Grandmas Out There, I Need Help with a an Adorable Three Yr Old Who Cries.

Just keep doing what you're doing.
She'll be doing this when she goes to preschool too.
She'll out grow it sooner or later.

i'm not sure what you're looking for. you know it's a phase she's going to outgrow, so other than loving her, giving her your attention and 'doing the transition thing' i'm not sure what more there is to be done.
sounds like you need suggestions as to how to handle the child's parents, not the child.
khairete
S.

Her parents need to get some education on child development. This is super, super common.

Make sure that when you transition that A. you do not show her that you are sad and B. you do not talk about crying or act like she's going to fall apart. A quick, confident "I love you, Gram will see you again soon. Let's wave bye in the window." and then a quick exit.

I will say, as a former caregiver, the longer the 'goodbye', the harder it is for the child. Short and quick, sort of like taking a band-aid off. No lingering or 'one more things'...save that for a phone call or text.

Your sister and son in law are just going to have to grow up a bit and accept that children cry at unwelcome transitions. As long as you aren't drawing things out, you are fine. Ask them, too, how they want transitions to be handled. Listen, and try it their way. If you do that and she still cries, then they know it's not you. And yes, she will eventually grow out of this-- you know that, but new parents are often stuck in the thinking that "if my child is like this now, they are destined to be this way forever". Three isn't old enough for them to have seen how much children develop and become independent. So, be responsive to their suggestions and remember to teach granddaughter that saying goodbye is fine.

There's also a great little song we'd often sing to the little ones who were sad, you can change the name to fit the person. You can find a link to the lyrics on the page too. All you need to memorize is the chorus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLuuY-54QAM

Can you edit your question to add more details? When does she cry? When you leave her with her parents? When you leave her at daycare? When you leave the room? Do you provide day care? Do you have custody? Do you occasionally babysit? Is this something the child views as "Party Time Grandma is leaving and my disciplinarian parents are now taking over"?

What is it that her parents "don't like"? How you handle it, or that it occurs at all? Do they think you don't do enough? That you do too much and should just let her cry?

Many kids cry when there's a change or when someone leaves. Sometimes it's a need the kid has, and sometimes it's actually a reaction to the stress they perceive in the adults around them. So sometimes, making too big a deal out of something with too many hugs/kisses and "I'll see you soon, I'm sad to leave you" comments makes it worse. Sometimes the crying lasts for 3-5 minutes, sometimes for an hour - and there's a difference.

Has she always done this, or is it relatively new? I get that it happens every time, but is it a recent change in her behavior?

All of those would be helpful details.

For your grand daughters sake don't drag out the good byes. Say good bye, if she starts crying, tell her she is fine and you will see her later. Quick goodbyes are so much easier on kids...out of site out of mind. Many kids don't like transitions of any kind. This too shall pass.

Are you saying you watch her during the day when her parents are working and she cries when you leave to go home. Remind her you will be back the next day. Tell her see you tomorrow! Love you! Blow her a kiss and leave. Just be matter of fact about it...and quick. Her parent (or whoever is watching her next) should be ready to distract her with something really interesting...look! Let's go paint with this colored shaving cream! Look! Let's go play at the sand box! I remember in preschool that some parents would drop off their 3 year old and drag it out with the child crying and super upset. Once they left the child quickly got interested in things and stopped being sad.

You are correct that its a normal phase so its really her parents who need to stop whining about it. If they are leaving me I let them know that in 5 minutes they'll be going home. I'll help put on jackets, shoes, gather toys, and I always send home a baggie of snacks that they can munch on in the car (usually a couple pretzels).We do hugs, kisses and see ya laters.

If I am leaving I tell them I'll be leaving in 5 minutes. We play a little more, they help me gather my coat and purse, hugs and kisses, and then can wave out the window.

How long as this been going on? A few days, a few weeks, a few months? That matters. Where are you leaving her? A daycare center, in-home provider, preschool? Also important details.

Off hand, I would say it's probably normal and to just give it time. Lots of kids have trouble with goodbyes at this age, but once they get used to the school (or other place they are being dropped off) and once they begin to trust that Mom/Dad/Grandma will be picking them up it does get easier.

For now, quick goodbyes. I'm not sure what you mean when you say "I give the girl my attention fully" and "I do the transition thing with her." If anything you do is taking more than a minute, it's time to make some changes. Most kids transition much more easily and much faster if you walk them in, do a quick goodbye with hugs and kiss and then leave quickly.

TMy 3 yo granddaughter used to cry everytime I left. We managed this by this by me having a routine with her before I left. The first one was to have huggy nuggies, suggested by her Daddy.. She decided what that would be. We angel kissed, then kissed on each cheek, then shared a hug. I knelt on floor to do this.

She lost interest after a couple of months and started running out the door. They live in an apartment with indoor access. She wanted to go out the door Her Dad was uncomfortable with that. I suggested she could push the button and run back inside while Daddy watched from their door. Their apartment is close to elevator. Sometimes we hug before she goes out the door. She giggles as she runs to the elevator. Watches me get on from their apartment doorway. She's pround of doing this part of my leaving. This continues to be our routine.

I think the crying is related to her having no control of when I leave. A way for her to be part of my leaving is to give her something to do. She's starting to be comfortable with my telling her ahead of time, I was leaving and spending a few minutes with just her.

My daughter was 20 when her first child was born. She felt insecure in her new role as mother. She said I'd "take her baby away" from her. We struggled with our relationship. Both of us had counseling. Now with her 4th and 5th children, she's glad for me to help her. She calls me to come get the girls. Their father started the goodbye routine because he wanted her to be happy. For some feeling compassion is difficult.

One reason for this is not experiencing enough compassion for them when they were growing up. My relationship with my son-in-law is much better once I was careful to not say anything he might consider as criticism and to quietly praise him often.

Don't feed into it.
Put your coat on, hug her quick, tell her you'll see her next week, and walk out. Don't make a to-do. The more you fuss, the more she will fuss.
You need to be "matter of fact" about your departure.