Going Through Divorce W/2 Kids & Male Friends

I'm going to go against the grain here...It sounds like its an issue of trust, not necessarily dating that your son has a problem with. My kids were the same way (my ex cheated and I started dating when they were 13 & 15). They just wanted to know what was going on because they felt so betrayed by their dad. They needed to know exactly where I was and who I was with and what I was doing.
It takes time for them to learn to trust again and he may also be afraid that you're going to leave too.
My advice is to be honest about dating because they need to rebuild trust. It doesn't mean you disclose everything, but the basics. You also want them to understand that you did not deserve to be treated that way. Unfortunately when one parent cheats, its really not just on the spouse because it affects everyone.
Best of luck!

ETA: If we all listened to our children's wishes they would eat nothing but candy, never go to bed, not do their homework, never go to school, etc. Just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean you stop being the parent. I'm not saying disregard your children, but never forget you're the adult.

Stop calling it "dating" and just get a sitter or whatever and go.
Your kids don't really need to know that you're dating.
You're not going to bring your dates around your kids anyway, right? So keep them in the dark.
Tell them you're going to the movies with a girlfriend.

why does your son have to come to terms with your desire to date? I think you need to come to terms with his desires. You are not even divorced yet, and you say you have started dating, assured your son you are not looking for a relationship (your words), but then you say you are interested in a friend and want to start developing it into a solid friendship first. Well, no wonder your son feels the way he does. You need to settle down and just be a mom for a while. Your kids just got their whole world ripped apart, you need to give them some security, where no one else is allowed in for awhile. Your son and daughter should be more important than that.

Keep your kids out of your dating life. If you want to get out and date that's great, but your children don't need to hear about it. And, they DON'T need to meet anyone, unless you want to be very serious or marry that person.

Also, if you son REALLY has a problem with this...you should stop. (If he knows. If he doesn't know, it's not a problem. See?) Your divorce isn't even final, and he's upset. Always choose your kids over a date.

I agree with Jane & Casey & some of the others. Why is dating more important than your son's wishes? You're not even divorced yet. Technically you SHOULDN'T be dating, you're still married. Beyond that, give your kids time to heal before you start looking for another man. Your kids should come first before your want to date. Take the time to be a mother & focus on your kids. When you do date, your kids don't need to know about it. Get a sitter & do it in secret.

Sorry to come across as judgy but as an adult child of divorce, I think parents can be so very selfish sometimes, and it pisses me off.

I wonder if the people that comment you shouldn't date get the dynamic of the age gap you have. My younger two wanted nothing but me to get married as soon as possible, my older two wished I would never date again.

So which kid do you listen to? Listen to both of them but remember you are the adult.

For me on the other side of the process I can tell you with certainty all four of my kids love their step dad. That would not have happened if I had done what any of them asked of me. Had I listened to the younger two I would have married the first jerk that came along and the older two would have hated him. If I had listened to the older two I never would have dated.

Just listen to them, ya know?

was this a friend before your divorce? i agree with bug-your kids DONOT need to be involved in ANY aspect of you dating. Make a plan-every friday when kids go to dads you get to go out or something like that. Other then that I think that your son is coming into the "man of the house" role and is conflicted so I would continue to reassure him that he will be fine

Pretty simple. Stop dating. (Or at least stop telling your kids about it! You should not be introducing anybody to them right now!)

Your kids have already been through enough. You don't "need" to date, you just want to.

Focus on your kids for awhile and let them heal. Your son can't come to terms with this. You need to come to terms with the fact that you shouldn't date.

It's always about another man....isn't it!!! Where are peoples priorities these days!

I didn't read any other answers so I hope I'm not repeating. I'm going to answer as a child of divorce. Be honest with your kids. Take time off from anything that could develop into a romantic thing. You need time to heal, even though you think you don't. Your KIDS need time to heal, even if you don't see any "damage" from your marriage and divorce fallout. You all need time to recover. Your kids need to know that they are important in your life. My mother was a serial dater after the divorce and my sister and I felt like baggage and afterthoughts. It hurt and has damaged our adult relationship with our mother.

I'm not saying not to have a life, or a social life, but put the romantic stuff on hold for as long as you can. It just complicates things, and it's much too soon for everyone.

Good luck as you move into healthy relationships.

If you are not looking for a relationship, then why are you introducing a friendship to your son when you know that he is struggling with the divorce? No casual friendship is worth disrupting the kids over. You can have your male friends, just keep them away from the kids. They have already gone through a lot of change, kids are resilient, but you could save yourself a lot of drama, by only introducing them to a person when you are serious about the person and the man is serious about you. At least until the kids have settled into their own teenage dating life and can relate to what you are doing. Right now, his loyalty is with his dad and as the little man of the house, which he absolutely thinks he now is, he is also being protective of you. That is a lot of pressure for a young man. Just take your time and only introduce them to someone when you are ready for a relationship. Who cares what their father has done. Your relationship with your kids has nothing to do with their father's lack of character, values or behaviors. Keep it separate.

I think at 14 you do need to be honest with your son. Sneaking around as some people suggested sounds too much like what his father did. You dont have to go into details about how you feel or whether you're kissing, etc but dont out and out lie about where you are and who you're with.
I totally disagree with those who say you should not date. A happy mom is a better mom. I'm guessing this divorce came after MANY UNhappy years. Lonely woman are tempted to talk to their children about adult topics. You sound level headed, please go out and enjoy life before you're old or dead. Just make sure you have plenty of time for your son and daughter, keep the lines of communication open. I would recommend talking to a family counselor a couple of times about how to talk to your son about this issue, counselors are not just for huge problems, they can help you talk to your children. Good Luck and I'm glad you're out of that horrible marriage.

i'm sure at your sons age he can figure it out pretty quick you're interested in this man besides being friends so I'm not going to assume you're involving your kids (if you are why not seperate the two issues) but maybe it J. grosses him out that his mom is dating? If so theres not really much you can do besides avoiding the topic with him and your daughter. If he doesnt like THIS (not every guy) guy at all, I'd reconsider the guy. Listen to his reasons.