Good Reads/support/advice

I agree with the advice to get time to yourself (go to bookstore, Starbucks, etc.), as well as the suggestions to consider finding a therapist to help you vent. Raising a toddler is hard! And, while being pregnant with another baby, yow! Lots of hormones and fatigue and challenges there. So, know that you're not failing somehow (or that your current state of mind is permanent) - you're doing the best you can.

Having said that, some of the symptoms you described sounded like signs of mild depression. I'm going to recommend a book called, "The Chemistry of Joy." It's about Western and Eastern methods of diagnosing and treating depressive disorders. I recommend it because you're experiencing many "triggers" for depression right now, and the book explains how to tell if you're dealing with an episode, as well as medication (which I'm not advocating for while you're pregnant) and non-medication ways to address it (fish oil capsules, vitamin B, types of foods to eat/not eat, types of exercise, etc.). Many of its non-medication suggestions are things you can incorporate into your life, even while pregnant (with your midwife or doctor's okay).

Wishing you peace of mind and fortitude for that toddler! :)

I'd like to offer two ideas:

1. Raising Your Spirited Child, by M.S. Kurcinka for your relationship with your son.

2. Why not consider having YOU get the second job so that you can have some time in the adult world? I know that being home with the kids while your pregnant may seem like the most natural "fit", but your husband has left you to all of the at-home tasks without an opportunity for a break.

My highest recommendation is to get a part-time job and stick with it after the baby comes. You will have the satisfaction of interacting with adults and helping out the family financially. This will alleviate your suffering more than any book or yoga class. A sense of purpose in the outside world can help women to better adjust to life at home - no matter how stressful it may seem there.

Last summer I became the mother of two, and I know what you mean. Being pregnant with a 2 year old...plus all the other stresses...it is very hard.

I liked Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelsen. It helped me understand where my daughter was, developmentally, and why she was acting the way she was. Then I could tailor my behavior.

I also just read "Mama Zen". And it was great! I felt very "in the moment" and ok with everything for a long time after reading it. I think that if you/me/we/all moms can just get into our children's world, get down on their level, enjoy who they are right now, the impatience and frustration melts away a bit.

Now that I have 2 kids, I get crabby way more than I used to! I fear becoming my mother too, but now I understand why she yelled so much! Anyway, when things get too crazy, I drag the kids outside. Just the change of scenery makes a huge difference.

Good luck, you are not alone.

Hello!

Maybe you just need to get away for a few hours here and there. Being home 24/7 with a toddler can be exhausting! Are there any classes you want to take? Maybe even going to Starbucks and reading or surfing the web for a couple hours once a week would help. If "getting away" isn't possible, maybe getting a part time job doing something fun (Pottery Barn, Starbucks, scrapbooking store, etc) would get you out of the house - and pay for a babysitter for a few hours while you're working :)

Good luck!!

I don't know if you have thought about this before, but maybe you could go and do some therapy. It sounds like you are acting out in a way that you don't want to, but in the moment do anyway. There are likely coping strategies that a therapist could help you with while figuring out how to nip how you are feeling in the bud. There are therapists who will offer sessions on a sliding scale that would work with the income that your family is making. There is also Chrysalis, a non-profit, as a resource.

I don't know how your pregnancy was, but I only got moodier as it went along. I would encourage you to check out one of these options.

I hope this helped.
I.

ECFE, as recommended earlier, can be a lifesaver. Registration for the fall will probably begin in a few weeks.

I just wanted to say, too, that these phases will come and go as your kids go through periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium. You'll have happy times when everything seems easy, and then they'll start to branch out again and test limits and boundaries, and need more discipline and consistency from you. These are the hardest on me - sometimes when I set limits I feel like I'm the bad guy all the time, and when they're testing, I never have enough patience. Stay tough, though - it will get better and the more consistent you are now the easier it will be in the equilibrium periods.

Check out "Without Spanking or Spoiling" too, if you get a chance. It has somegreat discipline strategies for this age.

Just so you know--you're not alone. This is very common when you are dealing with toddlers. Start with an ECFE class. You should be able to find a list of classes through your local school district. They were lifesavers for me when I was at your stage. The parent educators will also be able to recommend some books or other resources for you. Best wishes.

Hi! Check out Parenting with Love & Logic. They have DVD's, CD's & books on their website. Like you, I found myself doing things my mom did....yelling. Education can be a powerful thing and I have to say that this program has done wonders for my 3 little girls. It makes parenting so much easier for tantrums, teaching responsibility, or at least this part of parenting :)

Good luck!
http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Hi! I am the same way if I do not get out enough. We stay at home moms need breaks and often! I deal with it by playing a lot of sports. I go to volleyball MOnday nights here in the Summer, Tuesday nights womens softball, and Thursday nights My husband and I play together and we get a sitter. He plays Sunday night men's softball. So he gets out too. I am a lot more patient if I have had some me time. And just because you get a girls weekend in once in a while, that is not enough in my opinion. Getting out regularly without your kids is important for your sanity. Even if it is just going to the grocery store with out them in tow for an hour.

I think all the previous suggestions are great, and I add just one: think about therapy. Now, I'm hardly suggesting that you have deep psychological problems or that you need medication or anything. But becoming a parent is really challenging, it changes almost all your relationships. And in my experience, a good therapist - someone who is not involved in your life (like a friend is) - can help you find a fresh, clear perspective on who you are and who you want to be, and help you to set some clear goals for achieving that. Perhaps even "life coach" might be a better job description. If you have any kind of health insurance, all or a portion of the cost will be covered (MN state law.) It doesn't have to be a long term therapy relationship - a few months, even just to get you through the transition into the second baby, may give you the time and support you need to find your way. You might think about finding someone who also works with couples - again, not that your marriage is failing, but that occasionally "popping the hood" and spending some time talking about how you are with each other (instead of which bills need to be paid and chores done) can be incredibly useful for you as individuals and for your whole family. Also covered by health insurance.

Just think about it. And best of luck - I'm also getting ready for #2, and excited/scared about this next transition for our family.

I agree you need to get out, and I just say a simple reassessment of how you will choose to view your situation.

Remember, and the woman of the house, you are the "heart" of the home. If you''re cranky, everyone else is going to be cranky because as the wife and mom, everyone looks to you for love, cheerfulness, warmth and comfort when the world is kicking them in the "rump".

When you feel upset, and the kids or man are getting on your nerves, pause and count to 10 before answering them. This is hard to do if you're an emotional person, but I tell you it will help you refocus. While counting determine if the toddler is whinnng, or doing something that warrants a reprimand because it is harmful to them, or if they're just being a toddler. If its the later, find them an activity to redirect their behavior. No yelling, no punishment. If you find something new for them, they do quiet down and get busy with the new thing. The trick is to have new things ready at all times. Keep a box of fun activities in the corner. Don't let them have access or this won't work. As you need stuff, dole it out throughout the day. Replenish it after the go to bed for the next day. Items to keep in there include, big fat toddler friendly crayons, paper, puppets, video, balls etc.

If the child is getting to you and doing something dangerous, well of course raising your voice is warranted if its to get them to not do something dangerous. Time out in the corner is good.

As for husband. When you feel stressed, try to talk to each other about it. But do not do this when you are feeling upset. The mood should be calm so tht you can both communicate clearly and openly.

Take more walks, get more fresh air. Most important, find a moms group or start one so that you can have a support system of moms like yourself to help ease some of the burden. Especially if money is tight, and finding daycare is tough. Another option is to find a playgroup which provides you a way to safely provide playtime for your child, you can talk and get a break from the day to day, and maybe access to resources to help you budget and better run the house, which should alleviate some stress.

Hang in there. Hope some of these ideas help.

I just want to give you a few things. I am a mom of 5 when they were young some of the only outlets for me was finding a mom's group or play group. Many days I had to force myself to leave the house but I never regreted it.
Dr Phil's family fist is a good book.
Insightful Parenting by Dr.Steve Kahn
What I see happening with your family is Law of Attraction. You are putting Negative Vibes out in the Universe and you attract more negative. Michael Losier wrote a book on the whole thing. It saved me and my mind. It has nothing to do with religion just the universe. Think positive, get positive.
Right now you have the hormone thing going on too. There are different things health wise that can help too
Best of luck!!

Take a look at all the "things" you feel you have to get done in any given day or week. Priortize them so you can rank the the things you feel are most important/necessary valuable. Obviously, spending lots of time caring for and playing with your child would be at the top of this list. But now look at the bottom of your list. Maybe stuff like laundry, dusting, or scrubbing the toilet bowl are listed there. Cut a couple things off the bottom of your list and see if your day feels less stressful. It took me a while to be OK with a large pile of laundry or to realize that a few weeds in the flower bed were well worth a happier fiend/wife/mom.