Giving up Hope

Women try for years to get pregnant. I know it seems like an eternity but you are giving up too soon. There are other fertility options too but unless you were told otherwise, I would try the clomid for a several more months.

Try to relax a little. Stress makes it extra hard to conceive. Also, I was just speaking with a neighbor of mine and she had had fertility problems. She had to take fertility drugs to get her first daughter, and just assumed she'd never conceive on her own. She started taking some kind of Chinese herb just to try to regulate her cycle, not to get pregnant, and she got pregnant within a month. I don't know the name of the herb, but you might look into it? Good luck. I really hope it works out for you.

M.,

I hope you aren't overwhelmed by all the suggestions you're getting. I heartily recommend you check out http://www.naprotechnology.com/

This website is for NaPro Technology, which was developed by Dr. Thomas Hilgers at Creighton University in Omaha. There are NaPro Technology practitioners in the Kansas City area. If you have any trouble finding them, you can call me at ###-###-####. I have no connection to these providers, but know they are very good at helping with problems involving the reproductive system. The difference between NaPro Technology and other medical treatments is that NaPro looks for the source of the problem instead of treating symptoms. Also, NaPro is very respectful of a woman's dignity and never suggests any kind of medical treatment that is debasing or contrary to nature.

Another option is to check out www.ccli.org. This is the Couple to Couple League, an organization that trains married couples to teach other couples (married or engaged) the art of natural family planning. They are very successful at helping couples to achieve pregnancy or to postpone pregnancy, depending on the needs of the couple at a particular time in their relationship.

Nutritionally, Reliv supplements have helped many couples overcome infertility problems. I absolutely love Reliv, and can help you find out more about these supplements if you want to see what a well-nourished "you" can accomplish.

Blessings,
M.

frustrating and depressing!! been there, and my dr was ...ok no name calling, but not only was very nonchalant about our infertility problem but Im not so sure he wasnt part of the cause. Anyway, what we did was the dye test after clomid didnt work for 3 mos (he put me on clomid just because anyway, there was nothing to indicate that i wasnt ovulating) it was clear so he suggested more clomid, two more months and i was done messing with him (we had been trying for 4 years at this point) I had him do a laparospic sp surgery to check for endometriosis or whatever and they found both of my tubes totally shut with scar tissue (odd since the dye test was clear less than a year before) and we ended up doing IVF. I would have them do the dye test, just to make sure you arent wasting time and money, not to mention taking unnecessary medication on the clomid. If your tubes are open then i'd probably keep takng the clomid to help things along

M.,

I went through a very similiar issue. We tried for 4-1/2 years to get pregnant. We did the clomid also. I was ready to go see a fertiality specialist but my husband talked me out of it because he didn't want to go into debt trying to conceive. We know some people who liturally have over $50,000 in debt trying to conceive. So I finished my last month of clomid and we were just going to give up. Then surprise I was pregnant!

So I definately recommend finishing your clomid treatment. If after you've completed your 6 months; then take a break until your dr. will let you do the clomid again. I went on the clomid through two 6 month treatments before I got pregnant. I know it's very hard to do but try not to think about it because being stressed and tense can make things worse. IF you like wine have a glass of wine to help you relax. I wish you the best of luck as I know what your going through.

However, we ended up giving up and got pregnant. We now have a beautiful 3-1/2 year old and we tried again and got pregnant right away the 2nd time with a little boy. Sometimes you just have to wait until God is ready to bless you.

You should look into natural healing. Dr. Shultze is amazing, and every person he has helped who wanted to get pregnant, did. www.herbdoc.com I recommend him to everyone. Don't give up hope, but maybe try a different approach.
Good luck!

Another person who's been on the same roller coaster. I was on the pill for 10 years and came off of it right after we were married. We started trying and to no avail no pg - ever. 3 years later I went through 2 rounds of clomid and then came off. I ended up doing the hsg and the lap and both came out clear. My RX was unexplained infertility. We met with an RE and did IVF 2x. First time I lost the pg @ 8 weeks (and she was a healthy girl). Second time (3 months later). I got pg with twins and although I lost one due to a NTD - I have a very healthy baby girl who is 1.5 - 16 months later - divine intervention - i am pg on my own. Moral of the story -DONT GIVE UP - no matter the situation. Even if you dont do IVF - there is IUI - there is acupuncture - there are tons of "next steps" out there. I went through SIRM IN ST. LOUIS. They have a website - feel free to check it out

M., try not to worry to much at this point. My hubby and I waited and at 40 found I couldn't get pregnant. The 1st Dr. I saw had me doing clomid for about a year. I decided to see someone else and went to Dr. Pearlstone. He did further testing and we immediately moved to IVF and in less the a year I was pregnant and delivered at the age of 42! He is a very straight shooter. My % of getting pregnant was very low, but he and his staff got the job done. I have had a several other frineds use him also with success. Here is his website.
http://www.efertility.com/about.html

Good luck!

There is nothing better than having a baby of your own, "from the ground up", so to speak. I would "give it your best shot". Otherwise, you may always wonder what if you had been more patient. It may very well happen on its own, if Chlomid doesn't work, and you relax and do it all naturally, you may be surprised. OTOH, you have already got the ball rolling, so I would run with it. Sorry this sounds all so cliche, but I must be in a cliche mood. LOL Relax and have fun with it. And, if it doesn't work out in the end, then just make the time with your stepdaughters special. I have a VERY close relationship with my stepmother. She is the one I can always call and talk to. Kymberli

Don't give up! Pray every night. If you're not close to God, now's a good time. Keep positive - laws of attraction do work.

There are reasons for things that happen (or don't happen) to us that may be beyond our understanding in this life. My husband and I waited 7 years and still after 26 married years have not given birth naturally. Had we, we would never have considered adoption. We have 4 adopted kids from 3 different situations (two are siblings) and we can't imagine anything better. Doctors never did find any physical reason we couldn't conceive. It was a roller coaster, until we got going with the adoptions. So, even if you can't have your own, there are wonderful other options that your heart may be open to. Never underestimate the ability of God to bless you beyond your wildest dreams.

All I can say is, there is always hope. I was 42 when I gave birth to our first child, a beautiful boy. We tried to get pregnant for about 5 years. Finally, we tried IUI three times and a round of IVF -- all this when I was 40 & 41 years old. No luck. I had decided that I just wasn't going to get pregnant and was making peace with that when, about 4 months after trying IVF, I became pregnant naturally! You know what really inspired me? The book "Take Control of Your Fertility," by Toni Weschler, I believe. If you haven't seen this book, you might try to get a copy. All the best to you, and good luck!

I would keep trying but in the mean time I would also try considering adoption cuz the world is overflowing with kids who were never given a chance. It may be what Fate is trying to tell you & then who knows through all of this you may be rewarded with conceiving your own child. You have no idea how many of my friends aren't even 'supposed to be here"? Most of them have older adopted sibblings & they were the 'miracle kid' so to speak. The only real change I would make is how you're getting your hopes up & then getting crushed when things don't happen. Just keep optimistic & let things happen the way they are meant to happen. And above all, enjoy the 'alone time' you're getting with hubby ; ) cuz you're probably not gonna get to all that much after you have kids with out putting cow bells around their necks (LOL) Good luck I hope all goes well!

Hi M.,

I just wanted to let you know that EVERY woman was meant to conceive. It just takes some women longer than others. Everything happens when it's supposed to, and for a reason. My cousin and his wife have been married for 8 years, and tried everything. It just wasn't the right timing. They even adopted a little boy last summer. And just before his 1st birthday, she found out she's pregnant!! There are a lot of stories like that. She stopped stressing over having a baby when they adopted, and I think everything just worked itself out. Now they'll have two boys in February. I'm not saying you need to adopt or anything, I just think it took the pressure off of her to conceive, and brought more peace and joy to their home. That's what made things less stressful for them. Maybe you could stop "trying" and just start doing the things you would normally do without thinking about it. I think things happen when we least expect them.

Hope everything works out great for you and your husband!
Liz.

My husband and I went through the same thing. We even had two surgeries. We went to see Drs Lyles and Brebeck in OP, and they don't like clomid...and use other methods that are more effective. We now have a beautiful daughter to prove it. I suggest seeking a higher level professional than just a regular OB. Reproductive Endrocrinologist will only do what your beliefs agree with and use multiple methods to maximize your reproductive potential. Good luck and hang in there!

Keep the faith. It took us a year to get pregnant the first time. I used clomind too. I can't reemeber how long. After finally getting pregnant, we miscarried. I was crushed and very very disappointed. I thought God didn't want me to be a mother. It took another year, but I got pregnant again. (We even had the same due date which was wierd) Now, we have three children ages 8, 5 and 3. We had another miscarriage in there too. While trying to get pregnant, it was all I could think about. It was a very difficult time. Now, after chasing our children around for the past 8 years, it is a distant bad memory. Be presistent with the doctors and keep trying. There is always hope.

Hi M.-
We waited till I was 40, since you always hear about older women having babies. Unfortunately, not to be for us. I encourage you to get to a reproductive endocrinologist (fertility specialist) right away. I wasted probably a year and a half with my regular gynecologist and by the time I saw the RE, my FSH had gotten too high and our odds were too low. That was really when we knew we wouldn't be able to conceive, when the RE told me our odds even with IVF were very low and then of course you still have to carry the baby to term and hope no problems arise with the pregnancy or the baby. Our real options were donor eggs (very expensive and about a 1 year wait just to get them, plus the pregnancy time) or adoption. We chose adoption and are now blessed with our beautiful son! As difficult as it is, once you have that baby, no matter how you got it, it's all worth it! Hang in there!

M.

Hi there........It took my husband and I approx 1 1/2 years to finally get pregnant. The first part of it we werent doing anything, and finally decided to ask my dr. She of course did some bloodwork at the right times and concluded I wasnt ovulating either. (my periods would go 3 mos or so in between at times) So she was going to do the Provera to get me to start, but I chose to let my body start on its own, as I was nervous about taking so many pills. So, then when I started I started on Clomid...I think I did it for 5 or so cycles..she upped the dose too and nothing...Now, she told me that if it didnt work in the 1st 3-4 times, that being on it longer probably wasnt going to help??? So, she then switched me to a drug called (hope Im spelling right) Letrisole. (if you need more info, I can double check with my dr for you on exact drug name). I was on it 3-4 more cycles (upping the dose on it as well) and it worked! I had a baby boy this past Jan. who is now close to 9 months old! This drug was originally created for breast cancer patients...weird I know...but they then found that these patients taking this were coming up pregnant! Anyhow, there are other drugs out there to help with ovulation.....maybe something to look into or ask your doctor about! Feel free to contact me with any questions, cuz Id be glad to talk or ask my dr about that drug incase Im spelling it wrong for you.

Good Luck..I know it takes ALOT of energy out of you when that is ALL you can think about....and sex becomes a chore, or it seemed that way to us, as you had that one certain window of opportunity! And, then if my husband wasnt willing, then Id get super upset... it was a vicious cycle, but it finally happened.

Acupuncture! We tried for 8 years before trying acupuncture. I was on Clomid, glucophage, etc and didn't ovulate. I went to see M. Zhang for four months and got pregnant! She see's a wide range of patients, but her specialty is infertility for both men and women. Her number is ###-###-#### - I HIGHLY reccommend her! The treatments can add up financially since most insurance won't pay for it, but it still is much cheaper than IVF.

I took us four years,two miscarriages,and clomid to get pregnant with our daughter.Don't give up,don't get discouraged!Stress will make things worse.Also,if you are having sex to get pregnant it will become a chore and much less enjoyable.Your husband might even get where he can't perform so make sure you just make love when you feel like it and let nature take it's course.If you go into with the mindset that you are trying to become pregnant it could be stressful for both of you.I still have problems ovulating,yet my daughter is 5 and she has a 3 year old brother.We were not trying for him!It was a complete suprise and blessing from God.Just focus on your marriage,listen to your doctor and clear your mind!Pretend you are not even trying to get pregnant.I know from experience having it on your mind all of the time can make things worse.And stress can worsen your problems with your cycle.You will become pregnant when God is ready,and no sooner or later!

It IS discouraging and heartbreaking when you get the period you were hoping wouldn't come. I don't have any real advice, just my success story to give you some encouragement. My first pregnancy happened after 11 cycles (with a break after the first six) reaching the max dosage. My second pregnancy happened after two cycles of the minimum dosage. My third and fourth pregnancies happened on their own! My OB/GYN said that when irregular ovulation is the main issue, sometimes pregnancy helps get things back in gear -- ironic, huh? Don't despair, sister! If pregnancy is what your yearning for in your core, it's way to early to give up.

I really feel for you, we also tried for a while and I ended up having surgery for endometriosis and then was put on clomid and lucky for me we concieved the first month. You might want to talk to a specialist - just talk and see what your options are. My doctor (wonderful doctor, high risk doc) did not want me to be on Clomid for more than 3 cycles - I have heard people being on it for up to 6 cycles, but I was told you should not continue to take it longer than that. You might want to have that talk with your doc also. I wish you all the luck in the world and I wish I had the majic answer for you to get pregnant right away!

I also had problems conceiving. I took clomid and on my 5th cycle got pregnant but, soon after lost the child. I kept going but, it was very hard and at times I thought, "is this worth it?" In the end I ended up going to a fertility doctor and started taking shots. They also found out I have polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Anyway, with help and alot of prayer I got pregnant one months later with my son. He is healthy and doing well. He is 3 1/2 now and we have never stopped trying to have another. Once again I'm doing shots and clomid and nothing has happened but, I am so very blessed to have my one. At times I too wanted to give up but, in the end it is your decision and their are many, many children out there for adoption that need your love too. Trust in God is my best advice. M.

If you are not already, I would recommend seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. This is their specialty.
Second, I would recommend counseling. When we were going through infertility treatments, I went to a counselor who is a nurse and adopted a child after infertility. She was VERY helpful.
Third, only you can decide how much you and your husband can handle and what choices you can live with long term.
We did chlomid (it made me crazy but we did it) then we did chlomid with intrauterine insemination 8 times then went to see an adoption attorney, got on the list then decided to try invitro "one time". If it didn't work that is when we felt like we could live without conceiving a child and be at peace with adoption.
A couple days after the invitro we both decided it was the right choice regardless of what happened.
But, we were fortunate to conceive twin girls born at 37.5 weeks and very healthy.
You have no idea what will happen, will the next cycle be the one, what about everyone saying "just relax" etc. But, you are the one who has to live with when you decide to stop trying so it's up to you.
Good luck!!!!!!!! And, I do recommend counseling. Infertility is something that you live with even after you have three healthy babies (we later had an "if it happens, it happens" baby)

Hello M.. I just wanted to encourage you not to give up. I also wanted to refer you to my reproductive endocrinologist. His name is Dr. Zamah and his practice is in Lee's Summit. I am a nurse, and he is the most amazing doctor I have ever met. He truly loves what he is doing and has great success helping woman conceive. I have referred at least four people to him and they all love him as well. One of them is due in a couple weeks with her first baby. It's worth getting a second opinion. His phone number is ###-###-####. Don't give up M..

M.:
It's a personal decision. My husband and I tried loosely for over a year before I saw a reproductive endocrinologist and I didn't like the first one I saw. We then waited almost another year before seeing Gil Wilshire (and he really is great, my husband and I both really liked him). We did 4 rounds of Clomid with HCG injections without sucess. I had to take a break at that point. I was miserable to be around and it was all I could do to fuction and not cry. I then had some medical issues where I couldn't seek further treatment at that time. My husband and I had decided prior to seeing Dr. Wilshire that we would only go as far as we could afford -- and we have decided at this point that we've done what we can afford. We're still praying for a baby, and hoping, but trying to relax about it (which is always easier said than done!)

Hi M.!

I was also taking Clomid for 4 cycles and was not having any response to it. I was seeing a regular OB doctor at that time who was aware that I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Disease). My OB wanted to 6 cycles of clomid before he would even consider doing an ultrasound or any other testing to make sure everything was working correctly. I decided to go to a specialist and I'm so glad I did. The specialist was able to an HSG, they inject a small amount of contrast through to check your fallopian tubes and uterus. After telling him about trying several cycles of Clomid, he told that if your body isn't responding to the clomid after several rounds, it might be best to try another medication. I did one round of fertility injections and was able to get pregnant with my son. My biggest recommendation is to go to a reproductive endocrinologist (or fertility specialist) if you can. I saw Dr. Dan Gehlbach at Olathe Med Center and just loved him. This is such an emotional rollercoster but hang in there!

When you want a baby more then anything else, the process can be very frustrating. The truth is that even women who have perfectly normal cycles and reproductive processes still have trouble getting pregnant sometimes. When we first started trying to conceive about 6 months after we got married, it was a constant game of what if and could I be. It did not happen right away and then when we did finally get pregnant, I lost the baby around 6 weeks along. I found out later that this was very common and most women don't even know when they miscarrier this early. Our first daughter was born a couple months before our third annivarsery. The next one came 20 months later. We had barely started thinking about having the next one when we found out that we were expecting again. We are now on #3 and once again, it didn't take long. The moral of the story is DON'T give up. Maybe for some reason the timing for your family is just not right. Looking back, I am so glad that it took at while for us to have the first one. We went through some unexpected hard times during those years that would have been so much harder if we had had to also worry about a little mouth to feed that was dependant on us for everything. Keep trying and if you are not happy with the advice and encouragement that you are getting from your doctor, then find a different doctor who is willing to listen and help you find answers and won't just shove a pill at you. Be patient and keep praying for the blessing of a baby and then put your trust in God and it will happen when it is supposed too. Good Luck!

It took us three years to get our beautiful little girl. We had to make a decision of a stopping point for our own sanity. It was going to be after our second round of IUI. Luckily it worked after our first try. Clomid did not work for me - I had success with the injectibles. I can't say for sure if we definitely would have given up, but after so many disappointing months, having an "end date" helped us at least relax knowing that we were only going to have to go through it two more times and then try to move on towards acceptance. Good luck and hang in there.

Oh such a roller coaster ride...it is so hard! Like the other women who wrote I say keep going. There are many ways to get pregnant...it can just take time. It is really hard to be patient too when you want it NOW (I understand!) Take care of your body (take omega three fatty acid supplement and moderate exercise and reasonable sleep). A reproductive endocrinologist is a great idea! Also, if you are up for it, M. Zhang is an acupuncturist who specializes in infertility. She is quite remarkable. Very well trained and she has incredible success. She is at Wornall and Ward parkway ###-###-####) Remember that for women age 30-35 it takes 6-12 months on AVERAGE of really trying to get pregnant to get there. That is only the average. keep going!

Hi M.,
You may want to consider a natural herbal, fertility solution, Maca Maca. http://www.herbalhealer.com/ sells online, high quality herbs and natural medicines. http://www.herbalhealer.com/hha_products.html#maca
Here is one of the testimonies.
Another HHA Maca Maca Baby On The Way!!!
May 2008
I just want to tell you that I believe your Maca Maca herbs played a role in my pregnancy. I have had two ectopic pregnancies (one in each tube) and three IVF treatments of which 2 resulted in pregnancies but were both lost. I have been off fertility treatments for almost 4 years and started taking Maca Maca herbs and also changed my diet slightly. We got pregnant on our own! I am 43 years old and this is such a wonderful blesssing and gift! I just want to share hope with all and to always keep hope alive because anything is possible when you have faith in your life.

I have been a member since 1998, and I will continue to believe that God put herbs on the earth as medicine for us to use. Good luck to you, and God bless.
K.

M. -

I HIGHLY recommend the book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It will teach you EVERYTHING that you need to know about your body, your cycle, your fertility...etc. Every woman should read this book. Regardless of their fertility. It's a shame that this is not a text book for a women's health class. Your problems may be able to be solved without medication and with just some good old fashioned education about your body. I just started using the info. My husband and I are trying for #2 and we are having some issues. #1 came unexpectedly, but now we can't get preggo for some reason. Maybe God only wants 1 for us? I've only been 1 cycle with this book, but now I think I know why we were not getting pregnant. READ THE BOOK. Follow it. I bet it will at least help you find answers.

Let me know if you have any more questions.

K.

M.-
Im in a very similar situation. We have been ttc for 1 year and 3 months. I did clomid 5 times, I have done injectables 2 times, I also had an HSG done and laproscopy (to check for endometrieosis). There is no reason why i shouldn't be pregnant, i'm just not. My husband has been checked also and he checks out all good. Every cycle i get upset when my period starts and then i get over it and start up the drugs again. Don't give up, have faith, says prayers. I wish you lots of luck! I'll say a prayer for you!

Hi M.. I don't have any experiences to share with you but just wanted to say hang in there - no matter what you decide. Best of luck to you and your husband and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

I got married late in life (41), so bio kids weren't really an option. I went on some clomid, but realized when the doc said that we could try artificial insemination, that I wasn't going to waste my time & money. Fast foward...we adopted, from birth, a precious little girl. She is 17 months, and I couldn't have produced a better child on my own!! Bonus point: she even looks like me! I have never had any fascination with childbirth, so that all didn't matter to me. We started with an international adoption, but after two years, that didn't go anywhere. We found a wonderful woman, Diane Hogan, at A Step Ahead Adoptions who made our little angel appear (in OK City) in less than four months. Faster than a pregnancy, and hey, you get to have a glass of wine at the baby shower. :-) Nothing says that you have to stop trying to conceive bio while learning about adopting. Who knows, you may get pregnant during that time. But believe me, I feel no different about my daughter than if she was my bio child. Frankly, I don't even think about her being adopted...she's MY baby. I think you will find that feeling amongst most adoptive parents. Best of luck. Feel free to privately contact me about adoption; it has been the best thing that has ever happened in my life and I love telling people about it.

I am sorry to hear that you are having problems. I have a lot of friends with the same problems. If the doctor says your chances are greater if you proceed, go for it. If that doesnt work maybe you need to look further into it. They could give you an ultrasound to see if you have other problems to be treated. They can also do several different tests to solve fertility issues. My sister and a good friend of mine had two miscarriages and also had troubles getting pregnant and now they both have two kids. Dont give up, being a mother is the best thing in the world!

Not trying to be mean or anything but how old are you and are you overweight? The reason I am asking is because that could be a factor you are not conceiving. And I to went through the clomid medication. I did the injections also to make me ovulate. I was 34 and a little overweight. I went through 3 cycles before I conceived. Are you seeing a fertility specialst, if not I recommend you see one. I know how you feel each month you look forward to not starting and then you do, and I know how you feel when you start. As far as when enough is enough that is really up to you and how much longer you want to continue. They told me that they would do a few cycles and it if it didn't work they would take a break. Has you had any testing done to make sure there are not blockage of the tubes, ovaries, etc. I cannot think of what you call it but they put dye in you and do like an ultrasound the dye goes through if there are no blockage. Maybe you should talk to the dr to see about having the test.

Like you I am a stepmother of two wonderful kids and I also had infertility problems. KEEP TRYING!! There is NOTHING LIKE HAVING YOUR OWN!

1) After chlomid, try artificial insemination. If after a few attempts you dont conceive,
2) Call Dr. Peter Ahlering at SIRM (Sher institute of reproductive medicine in St. Louis, ###-###-####). He has patients come from around the country. He helped me and some of my friends get pregnant thru IVF (invitro-fertilization). He is truly amazin.

Dont give up. You need to have a baby!
Jen K.

Calm down you are getting stressed and that won't help you conceive any faster.I was 22 when I became pregnant with my son so I have no experience with infertility it just seems that when I think about a baby I get pregnant now on my 3rd.But I can tell you that I had a fertility test done before my pregnancy with my son just to make sure I was healthy and was able to have children I was only 21 at the time it was a simple test most like an internal songram with dye that they look at your whole female reproductive system.Has your dr offered any testing and not just going off your cycles.I wish you the best and hope that your next post will be telling us you are pregnant