit you should let her know that it's completely inappropriate and she should lose a privilege or something. If the doll is the offending party, the doll can be put in time out. I hope this helps, good luck. Children do almost return to normal once their past 4.

My 3 year old daughter does the same thing, and it is so embarrassing. We had an episode at the st. louis zoo a few weeks ago, she threw such a fit that someone called security on us, and I had not even swatted her butt! The security gaurd laughed at us and went on, he knew what it was!
You did the right thing to remove her from the situation, they get overstimulated in the store! My best advice is to ignore it and never raise your voice. When you can just walk away, and when you can't just sit and watch her have her fit. Try not to give any emotion to her fit. She is looking for a reaction out of you. When we are at home, I walk away from the fit, and if she continues to follow me and hang on me, I swat her bottom and put her in time out. She is testing her limits, she needs to know that you can outlast her temper tantrums without losing your cool. This takes so much discipline on your part, but it helps. I have gone as far as to just put her in her room when at home and shut the door. When out in public, try not to worry about what other people are feeling and thinking about the tantrum, if they have kids, they know you can not control it, and if they don't...who cares what they think! You are doing a good job and you know it, that is all that matters!

Good Luck!

I know this is an old question, but I hope readers will benefit from my advice...

First of all, I want to say that you did the right thing by taking her out of the store. Second, I will offer you a no-nonsense, no bribe, way to shop.

Take her on very short shopping trips. Buy 3-5 items and out you go. Later you can build up to longer lists. Remember that shopping is your secondary focus here. Your primary focus is to facilitate good behavior in the store.

For the first few trips, purposfully avoid going near the card section. Give her a chance to forget about the negative shopping experience and create new positive shopping experiences. You are going to shop with her for many years. You want to create a happy shopping experience before it gets worse.

***Make her your shopping assistant. ***
You now have a common goal in the store and she is part of the excitement. Kids love responsibility. Tell her that she is old enough to be your helper and that you are counting on her to help you remember the things that you need to buy.

1) Tell her exactly what you are shopping for and hand her a simple, printed list inside the store.
*You will be teaching her to focus in the store.
*You will teach her to shop with a list and stick to her list (many adults lack this skill).

2) Give her a crayon to cross off the item once it is in the cart or basket.
*You will also teach her to recognize words. She will be reading in two years. ;)

3) Ask her questions such as, "Do you think that we will find shampoo by the blankets or by the hairspray?"
*You are teaching categorizing and organizational skills.

4) Praise her for a job well done.
Ex. "You are a super shopping helper!"
Ex. "You helped me a lot and we got everything on our list."

***She will fell very happy and proud of herself.***

Now you can shop and she will be you happy helper.
I sometimes do this with my twelve-year old and it still works.
He even comments on the bad behavior (whining and begging)that he sees and he is proud of his own behavior. I randomly reinforce his behavior by occasionally saying, "You have been such a great helper and we did have a long list today. Guess what? You get to pick out one of those sented body washes or sprays that you like."

Best of luck!
Dr. Mom

Good for you. You did what you should have. But I am sure you were feeling pretty stressed by the time you got to the car and home. Your daughter is still young and has not figured out a better way to communicate when she has an overload, she will grow out of it as long as you hold your cool and ignore her she will learn she can't win by acting that way. One of my sons just couldn't handle going to Target or Sams club every time we walked into either of those stores he would freak out (I still don't know what caused it) so I learned if I was going to either of those places he stayed with someone and I enjoyed a little alone time. Don't worry when she is 16 she will love to shop with you.

One other thought instead of teaching her to say "I'm sorry" teach her to ask for forgiveness I am sorry will become to easy and off the cuff it won't have meaning after awhile so asking for forgiveness changes the situation when you say do you forgive me you have to admit that you did something wrong
So I taught my kids to say "Do you forgive me for _______?" See she has to admit she was wrong and take ownership of her actions It has way more meaning, then I would say "Yes I forgive you for _____________________."

Most of us have been there!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I can pull mine out of a temper tantrum and other times I have had to leave! Sometimes I tell them to hush because they are scaring the other people! My son had one so bad the other night - our windows were open and we live in a neighborhood where the houses are fairly close - he kept screaming and screaming because he did not get his way - I told him that if he did not stop then someone might call the police - I told him that people might think that I was doing something bad to him because he kept screaming and they could not see what was happening - he immediately stopped screaming!!!!!!!

It is just the age and they will get better!!!!! My son is in kindergarten and they do not nap here - he is so exhausted when he gets home and he has started back with his tantrums because he is just sooooo tired. SO usually I can go pick him up and hold him and he will stop. I think the seperation anxiety and the new schedule are very hard on him emotionally and phsically!

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!! You could offer her a prize (candy or a treat) if she is good the whole time!

D.

First of all, know that anyone who sees her tantrums in public and is a parent recognizes them from their own children throwing them, and rather than thinking, "What an awful parent who can't control their child" is thinking "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt." I remember going through that phase with my stepson when he was 4, and I can tell you to try not to be embarrassed: it's a phase, and not your fault. How I handled them was to get him out of the public place as quickly as possible, stay calm (even though you won't feel calm, you need to try, because she'll pick up on your anxiety), make eye contact, and firmly say something like, "No. We don't get what we want this way." Then I would try to get in a space, like the car, where they can calm down away from an audience. Good luck!
T.

The bottom line is kids throw fits. It's what they do to test their limits and see what they can get away with. You can accept this and just deal with the occasional fit when you go out or you can not go out. If possible wait until you have a chance to leave your daughter with her father or hire a babysitter. This would give you a chance to "breathe" and speed up your shopping process without a screaming 3 year old. If there is no avoiding taking your daughter on errands then try to take her when she is well rested, give her a treat for good behavior, tell her after we shop we go to the library, play games while your in the store "look for something green", etc. And then if/when she does throw a fit ignore it, let her get it out...I find it usually goes quicker that way then me trying to drag mine out...and when she starts to calm just hug her and let her know fits are not the way to get what she wants. Tell her she needs to ask for what she wants and sometimes she might not like the answer. There is no reasoning with our young children, we just have to love them anyway :)
I'm a mother of two-year old girl/boy twins and a 2 month old son, so I know all about nightmare shopping trips! Don't let your nerves get the best of you...take a breather and remember someday you'll have teenagers and be praying for these fits that were much easier to deal with ;)

My question is why couldn't she look at the greeting cards? To me, it doesn't seem like it was worth a fight to spend a few minutes looking at pretty things. She's three! I understand that it might have taken more time, but I know with my son (he's two) if I let him, say, look at a fun picture book at the store, he's more apt to be agreeable while I'm looking at boring old shampoo. Really, it doesn't hurt anything to compromise. Good luck!

Stfanee, In my opinion you handled this perfectly. Do not tolerate the tantrum in any way. Just pick her up, leave the store and sit in the vehicle until she calms down. Believe me, most (if not all) parents have been in this situation. No one is judging you unless you start hitting her or screaming back at her. The key is not to react but to pick her up and go and sit in the car until she calms down. Do not leave the store or she will have "won". When she calms down go back into the store and continue shopping. Yes, you may have to plan a few hours for the first few shopping trips. She will outgrow this if she sees that it doesn't work to her advantage:)

I had the same problem with my little son and decided when he acted like that I would remove him from the situation right away no matter where we were at . It came to a point where he did not go to stores with me because of this fit throwing, after a few times of me going to the store alone ( very nice, LOL) he decided that he would act right and now going to the store is fine. Good Luck!
D.
www.changestores.info

It sounds like you are already doing the right thing in removing her from the store. Just be consistent and it will stop! Right now it seems like the worse thing in the world but all moms in that store have been in your shoes. As far as "keeping your cool" just say to yourself, "this stage will pass."

S.,

My son is too young to go through this yet, fortunately, but I know it's coming. I've been a nanny and a preschool teacher, so I've still had plenty of experience with tantrums. First, I think you handled the situation perfectly. And like someone else wrote, don't worry about other people judging you. The only time I think badly about a kid having a tantrum in public is if the parents don't do anything about it. I have three suggestions. 1. As you go into the store, tell her exactly what kind of behavior you expect from her. Make this interactive; don't just tell her, make her tell you what being good means. 2. Be consistent and stick to your guns. If you tell her no, your answer is no. If you give her one more chance, it's only one more chance, not two or three. And never give in. 3. It sounds like she's trying to assert some control and independence, especially as you described the apology situation. Try to think of something she can have control over. Should we get this can of soup or that can of soup, etc.

I just read an article in the Oct. issue of Parenting on toddler discipline that you might want to check out. It's written by Heidi Murkoff, the What to Expect guru.

Good luck.

A.

Welcome to the world of 3's. For us and 3 of our 4 children, 2 was never terrible, but 3 sure was. Every single one of them pulled that in stores at 3. My problem is that my time is precious and if I am in a store, I am there for a reason and I don't have time to go back and forth. I just deal with it as fast as I can. My 3rd child threw a tantrum in the parking lot one time and I had to threaten to leave him there because he didn't want to be buckled in! Let me tell you, you can not force a 3 year old to sit when he doesn't want to! I think you did the right thing. My pediatrition says to let them tantrum it out, you stay calm and they will get bored. You will feel mortified, and embarrassed by the out break, but they will get tired and bored. If you make a big deal about it and make lots of threats that you won't keep, they will learn that this is a way to get your attention. She will out grow it...my now 4 year old rarely has the tantrums, but every now and then we get blessed with the jumping and screaming. Good luck!