Girls Weekend Out

Keep up the rewards -- they work better than punishment.

The only thing I can add is that sometimes you need more immediate rewards than waiting until the end of the semester or school year. The weekend away sounds great, though.

I think celebrating hard work can be an excellent idea. I'm not sure I would require A's. Some kids work very hard and will not get A's in all subjects. I would think bringing an F up to a B or C would be considered a huge success.

I had the same problem for a while, except that I had 8 kids. Rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior works very well, but for kids the effort and rewards need to be closer together. Adults can understand that rewards (promotion, raise, etc.) can be a year away, but kids cannot, or at least don't seem to be able to.

My wife and I liked going to a dinner threatre in Little Rock. We'd buy season tickets. The kids kept bugging us to go. So, my wife and I told our kids we'd take them if they had straight A's on their report cards. It worked beautifully. Three of my kids didn't respond, but two weren't old enough. The other one struggled to get B's, so we took him ocassionally when he got straight B's or better. The Dinner Threatre was more expensive than paying them for grades, but it worked far better. (I've tried both.) When we got to the dinner threatre I'd go to management and tell them we were bringing a child because they got straight A's. The dinner threatre would announce the birthdays, anniversaries and then that my son or daughter (by name) was here because they got straight A's. They would bring out a piece of cake with a sparkling candle in it. I'd pay for the waitress to bring out a "mocktail", non-alcholic smoothie or the like. The audience, on several occasions, gave my child or children a standing ovation. Talk about a WOW motivating experience!!! It worked beautifully. I ended up with motivated children and got much more in scholarships than it cost in dinners.

I don't know what motivates your children. Think outside the box. Then help them to succeed. Have a parent teacher conference. Why is your child getting D's and F's? Homework not turned in? Poor test scores? Then work to solve the problem. My son that will graduate from medical school refused to do his homework in high school. I'd get his assignments from his teachers in advance, then ask to see what his assignments were. At first he tried to hide them from me by "forgetting" to write them down. After he figured out I was very serious and wasn't going to give up he started writing his assignments down. I'd turn the TV off and had him sit next to me while I did my office work or read a book. I'd watch him do his home work. When he acted bored or loose concentration I'd ask him about his work and bring him back to reality. I'd often read his materials and ask questions or ask the questions at the end of the chapter. He was a struggle all through high school. (He graduated salutitorian [#2] and will graduate from medical school in June 2011.) He was getting C's and D's simply because he wouldn't do the homework. (Was all my work to get him to do his work worth it? It cost me a new shirt when I bust the buttons off my shirt (pride) when he made Salutitorian. And it will cost me another shirt when he gets his Dr.'s degree.)

What price are you willing to pay for your child's success? I paid the price. Although it was very, very painful at the time, its wonderful now. Think about it as a down payment on your child's future. All of my kids have worked to get a college degree or at least have some college.

Good luck to you and yours.

I would suggest that maybe a Girls Weekend is needed to findout WHY they are struggling. I am planning on doing that with my eldest who is having problems and with my Mom, my Aunts (her sisters), and My Sister and maybe some of our other "big girl" cousins (no one under 13 lol) - Just have us "big girls" together for bonding and maybe we can figure out what is going on with her and eachother. My mom & aunts did it once with me as a teen and it was great as the rule was I could say anything/ask anything and I wouldn't be judged and would get an honest answer - we were on an equal foot as friends. It built a great bond.

Then after we have a great weekend we are going to tell her that to do it again she has to improve her grades by x amount, while at the same time make sure she knows that we are all available to help her with whatever she needs. My Daughter has Dyslexia and my Sister was an Editor (before being a full time Mommy) and she is going to tell my daughter (send me your papers before you have to turn them in and I will help you edit it, so you don't have to "deal" with your mom and it gives me something fun to do (yes she is crazy lol) ...this way they bond together).

Hum, if it were me I would just say that I expect you will get better grades. I wouldn't offer a reward for good grades. That is just my opinion.

Maybe you can talk to her and figure out why she is doing so poorly. Is she not applying herself or is there some sort of issue (learning disability, is the content to hard). Perhaps the teacher could give you some insight.

I love that idea!! I'd be happy with A's & B's, though, and would reward such.

I agree about talking to your middle child on why she is getting those bad grades and how to solve that issue, then once you know she is capable of getting better grades, you can offer the weekend out.

It sounds to me that there is more to her bad grades than not getting a weekend out (or some type of positive reinforcement). I'm all for positive reinforcement, but you also have to find the reasoning behind her lack of performance at school. Talk with her first BEFORE you go to the teacher... give her a chance to tell you her reasoning and then tell her you would like things to get turned around.

I grew up with the expectation that I should have good grades no matter what (like a post on here). When my grades came in (they were always horrible) I would get yelled at and grounded and blah blah blah. It didn't matter what they dished out, same performance, same outcome. Then one year my mom's husband (now ex) offered to purchase wave-runners for the family if I got good grades. I still did not get the grades he desired. Did they offer to get me help? Nah. Did they sit me down to find out why I am not doing well in school? Nah. Did they bother to talk to any of my teachers? Nah, too busy.

Hope that helps :) Good luck!

Good for you for taking an interest in their studies. To make the girls weekend a bit more realistic since it's so far out there would be to start getting brochures & print out stuff from the internet like hotels, spa, whatever strikes your fancy. Maybe you could get a binder & everyone can put stuff in their that they want to do or where they want to go.

I think only accepting A's & B's may set them up for failure. I think you should go back to them & say that you are super excited about the girls weekend that you decided that this coming year you will accept no less than B's & C's but of course would like some A's in there. That way if they aren't doing as well as you are requiring them to do they won't think "oh well why should I try anymore since I am not going to get that A or B". In this situation it's best to be very realistic about what you will accept & not accept. You can't go back to them & say "....... then an exception will be made....but they don't know that". I tried that approach with my daughter & it backfired on me. She ended up giving up & doing worse because she felt like she wasn't going to meet my expectation anyway so why try so hard.

Good luck this school year, they are lucky to have you!

I agree with the other Mom who answered. I don't know that your idea is the best. How old are they? My first concern wold be to get to the bottom of what happened to the middle daughter's grades asap. Is there shared custody? When a child's grades fall there is something going on? Either she is not turning in her work or failing tests etc and this is a cause for concern as a parent. Does her school issue progress reports on grades mid-trimester like ours does? if so be sure both parents are getting a copy of this each trimester, school should be able to notify both bio parents.At the 1st indication of her grades plummeting is the time your husband and his ex should be at school meeting the teachers to find out what the problem is and trying to help your daughter. It may be too late with school being out now in most places, but I would have your husband on the phone trying to see what happened to your middle child's grades. often principals stay on over the summer and they could let you know what the problems were. I would definitely consider getting her some tutoring this summer or take her to a place like Slyvan or Huntington Learning Cntr once you find out where the child needs help. My husband and I think rewarding for good grades in a smaller way is better so that your children who may not be all A or A/B students have something to strive for and don't feel left out. At our house if you get a good report card with A's and B's you get to go out to dinner at a favorite restaurant, the child picks. Our daughter is starting HS this fall,.when she was younger we did the traditional ice cream store trip as a reward which she loved. A girls weekend or just girls day (to keep cost down) is good when your girls are a little older but I would not tie in into grades.
Good luck Mom

I think a reward in a good idea, but asking for all A's may set everyone up for failure and as soon as even a B is gotten the girl/s may just think "Whatever, I already am out of the reward so why apply myself anymore?" and you're back to where everything started. I agree with the poster below who said that improving to C or B might be a better place to start. Maybe add a little something extra if they get an A anywhere, a special treat, but not anything so impressive that it would hurt any of the other girls' feelings.

You do need to figure out what is causing the bad grades. Are they not being challenged enough and therefor are not trying? Is it an issue at home? Is it because of some kind of medical reason like they need glasses or something? Are they just not understanding the material and just have been embarrassed and not said anything? Would a tutor help?

i love the advice you've been getting here. not all kids are straight A students, and it's more important to find out why the grades are down. for one it may be that she's an excellent student but bored, for another a C may be the best she can do with a subject that is difficult for her but at which she is trying her best. that kid shouldn't miss out on a reward.
study habits are changing faster than i can keep up with. when i was a kid it was axiomatic that there was no tv or radio, and kids did their homework themselves. now not only is parental support the norm, but kids multi-task in ways i find alarming and overwhelming. my boys have had to put their (huge) feet down with me when i shriek and flap about them having iPods and facebook going on while they do homework. i don't get it, but it works for them. they're both in college and on the dean's list.
your goals and expectations for all 3 girls can't be exactly the same. standards of courtesy and behavior (which should be uniform) don't translate into academic ability and individual trouble spots. if you can't ferret out the problems yourself, enlist the aid of the professionals at the girls' schools.
i would also break incentives down into smaller increments.
khairete
S.