Grandmother Seeking Advise

I have found phenomenal info on taking away a pacifier through my research as a family coach. It is a step-like approach. You have to treat it day by day and I know it will be very had on you.

This is an awesome tip:
Tell her that there are BABIES that really need her pacifier that were just born and that if she's a BIG girl and shares, the babies would be so happy! I've read that it works!

L.
atlantafamilycoaching.com

I am usually the first person to say something crass like "that child is too old to walk around with the pacifier"! But yet my son (who is 2) is allowed to carry his frog everywhere - and I do mean everywhere. Is there really a difference? Maybe, maybe not. My son uses his frog to comfort himself just like your granddaughter probably uses the pacifier to comfort herself. One just seems to be more accepted than another. So what do you do? Could you substitute the pacifier for something else - like a stuffed toy or something else that might be soothing for her?

We have had to stop letting my son take his frog to school because the other kids want it and it becomes a big fight. So now we have a ritual in the mornings where we say goodbye to frog before we leave for school. Then in the afternoons, I often tell my son that we are going home "to see frog" and it gets his attention faster than anything else! He doesn't cry for it at school any more; he got over that fairly quickly, actually, because he stays occupied with other activies. Perhaps that's your key - activity.

One of my friends had a child who loved their pacifier and she got rid of it simply by saying "we left it grandma's" - you'd have to choose another place. But knowing that she left it somewhere that she couldn't retrieve it seemed to work for her child. That was that, as a matter of fact. Maybe it could work for you too.

Hi T.,

My son was very attached to his pacifier as a security blanket at naptime, bedtime and whenever he got upset. I got this advice from friends and it worked. Christmas was approaching so I began talking to him about giving his pacifiers to Santa for other little boys and girls who didn't have any. I talked it up for about two weeks. On Christams eve Max put them on the plate with the milk and cookies. It was a little rough the first couple of nights but I kept reminding him why we gave them away. I was due with my second child in January and thought we might regress but Max never missed his pacifier after the first couple days.
I hope this helps. You can use any holiday.

My friend's son was attached to his 24/7 and she just went cold turkey and he was fine. Instead of the pacifier he'd keep a matchbox car in his hand.

Good Luck,
Cathy

Hi Grandmother:
I am a mother of 20 month and a 6 year old girl. With both of my girls I took the pacifer and throw it away we went through 3 days of crying and thats all.

Good Luck

Several years ago I went to the DMV to renew my license. I happened to look across the room and noticed a little boy who had to be at least 5 years old, sitting on his mother's lap sucking on a bottle of milk! Do you get the picture? The sooner you stop the pacifier the better. My son has been a thumbsucker (it's even worse than a pacifier) since he was 3 months old. In the beginning, I welcomed it as a useful coping skill, but now I sit anxiously watching his overbite and lisp increasing each day. I suggest that you start weaning her on a weekend when you and your daughter are home to help with rotating your granddaughter's crying spells. Before retiring to bed, place some water and a bowl of crackers or fruit on the nightstand. When your granddaughter wakes in the middle of the night crying for her pacifier, feed her. Give her water, some crackers or fruit, a quick potty, and put her right back to bed. And simply tell her the truth about her pacifier. Also, when you take her out in public point out the other children and explain to her why they don't need pacifiers. Your granddaughter will eventually start to connect all of it.

Be Well,
S.

Hi T.! When my daughter was 15 months I took her to day care, well, in the toddler room there nobody had a pacifier, so they told me to start taking it away from her, they gave me this advice and it worked for me with no crying: just take the pacifier and cut a little chunk of it, a little one, then let one day pass an cut another little bit, so my daughter was sucking on the paci, but she was taking it from her mouth to see why it was weird, I guess, and so on, I cut little pieces and in one week or so she left it by herself, she didn't like the way it felt, I guess, with the holes on it. I hope you can try it and work for you like it did for me.
Good luck

T.,

I had to take my sons pacifier away shortly after moving from MA to GA away from everything he knew. I understand it can be difficult when they are already going through a tough transition. The first thing I did was make it so he only got to use the pacifier at bedtime because he often looked for it throughout the day. When he had transitioned to that I took it away cold turkey. I told him that a pacifier fairy was comiong and that he would have to give up his pacifier but he would get a prize in exchange. The first night was really tough and he cried quite a bit. I stayed and tried to comfort him for a while. The next night when he asked for it I reminded him of the toy he had gotten (which he had played with all day) in exchange for his pacifier. He seemed to excpet it. He was only 2 at the time so it may be a bit harder at 3 but I hope this helps. Good Luck!

I know it's so hard to take away anything that gives her comfort given what she's been through. Does she use it all day or only to sleep? My daughter used hers until around 3 years old but only to sleep the last couple of years. None of the "tricks" worked for us... cutting it down, talking her into giving to the binky fairy, etc... She'd cry and beg and we'd give in. I was so frustrated because I really was concerned about her teeth. In the end we went on a trip and I told her we'd left it at the hotel. Left myself with no way to give in. (It didn't occur to her to have us buy another!) Honestly, she wimpered a little the first night but really didn't get too upset about it. She, too, has a blankie that she still likes to cuddle with at night, so I think that helped. So, cold turkey worked for us... really without nearly as much fuss as I thought. Good luck.

Hi T.! What a wonderful grandmother you are to be so involved and supportive.... Your grandaughter obviously clings to her pacifier and blanket because she is seeking a sense of security.... Before you can take them away from her, she needs to develop some subsitute ways of feeling secure. I recommend you encourage her to be as indpendent as appropriate for her age.... get her stools to reach plastic cups and fix her a shelf in the fridge for snacks and drinks that are her size and for her to help herself.... Give her "important jobs" that she can achieve like folding wash cloths or taking the spoons out of the dishwasher and stacking in the drawer, etc. and talk about how hard she worked when she finishes. She needs to feel a sense of significance and belonging and an "I CAN DO IT" spirit in order to feel more secure. She also can learn to self soothe gradually without Passy. I would have the Passy stay in the bed.... she could have it just at nap and bedtime or if really upset could go to the bed to have a little Passy time... and as she learns to be more independent and she gets closer to 4 you can start weaning to only a few days a week as Passy days and the others are Passy free days. I am a counselor specializing in working with young children and parents and I'll be happy to help further if you want to email me or call me directly. My email address and phone number are on my website www.lynnlouisewonders.com Take care and good luck! - L.

Start talking about the pacifier/nuk/binkie fairy and how if you leave all of your pacifiers under your pillow she will come and take them and leave a little gift. Talk about what type of gift the fairy might leave (and go ahead and get it to have it on hand for the big day). Gather up all the pacifiers and let the child decide when to leave them under the pillow. There will be a few attempts, then "not quite readies", then the child will do it. The internet has some fun stories you can read to the child about the pacifier fairy and what they do with the pacifiers...either she takes them home to their mom, or gives them to other children, or builds a castle, etc. It worked for us at age 3. Once the child does put them under the pillow, take them, cut the tips off, throw them away and take the trash out so there is no turning back! :) If she finds one around the house you missed, just tell her that was a hard one for the fairy to find and take it up.