Grandma Issues

Last I heard (my youngest are 4 years old), you were supposed to wait to give solid food until the baby was between 4 and 6 months. I waited until closer to 6 because my kids were not sitting up well (all three of mine were born a month early so they were a little delayed). If you give baby food early, it could lead to allergies. Also, if he is havinng diarrhea, he may not be tolerating the food well. What kind of food is she giving him? I assume jarred baby food? I agree with the magazine... don't let her feed him.

3 months old is way too young for baby food. She's putting rice in his formula, I assume? Is that what you mean by food? Or is she actually spoon-feeding him solid foods? In either case, he's definitely too young and I'd stop her immediately. It could be very harmful to his health!
Lynsey

First of all he is to young for baby food, he should only be on formula or breastmilk. Is she putting baby food in a bottle? if yes then its NOT ok to do this. When your son is older like 5 months to 6 months then it is time to introduce cereals & yes then its good to put cereal & formula in a bowl & spoon feed him & later introduce baby food (vegetables first). All foods such as cereals or jar food should be used one week at a time so you can see if the baby has any allergic reactions to any of the new food you are using. If anyone would sneak any food or candy knowing my disapproval, I would tell them if this continues there is going to be limited visitation til they can respect my wishes.

Hi K.,
No, it's not okay. Three month olds don't eat baby food. Your mom may be thinking back to the 1950s when babies were given cereal in a bottle and fed by 2 months old. For many years, the AAP recommended solids at 4 to 6 months, but their current recommendation, in place for several years now, is no food til six months. There is no reason for him to have food. It could harm him - allergic reactions, choking hazard in a bottle and it fills him up but does not provide him any nutrition - his breastmilk or formula provides all of his nutrition and he is missing vital things that he needs by being filled up with food instead of milk. I would not allow mom to have babysitting time if she is using old fashioned ideas that have been proven unhealthy and are against all current recommendations. Print out the AAP recommendations and show them to her. No pediatric authorities recommend giving a baby food at 3 months old.

OMG! Three months is way too young for baby food of any kind! I also have a three month old and if my mother in law (my mom has passed) was doing something i had explicitely said to stop, i would withhold all visits until she was prepared to follow my direction. You probably wouldn't have to do it long, she'll probably get the picture pretty quick.
I am a big believer that every day you teach people how to treat you. If you let her circumvent you when he is three months old and you have complete control over your child, imagine what she could do later when your child has gained some independence!

You need to have a more serious talk with your mom, because 3 months is WAY too young for a baby to be having food. His digestive system is not meant to handle anything but formula or breast milk until at least 5 months, if not 6. If your mom doesn't believe you, I would have her accompany you to your son's next Dr. appt. so his pediatrician can tell her him/herself.

She's got to respect your wishes, as this is YOUR child, not hers. Otherwise, you may need to tell her she can't have him without your constant supervision - perhaps that will help her get the message. Good luck!

Hi K.,

First, three months sounds a bit early to be giving a baby solid foods.

Second, you clearly do not feel comfortable with your son having solids now, and your mother-in-law has clearly ignored your stated wishes. It sounds as though your mother-in-law needs to hear from you that if she wants to watch your son without you present, that she needs to respect your wishes or you cannot leave him with her. Of course, you have to be ready to follow through on that if she still shows she cannot respect your wishes.

This is not about her. It's about what's best for your baby, and even if by some chance you were wrong about the specific food issue, you are the Mom and you have to live with the fallout of the decision, not her.

Hope that helps. Please feel free to disregard any part that you feel does not work for you.

Good luck!

J.

I would wait. I think that the baby food may be too rich for his little system. When you are with your mom, make sure there is NO baby food around. Tell her that you spoke to the DOCTOR and HE said not to give him baby food yet. That he is concerned about the diahrrea, cause it can cause him to dehydrate. May she will back off if you tell her that. I hope this helps.

By the way you phrase the question I see you know already the answer is no, no and again no. Babies usually start with cereal at 5--6 months old, of course your pediatrician should be the one telling you this. Just because you mother or anyone else for that matter had a child does not make them an expert to say the very least.

Honestly, I have not heard of anything like that. As in feeding a baby food in formula, expecially so young. At this age he should only be on brest milk, or formula, because, as far as I know, that is all his tiny tummy can handle. But for the best answer as your babies doctor, they would be able to tell you better. :)

Good luck with the grandma issue, though. :)

seems like you can't leave your baby with her alone. simple.

no, no baby food yet, but you know that already. this is probably just the beginning with grandma. im sure she has the best intentions, but it looks like there are going to be boundary issues. may as well deal with it now. in the nicest way you can, tell her that this is what they have found is the safest/healthiest way to feed babies. tell her your doctor dictates this, and you are following your doctors advice. oh, and dehydration IS dangerous, especially for such a young baby, and it can sneak up on you. and when she tells you "we used to (((insert anything and everything here))) and you were fine" tell her.. i know, but they have learned things since then, then you can kind of shrug your shoulders and say "im sure when my kids have kids, they will be telling me all the new things they have learned" ... which is probably true, by the way. take the blame off of yourself and show her that you know she did the best she could with the info she had at the time, and you are doing the same. and then hope for the best, assert yourself when you must, but choose your battles carefully. good luck, it can be really touchy, trust me.

NO WAY should your baby be eating food at 3 months old. Not until at least 6 months. Politely tell your mom that you DO NOT want your son to eat food for another 3 months and if she wont respect your decision, that she wouldnt have the priveledge of spending time with her gandson. Sometimes we have to be a little harsh with our mommies, they have their own ideas on how to raise our children and often they dont agree with ours. My mother in law wanted to give my son skittles and M & M's when he was just 1 year old. I almost threw her out the window! haha good luck

No, it's not safe to do that. I would be honest with her in a nice way that he's your child and it's not safe to eat food from the bottle. Chances of choking. If he needs to eat and you see that because he's not getting enough with formula or breastmilk, it's okay but do it with the spoon. All three of my boys needed to eat cereal because they weren't getting enough. They were able to sleep longer at nights, but I fed them by spoon, not by the bottle. I feed them cereal and then the bottle. You have to talk to her and make it clear and say if she can't respect your decision then she can't feed him anymore. You'll do the feeding if it's possible or get someone else if she does the babysitting or something. I am sorry that you're going through this....for your son's sake and safety concerns, speak up for him. You're a good mother.

up until your last sentence, i was like 'sure, you could mix rice cereal with formula' but then you said 'he's 3 months' that was a red flag for me. follow your instincts even if it means hurting feelings (and it doesn't have to be that way). you're your baby's advocate, so do what you think and know is right. good luck!!

I have NEVER heard of putting baby food IN formula plus, it is not recommended to start a baby on solids until they are at least 4 months old. The strongest recommendation nowadays is 6 months. Do you mean baby cereal?? Even so, there is no reason to do that unless the doctor tells you there is. Some people will do it because they believe it will help the baby to sleep longer but my understanding has always been that this is unfounded.

Regardless, he is having trouble with his bowels for a reason...whether it is the food, a vaccination he got - did this start around the time he got his first rotateq (rotavirus) vaccine?? My youngest get diarrhea for a month after the 2nd and 3rd doses of it!! His condition had to be reported back to the manufacturer because the doctor felt very strongly that was why it happened. If so, I would highly suggest talking to the doctor about not doing the 2nd and 3rd doses. Also, we had to give our son a half a capsule of Culturel mixed in applesauce to help him along. You might want to ask the doctor about this.

Grandma is a whole other issue. Do you have anyone else who can watch him because I'll tell you what, if she won't respect your wishes about this, she won't respect them about anything...what she lets him watch, feeds him, plays with, nothing. A friend's mom just took her grandson for a flu shot because she was so worried about him and didn't trust my friend too care of it. Guess what? My friend had just taken him 2 weeks before!!! She is the grandmother, not the mother and she needs to respect your wishes and rules or she doesn't get to watch him alone. I know it may be tough because she's your mom but he is your son and the one you need to stand up for now. Seriously...don't think your mom's behavior is going to go away by itself. She's already showing you it won't. :(

Best of luck and I hope you keep us posted.

You have to remember where your mom is coming from. Ideas and basics on child care change over the years. When my mom was a baby you fed the baby cereal at 3 months to try to get them to sleep through the night. When my brother and I were babies you formula fed and started on solids at 3 months because that's how it was done. Babies were also put to sleep on their tummies which would help settle gas out and make them sleep better.

Fast forward to when I had kids 27 yrs ago and you breast fed for 6 months with no solids at all followed by cereal and fruits introduced one item at a time. Babies were put to sleep on their tummies without pillows. One of my friends had 3 kids the with the first it was tummy only, second was side only propped by pillows to keep them on their sides, and the last was on the back only for sleeping.

So things change when it comes to child care. What your mother is doing is correct for many years ago. Instead of arguing or saying something that could hurt her feelings just tell her that he seems to have some digestive problems. Point out that he is having bouts of terrible diahrrea, mention that of course as she knows this can lead to dehydration quickly in a baby, and the doctor is concerned so you are under strict dr orders to give him formula only until his system matures a bit more. Good luck. We grams can be a handful but really we want the best for our grandkids.